/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>8903833
>breakfast time
>eat my usual sandwich
>decided to work from home (programming job)
>that was my very saving from a massive public embarrassment
>1 hour in
>without any warning at all my anus starts spewing like a pressure valve that sprung a leak
>absolutely confused but know I must run for it
>slam ass on toilet
>ass erupts as pure burning liquid cancer leaves my system and sprays the living shit out of the toilet
>eruption ceases, check to see what the fuck came out of my ass
>mfw I had shat brown-colored acid, barely any actual shit at all
>wipe ass, suddenly get cold shivers and start feeling really fucking ill
>turn around and blast-vomit the toilet which was already covered in liquid ass-cancer
>entire breakfast, undigested, flies out and ricochets around in the toilet bowl
>pieces hitting me in the face
>cycle repeats another 3 times
>exhausted, but it seems to be over
>go inspect my chair
>massive wet stain that smelled like death
>initial eruption shot right through my underwear and pants

I have no idea what was wrong with that sandwich. I was lucky as hell for working at home that day too.