/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

/cgl/ wouldn't have you believe it, but tons of lolitas and cosplayers are lgbt. We don't have many trans lolitas, but there's a decent amount of ftm cosplayers (rarely the other way around, though).

>and now we wait for this thread to go to shit

Trans man reporting in, I guess

>>10007789
Good lad, what /cgl/ shit do you do?

>>10007788
I read that seagulls tear apart amabs trying to Lolita, is that true? A discussion over on /lgbt/ has most people saying it’s seem creepy.

>>10007791
>Good lad, what /cgl/ shit do you do?
Both, but I'm mostly on the lolita spectrum.

Gulls tend to dislike dudes, amab or not, in lolita because a lot of the time they look like garbage, and don't put forth the effort to clean themselves up. Lolita is a lot more than slapping on a dress and some accessories, so you'll only see us ripping into the ones that don't try to look feminine. There are a few brolitas that are liked across the board, but they're rare. I've seen one obviously ftm lolita, and he was garbage not because he was trans, but he because he kept the beard, didn't shave, and didn't bother to wear makeup. You have to be very confident in your masculinity to wear lolita if you're a trans dude.

>>10007794
So there’s no male version of Lolita, you gotta wear the dress? Sounds pretty twisted if you’re FTM. Call it fragile masculinity because that’s exactly what it is, but I’d never do that shit. Don’t it mess you up to be read as female?

>>10007791
Not necessarily true. Lolitas care about fashion, men who wear the fashion well and don't do it for fetish, as a costume, or for the sole purpose of finding a qt lolita gf, they're more often than not accepted with no issue. Hell, from what I've seen, men are given way more leeway for aesthetic fuck ups that girls would immediately be branded itas for.
The problems start when guys think they can wear whatever frilly trash bag they bought on ebay and be kawaii uguu roriitas uwu or even worse, when they claim to be trans women so our communities would be too wary of kicking them out for creeping on girls, lest these guys claim that we're "transphobic" for calling them out on their shit.
It's not specific hatred of trans people or men, just a strong dislike for people who try to take advantage of us for their own gain, usually sexually.

Unless trans girls are nothing less than amazing, they can get lots of shit in lolita communities. People are biased because we get many unwanted male transvestites who are into lolita only as a kink and mix this fashion with inappropriate sexual stuff (mainly online, not sure how the situation is IRL). These people are really annoying but it's sad that innocent trans girls get shit for it, too. Trans guys are hard to spot because this is a feminine fashion so they either wear a dress or ouji, which is a more masculine style worn by both (all?) genders. Btw I don't think anyone has a problem with trans guys here. Kinkshaming is also common unfortunately, but I think most lolita are okay with people being LGBT+.

>>10007788
Yeah, I'm one of those FtM cosplayers and I'm definitively held back more by the fact I'm fat than the fact I'm trans. I really like building EVA foam armor, but a lot of armor just doesn't look very good on my body.

>>10007799
>Kinkshaming is also common unfortunately
>unfortunately
If you bring your kinks out into the open where they aren't welcome, you deserve to be shamed for it. I guarantee that no one gives a shit about what sort of degenerate kinks you're into as long as you keep it private, because that's exactly how it should be.

>>10007799
* Kinkshaming is also common fortunately

>>10007804
*definitely

>>10007806
> what sort of degenerate kinks you're into
Yep that's what I was talking about. I'm all for calling out people being inappropriate, but one thing is criticising someone for it, another is insulting people who have kinks. If you're in doubt, "degenerate" counts as an insult.

>>10007786
I think I can count the number of cis straight cosplayers I know on one or two hands, they’re definitely more a minority in the community

>>10007811
Good, I meant to insult them

>>10007797
We have ouji which is the masculine counterpart, but I can think of all of one actual ftm ouji; the rest are cis girls or guys. I think it does mess up transdudes to be read as women, which is why they'll keep the beards and shit, but then it's like, why wear a hyperfeminine style if you can't handle, you know, being read as a girl?

>>10007818
>why wear a hyperfeminine style if you can't handle, you know, being read as a girl?

That is what baffles me tb.h
I can't even understand why someone who wants to pass as a guy would like to wear something so feminine

>>10007799
Kink shaming only happens to the age player and ddlg bitches and rightfully so. A lot of them refuse to respect the fact that lolita community is only about fashion and has nothing to do with being sexually perverted. They essentially want to force their kink on people who want nothing to do with it. If you don't want to be kink-shamed, keep your kink behind locked doors.

>>10007820
ftm here who used to ‘crossplay’ as female characters as a kid; i was always super androgynous and kind of looked like the opposite of whatever gender i was trying to look like. so i dressed up in super frilly girly cosplays to relish how awkward and sissy i looked. basically proving to myself that my ‘maleness’ was so inherent that it showed up even when i was trying to be a girl

Most people who cosplay/wear lolita at conventions are lgbt.

>>10007806
>you deserve to be shamed for it.
but anon... that *is* my fetish.

>>10007841
Most people who wear lolita to conventions wear it as a costume so they don't count.

>>10007845
Thats just a lie.

>>10007845
>>10007873
How exactly do you tell between someone wearing it as a cosplay and someone simply wearing it at a con?

>>10007884
you ask them.

>>10007814
This
Cosplay and Lolita is made of social outcasts. Whether the gay gene made them social outcasts or being social outcasts switched on their gay gene, they’re all over the place. Miss me with them permanent pride facebook profile frames

>>10007786
Bi FtM gull, here.

I'm into itabags and decora, which are J-fash trends that go pretty hand in hand when you think about it. Both are about an overload of accessories, at least.

I don't get any shit for Decora, but I also only wear it in convention-related situations. I work in marketing for a relevant industry, so I'm at cons or promotional events a lot where being eye catching is the entire point. And when I'm wearing decora as an attendee instead of as industry, I still don't get any shit for it because my friend group often dresses up together, and two of them are cis men.

My itabags are honestly a giant flashing sign that I'm LGBT, though. I have a few different ones, but they all scream gay either because the character is actually gay in show, or because it's a ship bag.

I've been wanting to break into Ouji, but it's difficult because of my size. Trans status blessed me with the perfect boyish face for ouji (the only reason I've ever appreciated looking so young as a grown ass adult), but I'm just barely too big for most asian sizing.

I've never had any issues with someone reading me as a girl because I dress in feminine j-fash. I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to start until after I was post-op and on T for long enough I passed 100% of the time.

I'm MtF and used to like gothic lolita back when I considered myself "just a feminine gay guy." The comm in my area was super accepting and nice when I wore a gothic coord to the local con. They asked a few questions with the implied goal of figuring out if I was a creep before I joined. Obviously I wasn't. I didnt even really think of joining the comm until they saw me and invited me along to a lunch they were doing.

I didn't really do much in the comm and just left eventually because I wasn't really involved and was deleting my 'guy' FB account anyway because I was transitioning male to female.

Now I have a bf and he loves sewing and coming up with ideas for patterns and prints on JSKs. He's bi and wants to try wearing aristocrat / EGL one day so I might lend him my old coord. Funnily enough, I've moved onto mori and probs won't wear big poofy EGL again. Maybe we can make cute dresses together one day.

>>10007786
I’m a pansexual cis female lolita. I’m a borderline terf and have zero patience for genderspecials, especially the fakebois that insist on looking femme af then going apeshit if someone “misgenders” them. Hating on trannies is kind of a meme here, although it’s mostly because of the horror stories of a multitude of comms dealing with gross sissy/AGP fetishists left and right. My local comm banned one because the “tranny lesbian” kept hitting on young girls and making everyone uncomfortable af

>>10007799
>implying kinkshaming is wrong

>>10007811
Kinks are degenerate.

Mostly just transtrenders and sissies. Plenty of gays in lolita though

>>10007786
Bisexual cis lolita reporting in. Trans people don't bother me, what bothers me is people joining to creep on younger lolitas and people who don't put in effort. Unfortunately a lot of trans people seem to fall in the latter category, and the old men who mostly make up the first will often claim to be trans to get into comms. This means that as a mod I often have to be suspicious of people who claim to be trans, not because I harbor any ill will myself but because I don't want to let in any creepers disguised as trans women. Real trans people who are a bit ita can usually be helped if they're nice and don't take advice as an insult, but there is no place in my comm for creepers.
>even the "fakebois" and "genderspecials" are honestly not a big deal. A little annoying but that's their life not mine. They usually vanish into a corner together if they want to talk about it anyway, and as long as I get their pronouns right which is really not difficult they will generally leave me alone.

>lesbians
>sell lewds to men

Hmmmmmmm

>>10008156
And it’s attention seeking gay for pay sluts like these two that give men the idea that actual lesbians don’t exist

>>10008156
That's a mother and daughter, anon

>>10007786
>Do cosplay and lgbt communities have any cross over
>Do two of the most degenerate and mental illness ridden communities have crossover
Think anon

a nonbinary-bisexual (afab//fem preferred) reporting in-- it can be hard since a lot of people at least here don't think enby can really be a real thing (whatever) and even being confident in my masculine features gets me flack in lolita despite trying hard to make my coords presentable. i know much of it is superficial but it's whatever since i know people will just be people about this stuff.

>>10008126
>zero patience for genderspecials
>pansexual
Why do you identify as pan rather than bi, if you don't buy the whole genderspecial thing? Not hating, just curious about your reasoning. I like men and women and call myself bi specifically because it excludes bullshit genders.

>>10007786
I'm a FtM cosplayer. I've been interested in getting into ouji but I don't really want to join any lolita communities, I'd mostly only dressup for conventions, going out to nice places, or toned-down for work.

As everyone else has said, the cosplay community is full of lesbians and genderspecials, most of the cis straight people are dudebros that only go to cons for parties or pussy.

Lesbian cis gyaru here. Lolitas are fucking batshit so they should really be treated as their own culture rather than indicative of wider attitudes in jfashion. I'd break it down something like this:
>lolita: bambi lesbians and agps
>generic kawaii jfash: ayydens and genderspecials
>vkei: ayydens, some serious ftms
>cosplay: everyone is bi, half of them are trans or poly too
>gyaru: 99% straight girls looking for a japanese husbando, fucking rip

>>10008278
the cosplayers are lewd sellers who date irl, anon

>>10007786
I'm ace/aro and kind of indifferently non-binary or maybe just indifferently female. Lolita/ouji/VK. Nobody has ever expressed a problem with me because I don't give a crap about pronouns, I'm thin but not ana, and I have no kinks.

Ace lolita cisgirl here, I'm sorry the lolita community has a kinda bad reputation when it comes to LGBT+, for myself, I always respect everyone no matter their sexual orientation/identity

>>10008323
No worries anon. It’s mostly due to having the capacity of being attracted to intersex people. I’m also capable of being attracted to androgynous folks that don’t necessarily always identify along the binary, unless they ham it up for oppression points, then that kills my lady boner. I’m mostly infuriated with fakebois that dive into an ultra feminine fashion like lolita and get assblasted that they get called female.

>>10008362
I'm a lolita and I don't know what the majority of your definitions even mean. But then again, I fall in your category of gyaru but with actual success.

>>10007845
>>10007892

I'm sorry but no. When less than 5% of the population is gay they are never the majority anywhere. The convention and fandom community has just leaned hard into placating a minority. Pair that with sjw staff who go approval happy for any LGBT event and it plauges the scene.

Your sexual identity is irrelevant to your hobbies. Get this shit outta here.

In b4 /pol/

>>10008424
It isn’t relevant to whatever hobby you’re a part of but it does help people bond with other weirdos that happen to share the same hobbies. Don’t be such a grouchy bitch anon

>>10008426

>>It isn’t relevant to whatever hobby you’re a part of

I'm glad you acknowledge this thread doesn't belong here

>>10007786
Pan cis dude cosplayer here.

From firsthand experience, most people in my community are LGBT+, or at least more accepting of LGBT+ identities. There tends to be a lot of crossover in alternative hobbies. The only real incident I can remember of someone being a shithead was a girl repeatedly calling my boyfriend "that girl" and trying to touch him inappropriately. Turned out she was generally shitty "no boundaries" weeb, so we just laughed it off.

>>10008424
>she actually believes only less than 5% of the population is gay

>>10008487
i mean it kind of does though because there is a decent overlap in /lgbt and /cgl whether you wanna admit it or not. and not even to sound mean at all, but why be quiet about similarities in an already niche community. as long as it's not affecting the fashion itself, or stirring too much drama we can all pretty much coexist like we always have

>>10008424
Cosplayers nor gays are the majority in the general population, but we're serious when we say majority of the cosplay population is some kind of LGBT.

>>10007786
Cis lesbian lolita reporting in. I mainly wear classic, occasionally gothic lolita. I've noticed most of my lolita friends or other comm members are also bi/lesbian, which I found pretty interesting. There was one meet I was at and a girl mentioned her girlfriend, which prompted another girl to bring up her girlfriend, and then someone asked "wait, how many of us are LGBT here?" and over half of the girls raised their hands.

I think lolita probably appeals to a lot of lesbians because it's a fashion that emphasizes and celebrates femininity, which obviously lesbians are into.
Outside of lolita, I generally wear more androgynous/masculine "butch" clothing, don't wear makeup, and have short hair. I occasionally get mistaken for a guy, which kind of hurts. But when I wear lolita, I feel pretty and feminine and cute, which makes me really happy.

>>10008367
>Indifferently female
>Ace

Are you me? I'm curvy though. Makes it hard because people used to hit on me frequently and in addition to having zero attraction to anyone, I just don't care about any of this. Transgender people baffle me, like who cares? Men can be girly and like dresses, or completely straight and masculine and like dresses for the aesthetic. Same for girls. Your interests shouldn't be defined by old fashioned stereotypes, wearing pants and men's shirts doesn't make you "enby" it just means you don't like feminine style or enjoy being comfy

>>10008635
>>She actually believes more than 5% of the population is gay

>>10008958
It’s at least twice that. Go to any college campus and come back and tell me, that if faggotry is inherent and not nurture, only 5% of it was lgbt. I know it’s fun to be super special tiny minority for max oppression points but like be real

>>10007791
It wouldn’t seem creepy if most people on LGBT had seen the kind of amabs we attract as a fashion. Honestly, especially considering how many comms have underage members, we can’t just go letting any dude in. That doesn’t mean lolitas hate brolitas, but there are absolutely standards of human decency and fashion/style ability you need to be accepted as a male lolita.

>>10008961
>Go to any college campus and come back and tell me

Statistics doesn't work like that anon

>>10007797
This is also stupid. Of course there’s no male version of lolita. There are, however, tons of other Japanese alt fashions for men.

Look, lolita isn’t a warm fuzzy community. We aren’t sweet nice flowers. We’re a bunch of cold hearted bitches wearing $300, that’s the whole deal.

>>10007811
Excellent post, anon.

>>10007786
From my experience IRL:
most guys who do cosplay are straight
most girls who do cosplay are bi

>>10008968
It’s a sample size is it not? If there is a gay gene then sample size should not matter.

>>10007811
Sissies are degenerate you nitwit. So is choosing to expose unsuspecting members of your lolita community and the public at large to *any* kink

>>10008969
$300 dresses* fuck, it’s early

Anyways I’m a lesbian. Lots of lesbian and bi girls are into lolita and jfash

>>10008958
anon be realistic we all know you're the last straight person on earth

90% of cosplayers are "bisexual"

>>10008978
>If there is a gay gene then sample size should not matter
Nayrt but if it's genetic then regional genetic differences would matter, and as always the smaller your sample size the more any findings can be attributed to coincidence. Also it would really depend on which school you go to. My college was a performing arts school and was well over 50% lgbt..

>>10008978

To extend your observation to the population you need random sampling.

>>10008424
Cosplayer and high level anime convention staffer. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the majority of our staff are LGBT (including myself), and half of those who aren't are on the spectrum. I've been in a full panel room (for a fanfic panel) where the panelist asked if there were any non-LGBT people in the room, and a grand total of four people raised their hand. I think there's something about anime and the anime community that appeals to people who don't feel like they belong anywhere else.

It's an interesting comparison to Scifi/Fantasy cons, where the majority of staff by a large margin are cis straight men, generally in the 30-60 age demographic, and their attendee base is only slightly more diverse. My con has very tentative relationships with the Scifi/Fantasy cons in our city that we're careful about keeping at arms length, specifically because their staff and attendees make our attendee base feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.

>>10009149
>staff of normal people make lgbt anime nerds “uncomfortable” and “unwelcome”
How do these people fucking live?

>>10009166
cis-het men are absolutely awful what sort of fantasy world are YOU living in

>>10009149
I'm bi, a cosplayer, and a lolita.

I think a lot of fandom spaces and media have stories that LGBT people can relate to. I know that the appeal of anime at least when I was growing up was that it was not the same regurgitated stories I saw on TV constantly. It actually expanded my world view and made me a lot less close minded.

It didn't make me bi, but it did make me more comfortable with accepting myself (because in retrospect my upbringing made me supremely judgmental of even considering), and I wouldn't be there without my convention friends and the associated community.

By the time I got into the fashion side of cgl, I'd already sorted all of that out, but it's nice to not be alone.

>>10008487
I think it does. Seeing as the majority of the board are a bunch of lesbos and bi girls. It may not necessarily be relevant to the hobby itself but when the majority here are super gay it makes sense to have a thread like this.

I’m just honestly surprised this thread didn’t go to shit. Even if we’re a bunch of lesbos we’re also gulls lol

>>10009166
On the off chance that you're not baiting, I am referring to the fact that their demeanor towards my attendees is not professional, and reported harassment is not handled promptly or with sufficient follow through.

Their assumed "normalness" isn't the issue, it's the condescending attitude directed at people attending in earnest who purchased a badge the same as everyone else.

>>10009172
> it's nice to not be alone
That's really the crux of it. Honestly the biggest reason I keep staffing. I met my closest friends getting into the con circuit, and I know other people appreciate the community we work to create just as much.

>>10009186
Literally the only thing you said about the them is that they’re 30-60 cis het men. None of that was obvious from your post.

>>10009183
>Seeing as the majority of the board are a bunch of lesbos and bi girls.

My opinion is that this board welcomes the most mentally disturbed lolita. Since they would never be able to find a guy irl, or maybe straight out hate men/can't have a normal relationship with them, they end up identifying as bi/gay. Their high level of appreciation for beauty makes it easier for them to dream of an aesthetic gf that would wear lolita with them. Just my opinion, could be wrong, don't have really any way to put it to the test. And I'm not talking about the whole board as well. But a big part.

>>10009190
>lesbians are just women who can't get men

that's a fresh opinion you've got there

>>10009190
Only speaking for myself, I have only dated men and the girls I like have rejected me, lol.

But you might be right about the mentally disturbed part on some level, I just disagree that it has much of anything to do with 'settling' for the same sex.

>>10009188
I said Demographic A makes Demographic B feel unwelcome. I didn't really feel like I had to spell it out.

>>10009194
That's not what I said- I said imo a part of the lesbian lolita who post here are. It's a little different

>>10009190
>Their high level of appreciation for beauty makes it easier for them to dream of an aesthetic gf that would wear lolita with them.
You somewhat got a point here but I think you got it backwards.
A woman attracted to women is likely attracted to femininity and therefore would be interested in a feminine fashion.
Same way /fit/ is both masculine and gay as fuck.

Anyway, stop assuming everything boils down to "sad lonely girls that can't get a man." The entire history of lolita fashion goes completely against doing things for men.

>>10009253
>A woman attracted to women is likely attracted to femininity and therefore would be interested in a feminine fashion.

This doesn't make much sense imo, I am attracted to hairs on men but it doesn't mean I want hairy legs on myself... also, femininity means different things to different people, and I doubt the general woman thinks of your typical lolita (which nowadays is sweet) as "feminine". "Ridiculous", "kitschy" or "childish" are what many normies call us. (again, I'm generalizing, I acknowledge there are exceptions)

>>10009149
Oh look, it's the sjw staff head type I was bitching about.

Why is a panelist asking people to out themselves at an irrelevant panel, doesn't seem very lgbtqa+ positive to me.

>>10009253
sry, but i'm gay as shit but frilly as shit and love butch lesbians

>>10009274
>"Ridiculous", "kitschy" or "childish" are what many normies call us.
Most normies are straight.

>>10009275
Bitching where? Can you tell me if they are as annoying as I think they are from their typing style? Muh persecuted attendee base

>>10009413
Ah sorry, I didn’t read the “type” like a retard

>>10007804
You could eat less.

>>10007820
Because they're uwwwwwUuuh tumblr trenders, don't enable their attention whoring and narcissism, kick them out.

Agreably surprised this thread isn't the shitfest i waited for.
What we/I mind is the genderspecials snowflakes and the agps/sissies or transcreepers. Actual trans folks are no big deal. Just be normal, don't be a creep, be nice and we are good.
Cis lesbian lolita here btwand. One girl in my comm is a MTF and you couldnt tell unless you really looked into it. A really funny and kind person who i am good friends with. I used to be a terf but she made me realize that despite all the unsufferable weirdos and fetishists,there are actual trans people out there just wanting to live their life and i'm alright with it.
Lowkey have a crush on her but dick so no

I can't be the only gay cosplayer can I?

>>10009503
>kawaiibro

>>10009504
Wew I've been looking for sauce on his Lucoa cosplay for ages. Thanks based anon

Oh hello lgbt. You found my cryhole.

I like to look at the pictures of good cosplays and wish I was at least cis.

I'm a transwoman and I cosplay. I transitioned in my mid teenage years and don't talk about it ever, so it hasn't come up. My self esteem issues make photos hard but lots of people don't like photos. So I don't think I have much of a different experience than a cis girl with cosplay at all really.

>>10009435
>Lowkey have a crush on her
>Her
Awwww this is so sweet

>>10007814
I call bullshit

>>10009591
Can't tell if sarcastic or not.
But yeah if you pass imma call you her. Because that's how I perceive you. And if you don't I won't. Not that deep.

>>10007786
I'm a former lolita and current cosplayer who wears jfashion.
I'm bi with a preference towards women/femininity , and not trans exclusionary.
My partner and I are poly but god damn is poly dating hell. People in the poly community are usually batshit, want a purely sexual relationship, or just dipping their toes in to find out they are actually monogamous. Being poly isn't really socially acceptable so i get why its like that sadly.
Although I am not an active lolita i keep all my dresses so whenever we get a girlfriend she can wear whatever she like from my wardrobe, and take home whatever makes her happy. Going out on dates in jfashion is pretty wholesome too. I would love to get serious enough with a girl that she could come traveling with us, or settle down and build an awesome cosplay jfashion/cosplay wardrobe together.

>>10009665
I think poly is weird as fuck but you sound like an adorable person. Would smooch you/10

>>10007797
Why the fuck would you be interested in lolita if you don't want to wear dresses or skirts?

>>10008379
You have no understanding of what bisexuality is if you identify as pansexual for these reasons.

>>10009665
Oh hey, same sitch as me except I'm a lolita and don't cosplay. I agree on the Poly community and Poly dating, it's in a sad state. But I have hope for the future! Good luck to you friend!

>>10008969
There literally is a male version of lolita and it's called ouji

>>10009665
So you plan to entrap some poor girl by dressing her up like a doll and buying her off with your used fashion collection but you aren't "batshit"

Ok

>>10008126
>>10008307
>>10008367
It hurts to live.

>>10009665
>>People in the poly community are usually batshit, want a purely sexual relationship, or just dipping their toes in to find out they are actually monogamous.

Is it supposed to be another way? How can someone build some trust and actuall attachment towards multiple people simultaneously. You might like them all, but is it deep enough to justify long term relationship.

>>10009701
Not that anon but poly people can do that, it's what makes them poly.
Just because it doesn't apply to you doesn't mean it's not possible.

>>10009701
Imagine a regular relationship with multiple people. Multiplayer monagomy if you will. If you are monogamous, imagining anything more than two in anything outside of a sexual situation might be difficult.
The best example i can give for you to relate to is not of romantic love but still love. Healthy families exist, and people can love and care for more than one pet.
What's important for a poly relationship, or any relationship really is trust and communication on all ends.

On a sidenote, i find it interesting whenever people find something they dont understand they often assume its a sex thing. Dont understand lolita? Must be fetish gear. Dont understand gay dudes? Must be a degenerate buttsex thing. Poly? Must be people wanting to be in gangbangs.

>>10009665
Hey, I'm one of the other bi lolita/cosplayers above. I tried this too, but broke it off because the other two seemed more into each other than us even though they were the ones that brought it up. It was kinda painful, we never even got anywhere emotionally after being more like cuddle buddies they forgot about at the end of the week. I wish you the best, I'm not looking because I'm just trying to be the best person I can be for the girl I was into from the start. But I totally support poly when people actually are aware that it needs at least some level of fairness all around. I'm not deluded into thinking it should be a complete split of attention. That kind of thing isn't realistic, but I was hoping for at least a level of what the other two of us were putting into things. But I am sure there are people out there as open to loving others as you are, too. Wanted to let you know you're not alone.

>>10009722
Bitch do you think people aren’t inherently selfish? That when sex is involved, people don’t get selfish and jealous? It’s nature, hardwired by biology. That’s why poly is different from family. Sex is involved. Sex makes people show their instinctual side.

The poly dream is unachievable, which is why it has been beat by monogamy as the sustainable unit. Just like people who ever think communism will work, polyfags are naive in thinking people at their core are altruistic.

>>10009729
>It’s nature, hardwired by biology.
We aren't robots, anon. We aren't all wired the same way.

Cis straight female, speaking from the cosplay side. Most of the series I tend to cosplay has a majority of cis males cosplaying female characters, a smaller percentage of cis females, a few trans cosplayers, and a few bi-gender/non-binary/genderfluid.
My observations of interactions with trans and non-binary individuals who were in the same group of people I hang with at cons over the years have had increased instances of aggressiveness on their end over trivial things they perceived as transphobic/non-binaryphobic. Because of this, I find it's better safe than sorry to remove myself from interacting in length with someone who identifies as such.
My past experiences with con friends who fell into this category made me feel its not worth trying to sustain a friendship because they'll always be in attack mode against anyone, even against their friends.

>>10009734
You're gonna respond to that post?

>>10009686
Nayrt, but could you please explain? I don't really get it.

>>10009686
Who cares though? It’s just a label. If people want to call me bisexual I’m not going to throw a temper tantrum and try to “correct” them like a pissbaby. I’m capable of being sexually attracted to just about anybody hence why I personally identify as pan.
>>10009665
I’m not sure if I identify as poly myself but I’m currently in a relationship with two men that are cordial with each other. One of them has a partner of his own. So far everything is going great aside from very mild jealousy which I assume is pretty normal even with poly relationships?

You sound very sweet btw! I hope find a qt jfash/cosplay gf!

>>10010090
Bisexuality does not automatically exclude transsexuals, genderfluid, intersex people etc... In general, bisexuals can feel attracted to people of any gender/sex. There are probably just as many transphobic bisexuals as there are transphobic straight people. But some people identify as pansexual instead of bisexual because they want to make it extra obvious that they are not transphobic, and that they feel attracted to a person for reasons unrelated to their sex/gender.

Bisexuality is a term that was used for them since the time when transtrenders were less of a thing, and people were more about sex than gender, so it was based on the idea that they can feel attracted to the male and female sex. I've never encountered a bisexual person that said they don't like intersex people, or that they don't like people who have a different gender than their sex.

>>10010112
This.
This is why I only use bi, and I've dated both trans and cis men, and would be open to trans women too. I don't need a special label that is even harder to explain just to sound special.

>>10010112
Well put. I've heard some people say bisexual isn't "male and female" it's "my gender and others". It sounds a little stupid, but it kinda makes sense

>>10010120
If you consider hetero means different/other and homo means same, it's not that weird that bisexual could refer to different and same. But people don't usually ask about the literal meaning of a Latin word so I think it matters. Now I do kind if wonder why there isn't a separate label for straights, lesbians and gays that exclude or include intersex and transsexual if that's the difference between pansexual and bisexual.

>>10010112
>>10010120
>>10010115
It really depends on the person. I'm not saying everyone else is like me, but this isn't necessarily true. I'm bisexual, and I'm only attracted to feminine cis women and masculine cis men. Sexually speaking, intersex, trans, and androgynous people don't do it for me (although I appreciate the latter on a purely aesthetic level). For me, bisexual means literally being attracted to men and women, but not anything in between (even if it's just in gender presentation), imo attraction to the entire gender spectrum should be considered pansexual.

This kind of confusion has honestly been such a pain for me in this day and age. An ex-bf of mine came out as MtF and expected that I would automatically have no problem staying together because I'm bi, never mind the fact that he would never (and still doesn't) pass as a woman. It's annoying to explain that just because some other people who call themselves bi would be fine with that, it's possible for me to be bi and not be.

>>10010132
This is not any different from lesbians that don't want to date mtf or genderfluid females. For me, it takes less time to just say I'm bisexual or "I can feel attracted to people of any gender" than to say "I'm pansexual", because so few people are pansexual that I'd then have to explain what it is, plus explain what the difference is with bisexual, plus explain the difference between sex and gender, and in some cases explain intersex.

Everyone's comments on poly were honestly nicer than expected. I came here prepared to be bood out to be honest. I hope other poly anons find happiness too. Good luck with dating struggle!
>>10010094
Honestly the way I found out I was poly was because I kept finding myself falling for other people while in a relationship. I didn't want to leave my partner, but I just kept liking other people and wanting a relationship with them as well. I expressed my feelings to my partner and he said he felt the same way. After a while of communicating our boundries and stating what we would/would not be comfortable with we started dating other people, together.
Jealousy is normal and is worked through with a lot of communication, like a little hurdle you have to get over but its very rewarding when you do.

>>10010132
To be fair, it is unusual that you only like males that look masculine and females that look feminine. Most bisexuals are not like that and don't identify as pansexual. You're basically saying the vast majority of bisexuals should use a new label. I'm curious, have you ever met anyone who's intersex? I have a friend who is and she's a woman without doubt, she just can't have children.

>>10010138
I understand your reasons for just saying you're bi rather than pan, it's definitely a practical consideration. I guess what I'm annoyed with isn't really you identifying that way, just other people expecting me to be the same as you.

>>10010141
I'm aware it's probably uncommon. What I'm saying is that it would clear up any confusion if those who were only interested in men and women (not necessarily in a way that's as narrow as it is for me) identified as bi, while those who liked the rest (non-binary, trans, etc.) too called themselves pan. While I don't personally agree with it, a lot of people recognize there being more than two genders, and attraction to all genders and being bi doesn't make sense, since bi does literally mean two of something. Pan refers to all, so it just makes more sense for those attracted to everyone to just use that. I just wish it could become a universally understood term overnight so people could switch over. Would save me a bit of a headache.

>>10010141
Realized I forgot to answer your question, I haven't actually met anyone, no. I do find any ambiguity in physical features unattractive (including genitals but also other stuff), so that wouldn't work for me. I'm aware that many intersex people look cis, so I would be open to them in that case. I guess I should have specified that it was based on how being intersex manifested for that particular person.

>>10010149
Just introduce yourself as a bisexual terf or trans-exclusionary bisexual.

>>10010140
Whenever I dated in the past I also found myself falling in love with other men and women as well. I felt awful about it so I just kept it to myself. My most recent boyfriend is the first person I tried a poly relationship with. The jealousy stems from my boyfriend’s partner calling me a manipulative bitch (from what my boyfriend told me; we never actually met) even though she prevented me from hanging out with my boyfriend at a con like a manipulative bitch lol. Before that I had no ill feelings or opinions on the girl. I guess it’s more being offended by this girl’s sheer stupidity than being jealous but I get a weird feeling whenever he talks about her. I’m working on it and I hope I get back to feeling indifferent.

Poly relationships are definitely better understood nowadays but still stigmatized heavily which is why I don’t tell anyone that I’m in an open relationship.

>>10010154
I'm not a feminist and I also don't hate trans people. I'm just not interested in dating them.

>>10010141
>it is unusual that you only like males that look masculine and females that look feminine. Most bisexuals are not like that
What am I reading

>>10010149
You want the whole world to change how it speaks so you feel a little less annoyed? How very tumblr of you

>>10010180
On the off chance you're not being deliberately obtuse, I'll clarify that I don't actually expect it. It would just be nice, in the same way that any other term being used in a way that intuitively makes sense would be nice. I don't go around correcting people in public.

>>10010177
Exclusionary means you exclude them not that you hate them

>>10010187
Fair enough. It's usually just not what people mean when they call someone a terf.

>>10010187
Not really, you tell you someone you're trans exclusionary, they're going to assume you hate trans folk because that's how it goes normally. It's not a term that someone who just isn't interested in dating trans people but is otherwise accepting should be using.

>>10010191
That's what people will assume about her either way

>>10010169
We have dealt with people like that. The fact that he is still with her despite that ordeal makes me uncomfortable. That girl is absolutely monogamous and trying to steal him from you rather than share. Bail.

I think I'm likely bisexual, but I did not know this before committing to a long term relationship with a man that I honestly love a lot. Sometimes I feel a slight twinge like I am missing out on something, but it's whatever. I'm not going to pull a Shane Dawson. I used to have very gender critical beliefs and was not very fond of trans people in general but I've swayed my views and now think that just because there are a lot of bad apples and creeps among them doesn't mean I should have distaste for each individual one.

>>10010249
>missing out on something
My bf is self-proclaimed bi too and this has always been on the back of my mind, even though he never shows it.
Honestly can't really see myself staying in a long term (> 2 year) relationship with a bi boy.

>>10010253
I can't fault you for it, at the risk of sounding like a misandrist I think bi guys are a lot more likely to do shady things than bi girls are. A lot of bisexual guys are such due to having very high sex drives and broad tastes. That's not to say all guys with high sex drives are bi, just something I've noticed.

>>10010249
>>10010253
Bisexuals aren't more or less likely to cheat than anyone else in my experience. People who are straight or gay can also feel like they are missing out on something, maybe because someone better looking or more successful hit on them or because they don't travel as much or don't spend as much time on their career because of a relationship.
My boyfriend is bi, he's never had sex with a guy and he doesn't have a high sex drive. He didn't sleep with anyone even when he had the chance when we took a break for 6 months.

>>10010253
>Honestly can't really see myself staying in a long term (> 2 year) relationship with a bi boy.
This is literally biphobia lol

>>10010256

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/strictly-casual/201409/are-bisexuals-really-less-monogamous-everyone-else

I think these studies have their own limits (like, people who use internet and dating sites might differ from those who don't), but it was an interesting article.

>>10010395
The thing is you shouldn't assume your bisexual partner doesn't value monogamy based on a random survey. You should listen to your partner instead of making paranoid assumptions based on a stereotype. More straight and lesbian couples in my country divorce compared to gay couples. This is based on actual facts and not an online article. Does that mean I shouldn't consider a long term relationship with someone lesbian or straight? According to the numbers it's saver for bisexual men to marry gay men and for bisexual women to marry straight men...

>>10010397
I just looked this up for my own country and
43.6% of straight couples gets a divorce
16.8% of gay couples divorces
25.8% of lesbian couples divorces

Of course they'd have to be married in the first place. People without kids are less likely to marry so imo a lot of the straight divorces can be explained by getting married because of pregnancy. Gay men get married when they're much older than straight and lesbian couples.

>>10010397
I just looked this up for my own country and
43.6% of straight couples get divorced
16.8% of gay couples divorces
25.8% of lesbian couples divorces

I think it's because straight people marry because of pregnancy rather than because they've been together for a long time. Also gay men get married when they're much older than straight and lesbian couples.

>>10009197
>I didn't really feel like I had to spell it out.
In this day and age you absolutely have to spell shit like that out and you ought to know it, unless you're Czech or something. It's common enough these days that people just sperg out, "OMG I saw a cishet white man on the other side of the street literally shaking rn" and then get hatebombed because they didn't triggerwarn their story upfront.

>>10010253
It’s people like you that scare bisexuals from coming out. I really wish people would stop buying into the myth that all bisexuals are hypersexual horndogs that can’t keep it in their pants. Yeah, some cheat (just like everyone else), but it isn’t because they miss pussy or dick; it’s because they are pieces of shit.

>>10010397
>The thing is you shouldn't assume your bisexual partner doesn't value monogamy based on a random survey.

I 100% support this, but

>More straight and lesbian couples in my country divorce compared to gay couples. This is based on actual facts and not an online article

that article was based on research, which was based on actual facts.

>>10010404

Not all couples are married so marriage shouldn't be considered as the proof of a successfull relationship. Imo we should look into how many people cheat in unmarried and married couples. Also, homosexual people can't even get married in many countries.

>>10010197
That's not true. I'm trans and I'm completely understanding of people who it's a dealbreaker for. It comes with a lot of baggage. I haven't met a trans person who wasn't the same way, in fact I've even met trans people who actually sided with TERFs.

WHY IS THIS THREAD STILL HERE
IT HAS LONG LOST ANY BOARD RELEVANCE

>>10010455
Lgbt discussions in this thread > lgbt discussions in lgbt

>>10010476
/lgbt/ has been reduced to 90% transwomen bitching, barely anything else survives in that hellhole.

>>10007791
I'm not even a lolita but TIMs in the community gross me the fuck out and I'm jealous of the lolitas' balls to gatekeep their sissy fetishist asses out. As a cosplayer I have to deal with all sorts of 6ft2 5 o clock shadow carrying guys in thigh highs wanting to be the perfect kawaii boipussy waifu and chubby teenage girls calling themselves soft gay bois uwu because the community is so ~accepting~. Why can't people crossplay without being fullblown trannies anymore?

>>10008362
This is too fucking real senpai
best regards, another lesbian cis gyaru

>>10010455
Because everyone needs another Feels thread, but gay themed

>>10007786
Bisexual woman here. I don't support how transwomen try to eclipse and take over woman's spaces and tell us we can't use the vocabulary we use for our bodies. They're just narcissistic men who don't know you CAN be gender non-conforming and still be a man. I understand dysphoria is a real bitch but you don't even need that to become "trans" these days. Honestly, my lesbian friends and I find them a huge pain. Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual people fought for years to be able to be attracted to the same sex safely. We're not attracted to "gender."

It makes sense there's a lot of trans cosplayers, considering they hate who they are, cosplaying as opposite gender is probably a form of escapism. Many female cosplayers I've known in the past now say they feel like they're actually men and inject hormones. There's also a lot of lesbians. I know maybe one or two cosplayer mtf, most are just crossdressers.

>>10010496
Honestly, I feel the same way you do. I think it's awesome and hilarious that the Lolita community gatekeeps as well as they do. It's the last female only frontier LOL. It also helps that a lot of authentic lolita clothes run small and would not fit a grown man.

>>10010393
Biphobia doesn’t exist honey

>>10010590