/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I like mac n cheese cuz it gives me the best farts. They're nice and wet, they have that frogginess to them, but they never border on a shart. It's like a bubble bursting in my asshole everytime. If I mix it with broccoli I get these nice long wet farts that sound like someone making fart noises into their wind instrument at bandcamp when they're trying to learn how to play it. And the smell, dear lord the smell. Sweet and sensuous yet with a sour note that just kind of dangles there at the end, never overstaying its welcome and becoming rancid. Some nights after eating a massive bowl of mac n cheese and broccoli I pass out and awake in the morning to a symphony of this wonderous farts flying from my asshole and the aroma of the pungent mist their collective aura has dabbed upon my bedroom

I like mac n cheese cuz it gives me the best farts. They're nice and wet, they have that frogginess to them, but they never border on a shart. It's like a bubble bursting in my asshole everytime. If I mix it with broccoli I get these nice long wet farts that sound like someone making fart noises into their wind instrument at bandcamp when they're trying to learn how to play it. And the smell, dear lord the smell. Sweet and sensuous yet with a sour note that just kind of dangles there at the end, never overstaying its welcome and becoming rancid. Some nights after eating a massive bowl of mac n cheese and broccoli I pass out and awake in the morning to a symphony of this wonderous farts flying from my asshole and the aroma of the pungent mist their collective aura has dabbed upon my bedroom

Drink coffee if you have it
If not heat up a cup of water to just below boiling and sip on it until you feel like you need to shit or until you finish it
Most dollar stores and wal mart carry metamucil which is literally just pure fiber you can dissolve in water so go buy some of that and take it
try lightly rubbing your gooch while trying to shit, sometimes this induces shitting if ur constipated (rub lightly though cuz fuckin ur gooch up is a sad state)
do some squats ( i know this sounds like a joke but it legit helps u shit)
eat some celery, carrots. broccoli or any other high fiber veggy you might have

otherwise ur gonna have to just wait it out, you will shit eventually but it will take a while