/ck/ - Food & Cooking

i have an eating disorder and pretty bad body dysmorphia. i'm a closet tranny as well, but i ignore the feeling because i know it's just a mental disease and shaving my head and mutilating my genitals isn't going to make me any less confused and miserable with who and what i am.
that being said, i also enjoy the nervous edge being hungry makes me feel. i will go days without eating to stay 'sharp'. i consume most of my calories in alcohol. i abuse stimulants and recently stopped smoking meth.
the less human i feel, the more comfortable i am, and i like to push my body to physical limits because i don't feel particularly attatched to it. i'll break bones and go to work the next day ignoring the pain because a stronger person could do it. i am 25 now, though and getting a little old to be living like this, so i have begun making efforts to settle into a more palatable presence and be less of a nervous freak. my body is all fucked up.