/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Every time someone kills themselves and it gets national coverage, even if I was not connected to them personally or even as a fan, I sit and think about how they lost the fight against depression and how often it seems like a Pyrrhic victory even when someone manages to live through it. I look at where I am in life and everywhere I look, there are people with more everything just folding their shit up and saying 'fuck it.' More money than me, more friends than me, more family than me and then I sit and wonder, what the fuck am I even doing anymore? Christ, I wish I could flip a switch and sleep for 10 days, maybe I'd feel differently in 10 days.

There is a lot of blood in my shit. I binge drink vodka like 3-4 nights in a row and around night 4 I get blood in my shit the next day. It's usually just the first shit of the morning, not the rest of the day. The obvious answer is to stop doing the thing I know is causing it. On a day where I have vodka to drink at the end of the day, I'm pretty okay knowing I'll get to it. On days without it, I'm so depressed. I don't feel like I enjoy anything but alcohol anymore. I just don't have any reason to do anything but drink.

I don't know.