Greentext crazy lolita girl stories

[Anonymous No.9572212]

>go into my gf's room to get a beej
>she is standing up next to her computer desk staring at the wall looking upset
>there's a small beetle of some sort on her curtains
>every time it opens its wings she freaks out and makes a dumb "UNF" sound
>I'm starting to laugh at this
>she calls me an asshole
>beetle starts flying around, she freaks out
>it flies into her lolita closet
>I tell her that I've heard of this beetle, that it loves the taste of floofy dresses the best
>she calls me an asshole again, asks me what to do
>I tell her she should probably just wait for it to leave
>she asks "what if it lays eggs on my dresses!!!"
>I mentally facepalm
>she proceeds to take all of her dresses out of the closet one by one and lay them on her bed, then freaks out and says "oh no what if I just crushed him and he leaves a stain?!!?!?"

My girlfriend is insane. Are all of you this neurotic?

[Anonymous No.9572216]

>>9572212
Being freaked out by insects is one of the most common phobias on the planet, besides heights and clowns.

Being freaked out that something might ruin a closet full of $100 - $400 dresses is also pretty reasonable imo.

You do sound like an asshole.

[Anonymous No.9572220]

>>9572216
Thankfully women love assholes like me

[Anonymous No.9572224]

>>9572220
You should go back to >>>>/r9k/

[Anonymous No.9572242]

>>9572220
Oh is your hand transgender?

[Anonymous No.9572263]

>>9572242
I didn't just snort...my heart stopped, anon.

[Anonymous No.9572312]

>>9572242
I'M FUCKING DEAD

[Anonymous No.9572319]

>>9572242
BTFO

[Anonymous No.9572335]

>>9572242
I love you, anon.

[Anonymous No.9572338]

OP does not belong here. Pls leave us, you have caused maximum cringe and have been burned instantly.

[Anonymous No.9572400]

>>9572242
OMFG

[Anonymous No.9572468]

>>9572242
>>9572263
>>9572312
>>9572319
>>9572335
>>9572338
>>9572400

>tell story about my girlfriend
>some chick gets turbo butthurt because I am flippant and alpha towards my gf
>autistic girl screams HEH HEH U JUST JERKING OFF
>autistic screeching from a gaggle of fat chicks (or samefag, maybe)
>I'm rolling my eyes harder than the time I saw some ugly autismos in fucking chainmail at a hobbit movie premier
>I'm typing this literally while my gf is licking my balls

and that's my greentext crazy lolita girl story
ps none of you are properly participating in my rad thread lololo

[Anonymous No.9572471]

>>9572468
Sounds like you can't handle people not kissing your ass over a stupid story no one cares about. Gtfo, no one gives a shit about anything you have to say.

[Anonymous No.9572477]

>>9572468
>just so u guys know my gf is elbow deep in my anus while u jelly fatties are rubbing ur folds to anime boys

you are truly the alpha male here, all of us beta women are not worthy of your seed

[Anonymous No.9572483]

>>9572471
>"no one gives a shit about anything you have to say"

yr rageposting pretty hard for me to believe that you don't care friendo

>>9572477
anal play is gross

[Anonymous No.9572487]

>>9572468
>>I'm typing this literally while my gf is licking my balls

Is your GF a dog?

[Anonymous No.9572489]

>>9572487
kek

[Anonymous No.9572491]

>>9572487
damn dude she's not THAT ugly

[Anonymous No.9572498]

>>9572483
You must be pretty sensitive if you think that's rage. We'll try to tread lighter on your fragile fee fees.

[Anonymous No.9572507]

>>9572242
holy fucking shit

[Anonymous No.9572514]

>>9572498
lol ok sweetheart, keep madposting and projecting

>>9572507
guys the "mary palmer and her five sisters" comeback has been around for probably thirty or fifty years now, if you genuinely think it's this hilarious all I can say is that this is probably why all female comedians are unwatchably unfunny

[Anonymous No.9572515]

>>9572335
Source to this ahego?

[Anonymous No.9572521]

No one else has lolita gf stories?

[Anonymous No.9572546]

>>9572468
in order to laugh at "ugly autismos" at a hobbit movie premiere, you would have had too also been at that hobbit movie premiere

[Anonymous No.9572558]

>>9572546
huh? there's nothing wrong with liking lotr (altho the hobbit movies were unfortunately kinda garbage & abused the fuck out of cgi if I'm being honest)

however there is something wrong with showing up in chainmail, mouthbreathing, and loudly saying retarded shit and horse-laughing at everything throughout the movie

I'm saying this group of cackling fatties horse-laughing at an unfunny tired comeback joke reminded me strongly of those people due to their autistic behavior, not due to them being at a particular movie

[Anonymous No.9572560]

>>9572212
Am I the only one who thought OP was a female?
I don't know, it kinda sounds like one of those gross dykes who try to compensate their lack of penis by being total assholes, because that's totally like all men act.

[Anonymous No.9572593]

>>9572468
Wow, get a look at this fag

[Anonymous No.9572595]

>>9572560
I tricked you with the lesbolita photo

>>9572593
this reply is actually funny and I strongly approve of it

[Anonymous No.9572607]

>>9572468
just get your faggot ass out, op

[Anonymous No.9572615]

>>9572607
and here's an example of a reply that oozes butthurt

fwiw I appreciate that the subtlety of how to avoid shitposting might be totally lost on you and so you aren't really doing this on purpose, it's just that you're kind of dumb

[Anonymous No.9572624]

>>9572615
Is the reason why your girl is licking your balls because you're too butthurt for analplay?

[Anonymous No.9572628]

>>9572624
dude I came like hours ago, she's been done for awhile

[Anonymous No.9572632]

could jake paul fuck a lolita?

[Anonymous No.9572649]

>>9572212
How gay is this board

[Anonymous No.9572706]

>>9572468
>flippant and alpha

Yeah, definitely how everyone here sees you. :^)

[Anonymous No.9572713]

>>9572242
DELET THIS

[Anonymous No.9572725]

>>9572483
>greentexts and uses quotations

[Anonymous No.9572728]

>>9572632
he has money so yes

[Anonymous No.9572752]

>>9572242
I am unimpressed

[Anonymous No.9572758]

>>9572212
yes lolita are neurotic as fuck but also really kinky

[Anonymous No.9572778]

>>9572242
ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED
Someone screencap this.

[Anonymous No.9572804]

>>9572778
Someone screencap this thread.

[Anonymous No.9572843]

>>9572778
>>9572804

I really can't tell if girls on cgl are genuinely this retarded or if it's just one phoneposter screwing around