/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>>9905349
I feel there isn't enough people that fall in the middle of the two extremes; Weeby Itas that whine about everything and Snobby Brandwhores that think they're god's gift to Lolita. Where are all my down to earth, well dressed Lolitas ?

I live in the capital of a country, and honestly, our comm was really shit, but it's dried out and a lot of itas quit. The ones that stayed have gotten loads better. Like i'm shocked with some of them, and also quite proud. Although there are a couple unfortunate exceptions.

There's a couple group photos with clearly new cos-litas who look awful though. I hope they manage to improve.

>>9905355
In my experience, itas are usually the friendly ones. Which is a bad thing.

We have gotten too big to properly organize meets. As a result either the meets are overcrowded or we split into our own groups. Oddly enough barely any drama.

How is this any different from the confessions thread?
Or are you just using this to skim info you're too lazy to look for?

>>9905457
Sounds similar to my comm. Overall it's great, very chill mods. Drama is rare, we have meets probably about every 2 weeks or so and we're a large enough group that I can comfortably split off with my friends if needed. Sure, we have girls that don't dress the best but I honestly don't mind as long as they are pleasant. Everyone starts somewhere and typically they're willing to learn!

My only wish is for either a rule change that reinforces that our comm page is first and foremost for meets, or a second, separate group that's only for meets. We have so many lurkers that no one has ever met, and that makes several of our more active members uncomfortable. Even if the cutoff to have attended a meet was in YEARS we'd probably have 50+ less members.

>>9905461
I think it's different enough. Most of the 'confessions' in those are personal preferences/issues, I rarely see comm specific ones.

>>9905461
I wanted to take what was monopolizing the confession thread off to its own thread since it was becoming a topic with multiple replies instead of one off confessions?

>>9905461
>>9905478
Agreed. The confessions are usually personal sins. I want to see how other people's comms are doing.

Unrelated but still related, my comm has a moderator problem. The moderator choice has been touted as fair and equal, but it is very clearly not. They're all bffs, people who were already super close before they were voted in, which is nice, but cliques are not suitable as mod teams.
I'm just watching and lurking from another city right now due to work, and even without direct interaction, I can still see how poorly things are going for them.

Meets are hit and miss. We don't have too many. The ones where a lot of people go are usually okay, but any small meets tend to attract the perma-itas. We also only have one mod because two went inactive years ago and the remaining mod doesn't have the ability to add more mods to the FB group. An underage was posting a bunch of unrelated shit in the group. If I were a mod I would have banned her for it.

Our sister comm had a shitshow where a mod chose a completely inappropriate mod and someone got banned for saying it was a poor choice.

I like my comm mostly. Almost everyone is really friendly and itas are a minority. There are for sure a couple snobby cliques that won't talk to you even if you're wearing ap/btssb but almost everyone else is really welcoming and sweet and nicely dressed. I'm grateful for my comm every time I hear about a different comm being some type of clusterfuck.

Anime Matsuri and Shop in Wonderland destroyed my community.

>>9905488
Oh hey! I know your comm. I think someone talked to that underage girl (who is 14 and not 16 like she said at first oops) because I haven't seen anything from her in over a week now.
That ILD meet looked so nice, did you get to go? The pot-stirrers from the sister comm didn't make an appearance, so I assume it was good, but I wasn't there so I don't actually know.

My comm issue isn't really a solvable one - it's just too small. A very good meet we'll get 10+ people and we pretty much only have meets every 2-4 months because, since it's so small, you have to make sure everyone who can possibly go says it's a good time (then of course they flake). There's of course well over 100 people in the group, just hardly anyone that actually goes to meets.

The only reason this comm exists is that we're all near a fairly big city but hours of driving away from the big state comms nearby. I'm glad it's here, I'm not driving 2-4 hours to just have tea with some girls, but I'm just sad I don't live in an area with a high lolita presence.

Of course there's itas and such, but I'll take them if it means the numbers look good for a meet so people actually want to come. And honestly tiny comm at least means no drama and there's some very nice girls in it. Maybe someday if I have to move for work I'll take into account lolita comms in the area, like I lonelita well enough but I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of fun experiences.

>>9905498
I'm so sorry, anon. Genuinely so.

>>9905349
1 make a new comm
2 don't market it as something that's perceived as elitist

Has anyone ever started an online group that bypasses budget, beginner and casual Lolita topics and goes straight to a more elegant focus? I think that would be fun to see, a place to discuss the ott and really extravagant event coordinates. Holiday coordinates, ILD and afternoon tea coordinates. Must own 10 brand dresses and at least one expensive and elegant brand accessory.

>>9905506
So then what’s the excuse for a new comm then and excluding some people. Because believe me, they will ask. People who never post and rarely even read the threads, they will pop right up and say ‘wat do’. I’ve seen this. It’s very annoying.

>>9905500
I did go, the tea part itself had some issues but the rest of the meet was really nice. Everyone was pretty well dressed and no one started shit.

>>9905512
There are so many other reasons you can use to make a new comm, just don't make it feel like you're trying to replace the current facebook group of your local comm. Don't even call it a comm in the beginning if you don't have to. The important thing is that you write reasonable but strict rules from the start.
I made a discord server with just me and my lolita friends. Mentioned it on the main comm page, then more girls wanted to join. So I only allowed people who wear lolita properly and wrote the rules accordingly. Now that server has a channel for planning meets. For all I care, you start a lolita book club on facebook. After a year you change the name of the group so it's not just about books anymore.

>>9905551
So what did you say when the badly dressed and the weebs and nurd gurls asked to join? Was there no complaining about a new group with stricter lolita rules? Around here a book club would bring even more ‘lolitas at heart’ out of the woodwork as they fancy themselvesretro- feminist nerd wimmin with some sort of elevated sensibilities regarding anything remotely creative or educational. And yes, they dress badly too. Like doily on the head badly.

My local comm is tiny. There are only 15 or so people actively attempting to wear lolita and interacting with the comm, the fb group has over 100 members mostly lurkers and a few creepers.

Even with such a small comm our members regularly get posted to ita threads here (not by me). The overwhelming majority of the members are ita and quite a few are perma-itas who have been "wearing" the fashion for 5+ years and still can't get it right.

I really don't think there is any hope for saving our comm, there seemed to be an untick in activity and quality of meets but so many of the girls only want to have meets at cons and have no problem with the weeby cosplay lolitas that kind of thing attracts.

>>9905553
I said they couldn't join and referred them to the rules. They literally say you have to wear lolita properly. If they would ask me to be more specific (which has never happened so far) I would straight out tell them what's wrong about the coords they showed me.

>>9905551
>you start a lolita book club on facebook
That would be awesome! But how do you keep it? Do you... make meets to discuss the books? Do people even read? i've always wanted a book club with my lolita comm, but I feel like no one reads or, if they do, they all read very different genres.

>>9905561
I've always wanted to do that too, ever since I read a lj post about someone's book meet. But I have too much social anxiety. In that post I think she suggested you can ask attendees to bring a different issue of GLB to the meet.

>>9905562
That's a really nice idea, anon! Those could work with comms with committed members (not the case with my comm. I'm the only one who have GLBs at home)

>>9905349
Honestly all of our meetups sucked. Only did laser tag, ice skating and strawberry picking in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. Like can't we just chill and drink tea? I don't really wanna do athletic laser dodging with 8 yr old boys in my burando

>>9905629
Who is planning these, anon? They do suck.
No doing sweaty stuff in the burando please!
Most embarrassing behavior.
They did not watch Misako-San's videos!
Plan a tea party immediately!

My comm claimed there was no drama on /cgl/ when very clearly there was drama with another local comm which would get brought up every other meet or so. I really didn't like that lack of transparency and it reeked of "but we are l o v e l i e s!"

>>9905629
I mean I'd love to laser tag in lolita but if I was going to do that I'd prefer a private booking without children and not at the expense of never getting tea meets.

>>9905655
Did the mods claim that or the comm? Every time I go to a meet, I hear about drama within the comm. But when mods make a feedback post or survey or just remind us that they're always available to solve disagreements etc. people act like everything is lovely and we're all super good friends.

>moderators made brother of a mod who isn't even a lolita a mod

These people are idiots. Everybody cool has slowly been leaving. Literally feels like a clique now.

>>9905667
Some people just do this as a safety measure in case they ever get locked out of their own FB account but if that was the reason, she should have explained it.

>>9905667
>>9905670
But Anon, he's got modding experience! In some groups that will never be mentioned!
Jfc, at least get a mod who can make a meet properly and has been to more than two meets.

>>9905685
It's not the job of a mod to organise meets. It's to delete trolls and enforce the group's rules.

>>9905702
So many people get this confused. Admins and mods are the gatekeepers and administrative roles of the group, N-O-T the comm's social directors and entertainment committee.

People. Make your own damned meets. I get it that the rules are different in different comms but in the majority, members can and should step up, ask the admin and then make a meet themselves.

>>9905702
Lmao, don't even bother addressing the two meet thing.
The majority of the interaction that most people have had in the comm with him has been
1. The rare meet that he's been to
or
2. His failed attempts at making online meets.
This is all info the rest of the comm has to go off of with him. You can see why people think he's a little less than competent. It's not an example of a mod duty, it's literally all people knew about him prior to him being a mod.

But let's talk about administration then.

Let's discuss how half the mod team is ghosts that somehow have an incredible amount of input on situations despite having no involvement and experiencing zero consequence from any decision they make. Nobody knows T. S appears from her den once a year. And now we have A who we don't know at all and got voted in despite many complaints to B that the mods aren't involved in the comm.

Let's talk about how B is the world's worst gossip. Let's talk about how for months he couldn't shut up about J being a terrible houseguest. Gee, isn't that sort of a violation of rules? But hey, mods can't be held to the same standards apparently.

And we can continue with the rule enforcement in the comm. Why is that K's drama is fine because it was some time ago but now permanent bans can be given out? What was the deal with temporary bans then? So can people be forgiven or nah? Make up your minds.

>>9905707
In my comm, you don't have to ask anyone to make a meet, but people still complain that meets are too far away for them or not the right day

>>9905723
In our comm, you check with a mod, just to make sure of nothing being planned to conflict, then we usually make a poll with a couple of day choices that the prospective host can attend, people vote on the date and either choose or suggest activities and the poll decides it. The host makes the event, makes any reservations needed after calling for a cutoff date for yes/no rsvps. (Maybe isn’t good) We haven’t done anything where we have needed to collect money in advance yet except for one time when I collected money via PayPal for advanced tickets) so otherwise each knows they will pay their way or their meal check and we have the meet.
Not so difficult.

I’m a bit more extravagant in the meets because I know most of the itas are cheap so will stay home if the meet is a bit expensive. But they can always plan their own meet like a picnic, they just never do. Not my problem.

>>9905721
Sounds like y’all are ready for a revolution to overthrow this comm and make a new comm.

>>9905662

Are we in the same comm? I feel it's both, but the mods are always the loudest about it.

There was recent intracomm drama too, but of course that got brushed under the rug asap and you get shut down on /cgl/ too for trying to mention it. It involved a really nice girl too.

>>9905721
I know what comm this is and I'm still waiting for that feedback form that I'm sure B is never going to release because I'm sure it said what he didn't want to hear.

The active mods in my comm are polar opposites. Ones very well dressed and the other is a brand whore ita mess. Both come here and are not very shy about posting on the thread, but when they find out another member posts here, they automatically pull the “ you need to stop stirring shit on cgl” card. I have been messaged before for something I didn’t post about here and can’t prove I didn’t make the post. Yet someone in our comm is posting other members and creating drama out of small issues and I am the one being blamed because they know I post in the BST and draw threads.

If the mods can use cgl then the members should be able to use it too without being accused of something they didn’t do.

People in my comm have all been planning summer events way in advance and it's stressing me out RSVPing for events like 2 months away, knowing there's something planned every single weekend.

>>9905755
Comm mods shouldn’t be unrealistic about members using cgl and other anon sites. Requiring members not to post here, at the farm or on btb about individuals and to require members to refrain from openly posting comm business is reasonable though.

>>9905762
So cherry pick the best ones that sound the most fun and leave the worst ones behind and say no. Why is this hard, you can choose.

>>9905763
I’m all for telling memebers to not post comm affairs here, but the accusing members of doing it when all they can base it off of is “we know you post here, stop making drama” is uncalled for and rude. One of our mods has even been caught read handed stirring shit in the past before she was a mod. Whose to say she’s not the one posting the drama and then blaming other members because she wants to control the community?

>>9905488
ffw this is my comm
tfw I'm probably one of the perma-itas

>>9905769
Sounds like it’s time for a change up in your comm mods.

>>9905767
It's just stressful that so much is going on. big time FOMO

>>9905786
I’m a little jelly you have so many but I don’t go to outdoor ones in summer, I just look at the photos, lol. Have fun anon!

>>9905782
Can’t change you comm mods if your comm mods don’t want to change anon. Some people like the power they think they have as a mod that you can’t just take it away from them. Especially if the mods are all besties.

There's like 70 people in the facebook group (most of which are cosplayers because one of the admins shared an event for the group on a local convention page) but we only have meets 1-3 times a year and usually only 2-7 people show up each time, and none of them are well dressed, they're hot topic dress itas and homemade itas......kind of tragic

Too much social justice.

>>9905778
Well...are you?

>>9905778
I mean, probably not? Most of the perma-itas are pretty ablublu /cgl/ is so baaaaaad!

>>9905355
>Well dressed
>Not brandwhores

You sound ita, no offense. Taobao is fine but can't carry a full coord. Brand adds in the luxury, quality look lolita needs

>>9905755
lol are you in my comm? My comm's admin self posts here and it's embarrassing.

>>9905867
I wonder if you are in my comm. There's not that much social justice in person thankfully but I often end up befriending some seemingly cool people just to later see their dumpster fire of a Facebook profile, sjw rants, argument starters,
and virtue signaling.

Cant even hate them because they are perfectly respectful and non cringe irl.

My comm recently (in the last year) made some really positive changes. Before there was only one active mod out of seven, she aquired ownership of the group and with the support of active contributors purged the comm of its dead weight, set up a group schedule everyone has access to, (which made it super easy to plan a new meet without overlap) and brought in a new admin team.
We now have 3 active mods, at least one monthly meet, rising newbies planning and running successful events, and every meet since I became active has been more than 'just tea and finger sandwiches'

I freaking love my comm. A couple girls are eh, but the real troubling person left of their own volition.

>>9905498
Fuck the Leighs. My condolences for the dumpster fire they left your comm in.

>>9905755
AZ?

My comm group have 200 members, 50 of them actively wear lolita and 15 of them regularly show up at meets. I get why those who wear lolita but doesn't show up at meets are in the group, but the rest...

>>9905557
is this the minnesota comm

>>9905507
I own around 70 main level pieces and a couple very expensive accessories (~$200 headdress and hat) but my style is very casual and you probably wouldn't like it. Your criteria is nonsense, there's ott conlitas who that's their only coord. A lot of us with bigger wardrobes are more casual and have that many pieces because we wear it in casual everyday situations

>>9906094
I thought the same thing anon. Except C and H don’t really care if you come here.

>>9905561
I run book club meets out of my local comm every couple of months and they've been a ton of fun. We don't read GLBs, though -- we stick more to classic books and try to match our coords to the themes (we read The Secret Garden this past Spring and wore florals to match, The Picture of Dorian Gray for Halloween, etc).

I was worried that nobody would come at first, desu but they've been a huge success. 10/10 would recommend.

>>9906143
Nope other side of the US, but I'm not surprised that it is a common small comm dilemma.

There are two comms in my area:
One is a well-established comm that hosts nice meetups every other weekend and has nearly 400 members.
The other one is where the banned people flock to. It has almost 70 members and a delusional mod.
Just look at this description:

>>9906137
How do you know they don't wear lolita? I don't have any coords on my profile

>>9906200
I wish my comm had a no replicas rule

>>9905914
Nayrt but this is a pretty stuck-up thing to say. I've seen great coords from people wearing Surface Spell, Haenuli, Lief, Infanta, etc. that give brandwhore coords a run for their money, and I've seen plenty of people make AP/BtssB look plain, frumpy, or ita af. Brand does not a good coord make.

>>9906208
Was that in real life or in photos

>>9906202
Please put up at least one photo. There is nothing more infuriating than people that have a thousand things to say on the subject of lolita, just to find that their profile doesn't even show the fashion. It's like why are you here? Do you even wear the fashion? Did you wear like one coord once to a con?

I'm quite happy with my new local comm, we have lots of nice venues to visit and all the girls are nicely dressed and kind. In a past few years the comm has shrinken a lot due few girls being rude and dramatic but I haven't personally had problems with them. I would love to host something more special but it's so hard with very few people and generally people will not attend as easily if it's not in the city center and is costly. Not many people are up to hosting meets either but the only meets that gather attendances are big seasonal meets like Christmas. I hope people would come more often so we could do cooler stuff.

The other comm I visit sometimes is big but meets are super boring, it's cliqued and only thing people bring into potlucks is candy. Every other comm I have been into have always had superior potlucks and picnics. I'm tired to be the only one putting thought and a bit more money than 1-2€ into food. Not to mention the food I bring is gone immeadiately. I'm poor too so no excuses.

>>9905731
This sounds really annoying. In my comm you don't have to check with anyone, you just make the meet and then people sign up. Tbh I'm not exactly positive who our mods are because their role is generally only enforcing rule breakers( of which we only have had a few) Their not the overloads who get to decide when and what happens.
Also paying ahead of time for meets is super convient for guests imo and I would suggest you try it. I love going to meets and not having to worry about taking out my wallet and figuring out tip and whatever else. You may also just have a smaller comm though because our meets will fill up to fast and if we don't use paying ahead of time to make lists girls will RSVP and then not show up.

I like my comm! We don't generally have too much drama and the events that get planned are usually a nice mix up between tea and other things, going to museums, themed meets, garden picnics, and others. Everyone one is pretty well dressed too. The monthly meets will have a handful of itas that show up and then disappear forever but the larger scale meets are usually a crowd who is well dressed and pleasant to hang around.
Similar to >>9906014 we do have some people who are pretty sjw-y online but generally interacting with them in person is fine so I don't care. I also know that a lot of them are gulls even if I have only talked to a handful of them about it in person.

>>9906227
I don't feel the need to proof myself as a lolita and I hate photos of myself because of severe self esteem issues and an eating disorder. But I think most lolitas just don't put pics up because it can influence job prospects.

>>9906227
I don't feel the need to proof myself as a lolita and I hate photos of myself because of severe self esteem issues and an eating disorder. But I think most lolitas just don't put pics up because it can influence job prospects. If they have cosplay pics up but no lolita I agree it's shady.

I'm honestly jealous of all of your guys' comms, even the problematic ones, since they are still actually comms. I'm in a huge city that has two "comms" bug not really. If you're lucky you can go to a meet once, if the hosts friends didn't already prepay before the event get posted.

There are a ton of secret private meets. Good luck making decent lolita friends if you can't even meet them. And when you do end up meeting some people several times it's very hard to break through to an actual friend level.


I wish I had a tiny inactive comm, or a comm with weird mods, or shitty meets, at least it's salvageable.

>>9906406
Are you in the LA comm? I was thinking about moving soon and thats not the best sounding situation.

>>9906406
If you aren’t invited to many of the meets and are consistently told that things are sold out, I’d guess you are an ita or have some sort of issue.

>>9905914
>>9906208
>Lief
>Taobao
There is a difference between Taobao-tier and indie brands. True, I will concede that you don’t necessarily need ~burando~ to make an outfit great (and there has been some leveling out between certain brands’ quality and Taobao), but please understand that you can’t have a coord full of low-quality items and expect it to look good.

More on topic, it feels like my comm has been going through a bit of a changeover; the people who created the comm/moderate barely participate anymore, and a small crop of new people have been coming up with meets. The comm has always been small and I guess I’m okay with that; it certainly makes it easier to get to know people individually. While a lot of people are new and thus still getting the hang of things, it’s been nice.
>tfw you look at comm picture from the last meet and realize your outfit looked ita af in photos

>>9906273
What job would be so straight laced that one photo of you in good lolita would make such difference? I also won’t listen to anyone unless I see they also actually wear the fashion, there are too many people spouting off opinions who don’t even wear it. I don’t comment much and I still have no problem putting up a few toned-down proof pictures as a reference.

>>9906440
Not necessarily.

>>9905914
No, no, you misunderstand. I just cant stand the people that think their coords are automatically flawless because its 100% Baby or AP from head to toe.

>>9906227
What I do and what I wear is none of your business.

There's this one super autistic girl in my comm who has basically latched on to me because I was nice to her when I was new. She's not ita but she doesn't know when to stop talking about non-lolita stuff nobody cares about. She totally drowns out the conversation. I had a girl tell me at the last meet that she loved my coords but avoided talking to me because she thought I was BFFs with autistic girl, but I'm not, she just sits by me every time. I don't hate autism-chan, she's pretty nice and I'd feel bad about being mean to her but I just kind of want her to give me some space and let me hang out with the cool people. I totally understand why people plan private meets now.

>>9906440
Lol you clearly don't get what it's like to have a non-comm comm. I've actually been invited to a bunch of secret meets, but the state of the comm just irritates me. It took a long time to make friends and aquaintances that would share an invite. Also no one tells you the meet is sold out. Once in a while there will be a public meet open but the tickets "sell out " in minutes. Also I have seen some people post things like "hey going to be posting this meet for public soon but I want my friends to go so let me know" and having them prepay before the announcement. Often those things are actually done over PM.

Even if I do get to go to private meets I just don't like what it has become and I wish it was more like the other comms, flaws and all.

>>9906448
This is true but then don't cry when people will freely dismiss your comments, advice or suggestions because they cannot see if you even wear the fashion or at what level.

When you live in a small town and people think it's ok to come wearing just one lolita accessory with normal street clothes, or wear cosplay tier wigs or 'lolita inspired' shit.
Why even try. Lonelita is sometimes better.

>>9906406
I love how people think even problematic comms are great.

Wait until you get kicked out just because you broke up with somebody and decided to still to go meetups.

Going solo has been the best decision of my life, and I can't wait to move out of this shit hole.

>>9906469
The mods need to sort her out, kindly and privately. Tell them about it. Or you can gently and privately be honest with her and tell her. What she's doing is not ok and that behavior can turn into a meet killer if she continues to do it.

>>9906474
So do what I've been doing since the start, ok
Most of the time folks drag out your public pictures and info when they want to see you burn, why would you ever give someone ammo like that?
It really wouldn't matter how good you are, they'll find something to belittle you about.

>>9906445
Whatever, my comm knows I wear lolita in my free time and I don't comment in rufflechat because it's a shithole

>>9906481
Most comms require to send a pic of you wearing lolita before you join

>>9906445
Every proper hospitality job? Don't you know people check your social media before hiring/considering for a promotion? Imo putting pics of you in cosplay or extreme/unknown alt fashion is almost the same as putting up pics of you partying.

>>9906564
People checking social media for jobs only see things you post as public. Just make those pics friends only.

But also fuck those jobs and hiring managers. What you do on your spare time shouldn't matter. But sadly this is the type of world we live in. Although I feel like if you are a non OTT classic or gothic lolita I don't think it would be detrimental to have some nice photos up.

>>9906560
I wish ours had established this requirement, it is a very good idea. I think a lot of problems in many comms could be solved by having a page for interested people to follow and post on, and an occasional lolita 101 meet, but make it clear that people will not be added to the meet up group and invited to attend the community meets until they have a decent full coord.

>>9906564
I dont agree, if you are well dressed in a toned down coordinate in public in daylight. People in hospitality jobs post public photos in slobby sweats eating ice cream, that makes a far worse impression. I think if you are motivated to post a nice proof pic to show your involvement or meet a group requirement, you can find a way to manage it. If you really don't want to, then don't, no one cares. Just don't expect any credibility in the fashion when you post about it.

>>9905355
My comm has this and it’s lovely, although I guess it depends on what your definition of brandwhore is. People in my comm aren’t really snobby, but almost everyone wears brand (with some taobao sprinkled throughout). There’s a few handmade itas but it’s literally like 2-3 girls and they don’t attend meets regularly. I’m not too sure how we did it really? I think it’s a combination of a good group that gets along, people who have the money to buy nice things, and also a group where people are encouraging each other to buy high quality items or to improve upon coords. We have a few girls with impeccable coords and I think it inspires the rest of us to be on top of our game. I wanna say having really nice meet ups helps too. If you have shitty meet ups like chilling in the mall food court, guess who’s going to come? Not the girl who gets 600+ likes on CoF with her amazing OTT goth coord made from Atelier Pierrot and Voodoodolly pieces. It’s the 15 year old who just got her first dress from Bodyline and bought her mismatched accessories from Claire’s going out of business sale with a twenty dollar bill from mom and dad.

So I guess it seems like these things can help achieve a middle ground:
1. People who get along well, which evolves into people who want to push themselves and each other to improve, which also evolves into
2. People who can afford to spend money on high quality items, which then translates into people desiring
3. High quality meets

Which can be hard to achieve. I feel like some areas it’s just hard to cultivate this. Also, developing a good wardrobe and style takes time. My comm dresses well now but I’d say back in 2014/2015 people were mediocre (not bad, nice, but not amazing either) and even before then the ita was high. So for some comms it might be awhile before you can achieve a pleasant middle ground.

>>9906667
I feel like it would be better to remain tiny and not lower the standard, even in a smaller town. If there is even a handful of well dressed people doing elegant but fewer meets it will be nicer than more frequent bigger, less elegant meets with weebs and itas included. But the push to grow the comm sometimes seems to lower the standard in some places?

>>9906639
I feel the same. Are there any comms that have a separate meetup page?

>>9906647
I hope you don't give credibility to any comments that have ever been posted on cgl either

The problem with my comm is that everyone is gay and crushing on each other. Its so uncomfortable

>>9905349
In my comm, "nobody" posts on cgl. Yet everyone is scared of posting in CoF and our drama finds its way here anyway...

>>9906773
Yes and no. I have my own experience to verify things against and we are all equally anon here aside from tripfags so some people say things that are less kind (but no less true) that they would hesitate to say off anon. That kind of harsh but honest critique is pretty much the only value of cgl to me besides the photo dumps. I'm not into the memes, shitposts or call-outs.

>>9906771
Not sure but having a comm 'welcome' page seems like a good way to get around adding someone to the meet-up group who doesn't have a coord yet. Direct them to like the page and then post occasional articles and have discussions of lolita interest there with all locals. If I could burn our small and fairly inactive comm group down and re-start it, that's how I'd do it. I don't want to chase anyone with an honest interest away and I'm willing to offer help to people who actually take advice and make progress but I also don't want to have meets with people not dressed fully in lolita fashion yet.

>>9906667
You mean you don’t go to McDonald’s in OTT goth?

I do think it is finding people who are committed to the fashion, you only strive to be better if you give a shit. If you have a group of you that are active in buying and selling and wearing it, typically people see you as a “core” group. I find that it makes others want to get in with this group, so a beginner will have to be active as well with them. A big thing is to be friendly, the reason the no ita rule or anything similar doesn’t work out is that you want people to want to hang out with you. It’s far easier to convince someone to buy indie over replicas if you are likeable.

Also get a good mix of casual/low cost meets with higher cost, depending on the mix of people. When I joined my comm a lot of active people were in school and so couldn’t spend a lot on high tea meets. Now a lot of people have a job and can do exactly that. A lot of comments on cgl seems to be against these lower cost meets but it’s essential for getting activity.

>>9906774
Where is this magical comm and how do I become a part of it?

>>9906784
I don't mind some lower cost meets mixed in or even a picnic once in a while but I think a baseline is that everyone needs to wear a lolita coord, otherwise it's not really a lolita fashion meet.

Yes I want people to hang out with at a meet but only if they are actually wearing the fashion. I know some lolita groups relax their code to include other j-fashion but then it often starts to look cheap and sloppy or attracts weebs, casual cosplayers or western alt fashion people too.

>>9906808
It's in Oversharelandia.

>>9906826
So... Somewhere in the USA?

>>9906667
As my comm's resident 400+ likes OTT-Er, I'd still show up to a mall meet. I'd just dress more casually.
>Admittedly my idea of casual still involves an underskirt and veil, but I'd leave the crown at home and would only wear one pair of falsies.

>>9906831
So, as your comm ott'er, how do you feel about itas and weebs at lolita meets? Not bothered and just continue being grand? Im asking because in my own comm, on the morning of a meet, when I think about the resident brolita coming in his wrinkly dress, (the same dress he always wears), snaggly wig and boy shoes, it just makes me feel deflated.

I am almost positive he has never cleaned that dress too.

>>9906843
Sometimes it bothers me but my comm is well dressed enough that most people will at least be in nice if not OTT coords. Also I tell myself that my presence and the fact that I'm nice to them rather than aloof or bitchy will make them want to improve. I was a weeby ita too seven years ago, so there is definitely hope for them.

>>9905503

We've had meetups with as little as 5 people. If the girls can get along, it's actually quite fun. Though I guess if you're making a point of always having 10+ people then you've figured out that's the best number that works for your comm.

>>9906783
Unpopular opinion I guess, but I don't even mind of new people that love the fashion come to their first meet or two in just formal clothes. In fact, my comm will have a swap meet or crafting meet once in a while where a full coord isn't required just to give nervous first timers a more comfortable setting to attend.

My issue is entirely with privacy. Especially when we have lots of minors in our comm. I just don't like having a bunch of randos none of us have evef met having access to so many of our photos & our wearabouts. I'd love a second group that you can only join once you've attended a couple of meets.

>>9906843
This sounds like he's more into attention or using lolita as some type of fetish/feminization/creep shit rather than actually liking the fashion... wtf.

>>9906903
I thought so too at first but he doesn’t give off that vibe at all, he’s kind of sweet, very shy and really just seems very dumb and with really low standards. I feel bad for being this disappointed but I am.

>>9906858
I hope they can improve too but mine don’t seem overly motivated and getting into upping their game so I’m nearly ready to have a private meet and only invite known well dressed people for a time or 2 and see how it goes. I’m thinking some of the more well dressed girls may be put off by the itas, so it’s time to just test that and find out.

>>9906907
then I'm guessing it's just for the attention if he's not giving off creeper vibes. Still, gender aside, he needs to care about the fashion or he's not really interested in it. That means taking care of your clothing and probably buying more?

>>9906273
>>9906564

Can’t you just make a second FB account? Post that you’re new to FB. Then upload a few flatlays, make an album of your wishlist and do the closet theme in January, and boom, lolita profile. As for body issues, do closeups or another angle. One of the Japanese bloggers had a running theme, every ootd post she made a point of doing a shot that’s just her skirt and shoes. If you’re insecure about your shoes as well, maybe a shot of your hair? Or your purse and your skirt? Your hand against your skirt? Gotta be some angle where you can quickly say “I wore this today” without showing whatever you’re insecure about.

For maintaining two FB accounts, keep two browsers on your laptop and phone, each one can retain the login details to seperate accounts. Most computers either come with safari or explorer anyway, explorer can’t be uninstalled in some versions of Windows, so you’d end up installing another browser anyhow. If your phone already has FB app (which is a bad idea as everyone I’ve known says it hogs resources like nothing else), then just use another browser to remember the login details for the other account. FB messages can still be reached via phone so you’re not really missing out, except for the FB notifications that you aren’t wasting enough time on their app.

>>9907003
Nayrt, but FB is pretty crap about it. I've already had to make two new accounts because they keep locking them out.

>>9906418
That sounds more like New York City comm. LA comm is ok but not a good place if you don't have a friend in there already. Big events but everyone already has very established friendships and tables are small so you won't be able to make new friends easily. The smaller comms around are much friendlier and open.

>>9905488
You’re misinformed. They got banned for breaking multiple rules and inciting bullying. If they really banned people for saying mean things about a mod then there would be a lot more bans than just that one.

>>9906784
I guess my initial post did sound a bit anti-low cost meets ever at all. I should clarify; I definitely agree that there should be some low cost ones, but they can’t be the only ones the group has. I’ve seen a few posts before where people say the only meets their comm ever wants to go to are like, having lunch in a food court, walking around the mall, etc. Like you said there has to be a mix. At the same time, I think certain low cost meets need to be off limits. One time some rando cosplayer tried to share her cosplay/lolita tea party to our comm that was literally BYO tea and teacup and food (but she’d provide the hot water!) and I shit you not it was located next to a convenience store in a plaza. Free events, casual lunch meets, going shopping together once in a while is all fun, but they can’t be the only meets because it attracts exactly the type of people you think it’d attract, and when someone does host one it should be reasonable (a festival meet is fine but a bring-your-own-everything tea party is lame/just make it a potluck picnic)

>>9907029
Hi, mods. Nobody believes you.

>>9907101
Hi V, no one misses you.

>>9907029
>>9907117
K, cut the bs. We all know that it was about the btb post because she's the only person you could point the finger at. Lots of people are angry but keep pretending like the mods can do no wrong. The actions you guys took against V had very obvious bias so stop trying to pretend like you're impartial.

Do go on

>>9907029
>>9907117
This is shameful behaviour for a moderator. You are both perpetuating comm drama and singling out an ex-member for nothing other than a salty, vindictive purpose. This is exactly why moderators from this comm have a bad reputation. You all say that you don't post here, but we know better than that.
And if this is not a moderator that has been posting, you've been had by the clique that runs the comm. Those public denouncement posts were made in bad taste. It was a member's word against a mod that led to the ban, and of course the mod won and made the member look terrible when she had no way to defend herself. This isn't the first time, either. Remember that one guy who made a girl feel uncomfortable with his constant advancements? When he got a temp-ban, they outed him to the group so that no one would like him. They twisted their words to make themselves untouchable. They're good at that.
To set the story straight, and to be nothing but fair, there were more than a few errors that led to an unsatisfactory end. I've been hearing about this since it started, so I'll give all the details I know.
First, there was a post made in the comm asking if anyone was interested in becoming a new moderator. A few people replied over DMs, with one girl replying with a simple "yes, I'm interested," because that's all that was asked for. It runs out that the moderators ignored her in favour of an existing moderator's brother, a person who does not wear lolita, and has not worn a full ouji outfit either. This person has also cancelled a few meets because of a "lack of interest", when it was him who was unclear and could not plan sufficiently. He allegedly created a full application that was accepted. A second moderator was chosen before the comm was even asked, and she happened to have a negative history but had not shown negative behaviour in a few years, and so was clear to act as a moderator. This post is too long, I'll continue in another.

>>9906202
Because the majority of them are cosplayers and weird people I've met/seen at cons

>>9907029
>multiple rules
>inciting bullying
>definitely not just defending bestie
>criticizing mod actions is now bullying

>>9906831
OTTER

>>9907029
>>9907101
>>9907151
Cont.
Both of these new mods were coincidentally extremely close to an existing mod, being his brother and best friend. A member, V, went to that existing mod, who we will call M1, who they were friends with, to talk about it. That's when shit went sideways.
V expected a mod talk in sharing the new mod concerns, but M1 didn't see it that way, and didn't bring it to the rest of the mod team, like V expected. M1 made excuses and told V that the girl who applied and was ignored (V's good friend) had strikes against her for 'gossip'. This was untrue, and proven to be false info, so V got upset that the girl was ignored over false allegations, and left the comm.
V cancelled a meet she was going to host before she left the comm. M1 picked it up (even though V declined M1's offer to host it in her stead), and wrote a comment about how V neglected to find a new host before cancelling the meet. V did try, so when the new meet was made, V got mad. That's when the BtB post was made.
The BtB post, with all identifying info removed, detailed how M1 had copied the meet info right down to the name even though he had been explicitly asked not to.
The mods then banned V for "cyber-bullying" M1. M2, who is M1's best friend, wrote up a public post for the comm to out V and make her seem like she was out to get M1. M2 didn't care to share the mistakes that M1 made that led to V being upset in the first place. M2 is very good at manipulating a story in order to make herself and her friends untouchable.
These are the same mods that claim to never touch 4chan or BtB, but they always seem to know the latest info, and there are always posts that just reek of them, like the ones I've replied to.
I'm sorry that everyone continues to be misinformed by the mod team. The drama has quieted down in the comm now, it hasn't come up at a meet or in the group in weeks, which is nice. Now we just need the mods to quit posting anonymously about it here.

>>9907184

>>9907029
>>9907101
Nayrt but wow, didn’t think you would be here after all your rules and whining about anonymous posting. Can’t you tell that everyone is fed up already? And how about posting those survey results?

>>9907184
This thread is not a call out invitation, please stop blog posting.

>>9907192
>blog posting

They're talking about what's wrong with their comm. That's what the thread is for.
I only knew a few things about this mess from previous posts and gossip and these new details are nice.


Only the mods responsible would try to shut this down- hmm.

>>9907192
You’re just salty that everyone now knows how poorly you handled it :^)

I agree with >>9907197, this is what the thread is for.

>>9907197
I’m not remotely connected to their comm, I’m the OP. I started this thread to discuss general comm problems anonymously, not to single out comms or mods or individuals and these most recent posts are coming close to that. I guess I can’t stop it but I can say ‘hey guys, not why this thread was made’.

>>9907200
Okay, I can work with that.

Our comm mods are untrustworthy and immature, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with them because they don't know how to moderate fairly.

OP's pic related, our comm needs an enema to wash out the rotten and spoiled mods.

>>9907202
Thank you, perfectly justified without going into details. I hope you guys can find a way to clear the air and settle the problem. Mods should listen, if there are too many dissatisfied comm members, they may vote with their feet and make a new comm. but that goes for any comm in general.

My comm is generally pretty good, and has given me the opportunity to meet some great friends. Unfortunately, we also have a lot of fakebois, lolitas-at-heart, and one who I think is a sissy. I feel bad, but I’ve backed out of meets that I thought were going to be ita-magnets, and so far my intuition has been pretty good.

We have a meet coming up that sounds decent, and while I would enjoy going to the venue, I don’t want to spend time with any of the people confirmed as going. Some of them seem downright obnoxious. I feel kind of bad for the host, but maybe this is what we get for being too ass-patty.

I would love it if we could implement a system like >>9906783 to at least buffer out some of these people. I think it would also increase attendance among comm members, as I am pretty sure most of the well dressed girls would like to go out more.

>>9907207
The lolitas at heart definitely need to get a grip and either start to wear the fashion or get sidelined, they do not belong at the meets. The fakebois are a slippery slope because ‘muh discrimination’ and they get to be tiresome with their focus very quickly but the sissy should be quizzed and potentially kicked. I do think members like these can keep people from wanting to come out, you’ve backed out, I’m sure some others have too. Can you speak honestly to your mod(s)?

>>9907176
Holy shit, yes
Marry me anon

I've never been someone who struggles to make friends, but I just don't click with anyone in my comm. I've stopped going to meets because I just don't enjoy myself. I've had fun talking with a couple of itas in the past but they're quite young and we don't see eye-to-eye enough to be friends. The "legacy" members of our comm are all close friends with one another and I don't really get along with them (not in a dislike-one-another sort of way but in a "surface level, cordial conversation only because we have nothing in common" kind of way).

There's nothing "wrong" with my comm, we meet at a good rate with a good diversity of events both paid and unpaid, no real problems, and the girls are nice enough. Just wish I connected more with people in my comm.

>>9905670
>safety measure in case they ever get locked out of their own FB account
What? I feel like I must be missing something here, why would someone unable to even figure out a simple account password recovery be a mod in the first place?

>>9907207
Is it the zoo meet?

>>9907003
Why do you need people on facebook to post pics of them wearing lolita? You don't even know if the pics are really me. You don't even know if I'm a guy who's never worn lolita.

>>9907267
I have the exact same issue. I'm fine with being a lonelita, but sometimes I see fun meets that I want to go to. But the people I meet there are always so boring to me.

>>9907029
Post the survey results, B.

>>9907029
>inciting bullying
Mods need thicker skin than this. Also the rule that was broken was about not going on BtB, which is a stupid rule anyways. Everyone goes on here and BtB. To even know it was that person you'd have to go on, but hey it's totally fine for a mod to do it amirite?

I love my comm! Everyone is super sweet and interesting. However, there's one or two people who make me want to tear my hair out. How can you be so rude, entitled and insipid? It's like you were never taught how to be a likeable and thoughtful person. You monopolize conversations so that every topic leads back to you and how apparently amazing you are. Don't get me started on your gratuitous social media wanking: it's more of the same. Painfully insecure.
There's the old saying: show, don't tell. If you have to keep banging on and on about how great you really are, then spoiler alert, you're probably not all that!
So maybe think about how you come across, because you probably don't even know you're being so nasty and making people so uncomfortable. That's not a compliment, it's a testament to how self absorbed you are!
You're so negative and I dread going to meets that you're attending. When you leave, everyone breathes a sigh of relief.
I really try to only post positive opinions and helpful info on cgl but I guess this is broad enough to be from any comm, anywhere. Fuck you bitches for making me feel like shit!

>>9907988
>>9907192
>>9907200

>>9907279
Facebook has locked or deleted peoples accounts without warning or locked them for not using their real name and never unlocked them, where have you been that you have not heard of this?

>>9907994
I mean, my post was worded in literally the most general way I could, but go off I guess. I deleted it for you anyway.

>>9907988
Damn. This could easily be my comm.

>>9908004
Damn, deleted. I guess I'll talk about my comm anyway.
>mostly really chill but quite active
>good mix of old lolitas and new lolitas
>mods vet well so there are very few itas or conlitas
>can be a bit cliquey but not really in a negative or harmful way
>there are a couple of annoying self-absorbed youngsters who take everything too seriously, only talk about themselves and obsess about their online presence

I was wondering why people keep making blog posts in this thread and then I realised nobody makes comm threads anymore

One of the “hot shit” lolitas in my comm is a brolita who gives off vibes of being a sissy.

>>9907998
Sorry, still makes zero sense to have to have brother involved. Even if someone insisted on being Princess Magpie or got phished and deleted without any chance of recovery, having your own alternate account with your own photos and stuff makes way more sense.

>>9906829
Portland, Oregon. Nice place for lefties and hipsters.

>>9906907
Maybe he has a mild ID or something and doesn't know any better?

>>9907383

I'm not the one requesting proof pics, I'm suggesting ways for you to get around it.

>>9907020x

Damn, that's gotta be annoying. I wonder what makes them shut it down.

Many of the lolitas in my comm are pretty vapid and only want to talk about themselves.

>>9909265
We probably aren't in the same comm, but are they actually going out of their way to talk about themselves or are they trying to relate to you by personal stories or opinions? I know I feel like I'm interjecting myself into conversations when in reality I'm trying to find a common ground?

>>9908405
This is why I'm not part of a comm up here

>>9909288
Because you're right wing and conservative?

>>9909290
Yes, but I don't get into political discussions with people I'm not extremely close to, and all the lefties I know bring it up so often. Lolita is about clothing and enjoying ourselves, I don't want to hear about politics at a meet. I am fine being around people with different views, but I find that most people do not feel the same.

>>9909307
Im on the left and feel the same way about other lefts and rights as well. Neither side is free of those who like the sound of their own voice. But I too don’t bring politics into a lolita setting. Politics are something you don’t talk about around people you are not close to or at a situation with groups of people. All it does is make someone feel on the spot when they don’t particularly agree with you. I typically try and change the subject to something more appropriate for the event. Like bring up someone’s dress “ oh that has bears in it, I didn’t notice that from the stock images” or “ i love your blouse, what set is that from?”

>>9909307
Agreed. I’m probably considered a lefty but I don’t like talking about politics at lolita meetups unless it’s our very small after-meet dinner group, who are all mature enough to agree to disagree before anything gets remotely heated. The main part of the meetup, though? No thanks. There are a few people who keep wanting to talk about gender politics and pronouns and one occasionally brings up the Palestine/Israel issue as if that’s a fun thing to talk about over tea.

>>9909313
Are they all young like early 20s and just voted for the first time in their life? I have noticed that those who where able to vote in this last election as their first are very loose with wanting to talk politics. The last 5 years has been a political nightmare with social media being the main platform of political advertisements and considering most people today spend more time on their phones and in social media, they are exposed to a lot of these issues in their face all the time that maybe they are having a hard time knowing when it’s right and wrong to talk politics. It’s all over the place on the internet so maybe they just think this is how you behave when not on the internet?

>>9909314
Bingo. There’s one thirty-something exception but she’s mentally still on their level anyway.
What annoys me most is that they act like their opinions are the default good opinions, and anyone who deviates from that is going out of their way to be a meanie. They apparently have no problem remembering 50 different sexualities and bun/buns/bunself-tier personal pronouns so when others don’t, they’re like “um it’s not hard to be nice and treat people like humans” as if forgetting that someone is a sapphosexual demiromantic only on wednesdays is treating them as less than human, which is a pretty serious accusation. I really hope they grow out of this with more life experience.

>>9909319
In my comm it's pretty unanimous that you either hate Trump and support abortion or you're the devil. Politics don't really get deeper than that.

My comm is lovely, probably one of the biggest and best dressed out there. The only issue is that we only have meets for ILD. The mods go all out planning really fantastic events, but it leaves them too burnt out to do anything else. Maybe we're too big to have regular or casual meets. This naturally results in some level of cliqueyness because people just plan smaller things among their friends instead of going to comm events. I just wish we had more unity, but maybe that's impossible with so many people.

>>9909319
Possibly. But I’m not holding my breath on it. Those are people that went to school during the time when education went digital. You just got to be the adult in the situation and remove yourself from it. Don’t engage and don’t give them a platform to talk about politics in a setting where it’s not appropriate. If they don’t stop then be a lone lolita or plan gatherings with your friends that know how to keep politics out of the fashion.

>>9909326
Mods are not the ones that can only make meets. Make one yourself. Just set up a “ let’s meet at the museum” meet. If you plan it they will come if your comm is as big as you are saying. If someone else isn’t doing it, you do it yourself.

>>9909329
That’s what I do, yeah. Fortunately they’re not in such a majority that I’d have to go lonelita to avoid them. It’s just annoying to have people like this hovering around every meetup talking about anyone with my views is a bigoted bully nazi TERF truscum or whatever. One girl (or demiboi or idek) in particular likes to talk shit on BtB and amino, so there’s this sense that we need to walk on eggshells around xer or else we’ll end up on xer shitlist and possibly get secrets made about us. Not the end of the world, but still kind of a pain in the ass when you’re just trying to enjoy your tea and frills.

>>9909336
Not everyone has to agree with everything anon. I hate the republican ideals and really do not like the current president, but that wouldn’t make you someone I hate and go out of my way to make you feel like shit. You’re a person with your own views as I am with mine. One thing we have in common that we can agree on is getting frilly and drinking tea is a fun hobby.

>>9909336
At this point you're just making things up to make it sound much worse than it is, or you hang out with high schoolers

>>9909391
Nayrt but my comm has a good chunk of lolitas who are barely even 20. A lot of comms are like this. First and second year college students.

>charging 10 dollars for admission to a swap meet
I don't mind paying a small fee to afford renting out a comfortable place but there's no way they need to charge that much for buyers, not to mention
>VIP tier for selling

Its annoying that we can barely host anything cause everyone is always too busy. Doesn't help that its a small country so meets are composed of only a few people (typically less than 10), the majority of which are itas who "can't afford brand" or simply don't know how to dress up.

>>9909658
Be careful anon, one of them is a heavy /cgl/ lurker and poster. I agree that the price is questionable. Let's hope the place is worth it.

>>9909391
Also nayrt but some comms also have quite a few neets who don't do anything social but lolita so at meets, they act like they do on tumblr. Some are late teens but also early 20'somethings too.
No social skills.

>>9905349
>What’s Wrong with Your Lolita Comm?
People in my comm only attend meets if they are organised by mods or ''efamous'' lolitas.
I've attended meets that I'm not even interested in, just to support the unknown lolita that organised them, but I'm sometimes the only other person there. I've tried to organise a meet once, and decided to cancel last minute because the only other person that was going to show up was 12 years younger than me. People usually put themselves on ''going'' or ''maybe'' just to see who else is going, and when a popular lolita decides to grace the meet-up with her presence, suddenly over 20 non-ita lolitas want to attend too.

PS I actually have a lot of experience in organisation and I have really good ideas for meets if I may say so myself, but it feels wrong to suck up to the efamous lolitas just to get people to attend my meet.
>>9909937

>>9909391
You must not live in America

What's the Seattle comm like?

>>9908405
#noteveryoneinportland

>>9910291
How do you find non lefty hipsters in Portland?

My country got into crisis and my comm is vanishing. We are less than 10 now, only 2-3 people inc. me are interested enough. Gonna become the last lolita standing soon.

>>9910421
Dog whistle

So that secret got me thinking, are meetup organizers in most comms expected to oversee social interactions as well as setting up the location, dealing with reservations, etc? If someone is socially awkward at meetups, is it the organizer’s (or anyone else’s) responsibility to help them make friends?
I’m asking because I want to organize a meetup but I’m pretty socially awkward myself, so if I have to make sure everyone is talking to everyone in addition to all the other work that comes with organizing a meet, I don’t think I’m up to it.

Not my current comm,but the one in the city I'm moving to in a few months. They celebrated ILD(or loliday as they prefer to call it) with the gothic and steampunk comms. I wouldn't care if it was any other meet,but,ILD... They're pretty ita too,but at least the biggest(in both senses) ita,the leader,has "retired".

>>9910442
I think it depends on the comm and the situation, really.
In my comm, the host/organizer decides on the location (sometimes the date and time too) and deals with reservations, if needed; most of our meets are laid back so no further planning is necessary, and if it's a bigger meet and someone is keeping to themselves it's not really anyone's responsibility to reach out to them. My comm is friendly so it's likely someone will, especially if this person is new, but if the person in question is known to be reclusive (or worse, known to cause shit) then they'll generally be left alone.
I can't comment on the situation in the secret but imo it's not anyone's responsibility to reach out to you or make sure everyone is socializing at an event with many attendees. It's nice if someone does but unless the comm is cliquey and unwelcoming, ultimately your socialization is up to you, and it's up to you whether you choose to to stare at your phone for the entire duration of the meet.

>>9910424
What kind of crisis?

>>9910442
Tbh organisating a meet is not a big amount of work unless you expect like 50 attendees.

>>9910442
Tbh organising a meet is not a big amount of work unless, you expect like 50 attendees. Since you're already aware you're probably not a good hostess, you could ask someone else to (co-)host and you just organise.

>>9910451
Maybe it's the Venezuela comm

>>9910442
That secret got me thinking too, but very different thoughts than you. When I read the reactions to that secret, it made me worried that people also avoid me.
I attend meets, I socialise, but things never go much further than smalltalk. It feels like everyone is friends with eachother except me. Like, when I have a good conversation or find someone I have things in common with, I try to hang out with her more at the meet. But of course she already has lolita friends, and maybe she's really annoyed that I'm somehow keeping her away from them, or I'm annoying the whole clique with my presence. Everyone probably just wants to sit next to their friends the whole time instead of getting to know me. Meets feel like that awkward first day at a new school/job when everyone already knows each other for a long time except you because you moved there in the middle of the year. But at work/school I usually make friends within a week or two, and I've been in this comm for like a year now. It doesn't help that I live very far away from the city, so I can't just ask someone to have a coffee with me.
>inb4 befriend other new lolitas
The only new ones so far are not in my age group and all hang out with each other

>>9910524
Is there any conversation between meets in the fb group? Maybe you can get to know people a bit better that way and have more conversation topics in common when you meet. It’s the same for those of us who visit other comms, they are friendly but more so with their local friends. It just takes patience.

>>9910554
Not really, but lack of conversation topics isn't the problem at all for me

>>9910566
If you can establish more common ground with them, I was thinking the meet conversations might extend beyond just the small talk. But if there aren’t online conversations, maybe you can visit the city more often for informal get togethers.

>>9910572
I will try that. I can pretend I just happened to be in the neighbourhood.

>>9910424
I feel this, my country is also in crisis and the comm is almost nonexistent

>>9910524
This is me but I seriously lack some social skills. I'm not rude but I'm too worried of my awkwardness I just keep my mouth shut most of the time. I have met nice girls but I live far away and can't keep in touch/get to know them via internet. However, in the few last meets there have been a lovely girl who is really making me feel better.
>big meet
>grab a beer with a girl so I arrive with her
>she knows this other girl I have not seen
>she has seen my instagram tho and immediately asks me to sit with them
>she is genuinly so sweet and excited to meet new people
>fast forward to next meet
>the lovely girl is so happy I remebered her my heart is melting
>excited for future events with me
>mfw noone has ever said they wanted to see me again
I wish I could be like her and not the miserable looking loner but I'm happy there is one person so open and kind around, this comm aswell has clique problem. Probably a reason I feel like an outsider, my own comm is smaller and comfier.

>>9910451
economy ofc
>>9910578
sis hug

>>9910442
If you're organising something, it's generally assumed you're also the hostess. The hostess is supposed to socialize (especially with the people who don't seem to fit in yet) and make sure everyone is comfortable.

>>9910604
> this comm aswell has clique problem
I think a lot of comms do. People seem to use meet-ups as a way to hang out with their own friends, and don't think it's necessary to socialize with others besides ''hello''. It ends up feeling like there are several small groups of lolitas that happened to be in the same place at the same time.

>>9910617
Opinions are divided on how much you need to socialize with people other than your friends at a meet. And some meet organizers don’t take the hostessing duties beyond just setting up the meet. It depends on your comm.

>>9910628
It doesn't depend on a comm, words have meaning. The word hostess has a different meaning than organizer.

>>9910604
If you don't want to do any hostessing duties you can easily make things clear before the meet-up. Post all the info people need to know about the location beforehand and say something along the lines of ''I'm planning this meet for x reasons, but once we're all there we can go our own way. I'm not hosting the meet-up and I'm not responsible for anyone, I'm just organising it.'' If people complain about feeling excluded afterwards or there was someone disabled who needed extra attention, it's their own fault for not reading the event page.

>>9910442
If you don't want to do any hostessing duties you can easily make things clear before the meet-up. Post all the info people need to know and say something along the lines of ''I'm planning this meet because I realy love x location and I think it's perfect for lolita, but once we're all there we can go our own way. I'm not hosting the meet-up and I'm not responsible for anyone, I'm just organising it.'' If people complain about feeling excluded afterwards or there was someone disabled who needed extra attention, it's their own fault for not reading the event page.

>>9910632
Nayrt but my comm just calls the people organising the meet the organiser, nobody ever uses the word hostess.

>>9910676
in my comm, we use the word "host" just as in "I'm hosting a meet."
might be a regional thing but we don't really say "organizer" here.

>>9910628
maybe if your comm is full of social awkward people who don't know basic etiquette

>>9910676
>>9910688
I don't see a need to use either of those words unless someone asks who the organiser is, but that's supposed to be very clear already

>>9910715
It's definitely not entirely necessary but it's more of a speech preference thing. Like "I'm hosting this meet in [city name]" versus "[comm name] is having a meet" when promoting the meet to a nearby city's comm page.

>>9910739
Yeah but that only makes sense if you're actually hosting it. Otherwise you would say ''I'm organising this meet in [city name]''. But I mean, if you're going as far as to promote the meet to a different city, you should talk to the people who've never been to a meet in your comm before, and make everyone feel welcome and stuff. If anon is too socially awkward I would ask someone else to host.

>>9910756
Nayrt but many comms span multiple cities. I agree that it's good to welcome people who've never been to a meetup before, but that's different from expecting the organiser to help everyone fit in and make friends as if they're the teacher in a kindergarten class.

>>9910628
>Opinions are divided on how much you need to socialize with people other than your friends at a meet.
As an extreme intovert I understand why one might not be comfortable to socialize the whole meet with strangers but usually the problem with cliques is they don't socialize at all. I'm not confident enough to go and, for example, compliment someone's outfit if they are keeping only to their group of friends. I don't mind people forming friend circles and all but it becomes awkward if they come to meet to only spend time with very spesific people. My comm has small meets compared to US ones, average 20-25 attendees, so it stands out. I know these people meet casually too, so what's really the point to come to a meet up then? It's not like our meets are super fancy or anything one can't put together with their friends.

>>9910756
You guys have no experience managing a meet up. The idea that someone should do both all the work of planning the meet and hold your autistic hand through socializing is ridiculous.

Of course this is why you likely are the same people complaining about lack of meet ups or how you don’t do anything that isn’t a picnic.

>>9910818
>this is why you likely are the same people complaining about lack of meet ups or how you don’t do anything that isn’t a picnic
Or one of those people who complain about being excluded at meets.
I'm not saying cliquey comms don't exist, of course they do, but in most cases it's just socially awkward girls who bury their noses in their phones instead of socializing and later cry because no one came to talk to them specifically.
Protip, ladies: If you're on your phone, people will understandably assume that they'll bother you if they talk to you, so they leave you be. Either break out of your shell and initiate conversations or don't come to meets.

>>9910763
>make friends as if they're the teacher in a kindergarten class.
That's not what anyone is suggesting

>>9910818
This is the opposite of what people are suggesting, read the thread

>>9910839
The person who was excluded at a meet is literally so disabled I don't think she can post here

>>9910839
>>9910818
Both of you need to re-read the thread. There is one person who wants to organise meets but feels too socially awkward to talk with the attendees. Asking someone to co-host is a reasonable suggestion. A different person is feeling excluded because she can't become friends with anyone despite making an effort to socalize. These are two different conversations.

>>9910839
>>9910818
Both of you need to re-read the thread. There is one person who wants to organise meets but feels too socially awkward to talk with the attendees. Asking someone to co-host is a reasonable suggestion. A different person is feeling excluded because she can't become friends with anyone despite making an effort to socialize at meets, and she feels like she is bothering people. These are two different conversations.

>>9910860
Looks like there are three different conversations, actually >>9910850

>>9910863
The part about the disabled girl is the secret that both >>9910524 and >>9910442 mention

>>9910857
I'm >>9910442 and I'm not too socially awkward to talk to the attendees, I said I don't feel up to making sure that everyone is talking to everyone else so nobody feels excluded. I can talk to people but I can't manage who they talk to in turn. Sorry if I was unclear.

From what I can see in the comments to that secret, the girl in question WAS invited to conversations but didn't feel like she was included enough. The idea that as a meetup organizer I'd be held responsible for making sure that everyone feels "included enough" is what's making me anxious about organizing anything.

>>9910866
We don't know what really happened at that meet-up. Something must've happened otherwise there wouldn't be a secret (it doesn't sound like the girl herself could make one desu).

>>9910866
To be fair, the Dutch comm is known to be cliquey. Often when someone complains about that kind of stuff on cgl someone will ask if it's about the Dutch comm lol.

>>9910869
I was at that meetup and I chatted with her. So did several other people. I've been to a few meetups with her and while people don't run up and hug her like they do with their close friends, she never really goes ignored. People always talk to her.
I think the secret-maker wasn't at the meetup and misinterpreted her post, though I haven't seen the original post myself.

>>9910870
Honestly I think that reputation is very outdated. Apparently there used to be a very cliquey brandwhore group at the center of the comm but nearly all of those people have stopped wearing lolita. The current community is very open and welcoming IMHO. I joined in the last two years and everyone has been really nice to me even though I'm a Bodyline and Taobao-chan. One group even invited me to have dinner together after my first meetup.

>>9910870
The Dutch comm is indeed quite cliquey, however most groups are pretty okay with talking to others. From my experience, in the beginning of the meet they mostly talk with their friends, but later on they start talking to other people as well. The only group that has the tendency to dissociate themselves entirely from the rest, is ironically the group of older Lolitas of which some are mods.

If you are new the best is to go with a friend, so you have someone to talk to in the beginning. If you have no friends it is a bit hard, but just don’t expect people to contact you. In the end almost everyone has some kind of social anxiety. And when someone starts to talk to you, try your best to respond on a way that doesn't make the other feel like you aren’t that excited to talk.
Most people that complain never really tried. And even if one group doesn’t seem to be welcoming, try another! There are multiple groups at meetings and not all of them are closed off.

>>9910442
I don’t think it’s the organizer’s job to try and have everyone included, especially since it is not in the organizer’s control to make people include someone. We are not at school, the organizer doesn’t hold any power. You can’t force people to talk. An organizer can talk to the excluded person, but they can’t do that the entire meeting. They also don’t want to do that, as in the end they mostly organize the meeting so they can meet their friends again.
The only thing you can try is a game, but not every meet is suitable for that and succes isn’t guaranteed. It’s up to the people and if they don’t want to open up, it just ain’t gonna happen.
I think most people just expect these things from a host: make the arrangements, know the route, organize the beginning and announche the ending. How a meet develops and what people do after it is mostly unplanned and free to decide. People make plans during the meet. However, as the host you should bring everyone uptodate.

>>9910870
I have a tinfoil theory about this.

Our comm has a bunch of members who only ever come out of the woodwork when there’s drama going on. They’ve been in the comm longer than I have but I’ve never seen them at a meetup or even a picture of them wearing lolita, and they never comment on discussion posts or coord posts or new release posts or mail posts or handmade posts or anywhere else. I literally only ever see them pop up in posts about community drama, always to complain about how the comm is too dramatic and unwelcoming nowadays and lolitas are so two-faced. They often mention 4chan/cgl so I’m sure they’re on here. Sometimes anons with the exact same phrasing and grammatical errors show up in the BtB comment section just to insult our comm as a whole. Even just going off the comments they leave on FB with their names attached, it’s obvious they dislike our comm for reasons that they always decline to elaborate on when asked.

I’ve started to believe that these people aren’t really into lolita anymore but stick around for the drama, while acting like they’re so above it. I suspect some of them of stirring the pot with anonymous comments on cgl and BtB, only to act like poor beleaguered oldfags on FB who yearn for the days when our community was still pure and drama-free (which btw it never was, the comm was a regular subject of l_s and getoffegl drama back in the day, I agree with >>9910877 that it has improved a lot).

I don’t know WHY anyone would have a vendetta against an entire community (maybe just bitter their friends left and unwilling to befriend new people?) and of course since the worst comments are made anonymously I can’t prove anything. But this is my theory for why there’s such a disconnect between what our comm is actually like IRL vs what our comm is “known to be” like according to anonymous comments on the internet.

>>9910711
Basic etiquette differs from place to place and era to era. Hosting lolita meets old school style with the hostess being the social busybody and everyone gossiping behind their fans about who did or didn't speak to whom and 'tut-tut manners' is often viewed as very stuffy and old fashioned, more like something only cat lady aunties do at their brunch parties. So now you can post and sigh about 'kids these days' too or some such, right?

>>9910923
I think that they are the same people that think anyone should treat everyone super nicely, while they themselves don't care about people enough to even show up. I am glad they are not active, honestly I really like our comm now.

>>9910866
Don't listen to the old hens and let that hold you back, anon. Though a co-host is a good idea, the only time I'd expect a meet hostess to step in with organizing the socializing is to greet new people and make sure no one is just left sitting alone the entire meet without inquiring if they are ok and saying a few words to them. If there are people who come to a meet and just expect everyone to come to them, that's their problem, not anyone else's, regardless of the mental capacity.

>>9910920
I have the opposite experience, the younger lolitas I met are rude to everyone who wasn't their friend. But they are actual high schoolers so I can't hate them for it.

Those old inactive members have never even met us or the girl in question. Nothing ever gets solved because they want to criticize everything, while all active members seem to have the same opinion on the matter.

>>9910981
That's a good reason to have 18+ comms.

>>9910970
If you're hosting a meet and you ONLY talk to your friends that's pretty rude though. A lot of meets nowadays are high tea or lunch at a restaurant, it'd be awkward af to sit at the same table with people you've never spoken to by the end of the meet.

>>9910986
How self-centered. I know I'm not considered an active member but I've been to more than 5 meets the past 2 years. I talk with lolitas who do attend meets regularly and they don't all agree with each other.

>>9910993
Pleaseant greetings on arrival and then whatever conversation naturally goes around a table like that, is most common in my comm and comms I have visited (US) but I do know girls who will sit dumb as a post at a table like that even if spoken to so I'm not going to waste a lot of time trying to draw them out either. And yes those are usually the ones to cry about it when their own efforts are not even friendly or good.

Older core members left or became lonelitas and newer members are too lazy to most meets. There hasn't been one since over a year. I also can't relate to newer pop culture and interacting with people younger than 20 (I'm 28) is kind of awkward and alienating for the most part.

>>9911001
Okay but nobody is expecting you to talk to people like that, or to people who only want to pay attention to their phone.

>>9911002
I think the age gap problems will continue as older lolitas continue and don't have much in common with new 16yo ones. Maybe the whole comm can meet for ILD sometimes and then have a few meets for different age groups. We solve it by going to 21+ places sometimes. I'm over wanting to spend time with younger teens. The interests and sensibilities are too different even if we both wear lolita.

>>9911004
Aha but they are usually the only ones who cry about it. Everyone else just joins in or is happy to be quieter if they just have a quieter personality.

>>9910981
Yeah, teenagers can be annoying. At least there’s hope that they’ll grow out of it.

>>9910986
I wouldn’t say everyone completely agrees on everything, but I do agree that it’s annoying how some people are really judgemental when they have no idea who or what they’re talking about. When people are talking about some drama I wasn’t part of I keep my nose out of it, not burst in and start throwing accusations around.

>>9911007
What about people like >>9910524?

>>9911009
It's kind of hard to keep your nose out of it when the mods and the organiser make posts about it. When they let everyone know there is drama without giving specifics, some people can't help but assume the worst.

>>9910249
Seconding this question. I'm moving to Seattle soon and I'm hoping it's not cliqueish like many big city comms.

>>9911030
It's a very welcoming community. There's a few obvious friend groups but they're not cliquey at meet ups. People like brand here but almost everyone also makes some accessories or supports indie, so don't come in thinking a price tag is the ticket to friends. Join the Emerald City Lolitas group, the old Seattle WA one pretty much died once this group popped up.

>>9905914
found the roleplayer

>tfw my comm has no drama
>tfw everyone who comes to meets is well dressed
>tfw we all have overlapping interests outside of the fashion
>tfw everyone has the same basic moral compass so confusing human rights with "politics" isn't an issue
>tfw we're all on /cgl/ all the time and nobody has a problem with it

Posts like this make me really sit back and count every single one of my blessings t b h. All of you deserve good comms and I hope you eventually get them.

>>9911242
How big is your comm?

>>9911247
~15ish active members (no idea how many are "in the comm" on facebook because it doesn't matter unless you actually come to meets). Any given meet, 6-12 or so make it out. Our ILDs have fielded 20+ but a lot of the extras come from other comms.

>>9911010
Well no offense but that poster seems to be a little socially awkward and doesn’t come to town much either.

>>9911233
Thank you! I'll check it out soon.
>>9911030
Maybe we can be friends. I am moving in a month or two and only know a few people in the city!

>>9910426
It's a good idea but idk if its worth effort.
I'm not even a republican, I just think social justice and fifty genders are stupid af and I'm tired of hearing about it.
I find Republicans refreshing and interesting to talk to.

>>9911364
>I find Republicans refreshing and interesting to talk to.

Read Guy P Benson's stuff. Tho not a Republican, Michael Malice is another to read.

>>9910923
There are people like that in my comm as well, excluding btb and cgl. They don't have any lolita pictures on their profiles, never comment on anything, post anything etc EXCEPT the second someone mentions bullying or elitism. Then they show up like "yeah this community is HORRIBLE lolitas are MEAN". While I've only been in the comm for 4 years, I talked to one of the mods since 10 years and she doesn't know who any of these people are either

>>9910923
>>9910970
>>9911566
several US comms cleaned out their membership by requiring active members only, with a post to opt in every year and requirement to attend at least one meet per year or get dropped from the group until you do.

>>9911586
I wish my comm would stop dragging its heels and do this already.

>>9911030
>>9911233
There's also the North Seattle EGL comm, they do events north of Downtown Seattle up in to Shoreline/Edmonds/Lynnwood/Lake Forest Park/whatever. We're smaller naturally, but we try to host lots of meets. Just went to a small cat cafe as fundraiser event and I think we had ~10-12 people.

It doesn't exist.

>>9911692
Which is arguably the best status any comm can have. Lonelita life is the best.

>>9911364
Posts like this makes me feel so sorry for Americans

>>9910981
With older Lolita’s I meant the ones who have been in the comm for awhile now, so my comment wasn’t really age related. It’s the group of Lolita’s that were already members of the old comm. They are a bit older than avarage, but I wouldn’t want to generalize all the older Lolita as there are plenty of nice ones. Maybe I should have made it more clear.
I am not a big fan of high schoolers as well, they tend to be really loud. And from what I have experienced they always try too hard to be edgy. But the more shy ones aren’t that bad,

>>9909937
>>9909941
People who see "the efamous lolitas" as them vs. us are very cringey and not realistic about how things work in the real world. /cgl/ acts like they're not just people, and like being friends with them is a bad thing.

>>9911893
Excuse me? If Lor or Rinrin goes to a meet, I'm sure attendance will go way up in any comm. After I posted, I actually brought it up with a few members in my comm and they said I'm right, and that the people in my comm don't ''trust'' meets that are organised by someone they don't know well.

>>9911893
After I posted, I actually brought it up with a few members in my comm and they said I'm right, and that the people in my comm don't ''trust'' meets that are organised by someone they don't know well.

>>9912034
I can kind of understand where there coming from. Espicially if they're also young. I mean, just a couple months ago we had a new member host a con meet and not even show up. No cancellation, no transferring it to a new host, not even an explination or apology. Someone out of the few members that did attend had to take over AT the event.

I feel like it can be done though, as long as the person keeps open communication and gives regular updates to keep people's mind at ease that reservations/tickets/what have you have actually been arranged.

There’s a lot of shit wrong with my comm. like how this ita runs a fashion show.
And then general itas, sjws, and shoplifters. I’m so close to being a lonelita at this point

>>9912052
We have a pretty big comm. There are people from all ages. Like I said, I have been to meet-ups that were organised by ''unknown'' members and there was nothing wrong with them, the organisation and information beforehand was fine.

There’s a lot of shit wrong with my comm. like how this ita runs a fashion show.
And then general itas, sjws, and shoplifters. I’m so close to being a lonelita at this point.

>>9912080
Please go, no one will miss you, since we are actually a great comm. I'm not even friends with the girl in the photo but seriously if you hate the comm just leave.

>>9912072
I'm not even from your comm but do us all a favor and make good on your threat; become a lonelita.

Your vendettas are boring and you keep spamming multiple threads with them unnecessarily under the loose pretense of rephrasing your complaint to suit the subject.

If you don't have something that is actually interesting to share, don't post, salt-chan.

The mods let Andrea come to meets.

>>9912085
Idk why my posts keep getting deleted but have fun supporting a shit comm full of itas and thieves.

>>9912102
Please leave lol

>>9912102
But seriously, if you hate everyone in the comm so much why are you in it? Why do you bother socializing with people you dislike?

Or why don't you host a fashion show yourself?

>>9912102
Because even the janitor thinks you're digging. Please leave the comm.

>>9912096
The mods let itas go to meets too. There's only 1 active mod anyhow.

>>9912108
The itas aren't old men with sissy fetishes, though. I don't feel comfortable going to meets that Andrea is attending.

>>9912096
Which comm is this? She seems to be everywhere? She was even featured in Humans of New York but I'm pretty sure she's not in our comm?

Can we just collectively kick her from the whole lolita community worldwide?

>>9912105
>>9912104
>>9912103
Sad how many of you actively lurk here. And you’re calling me the bad one.

>>9912123
Yes, we're calling you "the bad one", because you're a jackass. Go take up crochet.

>>9912129
God you’re all so salty. You were all nice to me at ILD too. Glad I’m not the only two faced one.

>>9912102
Maybe it's time for you to read the rules

>>9912123
>>9912133

Lurking here doesn't automatically make someone a drama stirring cunt. Also of course people will be nice to you if they don't know you're a bitch? And of course people will be mean to you for bashing the comm?

What is so two faced about that?

>>9912110
I was wondering when this was going to come up here. He's a member of a couple of sissy websites, but that's not news, people have just ignored it do far.

>>9912117
They do seem to be everywhere. I remember participating in a holiday card exchange and getting a card from Andrea. It would have been fine if it weren't a postcard promotion herself. Not exactly the face I'd want to see on XMas morning

Iirc they're from the Georgia comms.

>>9912117
I'm for it, I'm tired of seeing his bad coords, Disney shit and thinking 'high tea' is the penultimate girly lolita event.

>>9910424
Venezuela?

>>9910424
Are you largely unaffected by the crisis? How are you able to still care about the fashion?

>>9912117
>Can we just collectively kick her from the whole lolita community worldwide?

Yes please, we need to set this plan into motion. I'm tired of seeing this creepy old man and his shitty coords all over the place. The fact that he is accepted into any lolita fashion space is unacceptable, especially since it's proven that he's a sissy.

>>9906227
So I can receive even more shit from my mother about how I'm gonna get kidnapped by some pedophile because of my "little girl dresses"? Fuck no. I have such relief over the fact that most lolita FB groups are private and so my family members can't see any of it.

>>9906445

>strait laced

Yeah I'm in one. It's unfortunate but I'd rather not take chances.

>>9912207
>it's been proven that he's a sissy
Requesting pics/caps. I'm not a fan of Andrea by any means, but I still want to see what it is that substantiates this claim.

>>9912397
There are some on the lolita thread on lolcow.

>>9906484
MM?

>>9911251
canada?

>>9912403
Lolcow is a bastion of women flinging their used, bloody sanitary objects all over their room while being fucked by a guy and another woman at the same time looking at a photo of PT.

I prefer Crystal Cafe.

>>9912418
No one cares about your preferences.

>>9912367
Sounds like a personal problem

>>9912367
Open a new profile for lolita-specific things? Though that'll probably make it worse if people find it, because it'll show people that you want to hide it, so they'll suspect it's weirder than it actually is.
Sorry but circumstances aside, if you don't have pics of you in lolita on your profile, other lolitas on social media will rightfully think you're a lolita at heart talking out of her ass.

>>9912442
It's fine if they think that. People think lots of wrong things all the time. If anyone is that desperate to see I'm legit they can just search my name on CoF and find all my coords that I've posted there. Having a pic on my profile might help, but it's too much trouble dealing with my mom.

>>9910524
All u can do is wait for new people in your age group to show up

ur all crazy as shit

>>9912418
He doesn't belong there either. Go read the lolcow threads, I don't think anons will repost the sissy threads or more about Andrea here, it's singling someone out. Janitors might make an exception since its finally outing a fetish player in the lolita community, something we say we don't tolerate. But no one is willing to risk a vendetta ban over it.

>>9912367
What is up with you people who have not learned how to post an album of FB photos that only certain people in your friends group can see and isn't public. That's a thing, you know, and very easy. Just restrict the audience. If you want to join a group send the admin a photo. Unless it's a lifestyle lolita group that should be good enough. But it's just common sense not go take someone's lolita advice seriously if you can't even know whether they wear the fashion or are somehow ashamed of it. Also if you are 18+ and not dependent on mommy, politely tell her to fuck off out of your closet unless she's paying for the clothes. Either way, grow a pair of frills.

>>9912418
Rules there also say not to single people out. This is a community wide problem since he travels and has previously been accepted though goddess knows why, the info has been there all along for anyone who searched sissy + his name. In the rush to be accepting and so PC, I'm not surprised this happened, but here we are.

>>9912684
An album that only certain people can see obviously wouldn't show strangers if they are a well dressed lolita or a lolita at heart, since they can't see the album. And nobody is complaining about not being able to join groups or wanting a secretive way to put lolita photos on their own facebook account. Just accept some people value their privacy and don't care if you know if they are a lolita or not. It's weird how cgl thinks they're entitled to everyone's personal pictures.

>>9912691
We're not entitled to your pictures, personal or otherwise, just saying that if you join a lolita group on FB and you have no pics of you in lolita on your profile, people will think you're not a lolita and may consider your post accordingly. They could look you up on COF if they really cared but somehow I doubt many of them would.

>>9912691
No one is entitled, but obviously someone would expect to see that you at least dress in a fashion that you are commenting on before taking you seriously at all. Otherwise you are saying, 'you have no right to any proof I even dress lolita but please take my commentary about it seriously and include me'. That's not going to happen.

>>9912693
>>9912695
Yes I know you will think I'm not a loltia, it's been pointed out several times that I don't care.

>>9912161
He sent you a holiday postcard of himself? That’s one of the most hilariously narcissistic things I’ve ever heard.

>>9912699
We don't care either, stop talking. If you are lone, that exclusively private and this surly, chances are you don't have anything worth hearing within this fashion circle anyway. No photos, no meet news, no comm discussion etc.

>>9912699
Then why do you keep responding?

>>9912710
Lots of people get holiday postcards made of themselves or their families but think, if it was one of your lolita friends, it would not be weird, you'd think they looked cute in a holiday coord, maybe by a Christmas tree or in a winter scene with a pretty lolita coat or at a holiday party but since it was him, it's weird because well, look at him.

>>9912710
>>9912718

Yeah, but it wasn't even holiday themed and family members don't put in their social media handles to follow on their holiday photos.

>>9912717
They're probably looking for a lolita gf

>>9912746
He needs to get the boot.

>>9912117
>>9912161
>>9912172
>>9912207
Looks like Andrea made their blog friends only, so save your screen caps of the sissy and t-girl sites they are/were on because they look to be trying to cover the tracks. Damage is done though, the links are posted here, they will be archived, enough of us actually saw them and there is wayback machine.

Trans or not isn’t the issue, I think the evidence uncovered points clearly to autogynophilia, sexually fetishizing wearing women’s clothing.
Which just doesn’t fly in lolita fashion.

>>9912717
>>9912714
Why do you keep telling people to put up pictures on their facebook profile? There's more than 1 anon in this thread who said they don't put up pictures of themselves wearing lolita, but are still part of a comm/post to CoF

>>9912947
Because it’s stupid and tiresome to have to try and chase links to figure out whether someone is even a lolita or not if they are such a secret squirrel-chan that has to avoid their mommy’s disapproval or be so terribly private. Proof photos for things are pretty common requirement on the internet instead of asking people to do detective work or to take your word for something. We all know there are people in comms and on cof who are nothing but lolitas at heart who are active posters on the topic and many of us simply want to easily avoid them. Proof pix quickly solves all doubt.

>>9912941
There are a few caps and archived links on lolcow too.
As gross as this is, I'm glad it's coming to light. I hope something actually comes of it though, the thought of having this sissy in the fashion for so long is weirding me out. Not to mention the fact she's a member of my comm, even though she doesn't live anywhere near my country.

>>9912956
Speak to your mods, I’m checking comms I’m in and those I visit. I think something will be done this time, finally. Of course no one wants to believe something creepy and wants to give benefit of the doubt but you can’t really deny facts either.

>>9912956
>>9912974
FINALLY

I will be speaking to the mods of my comm shortly, honestly I encourage all lolitas to post about this publicly. Andrea needs to be ousted and publicly banned from the worldwide lolita fashion community.

Hopefully CoF will ban him ASAP and that will set a precedent for all comm mods to ban him.

>>9912953
true lolitas at heart depend much more on online spaces so why wouldn't they put fake pictures up

>>9913003
Because those would not match their actual photos and I doubt comms or groups would add people with no photos at all? I get it, some people don’t want to post any lolita photos for various reasons but at the same time, they can’t have it both ways and expect to be accepted sight unseen if we can’t even know they are actually in the fashion. My comm keeps the group photos set to group only and before I put any solo lolita photos on my profile I just sent one with a note when I wanted to join a group with a photo requirement, I had other photos up, obviously the same person so no problem. Why is this hard?

>>9913001
Well Atlanta comm, what do you have to say for yourselves now? Is it finally enough proof to get you to kick your sissy from hiding behind your petticoats?

>>9912941
>>9912956
>>9912974
>>9913001
>>9913049
Why don't people make a lolcow thread specifically for Andrea and the proof caps they have? there are a lot of things spread out and now that things are being hidden/deleted people are less likely to believe it
(inb4 "you do it" as I don't have any caps to start a thread)

>>9912417
nope, sorry!

>>9913138
Just search ‘sissy andrea’ and thing like this come up. He set his profile private on this site too but is too dumb to realize a simple google image search pulls up things, I guess? This is the website with the Tgirl panties gallery in ‘lingerie’ section, it’s a sissy site. He can do as he pleases in his life, if his kink is frills then hey dude, go be frilly!

BUT - myself and others don’t like fetish players to be in our comms and that’s fair too.

>>9913015
What are you even arguing about

>>9913138
I don’t go to lolcow site and I just saw things like >>9913271 posted and that’s enough for me.

Nope.jpg

>>9912034
I don't disagree with you on that, I personally wouldn't go to a meet organized by someone new to the community. I just meant the think about efamous lolitas in general. People on /cgl/ have a very weird attitude about anyone with 5k+ followers on instagram, and seem scared to befriend them out of fear of looking like a social climber.

>>9913476
She would literally be a social climber if she tries to befriend them in order to get people to go to her meets

I'd much rather A was banned for being an ass than for being a sissy; if she is a sissy they've done a good enough job keeping it out of meets that I don't care. The real problem with A is that she convinces people she's a spokeperson for Lolita and then ruins everyones impression of lolitas