/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>2am
>hungry
>tired
>cant fall asleep

>>12441316
>molly the fat titty monster will never make kissy faces at you

>food takes 30 minutes to cook but 10 minutes to eat

how do I cope with this problem?

>"i'll have a sprite"
>"we only have sierra mist"

FUCK YOU GUYS SEEING HER FACE WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME GOING GOD DAMMIT FUCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJCKCK

tfw I'll never fuck Shapiro's big titty kike sister

why live

I broke up with my gf a month ago

>>9768022
>tfw want to make mapo tofu but can't find this shit anywhere

kill me, pete

>local restaurant I like just implemented a no singles policy as per the city's new policy
>have to pay a prostitute to go with me
>prostitute paid by the hour, figure I can get my food and eat it in less than an hour
>place is fucking packed, takes 20 minutes just for the bitch of a waiter to put in my order
>bitch starts demanding I pay for her meal too
>agree, because I have no choice, have to pay in advance now
>food takes so fucking long to get to us that an hour passes, don't have the money to pay the hooker for another hour
>she smirks, gets up, and leaves
>food finally comes, waiter asks me where my girlfriend went
>stutter out that she went to the bathroom
>waiter fucking goes to check as I shovel down my food as quickly as possible
>look up to see the anti-single enforcement bouncer staring at me
>picks me up by my collar with one hand
>"We got a single here! Anybody want him!?"
>Everybody shouts "No! Throw him out!" and starts laughing at me
>tossed out on my ass, food slopped down the front of my shirt
>go to my car, or where it was, it is missing
>realize my keys are gone
>hooker stole my keys and my car too
>walk home alone as all the other couples out and about laugh at me

>>9471620
>someone else beats you to the front of the line by a few seconds
>they start ordering food for a whole party

>tfw no glass of cold whiskey

>>8848425
>drive thru has 0 lanes

>>8555311
I wouldn't be alcoholic if Chad didn't give my job to Stacy and Pajeet. Thanks for fucking up the economy and making affirmative action mandatory, Obama.

>>8390900
>>8390905
Oh my lord yes

>all of the cicis in my area closed down

>>8333495

my favorite snack:

>8th of sticky
>fifth of vodka
>12 gauge shotgun

goodbye, cruel world

I'M DRUNK AS FUCK. WHAT IS THEE BEST WAY TO SOBER UP SO I AM NOT IN PAIN AND CAN SLEEP