/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>drinking caffeine

>restaurant has a delivery app
>i'm 2 miles away with little traffic
>delivery fee $10
>recommended tip for delivery driver: 20%

>I'd like to make a reservation for 7pm please
>Is 7:15 okay?
>sure
>get to restaurant at 7pm
>it's empty

>go to grocery store checkout
>"would you like to donate to the Young Urban Achievers Charity today?"

>>8790606
And you do? Eat sugary carb delight every morning is going load your body with carbs and sugar which will get converted to glucose in the liver, spiking insulin, telling the body to burn from that fuel rather than your own reserves. It will quickly burn through that, leaving you hungry shortly after for more glucose - just like a drug addict.

>>8701853
>go to the store for glorious original mcvities digestive biscuits to make a tasty banoffee pie
>they only have the chocolate bullshit ones in stock

Why do westerners eat sushi with chop sticks? Haven't they figured out you can just pick them up?

>coworker brings in some cheese enchiladas
>gobble down two with some beans and rice with cheese on top
>guilty.jpg
>go to the bathroom and begin to drop a log
>it starts out with good speed and a firm body
>it's humid today and I'm having a bad ass hair day.
>my ass hair seems especially tangled and I feel like I'm shitting through a net
>can tell this poop is extremely long and becoming a bit soft, the recipe for disaster.
>try really hard not to let my asshole clench too early and get the poo all over my butt
>finally the last of the log drops
>I feel a bit scrape my ass, but it doesn't seem to bad. (boy was I wrong)
>I begin to wipe my ass and immediately notice the toilet paper is stuck in my shitty ass
>ohfuckthisisgoingtobeamess.png
>have to get more toilet paper to pick the paper and shit out, it's so dense with poo I have to pick the remaining turd out
>shitty paper falls on the seat and hangs
>keep grabbing more toilet paper and scraping my hairy ass, seemingly making it worse and worse
>grab the wet wipes and really go to town
>while wiping notice I get some shit on my hand
>goddamnit.bat
>continue to wipe for another 10 minutes
I got my butt as clean as I can but it is still pretty shitty in there, probably lots of dingleberries too. I can't wait to get home and take a shower.
I think I need more fiber in my diet.

>Fries with tacos
What the fuck America?

I wish I had interesting families like you guys. Cherish your embarrassing family members, at least they have personalities.