/ck/ - Food & Cooking

For me it's Secret aardvark
The Best Hot Sauce.

Guys, Guys! Everyone go and buy some Secret Aardvark and it will all be ok I swear.

I use 'vark as lube edition

Party 'varkers in the house tonight edition!

Hey /ck/, Rob here. It was a tough day down at the Secret Aardvark Trading Co. The boss is really busting my balls trying to get all of these orders out on time. Can we have a Vark appreciation thread to lift my spirits? I really need it bruhs. Thanks.
-Rob

>>10836314
I once found a bottle of the ole' vark at my local grocery chain (wal-mart). I was surprised such an exotic item would be at MY local part of the woods, so I figured why not!

Now let me tell you bois, when I was in my car with my bag of all different varieties of 'vark (i didn't end up getting anything else, had to go back the next day), I couldn't think of anything else but tearing into one of these bad bois. I had the habanero variety, but i thought these would be much too hot! So I settled on a milder one, and it even came in a yellow bottle! Now I'm not ashamed too admit I was horny as fuck the second one drop touched my tongue. It was honestly the best thing I ever tasted. I proceeded to drink 2 bottles of the liquid gold right there in the parking lot. Heaven.

Now its about this time my erection is starting to become an annoyance. Its raging fever hadn't subsided through any of this, starting the moment I saw so many bottles on the shelf (and that mascot is pretty arousing himself). I'm pretty sure the cashier calle d security on me because I was wearing athletic shorts and had a rager LMAO

Okay so here is where things got a little weird. I had to take care of this 'vark boner, so i pulled out behind my local grocery stop and tried to get in a spot where no one could see me (there wasn't one exactly), so I made due best as I could. I pulled my 'vark out and saw he needed tamed. I pulled out a bottle of the habenaro sauce, and I poured it all over my hand and cock. I then proceeded to have the most magical orgasm of my entire life. I'm not kidding, I had second degree burns inside my urethra but I would do it again in a heartbeat (and I will). But I happened to be next to what I assume was an employee exit because a couple girls were smoking outside and staring at me through this process. I had skedaddle, knowing that if I was aprehendered by some pig they would probably take my vark as evidence

YES!

I once found a bottle of the ole' vark at my local grocery chain (wal-mart). I was surprised such an exotic item would be at MY local part of the woods, so I figured why not!

Now let me tell you bois, when I was in my car with my bag of all different varieties of 'vark (i didn't end up getting anything else, had to go back the next day), I couldn't think of anything else but tearing into one of these bad bois. I had the habanero variety, but i thought these would be much too hot! So I settled on a milder one, and it even came in a yellow bottle! Now I'm not ashamed too admit I was horny as fuck the second one drop touched my tongue. It was honestly the best thing I ever tasted. I proceeded to drink 2 bottles of the liquid gold right there in the parking lot. Heaven.

Now its about this time my erection is starting to become an annoyance. Its raging fever hadn't subsided through any of this, starting the moment I saw so many bottles on the shelf (and that mascot is pretty arousing himself). I'm pretty sure the cashier calle d security on me because I was wearing athletic shorts and had a rager LMAO

Okay so here is where things got a little weird. I had to take care of this 'vark boner, so i pulled out behind my local grocery stop and tried to get in a spot where no one could see me (there wasn't one exactly), so I made due best as I could. I pulled my 'vark out and saw he needed tamed. I pulled out a bottle of the habenaro sauce, and I poured it all over my hand and cock. I then proceeded to have the most magical orgasm of my entire life. I'm not kidding, I had second degree burns inside my urethra but I would do it again in a heartbeat (and I will). But I happened to be next to what I assume was an employee exit because a couple girls were smoking outside and staring at me through this process. I had skedaddle, knowing that if I was aprehended by some pig they would probably take my vark as evidence

I once found a bottle of the ole' vark at my local grocery chain (wal-mart). I was surprised such an exotic item would be at MY local part of the woods, so I figured why not!

Now let me tell you bois, when I was in my car with my bag of all different varieties of 'vark (i didn't end up getting anything else, had to go back the next day), I couldn't think of anything else but tearing into one of these bad bois. I had the habanero variety, but i thought these would be much too hot! So I settled on a milder one, and it even came in a yellow bottle! Now I'm not ashamed too admit I was horny as fuck the second one drop touched my tongue. It was honestly the best thing I ever tasted. I proceeded to drink 2 bottles of the liquid gold right there in the parking lot. Heaven.

Now its about this time my erection is starting to become an annoyance. Its raging fever hadn't subsided through any of this, starting the moment I saw so many bottles on the shelf (and that mascot is pretty arousing himself). I'm pretty sure the cashier calle d security on me because I was wearing athletic shorts and had a rager LMAO

Okay so here is where things got a little weird. I had to take care of this 'vark boner, so i pulled out behind my local grocery stop and tried to get in a spot where no one could see me (there wasn't one exactly), so I made due best as I could. I pulled my 'vark out and saw he needed tamed. I pulled out a bottle of the habenaro sauce, and I poured it all over my hand and cock. I then proceeded to have the most magical orgasm of my entire life. I'm not kidding, I had second degree burns inside my urethra but I would do it again in a heartbeat (and I will). But I happened to be next to what I assume was an employee exit because a couple girls were smoking outside and staring at me through this process. I had skedaddle, knowing that if I was aprehended by some pig they would probably take my vark as evidence

Long story short, the 'vark just gave me the best day of my life