Leaving Lolita/Cosplay

[Anonymous No.9955913]

Have any of you gulls thought about leaving lolita or cosplay? what would you go on to do? Or do you plan to do this until you're dead?
I can understand that the community can get very exhausting to a certain point with all the drama/salt, but I can't help but feel sad when I see people selling off their stuff because they're leaving these hobbies behind.

[Anonymous No.9955923]

>>9955913

If you've been in long enough, you'll think about leaving. it comes and goes, but change is good. And sometimes taking a break helps.

[Anonymous No.9955927]

>>9955913
i've left lolita 3 times already. every time i come back the community has become dumber.

[Anonymous No.9955930]

I have no real "plans" to wear lolita for the rest of my life but I do intend to wear it so long as it makes me happy, and it has for about a decade. At this point in my life I'd say that I want to be buried wearing lolita too, possibly together with my dream pieces (if not my entire wardrobe), but sometimes life happens and this might change eventually.
I don't really care, honestly, I just want to be happy and if lolita does that then I'm sticking with it.

I feel the same way when people say they want to leave: If lolita or cosplay or whatever hobby you've been involved in doesn't make you happy anymore, then please do yourself a favor, leave it and move on. You're stumping your growth as a person if you refuse to let go of things that don't make you happy, you know? And it's just too bad to do that when life in general has great potential to make you miserable in many different ways; might as well do things that make you happy, even if your tastes change overtime.

[Anonymous No.9955931]

>>9955923
Pretty much. I’m on hiatus right now because I have gained some weight over six months, so I had to force myself to not buy anything in the hopes it would fit when I lost enough. Wearing lolita makes me really happy, and sharing it with other makes me happy. I tend to swing back and forth regarding cgl.

I think there’s nothing wrong with leaving a hobby if you aren’t enjoying it, it isnt financially responsible, or damages your mental health.

[Anonymous No.9955932]

I've been keeping up with lolita since 2004 and wearing it since 2008. I've noticed that as I get older I wear full coords less and less, but I still wear my items in other ways and I can't imagine having some compulsion to sell all of or even more than a handful of my pieces. I can understand people gradually selling their things as they phase them out of their wardrobe, but it blows my mind that people can just do these "leaving lolita" purges unless it's for monetary or space-saving reasons.

I *really* can't imagine leaving the fashion because of the community--if you're in it for the social aspect completely, and can't enjoy the fashion for what it is, then you probably got into it for the wrong reasons and should have just joined a quilting circle or a book club if you wanted to base your hobby on socialization.

[Anonymous No.9955938]

>>9955923
I've been a lolita for 8 years and I've never thought about "leaving." I think it helps that I'm a lonelita with only one lolita friend. Sure I buy things from other Jfashion and switch it up to other kawaii fashions sometimes but it's never crossed my mind to quit.

I think people who make lolita into more of a social activity are the ones who usually have periods of considering quitting because of drama or something along those lines. It gets wrapped up in pettiness and less enjoyable that way.

[Anonymous No.9955939]

>>9955927
The community in general annoys the shit out of me. I’ve found being a lone lolita to be much nicer, honestly.

[Anonymous No.9955941]

>>9955932
>if you're in it for the social aspect completely, and can't enjoy the fashion for what it is, then you probably got into it for the wrong reasons
Agreed

>should have just joined a quilting circle or a book club if you wanted to base your hobby on socialization
That's funny because afaik book clubs and quilting circles are chock full of ridiculous drama that's far worse than anything you see in lolita, especially the latter.

[Anonymous No.9955942]

>>9955931
That isn't choosing to leave though, that's being forced to stop temporarily because you let yourself go.

[Anonymous No.9955955]

>>9955938
>>9955923
i'm >>9955932 and leaving has never crossed my mind. the only time i've even sold items more than one at a time is when i lost 60lbs in 2012 and sold a handful of pieces that didn't fit anymore.

i'm not one of those "i will wear lolita 4eva uguu" type folks but i honestly don't see an end in sight, unless my body or my taste undergoes a significant transformation

[Anonymous No.9955956]

>>9955913
Honestly, people change as they grow older. Sometimes old hobbies become the back burner for others, and over time you just move on. Do things that make you happy and aren't leading to irresponsibility. If they don't make you happy anymore, don't do them; life really is too short for things we actually have control over. Personally, I see my style and cosplay evolving to incorporate both lolita and more advanced costumes in the future when I have a higher paying career - sweet magical girl no, hardcore warrior woman yes.

On a side note, I don't understand the people that have to announce they're leaving anything, especially in sales posts. Like, I might want to buy something from you, I don't need to hear a giant story as to how "URGENT! LEAVING LOLITA! EVERYTHING MUST GO!" your listings are.

[Anonymous No.9956187]

i remember getting a kick out of some of the old livejournal leaving lolita sales because so often it was just a handful of bodyline pieces that everyone already had, and some handmade shit and kmart hairbands lol

[Anonymous No.9956234]

>>9955942
I guess, it doesn’t feel that way to me. I chose not to maintain my current weight due to a handful of reasons, and t wasn’t entirely just something that slipped by while I wasn’t paying attention. But I chose not to course correct because it was making me feel worse about my lolita when it was just a couple pounds so I stopped caring about fashion and my weight. I’ve alread lost 15 and tracking now that I’m in a better place. I guess I seriously considered quitting then.

[Anonymous No.9956235]

>>9956187
Oh there are still plenty of those kind of leaving lolita sales these days.

[Anonymous No.9956370]

>>9955932

I usually imagine those making the purges are ones that already left lolita, but hung on to a small core wardrobe thinking they might come back to it -- some pieces are notoriously hard to find again, and some pieces are just $$$ secondhand, so if you were unsure, it's better to hang on to those favorites until you're sure you don't want them anymore.

Then two years later they realise they don't "do" lolita anymore and sell off everything that's left. Though, you can usually tell if it's this kind of person because they'll often be using outdated market prices like thinking Sugary Carnival or Holy Lantern is still worth above retail, since they haven't been keeping up with secondhand prices or trending fads.

The rest of "leaving lolita" sales are 100% bullshittery marketing. Never works, either -- usually the sign is up because you want it gone fast and cheap so you can have your wardrobe space back and move on with your life, but these people tend to be "leaving lolita" for like two years, in the span of which I'd already found and bought the same dress off another seller for a cheaper price. Meh.

[Anonymous No.9956477]

I left cosplay 3 years ago, because I had grown out of the social aspect and because I realised that the only cosplays I wanted to do were characters that looked like I want to do on a daily basis (Castlevania). So instead of hoarding the characters on a future cosplays list I just moved the images to my inspo folder.

As for lolita I left earlier this year after 6 years of wearing it. Sold everything not usable for boystyle in chunks and yesterday finally got rid of the last underskirt. This past year lolita didn't feel like me anymore and I stopped feeling pretty in the clothes. Getting rid of the first half of my dichotomed wardrobe of lolita on one end and all (jfash definition of) masculine clothing on the other end opened up a l o t of space that I immediately filled with bargain velvet fabric. I decided to keep most printed printed pieces to be remade into waistcoats and jackets, so that I wouldn't sell pieces that I still love. And most importantly, finally I can keep my facial hair as I want it

[Anonymous No.9956490]

>>9955913
I think about leaving every now and then. But the community has never been a reason. If the community would get too annoying I'd simply go back to being a lonelolita.

Sometimes I just feel like lolita is my biggest passion and my worst enemy. I spend 300 bucks on a single fancy dress regularly but I'm barely spending anything on the normal clothing I wear everyday and I end up feeling bad about looking boring.
Also, sometimes I wonder if I just own too much? Like, who needs 30 fancy dresses they can only wear a couple of times a month?
Getting a new dress isn't something special about. Am I still in it for the right reasons?
Also, no matter how much burando I own, I will always look a little bad, because I'm so fat.
I should probably just lose weight and downsize, but this is easier said than done.

[Anonymous No.9956500]

I originally got into lolita in 2008 and after 2 years, i left because of confidence issues. Back then, I was a retarded teenager who had seriously thin skin. Now, I have learnt that people will judge me no matter what and I can never find happiness in trying to fit in and I'm an idiot.

[Anonymous No.9956504]

>>9956500
Don't be so hard on yourself, you would have learned this eventually. Did you get back to the fashion when you realized people would judge you no matter what, or is this realization unrelated to what you're doing now?

[Anonymous No.9956505]

I'm a brolita/occasional ouji but I'm worried that when I'm old I'll end up looking like those sissy dudes in the ita threads. There are some old man Japanese lolitas that can kind of pull it off but who knows what I'll look like when I'm old.

[Anonymous No.9956536]

>>9956477
I think I know who you are and I'm glad you've chosen a path that makes you happy. I'm excited to see what you create in the future.

[Anonymous No.9956586]

I’ve been considering leaving lolita more and more often lately. It has nothing to do with the community (which is easy enough to ignore) and I wouldn’t completely purge it from my wardrobe and go full minimalist or whatever, but I’ve noticed that I rarely wear “proper” lolita anymore unless it’s for a meetup. I think a lot of it had to do with growing older, starting a career, and eventually I want to have a family. Lolita is put on the back burner in favour of more practical (but still cute) clothes I can wear to work and while running errands. At this point I’m seriously considering trading all my prints for comfy dresses and skirts with pockets that can be dressed up or down and worn whenever. Some of those may fall under the lolita umbrella, some of them not.

[Anonymous No.9956599]

I've had boughts of not feeling happy with my wardrobe, or not loving my coords, but I noticed they almost always linking up with hypomanic periods when nothing makes me happy. I'm glad I haven't been brash and sold anything I really love, and I continue to find solace in lolita even during those days.

As for the future, I don't see quitting any time soon. I manage to wear many dresses normally and maybe that's what help keeps the balance. I'm also a lonelita with maybe 1 lolita friend IRL and it doesn't make it feel like such a competition like when I tried to be in a comm.

I hope all the gulls here can stay true to their happiness. Even if Princess Peachie is overrated, her video on keeping your identity separate from your clothing hit me really hard. We are more than our coords and it's hard to remember in our world of social media and efame.

[Anonymous No.9956628]

>>9955938
Me too. I'm here for the fashion, not the community. I never understood the purpose of communities anyway.

[Anonymous No.9956649]

Ive been wearing lolita for about 4 years now and leaving is on my mind currently. I just am not enjoying it like I used to but its mostly because I've put on a lot of weight and wearing lolita out feels so cumbersome. I get really sweaty and hot and it really sucks my enjoyment out of it.

I'm not to the point where I want to sell anything. I know if I could lose weight I might be able to enjoy getting dressed up again. I'm just not feeling cute with myself lately which kind of ruins it for me.

[Anonymous No.9956655]

I've been slowly selling off my wardrobe for the last year, a little bit at a time. I don't really think of it as 'leaving' lolita, as I plan to keep a couple of coords. But I'm in the process of radically downsizing to move into a 172 sq ft tiny house, and there is no way I can keep buying lolita the way I used to.
I still have no idea where I'm going to store a poofy petticoat.

[Anonymous No.9956673]

>>9956655

Put it in a large ziploc bag. I do that when I have one carry on and it does wonders for poof too.

[Anonymous No.9956674]

>>9955913
>Have any of you gulls thought about leaving lolita or cosplay?
I have in times of stress and feel like I'd just be better off without it, particularly when I feel like I should concentrate on other things like career more. I already have a fairly large normie wardrobe too so it wouldn't be a huge loss to me. But then I wear it and I feel so cute in it. I'm going to find it very hard to let go of.

>what would you go on to do? Or do you plan to do this until you're dead?
I haven't found a real impetus to stop yet. I've been in it five years so it's a bit beyond a 'phase.' I will likely lose interest sometime, but it isn't soon that's for sure. I'll just keep riding this ridiculous wave out.

[Anonymous No.9956682]

I’ve finally got the wardrobe of my dreams but I always think about leaving. I haven’t got the patience for lolita. My life is quite demanding at the moment and I have some ED type thing going on. I always said that I’d wear lolita again once I lost 25 pounds but also I think I’ll still be too stressed. When I’m stressed I get messy and everything gets fucked up.

[Anonymous No.9956690]

I wore lolita daily since 2010 and honestly the community just put me off. I'm into oldschool/basic outfits and browsed /cgl/ because no one's better at telling it straight like a bunch of anonymous bitches.
when OTT started I lost interest entirely. It was no longer a fun "put on a dress and be cute" it was "look like you are wearing a costume and be ridiculed and posted to the ita thread" at the time.
people have more respect for basic outfits now, but the period of time where everyone got reamed for choosing to not look like a cosplayer was just enough to make me wanna bail. Haven't worn it since 2014

[Anonymous No.9956717]

>>9956690
I’m sorry, but I get you. Out of curiosity, do you cosplay? Or just come on here to reminisce. I’m wondering why you’d still visit cgl if you’ve been out of lolita for so long. I guess this question goes to anyone else who does that too after leaving. Does looking at cgl ever make you want to come back?

[Anonymous No.9956721]

Almost all of this thread is about leaving lolita, not cosplay. What makes you all feel you have to leave lolita, but something like cosplay is okay forever?

[Anonymous No.9956724]

>>9956721
I think it’s just more common to hear about people “leaving lolita” or making a big to do over it. When people “leave cosplay”, they just sell their stuff and unless they were prominent or whatever it doesn’t seem they make as big a deal.

[Anonymous No.9956727]

>>9956721

I left cosplay for lolita but I never felt a part of the community to begin with. I did one cosplay, got snubbed by the community in general, and felt like I never was in its culture. For what it's worth, despite being a lonelita, I am usually chatting to another lolita on IG or with my friends. Despite what people say, I do feel like lolita is more welcoming to me than cosplay ever was. Which is why I would feel like I would be leaving it more weirdly enough.

[Anonymous No.9956739]

I credit Lolita fashion with helping me to establish and hone my aesthetic taste, so even if I’m not buying up clothes as much as I used to, I can at least keep some part of it in my life.

[Anonymous No.9956746]

I sometimes consider leaving because when I got in, it seemed like a natural evolution of my style. Now I want to move onto other things since I’m getting older. I think it’s odd when others view someone leaving as a personal attack against the subculture. People evolve in their style all the time. Doesn’t mean they never were a “true lolita” to begin with, just that they moved on.

[Anonymous No.9956764]

>>9956746
>others view someone leaving as a personal attack against the subculture
Who thinks this way? From what I've seen people genuinely don't care and are only annoyed when people announce to the entire community that they're leaving because it's unnecessary to do so. Most people don't know you, most people don't care if you stay or not. Also sometimes people mention leaving lolita in a condescending way,
>Oh I left lolita because of the community, they're all bitches!
Obviously people aren't going to be kind to you when you call them all bitches based on whatever experience you may or may not have had while in the fashion.

[Anonymous No.9956782]

>>9955913
>can understand that the community can get very exhausting
I don't wear it for the community. Not a reason to quit the fashion, just to quit posting about it.

> selling off their stuff because they're leaving these hobbies behind
Honestly, I wouldn't do this unless I need money. I'm the type who leaves it in my closet unused. Maybe one day I come back and then I have stuff. Or if I ever get kids and my kid like it, I'm like "you like that? Well, then maybe you like having these!". This also answers your question of:
>what would you go on to do?
Just wear different clothes until I feel like wearing them again. Keep them in my closet unless I really need the money.

>Or do you plan to do this until you're dead?
I don't plan things like this. You can't plan your future taste. That's kinda dumb. I plan a lot of the future, and I take multiple possibilities in mind. If I feel like wearing lolita I will keep wearing it, if I don't feel like it I will stop wearing it. Unless job or so forces me to be "normal" I don't see a reason to plan other than "what I want to do".

>>9955927
If you leave so often I don't consider it leaving desu. Sounds more like taking a break. Like having a hobby, deep inside still liking it, but it's just too much and you're not feeling it anymore, so you stop doing it and after a while of staying away from it you feel like doing it again.

>>9956500
This I feel. Did something similar, although my issues weren't just related to the fashion, I did have to wear normal stuff just because I couldn't handle the normies reaction on top of it all. I think leaving and coming back after strengthening is the right way to go. Better than those who get so mad at the community because we are less nice than they can take, and trying to make us the bad guys because they have problems. Kuddos, I hope you cam back (if you like it still), or else do stuff you love now.

[Anonymous No.9956787]

>>9956746
>I sometimes consider leaving because when I got in, it seemed like a natural evolution of my style. Now I want to move onto other things since I’m getting older.
Valid reason to move on.
> I think it’s odd when others view someone leaving as a personal attack against the subculture.
I do too. I think people only do if you attack them first (like calling lolita's something negative and start drama) it's normal they get mad at you. Else no one should care, or perhaps it's like "sad to see you go, but if it's not for you anymore it's understandable" kind or reaction.
> People evolve in their style all the time. Doesn’t mean they never were a “true lolita” to begin with, just that they moved on.
True. But I think most think like these unless they are these horrible "lolita at heart" people who lack manners, common sense, and often a sense of style in the first place. If they even ever wore it themselves anyways.

[Anonymous No.9956811]

>>9956764
Where in my post did I call anyone a bitch?

[Anonymous No.9957058]

>>9956721
Probably because I'm the only person that seems to have a stupid amount of importance in it, despite being far from any good at it

I found cosplay about 9 years ago, at a time when my continued isolation even after starting university/college was starting to really get to me. Finally a chance to make friends, finding a place where I felt I belonged; hell, I even accidentally made someone love me, but that was at a time when my house had just been rendered unlivable, and despite what I thought were my best efforts at the time, I was in no fit state to reciprocate until long after I'd fucked it up

I had to essentially quit two years ago when I could no longer take the narcissism the conventions operate on these days, plus having to see my ex every five damn minutes really didn't help

These days I just hope someone cares that things could go back to how they were, that someone would even notice I'm gone, but that's a hope I really should have given up on about 5 years ago; so these days I just never go outside :)

[Anonymous No.9957066]

>>9956690
i don't understand, no one was forcing you to become part of or interact with the community though?

[Anonymous No.9957897]

>>9956717
I cosplay. the cosplay is leagues friendlier, unless you're trying to gun for popularity, but that's a given.
>>9957066
I was constantly moving around due to my father's job back then, and lolita communities were everywhere. I thought it would be nice to socialize with some people who cared about Jfashion as much as I did but instead I just got harrassed for dressing "too boring"
There was some mistake in the last community I was in where I people confused me for a lolcow, which led to me receiving to a bunch of unwarranted harassment. As someone who joined the Jfashion community as an attempt to make friends, this was just a kick in the tits. I was naive to think that I could actually make friends in a community like this.

[Anonymous No.9957902]

>>9956811
Oh I meant a general "you", not you specifically. Sorry if I was unclear.

[Anonymous No.9957934]

>>9955913
I'll stop worrying about fashion in general when I start looking like a grandma. Untill then I am going to enjoy my youth, looks back at all the memories i made and pictures of myself looking great, remind myself what a cutie i was, and die happy.

[Anonymous No.9958044]

>>9957934
What does a grandma even look like?
https://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/lauren-parentingcom/23-year-old-becomes-world-youngest-grandmother

[Anonymous No.9964560]

I'm in a strange place at the moment with Lolita fashion and the community. Our comm isn't that bad, it's pretty nice & chill in fact. But I live so far away (work takes me elsewhere) and feel like I'm never getting as much quality time to get to know anyone whereas they seem pretty close and comfortable with each other in or out of lolita. Also being on the older end of the scale, I've only managed to gain five lolita friends who actually replies to my messages (scattered domestically & internationally combined)it's hard for them to get involved because I'm hardly there, so even though they're lovely folks, the distance means we could only interact on a superficial level, which saddens me because I enjoy the connection & interactions immensely. Being a lone lolita has it's down days but I'm not ready to leave or give up. The fashion I can contend with, but the lack of people to share/interact with irl is a major set back. And on a shallow note, I have no one to take cute photos with. That sucks the most, after all the financial/emotional investments, you want to be proud of your look/coord and it can't be documented when you're on your own. Yes I'm fully aware of mirror selfie coord but personally it feels incomplete, as oppose to having a variant of settings & lovely company.

Sorry this is a thesis length reply, basically there's not much I can do to improve my situation. Even if I lived close to the comm, I don't think I can attract lolita friends to hang out with anyway. So back to square one.

Going forward, maybe I should just resolve to being a lone lolita and not worry about the friendship side of things. Set up my room to background worthy and hire a Flytographer when I'm out & about in Jfashion.

TL:Dr I don't need a lolita comm to continue lolita fashion but it's a lot more fun than being alone.

[Anonymous No.9968061]

I've been considering leaving cosplay for a couple months now. I didn't do any of the con circuit that I typically do this year, and I found myself not really caring. I got into cosplay six years ago when the homestuck fandom was alive and booming. There was always some fun event coming up, new people to meet, and dozens of characters that I wanted to cosplay as. It was fun to just throw on a costume and have a great time. These days there's no regular events happening and the atmosphere of the community has changed. A lot of the people have become cliquey and those who aren't seem overly sensitive and immature. It kinda feels like I grew out of it all. Everyone who I used to look forward to seeing at cosplay meets either moved on with their life, became just a regular irl friend, or we drifted apart. I ended up just stressing myself out over making costumes that I barely wear so I can go pay too much money to hang out with friends I could see for free. It doesn't feel worth it anymore.

On the other hand, lolita has seemed more and more appealing. It's got the same appeal as cosplay used to. You just dress up in clothes that make you feel special and lovely and go hang out with people with the same interest. It's less stressful and doesn't feel isolated to just events. I feel like I'd be investing in clothes I wear regularly that I can also wear to the same type of events I used to wear cosplay to. It's a win-win situation.

[Anonymous No.9968357]

>>9956599
Same--the only time I dont enjoy lolita is when my metal health is taking a hit and nothing is enjoyable

[Anonymous No.9968464]

Every time I have thought about leaving, it's been directly connected to something about the community that surrounds the fashion, not the clothing itself.

[Anonymous No.9969112]

I wear lolita for 5 years and now feel not so excited about it as when I started. The only reason I still wear it is my comm, because they are really nice and actually the only my friends are lolitas. So I still keep going to meet-ups and our local events, but this fashion itself already seems boring to me and I wear it just as excuse to be with my comm. I think this is not very fair and actually I cheat myself and people around me when I say that I love lolita. I think I would leave it far ago if I had some other strong addiction or another nice community.
What should I do, seagulls? Is there way to love lolita back again and fresh up my feelings? I hate to lie about reason I wear lolita, but I can't just tell that I wear it to make friends.

[Anonymous No.9969117]

>>9969112
And yes, I had a break for about 1,5 years and this didn't helped.

[Anonymous No.9969474]

I left cosplay years ago. As I went maybe one or two cons per year I just felt having clothes I use once a year/never again pretty useless.

That's why I moved to simple jfashion and lolita. It's wearable every day and I don't feel wasteful since I can wear almost anything whenever I feel like.

[Anonymous No.9969585]

>>9969112
Do you remembr which aspects made you fall in love with the fashion?

[Anonymous No.9969632]

>>9969585
I'm pretty shy person and all these frills and ribbons gave just right extra-feminine feeling, so I felt myself expressing my soul through my clothes. This is what attracted me to fashion that day. Regular clothes just made me feel naked and lolita gave me the feeling of actual clothing, when I felt that I wear something that protects me from angry surrounding world.

Now I'm still social awkward person (not as much as that day though), but all these feelings above are not as strong as before anymore. I feel all this fashion excessive and actually inappropriate when I go out in the city. I still can wear lolita surrounded by normies, but I don't feel superior myself before them anymore. I feel rather confused, like I'm coming out for the first time. Lolita does not protecting me anymore, I started sucking my life.

[Anonymous No.9969633]

>>9969632
> I started sucking my life.
it started sucking my life, ofc

[Anonymous No.9969692]

I've pretty much left cosplay, but its not super official? I only have like two costumes left, and both are bought. I cosplayed like once/twice at my last con (last summer, 4 days), mainly cause I hadn't bought any new costumes and since I don't really feel like putting all the stuff on. I didn't want to get new costumes until I lost weight, which I've done now, but now I don't feel like putting the money in to it.
I might bring one costume to the con I'm planning on going to next month but to be honest I'm mainly going cause its close and my friends will be there

[Anonymous No.9972512]

>>9969632
Is the bottom picture lor ???? Wow. If this wasnt a split picture I never wouldve guess.