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/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

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10836624 No.10836624 [Reply] [Original]

Are J-Fashion/Lolita/alt girlfriends worth pursuing? Where do you find them as a man? It seems a lot of you either hate men, are lesbian or are mentally ill. But many also seem to have boyfriends. Is it a bad idea?

>> No.10836635

all the actually cute ones are taken and usually aren't mega-weebs who make jfashion their entire identity. so if you're ever trying to find one through a comm for jfashion, you won't find any worth having

>> No.10836641

For j-fashion/lolita the cutest ones are either lesbians (I said cute, so I don't mean butch lesbians), are taken, or are not interested in dating at all. The noticeably mentally ill ones tend to be not as cute and tend to have low self esteem. Those are the ones who might be single and looking for a bf. You can usually recognize them by their tattoos and piercings.
I don't recommend becoming a member of a j-fashion group with the main purpose of finding a gf, you have to have a genuine love for the fashion. If you don't then people will quickly notice and avoid you. If you try this specifically with any local lolita comm they most likely won't let you in at all.

>> No.10836650

Well, I am looking for the ones who wouldn't make it their whole identity and are still pretty "normal", whatever that means
Yeah, it's like the guys trying to get goth gfs vs actual goth guys who are into the subculture

>> No.10836653

If you have to ask, you should just give up. None of them will be interested in you.

>> No.10836654

>Well, I am looking for the ones who wouldn't make it their whole identity and are still pretty "normal", whatever that means
then you won't be able to find one by specifically looking for one. all of them have normies bfs who they met outside of jfash

>> No.10836662

are you making the mistake of thinking jfash girls in the west look like picrel? it's not like it is in asia - they're mostly fat and/or ugly white girls in the west

>> No.10836670

Pro tip, try to see women as whole people and not just their hobbies.

>> No.10836679

>implying men care about anything besides how a woman looks
it's not the actual hobby he cares about, it's how the women *look* wearing it

>> No.10836680

Good looking lolitas are all married, in serious relationships, or lesbians. The few that are attractive & single don't want to date a guy LOOKING for a lolita gf. IDK about j fashion but alt is the new normie so that'll be easy enough for you. You sound like a loser, though.

>> No.10836681


>> No.10836682


>> No.10836684


>> No.10836685


>> No.10836749

This. Most cute alt girls just have cute normie bfs. Any alternative woman that is attractive and has self esteem will avoid the mega nerds, uggo guys or people looking specifically for a jfashion/goth/whatever gf. Most guys who are really into alt girls are weird coomers

>> No.10836755

Scrotes are incapable of that.

>> No.10836762


>> No.10836791

Never. Fuck off

>> No.10836792

What cracks me up about lolitas is that they expect of you to dress as an absolute megafaggot (oiuj). No self respecting man would ever dress like that.

>> No.10836793

>Are J-Fashion/Lolita/alt girlfriends worth pursuing?

Only if you are into females with above average amount of mental issues. Like carrying if certain shoe shapes are kawaii UwU or ita and do they come together with certain pattern of certain edition of some design by some brand, etc. A lot of empathy and patience for autism required. Add above average amount o time spent on makeup and outfit when going out.

>> No.10836812

>they expect of you to dress as an absolute megafaggot (oiuj)

no we don't. The "ouji accesory" meme was just a fucking joke. We generally don't want to take our bfs or husbands along to the meets. Some exceptions apply but usually when you see a bf or husband at the meet he's just there because he provided the transport. Most of us want the meet to be fun with other lolitas and other lolitas only.

being particular about details of a hobby isn't a mental issue or indicative of a mental issue. Men who have their own (nerdy) hobbies approach it in the same way. They care about the way a figurine was painted or what kind of artificial moss was used for the diorama.
Alternative fashions and nerdy hobbies do attract a disproportionate amount of people who do have mental issues, but they are there because that hobby makes them happier and helps them cope with those mental issues. I would never claim that someone being into a hobby means they have a mental issue.

>> No.10836828
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I don't go to meets, so I would love if my husband dressed in ega, but I'm not about to force him

>They care about the way a figurine was painted or what kind of artificial moss was used for the diorama.
You can even apply this to hobbies that aren't traditionally considered nerdy, pic related

>> No.10836831

NAYRT but thank you for saying this. I doubt that most lolitas would pressure their boyfriends into wearing ouji if they don’t want to lol. Plus, why does it even matter if a guy wants to wear ouji? >>10836792 sounds very insecure about their masculinity if they’re that upset over a harmless fashion

>> No.10836835

To piggyback off of what >>10836812 said, almost no one has 100% perfect mental health at all times and if being into xyz hobby helps them feel a little less like crap then I think they should be allowed to. Some people are really passionate about the minutiae of sports or cooking or music for the same reason, it’s just that “nerdy” hobbies are treated as lesser because you can’t make a career out of them like you can with more mainstream hobbies

Also, just a side note, please don’t call us “females”, it comes across as belittling. “Girls” is just fine :)

>> No.10836840

>he's just there because he provided the transport
kekmao not sure if its dark humor intentionally or not
idk gulls, I've seen way to many pics of lolitas with their ouij bf/whatever I always get the "if only you knew how bad things really are" vibes from the poor guy

>> No.10836843

that's a really good point and I had a little laugh at seeing brick cheese in the picrel.

thank you, and you have a good point about non nerdy hobbies.

>> No.10836844

some guys get used as a chauffeur by their lolita gfs which is something I was poking fun at a little. I've also seen cases where there is no other transport option and the bf doesn't allow his gf to use his car (which is understandable imo) so he insists he drives her there and but then when they arrive at the meet he doesn't want to go off to do something he finds interesting but insists on staying. I've also seen (too many) cases of bfs insisting they have to come along to the meet even though she can transport herself, but during the meet he's absolutely miserable and no fun to be around even though he insisted that he attend the meet. I don't know for sure where this is coming from. Maybe they have some misconceptions about what goes on at the meet. Maybe they think they need to insert themselves into their partner's hobby. Sometimes both partners have the "we're a package deal, we do everything together" mentality.

Some lolitas also want to turn their normie bfs into ouji accessoires (which isn't common, but it does happen) and some of the guys just go along with it even though they dislike it. My take is that if he doesn't show any genuine interest in fashion don't ask him to dress up for you.

>> No.10836845

My husband would look fucking amazing in EGA. But it's not his thing. J-fashion is my hobby. He has hobbies that I absolutely am not at all interested in. Though we support eachothers hobbies through gifts.

I've bought him collector items. He's went to brand stores for me, like when I couldn't get away from my shitty management job to go to Japan or NYC with him.

I don't expect him to dress up or particpate. Hell, I rarely even wear the fashion with him. The only time I do is at conventions where we're both working.

At any rate, if you're looking for a lolita partner, but aren't into dressing up yourself, you're probably okay. I'd just make that clear at the beginning. Some girls, especially younger ones consider this some kind of dumb deal-breaker. "Oh he doesn't wear the fashion? DUMP HIM"

>> No.10836891

Well, that's what I want too, I just think women who do have niche hobbies are more interesting.
I wouldn't mind trying it out, but I don't know what would work best as a 5'5 manlet
Autism is fine, I was diagnosed myself although I contest some of the things said in that diagnosis, there's an overdiagnosis problem. As long as she's not BPD or bipolar, or on meds, it'll be fine.

>> No.10836896

>My take is that if he doesn't show any genuine interest in fashion don't ask him to dress up for you.
completely agree, I mean, couldn't lolita fashion come up with a male style that doesn't look faggy? I'm sure there is a way, you don't need those fagman pants and tights, or do you? I just want to look classy, not like a fucking fag

>> No.10836898

>Though we support eachothers hobbies through gifts.
so sweet

>> No.10836899

You know, you are "bipolar" even if you only had one episode in your whole life. It's not like personality disorder or even depression that affects every day. For many people it is completely invisible.

>> No.10836906 [DELETED] 

no normalfags/ here

>> No.10836919

>couldn't lolita fashion come up with a male style that doesn't look faggy?

This is a very good question and I've given it some thought. So what do we have to choose from if a guy wants to have a complimentary look to his lolita gf? A; ouji B; aristocrat C; any other dark alternative fashion. If anyone has other options please comment.

So why does A and B look faggy?
Ouji is basically, in the way I see it, the aesthetic of a 12 year old feminine fairytale prince. It's nearly as frilly and elaborate as lolita, just with waist coats, pants and usually a non-sweet color palate. If you hate it on the people it was made for (usually women because that's the main demographic that buys it and what most ouji stuff from btssb and meta is patterned for) you'll hate it even more on masculine looking men because of the aesthetic gap. 10/10 on the faggy scale.

Aristocrat for men; a mature, dark style that has a lot in common with western romantic goth. You could look like a vampire count, a demon butler or a gothic victorian nobleman. Depending on the amount of frilly elements and how elaborate the details are or how luxurious the fabrics (for example brocade) are this can still look quite faggy (especially if you put in on a slender, undermuscled guy) but can also look less faggy if you tone those elements down. 2/10~7/10 on the fag-ometer.

C; any other dark alternative fashion. You run the risk of there being a too strong aesthetic gap between the guy and the lolita he is with depending on what you pick. If he is with a gothic lolita then I think any gothic style will fit in nicely. If he's with a classic lolita then maybe victorian gothic or straight up heavily historically inspired fashion. Most guys will consider edwardian, 20s, 30s and 40s the most masculine fashion eras but I think 20s or younger is going to look too weird next to a lolita. Historical fashion in general tends to look faggy to people because it's not as minimalist as modern men's wear.

>> No.10837097

>overdiagnosis problem
Only in boys. Girls are rarely diagnosed with it, and there's still doctors who believe girls can't even have autism at all and that it's a boy thing. It's way underdiagnosed in girls.

>> No.10837104

I second this.

>> No.10837118

Lolita and other j-fashion is a "flavor" for men to try. The pussy doesn't change but it's like a new spice. See people who want "gamer" girlfriends or even further, "I've never been with an asian/latina/black girl before."

They want to try something foreign and not vanilla to stick their dick in and trick themselves into thinking it's going to be better or worse because of the hobby instead of the person. Then when the girl goes starfish they'll probably think "girls into jfashion are boring in bed." Just a flavor.

>> No.10837138

But this implies that men are just interested in pussy, this is demeaning, I'm looking for something serious.

>> No.10837146

nayrt but I'm curious why you would specifically want a j-fashion/lolita/alt gf if you're not genuinely into the fashion yourself. What do you think it will add to the experience of dating?

Most of the girls in my comm are just regular girls with nerdy hobbies. I don't see what makes them different from girls with nerdy hobbies who dress in regular clothes.

>> No.10837147
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Then take a shower, go outside and fuck off from /cgl/

You're A. Trolling to rile up gulls who will take the bait or B. Genuinely this stupid and really think a high maintenance jfashion waifu will fill some idiot fantasy you have.

>> No.10837149

>I don't see what makes them different from girls with nerdy hobbies who dress in regular clothes.
I remember some time ago a 40 year old virgin was obsessed with having a relationship with 20-something sex workers. He didn't want a "regular woman" he wanted a sexy porn star wife. He was serious and wrote paragraphs about why porn stars were different.

It's the same shit. A fantasy based on a flavor of girl when once the clothes come off, they're all the same, they all shit, they all have to brush their teeth. But in this case, they just have disposable income on how they dress.

>> No.10837157

NTA but the quality of sex for me is based on a cumulative buildup of feelings and attraction toward somebody, not just what they're like during the act itself. I've dated a lolita and the sex WAS better at the end of a day when she dressed up than on regular casual days.

>> No.10837161

It's called fetishism.

>> No.10837162
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>the landmine girl turns out to be a ww2 axis memorabilia collector
what do?

>> No.10837164

I don't find lolita itself sexual though. It's just better being with somebody after they've looked good all day.

>> No.10837173

Fetishism and exotification don't have to be purely sexual but it's what's happening anyway.

Take any girl, give her the right make up and coord- even if there's no passion for the aesthetic, it fits the criteria and activates your almonds. This is why there's onlyfans girls who do terrible cosplay, hold a controller to their chest or slap on ita amazon trash. They know it'll work on people who want a [any obsession or hobby] gf.

The girl doesn't change, how she looks does and thus, OP sounds like an idiot.

>> No.10837324

Anon I've got to ask, what do you think daily life with a lolita woman will be like? What makes it special?

Also what sub style are you attracted to and why?

>> No.10837331

no you're not, also bipolar is a mood disorder where you literally have depressive episodes what the fuck are you even talking about

>> No.10837340

Bipolar is diagnosed after having had "at least one" hypo or manic episode. For some people it's highly recurrent, and for other people they have one episode, go on meds and that's it. You would literally never know.
As for the depression thing I'm assuming anon meant active or long term depression.

>> No.10837351

nta but that's only one part of the diagnostic criteria. please actually read the entire article next time.

>> No.10837353

Or, you could reference the actual DSM instead of some random clickbait interpretation of it https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t8/
You'll notice having one manic episode and no depressive episode is valid criteria in both the DSM iv and v.

>> No.10837358

it says the exact same thing. the diag requires more than one if those symptoms.

>> No.10837359

At this point I have to question if you're trolling. It's ok to be wrong.
>A. Criteria have been met for at least one manic episode (Table 11). The manic episode may have been preceded by and may be followed by hypomanic or major depressive episodes (see Table 9).
>Note: Major depressive episodes are common in bipolar I disorder but are not required for the diagnosis of bipolar I disorder.

>> No.10837404

>Sometimes both partners have the "we're a package deal, we do everything together" mentality.
You can't tell incels shit, they don't know what relationships are like

>> No.10837407

Definitely seen autism in women within the lolita community. That shit is real. Ya'll are just spending the money on dresses instead of a bullshit diagnosis.

>> No.10837408

NTA but you're not reading that right.

>> No.10837415

getting properly diagnosed can open doors towards resources for people with autism though, so it's definitely not a bs diagnosis if it's accurate and can help you change your life for the better. A lolita friend of mine just got diagnosed with autism even though we both knew for years that she was probably autistic. Now she gets access to (nearly free) treatment/therapy. I was diagnosed a few years earlier just before I got a burnout, then I got help (through by diagnosis) to get a better job. I don't mind at all that more than a few lolitas have autism. Most of them are really kind. I've noticed I tend to find it easier to get along with other autistic lolitas than with non-autistic ones. Probably because of the very literal communication.

>> No.10837418

What's the correct reading?

>> No.10837419

I don't really know, she would show me her stuff, but in general we would be talking about autistic stuff generally. I just think a Lolita gf would be pretty cute, you tend to take care of yourselves relatively better than most.

If you think that's fetishism, or focusing on the physical, maybe. I'm interested in personality too though. Women are people and not empty vessels. But most men (and many women too), will be biased, and there's nothing wrong with that. No malevolence intended in going for pretty girls. Just natural desire.

>> No.10837437

I think I have to say this because I still don't know what you envision a lolita gf to be like: most of us, even those of us who wear lolita multiple days a week, don't wear it 24/7. If you've ever seen a lolita in normie clothes, or in house clothes (old hoodie and sweat pants) without makeup and hair done nicely, the aesthetic gap can be jarring. I only have regular pajamas too.

>> No.10837472

Unfortunately, very few doctors are willing to even screen adults (of either gender) for autism. If you don't get it diagnosed as a kid, it's pretty difficult.

>> No.10837481

Ok, I'm the person you responded too here. I won't fault you for being interested in a potential partner's physical appearance because literally everyone does that and it's true that the sane lolitas do take very good care of themselves but what >>10837419 said is true. I'm a daily lolita, I wear only lolita when I leave the house but I don't wear it at home, I have a nice selection of vintage looking house wear but it's certainly not lolita.

I also have a home full of antique furniture, doilies, antique glassware (which is full of lead) and creepy porcelain dolls of varying sizes that I keep in the bedroom, my boyfriend hates them. I'm essentially a very young grandma, it takes me 30-60 minutes to transform in a lolita every morning, I make a living doing stereotypical grandma jobs and most of my other hobbies are filled with older women. Also the kitchen table is entirely covered in lace, my sewing machine and sewing supplies.

I also have autism and am very blunt to the point of being rude and anal about cleanliness and order around the house. My boyfriend is overweight and nerdy, he doesn't really care about my wardrobe or hobby but thinks I'm very cute, I thinks he's cute also. His family and colleagues often make comments about me and are surprised that we're a couple.

Does any of this sound appealing to you?

>> No.10837497

tfw no stinky kawaii 4'7" lolita gf

>> No.10837547

I know that, I don't mind, I want a gf who's not obsessed with it.

>> No.10837565

Not the anon you're replying to nor OP, but jesus, that sounds like heaven. Even more so if you compare it to the sluttery that is promoted to your average modern woman.

I have to admit the porcelain doll part made me grimace a bit. Everything else sounds really neat though, antique furniture to glassware to OCD cleanliness.

>> No.10837566
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Not lolita or jfashion or whatever but so much fucking this regarding the whole thread.

The vast majority of people don’t realize that people who wear all out alt. fashion or just have full on alt. hobbies/likings/styling in general are like that on their everyday life, let alone their homes. I listen to a fuckton of music that would be heavily associated with “goth” girls or alt. styles in general (Crosses, Deftones, Holy Fawn, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Manic Street Preachers, etc.) even when I go out and at cons, paired with a shit ton of dark fashionable clothes, skinny jeans, long black coats, a handful of rings, so on and so forth. People have associated me with those and expect my home to be an abandoned dilapidated church or something.
However it’s a bog standard apartment with tasteful antique-style furniture, my kitchen is pristine as fuck and my room is peaceful and colourful. I throw my guitar on the bed, I sleep and hang around in clothes that could only be described as “prepfag” clothes, I watch soap operas and follow my local football (soccer) leagues.

People need to stop fucking assuming that the fashion and aesthetic that someone wears mirrors how someone actually lives their life. I’m certain that the vast majority of cosplayers, e-girls and jfashion gals out there don’t hold the kind of life their outfits emit.

>> No.10837602

Yeah, I've known girls who were into sewing and stuff, I just want an interesting woman, and her being autistic is probably better. I don't really care about the dolls and the furniture but I wouldn't mind her talking about it.
Well that's good, a goth girl who actually is pretty normal and sane. I know women are normal, I'm not living a fantasy.

>> No.10837604

I really don't think I or any other lolitas are very interesting t b h. Also you didn't answer my question, what sub style do you like the most?

>> No.10837606

>I just want an interesting woman
You’re looking at the wrong place, go date a junkie or tomboy or something.

>> No.10837612
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>> No.10837626

Lolitas, egirls, cosplayers (if that counts) goth girls. The kind that really take care to do something more elaborate and unique

>> No.10837711

NAYRT but I think that person is asking you what substyle of lolita would be the most appealing to you on a girl. Lolita fashion has a lot of different aesthetic “flavors” sort of like goth fashion. If you’re not sure or don’t know what the main styles are, I’d be happy to show you some examples

>> No.10837719

>you tend to take care of yourselves relatively better than most
kek someone already warned you upthread about how so many lolitas are overweight or unattractive. let go of this delusional fantasy

>> No.10837751

untrue because I am against sex before marriage
most normal duded just think cute girls are cute

but what's inside (personality, life experience, and values) is what really matters

>> No.10837752

Yes I was asking which sub style of lolita appeals to you the most, gothic, classic or sweet?

Usually only the fat itas are smelly, greasy and unkempt. Skinny well dressed lolitas usually take good care of themselves, I think poor mental health is preventing the itas from becoming real lolitas and from bathing regularly

>> No.10837755

I think he just doesn't see the overweight unattractive ones because he himself is not in the community.

>> No.10837757
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Holy shit you’re either underage or baiting. I refuse to believe there are guys as obliviously retarded as you.

>> No.10837765

Wash your hair fatty

>> No.10837768

skinny well dressed lolitas are either already taken or have very high standards, as stated upthread. the only ones willing to date some 4chan incel would be fat or ugly ones. look at this >>10837565 dumbass talking about ~SLUTTERY~, what quality woman would wanna date this /r9k/ loser?

>> No.10837819

Oh yeah definitely, the skinny girls probably wouldn't piss on OP if he was on fire, and the fat ugly ones wouldn't date him either because they all have ultra lefty political ideals and he/they/it in their bios

Speaking of OP, how old are you and have you ever had a girl? You sound very young and naive about relationships

>> No.10837824

Normally No,

However it worked for me, to me she’s a 10/10 and is wonderful person.

>> No.10837918

I'd love to be in your comm.
Nearly every meetup I've been to, there's some sullen crusty bf in a grubby tshirt and jeans who looks like he doesn't want to be there and refuses to speak to anyone but his gf. I'm sick of that shit.
One time I did meet this really cool couple at a meet. The guy wasn't into J-Fashion, but he dressed nicely for the occasion in a normie suit. He also had a good attitude and was willing to chat with others beside his gf. His gf was pretty cool too so it was nice to have a conversation with them. But that was the exception and not the rule.

>> No.10837946

I'm just twenty and I never went on a date, so yeah. I'm trying my best. I'm not>>10837565.

>> No.10837970

I'd prefer it if husbands/bfs aren't at the meet if they're not wearing or into j-fashion but I'm okay with the ones that are fun to be around with regardless of what they're wearing. Sadly the exception and not the rule.

>> No.10837987
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I've always thought it'd be interesting to see lolita paired with a wild west gambler kind of fit for the guy. It's from about the same time period lolita is inspired by and the colors and materials would pair well with gothic or classic.

>> No.10838104

late to the thread, i wear more casual and recent jfashion like ryousangata and so do a lot of my friends. most of them do have boyfriends, some of them are lesbians, but none of them are "too mentally ill". probably just autistic. in an ideal world, id have a bf who supports (and partially funds) my jfashion habits

>> No.10838120

Yeah I figured you'd be something like that. Don't worry I'm not judging you, you'll find someone but I think you've got some unrealistic fantasies about alternative women. We're surprisingly normal, just avoid BPDchans and fatty troons and you'll be ok

>> No.10838128

I should get my bf to try this style, I think he'd suit it

>> No.10838750

They are mentally ill the 90% of the time. Not worth it.

>> No.10838753

I laughed, this is pretty accurate

>> No.10838754

so are the kind of men who post on this website, so that's a good match

>> No.10839925
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I'd like a girl who'd dress up in things like this, costumes and such. It's more kig than lolita, and yeah, fetishy, but at the same time there just aren't that many women into really dressing up, roleplaying

>> No.10839967

i (and probably most women) would be happy to dress up and roleplay for a guy that's hot enough. not gonna do it for some average guy or uggo tho, too much effort for someone not worth it

>> No.10839979

FUCK no. We are batshit and cannot be trusted. We will hurt your fee fees and take your money.

>> No.10840851
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>tfw no cute lolita gf to buy clothes for and do make up

>> No.10840901

They're all mentally ill in a way or another.
And no you can't fix them, it will eventually get annoying having to deal with their shit, doesn't matter how starved for human interaction you are. There's a reason if plenty pretty girls get dumped and then proceed to spam their facebook with shitty "ur soft dom smol gf" deep fried sanrio/lewd memes for months and months.

>> No.10840936
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I want a lesbian relationship with a lolita gf. I wanna wear matching coords with a cute girl, drink tea together, talk about releases etc.
What should I do?

>> No.10840938

I want a very handsome butch lesbian gf who isn't into lolita at all but cherishes me so much that she shows genuine interest and asks how the meet went, and she does a lot of research online just so she can surprise me with something that I actually love. (of course I will reciprocate that effort and interest). If it's not that kind of relationship I would rather stay single.

>> No.10840952

I'm straight but this craving for a lolita gf to live with and coord with and be cute with has been on my mind like crazy lately. I doubt I'll ever have anything like that ever but I can always dream.

>> No.10840954

>t. faggy moid

>> No.10840955

>I'm straight but this craving for a lolita gf

uhm...you might want to google what comphet is just in case.

>> No.10841004

comphet is a meme, ayrt is probably like those cottagecore "lesbians" who want a very close best friend to frolic through fields and hold hands with but isn't actually sexually attracted to women. It's more common than you think

>> No.10841008

I think comphet applies to some people. It's also a meme, so I agree with you on that.

The situation you describe makes me wonder why those people think those needs won't be fulfilled with deep friendship. I've definitely done frolicking in fields and intimate walks on a breezy beach with my best friend, but never once thought I needed to be attracted to her or call her my gf to do that. When we were younger my friend took me to the beach side and told me she had a mental image of us on the beach sitting under a parasol she wanted to make into a reality. She was kind of embarrassed and thought it was silly, but I reassured her those things were normal and if she ever wanted to do "aesthetic things" I'd be up for it. My friend and I still go on nature walks in forests and parks, it's an ideal place to get some fresh air, get some movement in and complain about all of the stuff in our lives we wish wasn't happening, and we take photos of cute flowers and mushrooms.

>> No.10841029
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I suppose why I'd want a lolita gf specifically (I'm the straight anon) is because in an absolutely ideal dream situation I'd want the kind of emotional closeness and vulnerability that I've had in my romantic relationships with that lolita. It has that dreamy quality of just sharing that much of my life with someone. But once again, it's just an idle fantasy, I'm aware that imposing those kinds of wants or expectations on a real person is a terrible idea. I'd happily settle for a very close lolita friend but I don't have that either.

>> No.10841030

why? these things are fugly

>> No.10841033

I have two bi friends who have admitted they are attracted to each other and would pursue each other if they were single but both of their boyfriends pay their way in life and they would never ever give that up, they're both broke bitches

>> No.10841034

Also their boyfriends are ugly looking troglodytes and there's palpably zero chemistry between them, it's not a forced relationship but it reeks of "secured and settled". Way more sparks between the girls. Would be funny if it wasn't so tragic

>> No.10841037

>the kind of emotional closeness and vulnerability that I've had in my romantic relationships

You can have that depth, that closeness, that love with a friend. The only difference is that it's friendship love instead of romantic love and that sexual attraction isn't part of it. My friend and I know each other's most inner thoughts and feelings. She shows me her mind like an open book including all of the embarrassing, shameful bits, some bits she feels bad or guilty about. Of course a friendship like that doesn't just happen, it grows into that with care and effort because two people want it to be that kind of friendship. I've known this friend for 22 years. I think that helping each other through rough and awkward teenage years had something to do with it. I have another friend I'm also really close with and I've known her for at least 7 years now, might be 8. You can definitely find a friendship where you will eventually be smitten with each other in an entirely non romantic non sexual way. Don't give up anon, you might find a very good friend in your local comm. Let it develop naturally, no expectations.

>> No.10841039

it is funny, it sounds like a script of a tv series.

>> No.10841044

Not them but I feel like I could never be THAT comfortable in just a friendship because I'd feel guilt over the possibility that I'm leading that friend on or something desu. I'd assume/hope whatever you got going on doesn't leave room for that possibility.
Though I also feel like you're describing the most perfect and idealized romantic relationship possible except there's just no sex. I don't think I could be that perfectly comfortable with someone and not take the next step after like half a drink, and I have my own very close friends of 20+ years.

>> No.10841052

people can have fantasies like that for various reasons. doesn't make someone less straight in reality. i've had them too bc i've been in abusive relationships with men, so sometimes i think about being with a small, petite woman who could never physically hurt me instead.

>> No.10841062

ayrt, and I think it's very simple for my friends and I. I don't want to have sex with my friends, I don't feel butterflies for my friends. I'm very sure they feel the exact same way about me. I don't think there's a possibility my love for my friends could develop into romantic love. I just don't see them that way.
But I know that it's not always that simple for other people and that friendship can blossom into romantic feelings. And you are doing a good thing in being aware of how the way you approach someone or treat them may be misinterpreted as romantic interest by them.

IMO society sees romantic relationships as more serious or more important than friendships, which is why you hear people say "just friends". The best relationship I had (we broke up amicably, in the beginning we both didn't want kids, but then he changed his mind) was really great but my friendships have still been better. I don't think the closeness or the amount of emotional intimacy is the deciding factor if something is a friendship or a romantic relationship. I think you should have both that closeness and emotional intimacy regardless if it's a friendship or a romantic relationship and that the existence (or lack of) romantic feelings determines what it is.

>> No.10841063

I get it, I understand, that's why I said "just in case". It's pretty common (in my experience) for a woman to go "oh I wish I could date women, men are awful" and it turns out they weren't attracted to men and that they were attracted to women but didn't recognize it as sexual attraction because they thought "everyone else swoons at women too because women are just beautiful and men are gross" (that's their logic).
Some women are just "regretfully hetero" though. They absolutely hate it that they're straight. Hardest proof ever that sexuality isn't a choice.

>> No.10841150
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Comphet is very much real

>The situation you describe makes me wonder why those people think those needs won't be fulfilled with deep friendship
I think sometimes it's just hard to find this kind of deep friendship with someone, especially if you're not a teen or in your early 20s anymore, so you end up getting your emotional needs fulfilled more by a partner than by friend, even if it's not like you want to rely on them that much

I'm >>10840936 and I wanna do cute girly things with friends and with a gf. It's not the same thing because the feelings are different