Having some bad feels over lolita fashion lately.
I've been in this fashion for about 8 years. I have taken some time off where I don't wear it much and early on sold my whole wardrobe, but other than that I've tried to wear it a few times per month and my interest in it goes back even longer, like 12 or 13 years. I'm 30.
And after all this time and wearing it so much I just don't... feel like a lolita or the fashion really suits me. I think I look like a normie, outside of lolita I wear normie office stuff or light goth. But my hair and face look normie and I don't necessarily want to change that.
I love looking at the clothes and buying them but wearing them is uncomfortable and I don't feel like they are really "me," more like I'm wearing a costume. I have tried many different styles, I've tried being more casual, I've tried wearing more things like cutsews. I haven't really tried classic because it doesn't appeal to me a lot (despite being a huge draw to me first getting into the fashion) but I have worn gothic, sweet, oldschool, and many variations on those, going for different looks and feels that I think would suit me more.
I look good wearing the clothes too, I always get compliments, even by normies. But I also still get asked why am I dressed up or what is my costume and it really, really bothers me. I try so hard not to let it, I KNOW people's opinions don't matter, and in all other areas of life I'm mostly confident... but in lolita it still bothers me and makes me not want to wear the fashion anymore.
All this makes me feel so sad, after years and years of wearing this fashion and loving it so much and I still don't feel "right" in it and I don't know why. I envy people who say they wear it every day and that they feel so comfortable in it because I don't.
I often think of selling my wardrobe and putting it toward retirement or something but the thought is too heartbreaking, like giving up on one of the few things that brings me joy.