/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>be a leaf
>enjoying my meal at a fine leaf establishment, perhaps with friends or family
>suddenly hear a glass-shattering, ear-splitting guffaw from the table next to ours
>"A HYUCK HYUCK THIS HERE CANADER SURE IS WEIRD!!!!"
>turn my head, suddenly make eye contact with a 500 pound dough-creature and his equally fat wife, chortling hard as they slurp gravy from a bowl
>turn back, oh god, maybe he won't-
>"WELL A HOWDY THERE STRANGER"
>hamplanet comes up behind me wearing an American flag t-shirt that barely covers his immense girth, have to force a smile and greeting
>"HOW'S YER MEAL GOING, PARDNER? BOY, YER CUNTRY SURE IS A RIGHT FUNNY ONE, TOO MANY POLAR BEARS AROUND HERE, EH????"
>ha ha ha, yes sir, now if you wouldn't min-
>immediately get struck on the back with the force of tactical nuke, nearly catapulting my now-ruined meal out of my esophagus
>am forced to listen to this beast repeat his life story over the span of nearly an hour
>"WELL, I'LL CATCH YA ON THE FLIP SIDE, MUH LUMBERJACK PAL!! GOTTA GO SEE THAT NIGGERA FALLS!"
>never return to that restaurant again

Remember the restaurant run by literal hoarders?
https://youtu.be/U5wETGhxZXE

>classic
>rustic
>artisan
>humble
>nouveau
>"just like mama used to make"
>referring to your own food as "delicious" on the menu
>pictures of food on the menu