Hey gulls.
I think I'm going to kill myself. Not necessarily today, tomorrow, and not even necessarily this year--but I think it's probably going to happen. I don't see my life going anywhere. I live at home, and I've been going to a trade school, but my poor physical and mental health has been dragging it out. I tried college and hated it. I work part-time, but I hate every second. I dislike the trade I'm studying, and I probably won't even be able to go into the field because of my health. I dream of jobs in the arts--but I'm not good enough at any of my artistic pursuits to turn them into a career.
I am absolutely bratty and entitled when I say I cannot survive in a job I dislike. I understand it's unrealistic of me to expect to get a job that is fulfilling and something I'm passionate about, but I can't live otherwise. I'm too depressed for that, and if it comes to it, I believe I will kill myself. It's a huge character flaw, but I cannot live day after day with most of the day taken up with things I hate. I see no value in a life like that. I feel a bit like momoko--bratty and selfish.
It's a huge character flaw, I understand that. But I'm sorry, I just can't do it. I would rather die.