/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>>10118428

That's an oddly specific question. Is everything okay in your comm?

I really like my comm. We have well dressed, decent people, good meets and no drama afaik.

Please feed me your comm's drama.

how far do yall travel for meets? i just moved to middle of buttfuck nowhere california (about 3 hours northish of LA) and ive checked that old spreadsheet and i cant find a closer comm than the LA one. even though i really dont want to be apart of a drama filled comm i really miss going to meets and im having trouble justifying the time of driving 3 hours for 1 afternoon.

My comm has almost doubled in size in the last two years which means it's become really tough to have everyone go for lunch after an activity (like going to a museum etc) because instead of carting around a meetup of max ten people, it's approaching twenty for even casual meets. Fancy afternoon tea is fine, as booking those places is easier, but the relaxed, "small" meets have become anything but.

Most casual cafés either don't take bookings or can't accommodate a larger group, so I'm unsure what the best course of action is to keep meets running smoothly. I've considered organising more regular meets in the hope that it might thin the crowd out a bit and still give everyone a chance to come along to things, but I'd love to hear advice from any other comm mods who have experience with this sort of thing!

>>10118611
Put a cap on the amount of people by making a numbered rsvp list. Whoever comments fills the list, late commenters get waitlisted if there’s a cancel.

>>10118611
Realistically if you want to accommodate everyone you start doing meets at places that can do rvsp and can seat the group. It does eventually mean a deposit.

Smaller meets that have low cap are good for those smaller cafes you seem to be going to but you need to branch out

>>10118611
I hate them, but you can always try picnics at local parks when the weather is good, maybe a carnival meet, the zoo as some examples. Also if the group is too hard to herd around, maybe split up into two groups with one admin leading each group around?

Don't give up on the hunt for places that would be able to accommodate bigger groups for the more casual meet ups. I'm sure there are some around! Maybe a nice pub (no dive bar or anything, but one with a nice dining room etc) would work for luncheons and dinners too.

Most of all, try not to stress out, because you can't please everyone. Do the best you can.

>>10118428
lol are we in the same comm? i’ve never met our admin she’s apparently too busy for us and is slow to approve facebook remember requests. i wish someone else could take over but i don’t want to be rude.

>>10118611
same here. our comm started doing smaller meets more frequently so everyone doesn’t feel the need to come to every meet.

>>10118510
Hour and a half.

>>10118428
No, but I wish they would. They just make weird vendetta posts and secrets that make it obvious who they are, even though they're violating the comm rules they made.

>>10118428
>Ita comm thread

>>10118718
they’re not too bad, only those two obviously not wearing lolita and the one on the far left is a nitpick.

>>10118768
It is a general j fashion comm not a lolita one.

>>10118510
I wish we could just make another or new LA group because honestly the mods don’t make any new events anymore and just hang out with each other and ignore maintaining the community. But I know they’d throw a bitch fit if anyone tried to usurp power from them. There’s also the OC comm that has a discord, San Diego comm, and Cholita but I’m not sure if they’ve been very active. Hope that helps!

>>10118718
>>10118784
This isn't the main Boston lolita comm like >>10118784 said. I'm active in the lolita comm and I've never seen most of these people in my life.

>>10118713
Sounds like one of the comms I’m in. Midwest?

>>10118428
I mean, ours aren't super active attending meets wise, one I didn't see for like 2 years, but they do a really good job of keeping on top of the behind the scenes work such as accepting member requests, calming down fights in the comments, keeping track of no call no shows, etc. Maybe yours do more than you think.

>>10118510
Make friends with memebers in the city so they will let you sleep over at their place and go for the meets together.

>>10119473
Thank you very much! San Diego is a little too far for me, but I'll try OC
>>10119606
hadnt thought of this, thanks!

>>10119473
I've realized that no one makes events for the LA one. I don't want to be that new girl that recommends the event and no one goes.

>>10120293
You can always try with a small gathering for a meet and start there. But yeah I think the mods just fucked off so it’s up to anyone else willing to try to start up meets now.

Judging from the previous thread, there are a lot of Lolitas from LA who can't join the comm or don't know anyone from the community to introduce them. I'm a lonelita here but I want to start going to meetups. If a gull wants to start a new FB page for them or even a discord server, I would be glad to join. I would start it myself but I've never been part of a comm before so I'm

>>10121633
Same here anon, I lived in the bay for three years and loved the bay comm but I moved to socal a few month ago and now I don’t know anyone else.

>>10121635
I'd be willing to join if someone starts one up, I just can't take the responsibility at the moment to moderate a community. But I'm sure if someone starts one up there will be others willing to help mod.

>>10121633
>>10121635
>>10122207

If I were to make a new comm, would you prefer FB or Discord? Vetted or non-vetted?

My local comm is active, but the members are bleh dressed. Our mods are all in a smaller city and like to plan meets there instead where most of the comm is. I have tried making meets for those of us who work late shifts, but the mods keep removing them since they are “ not inclusive of the rest of the group”. So I kinda just watch the rest of them have fun through the group page and wear my dresses alone on my own time. I’d like to mingle with the rest of the comm. but my meets that I can attend aka I plan, get declined. So I really can’t interact with them other then through the comm page. Thank god I am okay being a lone lolita.

>>10122408
That really sucks anon. Have you thought about holding private meets with the other late night shift peeps? If I were in your shoes, I would. Your comm is contradictory.

>>10122408
WTF this makes me so mad for you. Calling it non-inclusive doesn't even make any sense? As long as you planned meets that everyone in the comm is welcome to attend, they're the ones actually being non-inclusive. The mods only allowing meets to be planned at certain times of day is alienating members with different work schedules for literally 0 reason. Absolutely ridiculous.

>>10122313
I have no preference.
I was actually thinking about starting a comm in the inland empire since the one of fb is basically dead. There’s not much out to do out here so I’d be more for casual meet ups.

>>10122207
>>10122313
I’m fine with any choice.
I was actually thinking about starting a comm in the inland empire since the current one of fb is dead.
There’s not much to do out here so I’d be more for casual meets though.

>>10122410
All the people I know personlly don’t dress in the fashion any more. I just recently returned to the community after taking a good 5 or 6 year break ( ex drama involving him not letting me wear lolita or go to meets). It’s practically a new comm minus maybe two people who are now the mods. So it’s like asking complete strangers to come to your meet when they really don’t know you.

>>10122424
My meets where always open to the whole comm. but the mods don’t like to attend meets after 4pm because “ there isn’t anything open to do” aka tea shops close at 3 pm. Plan a meet at the Alice in wonderland bar and it’s “ this isn’t fair to the under 21 crowd”. Plan a meet that’s like bowing or minature golf and it’s “ too dark for lolita. They only care about cute settings, tea and ideal conditions for photographs of themselves. I just want to meet people with similar interests in the fashion again. But I’m the weird one for not being able to attend the 30 meets a year that start at 11 am. I’m also sick of tea houses. But everytime some try’s to make a ticketed rsvp event at a higher end place, no one buys tickets. It’s not a very super dressed comm minus maybe three or four people so it’s possibly best I don’t try and interact with them if they can’t afford a 40 dollar ticket to the opera or for establishment down payment.

Yet again my comms ILD meet is a theme I don't have in my wardrobe.

>>10122313
So far the OC discord seems to be going fine, that might be better and easier to vet people that way. I think via facebook it might be easier to get creeps, but also easier access for people to find the group. But other than that I have no preference, just want to be able to have meets again without having to travel to another community all the time to do it.

>>10122528
WTF is your comm all teenagers? Haha my comm has 18+ and 21+ meets sometimes and there's always that one teenager whining that its not fair, but the mods always shut them down because it's typically the venues rule, and if drinking is involved obviously its not sage for minors to attend. If the kiddos want to have a mini golf meet, they can plan it themselves.

>>10122649
Keep it updated if it becomes a thing! I would like to join.

>>10122670
College students mostly.

Admin ghosted my comm so a few members and myself made a new one. We're actually active.

>>10122313
A vetted discord server would be ideal for me. I don't have a Facebook account but I'd love to get in touch with the local community.

>>10122670
Ok but how can I plan a 21+ mini golf meet? I hate drinking and the young ones.

>>10122632
I feel your pain but are you sure there isn't any way to spin it to your taste? Maybe just with a solid OTT dress and the right accessories?

I actually somewhat enjoy when the theme isn't something that is completely in my closet. It makes me try to be creative, craft interesting accessories, be inspired to wear my stuff in a different way.

>>10122632
Is it at least different from theme to theme? My comm always defaults to the the cycle of Alice in Wonderland, masquerade, witch/harry potter and candies/baked goods.

>>10119473
San Diego has a comm? Their FB seems pretty dead...

What are some food strategies to attract new members to your comm? Mine has had only 5 steadily for the past two years. At first I used to think that it was a monetary issue because my country is relatively poor but now with the Chinese brands this ain't even an argument I can make. Our online comm has about 25 members out of which about 10 is newbies that joined the past year but never showed up at meets, not even beginner friendly ones. Most of our meets are affordable so I am thinking they are just lurkers that will never actually join.

So what do I do? Do I attend anime and gaming cons with my group in Lolita in order to promote the fashion and our comm? Any other ideas? Unfortunately we don't have any other J-fash Comms anymore

>>10123152
>Good, not food

>>10123056
Nayrt. My comm cycles through the same themes too, but they're nearly always themes that only really work with sweet prints. Then when the goths decide to organize their own gothic meet the sweet lolitas say that it's not inclusive enough and that we don't have explicitly sweet-only meets. Our last three themed meets centered around candy, baked goods and chocolate...

>>10119560
Is Chicago still at it?

>>10123146
You have to message the mods for a link to the private group where they are more active.

>>10123152
1. Host a good Lolita 101 panel at your local or big anime con each year, making sure the description includes "presented by [comm name]"
2. Discuss with your mods to consider doing a monthly mod hosted meetup if the mods can afford it - museums, restaurants, events, swap meets, etc
3. If anyone in your comm has enough money to spare, attend a bigger lolita event in your region to rep your comm
4. It's a pain but put up some topics or share more lolita update posts in your comm's Facebook group. Bring up discussion topics and try to talk to everyone - the more you talk in the group, the more likely someone will finally be able to step out of their shell and come to a meetup finally.

>>10123166
they haven't had drama in ages and actually a little bit more dead since there aren't any anime cons in the area that host big lolita events

how do you politely ghost your comm?

>>10123496
just stop showing up to meets? not sure what you mean by this. are there a lot of people expecting you to come to meets or are you a mod? if you’re a mod get the balls to just step down, nothing more annoying than a mod who can’t relinquish their title. if you’re just a regular member but people are expecting you to be at meets I think it’s as simple as just not going to meets anymore and unfriending/blocking comm members. or if you can’t just block them/end up being asked by someone why you don’t come to anymore meets all you really have to say is that you stopped having the time/your schedule isn’t compatible with meets anymore

>>10123549
its a small comm i've been in for a while and i'm just tired of everyone expecting me to plan things for us to do. but yea i guess i can just be fake busy until i feel like going back it just feels rude.

>>10123566
it’s understandable. At the same time though, you don’t really owe them anything. You’re just someone else who likes the same fashion/shares the same hobby - just because you’re all in the same group and plan some events doesn’t mean you have an obligation to plan all their events.

If you even decide to be more straightforward, you could also just be like, I need to take a break or something. Otherwise I don’t think you should feel as though you owe anyone an explanation for wishing to take a step back from your comm.

>>10123163
Ayrt, yeah it’s like that with my comm too. Sweet is what most of the newer lolitas are into and the mods “try” to be inclusive of goth, but can’t stop being hard core on AP’s dick to attempt a gothic themed meet. It wouldn’t come out very good either way since the goths in the comm are kinda those ones that have faded pink hair that they refuse to re dye and they don’t want to wear a wig with their coords. So I guess it’s fine. We can wear what we want to meets but not participate in the “ who dresses the best to the theme” contest.

>>10118713
Edmonton?

>rant incoming
I’m getting really fed up with people who come to our meetups with a shitty attitude and then get salty when we aren’t as affectionate to them as we are to our friends. Our comm is actually really open to newbies and several of us always make sure to say hello to new faces and try to include people in the group. However if we only get sour (note: not shy) responses back, we eventually stop trying. There are a few girls who I often notice lurking on the sidelines for an entire meet and being very negative so that when we do approach them we’re left to regret it.
One girl in particular always seems to be sulking and every single time I’ve tried to talk to her she started trash talking other people in the comm, including friends of mine. Sometimes she butts into conversations just to say something rude and then gets huffy when people politely disagree with her opinion. She also becomes resentful and mumbles under her breath when people are hugging their friends goodbye and nobody goes out of their way to approach her for a hug, as if she’s owed affection even after acting like a standoffish asshole all meetup. But online she acts like she’s the sweetest, kindest, most open-minded innocent smol bean in the world who just doesn’t understand why all the other lolitas in our comm are so rude/mean/elitist towards her. That’s probably the part that annoys me most, seeing her trash talk our comm online and perpetuating the idea that lolitas are elitist bitches when she’s the one making zero attempt to be friendly even when we reach out to her. What do people like this actually want?

>>10123049
I guess because I own mostly specific prints it's hard to bend the theme in them. I can't say what the theme is but if I did have a certain color of dress I could probably put something creative together... but I don't want to buy a dress for ILD again. I did it last year and now the bow on that dress is damaged somehow and I can't resell it for good money. Nor can I fix the bow. (I just don't know how aside from replacing it entirely)

>>10123056
No, I think who ever the mods are at the time, that is what dictates the theme.
For example, the first ILD I went to had different mods and the theme was flowers - everyone at the mod table had preplanned coords with flower themed prints all ready to go.

Same thing happened with a tropical meet and a group of girls all wore that AP dress with the seashells on it. Idk the name cause I don't care for that print but it was pretty obvious they picked the theme based off they wanted to see how many people had something similar in their closet.

>>10124242
Honestly, she sounds like she might be on the Autism spectrum and might not realize that her behaviour comes across as rude and weird. It's a lot easier to act "normal" via textual conversation online, so it does not surprise me that she's only awful in person. I guess she might be a bit insecure as well, and that tends to make some people appear bitchy and rude.
If you want to be nice, approach her about her behavior in a private setting, either face to face over tea or something, or message her online. Tell her that you noticed that she seems to have trouble integrating into the group and suggest how she could start conversations with others. Make her feel welcome. Maybe point out some things that are not welcome, like the trash talking.
If you don't feel like it's your job to take weird newbies by the hand and spoonfeed them social etiquette, just ignore her. Chances are, that she will stop attending the meetups sooner or later if she can't fit in.

>>10124362
>Autism spectrum and might not realize that her behaviour comes across as rude and weird.
Is that really what autism is. Like I'm sure there is more to it than that.

>>10124367
nayrt it's a bit more complex than that but a lot of autistic people have very hard time talking to people and it comes off usually as more aggressive or standoffish than what you would be used to. don't bring it up to her like that, but typically autistic people need a little more patience and understanding when it comes to social etiquette. I agree with the other anon, maybe bring it up to them, and try opening up a little bit to show you are trustworthy. Eventually try to have a convo with her about how the online community is different from irl comms and that everyone comes to meets to be friendly and hang out and talk about their lives instead of stirring drama. There can be fine lines, and i've been approached about online vs irl comms before (albeit the people talking to me about it went about it in the wrong way, and actually ended up scaring me from that comm) but maybe learn from their mistakes and approach her by herself and have a simple convo.

>>10124362
>>10124373
I’m >>10124242 and I’m actually autistic myself. It’s why I started to make an effort to include other quiet people once I got comfortable in the community, because I know firsthand how hard it can be to integrate into new groups where you don’t know anyone and social cues are complicated. It’s very possible that this girl is on the spectrum, but even then she’d be the most unpleasant autistic person I’ve met. It’s not just that she’s blunt, it’s that she only ever has negative things to say. You could compliment her coord and comment on the lovely weather and she’d roll her eyes and complain about our host’s homebaked cookies not being to her liking. She doesn’t take well to gentle correction either, because when people tried to explain to her that we don’t really want to discuss highly contentious political topics at a tea party after she kept trying to force the topic, she got upset with them and suggested that they were all on the wrong side of history. They hadn’t even given their own opinions on the topic, but in her mind only neo-nazis would criticize her I guess? This isn’t an exaggeration by the way, she has insinuated that at least one comm member must be a literal nazi for disagreeing with her over something trivial. She’s like a walking angry Tumblr post.

It’s possible that her picture of our community has been tainted by the saltiness of online comms, but it’s not a case of her stirring drama in an attempt to fit in. Whenever someone (online or IRL) brings up cgl or btb she makes sure to point out that only horrible closed-minded elitists would ever post there and she’s so above it. Maybe she thinks our entire comm is full of salty seagulls and she’s above all of us, but in that case I don’t understand why she keeps coming to meetups if we’re all so terrible.

>>10124519
>>10124242
Yeahhhh, that doesn't sound like autistic behavior (or if she's on the spectrum, this isn't related strictly to that). I hope she gets bored with this shit and leaves your comm eventually anon. If its any consolation, no one actually within the lolita community takes a newbie at face value when they say the entire comm was mean and ignored them and that lolitas are elitist bitches etc. We've pretty much all dealt with this type.

There was a girl who used to be in my comm who came to a meetup late with her BF and sat off away from us all looking grumpy. A few people, including myself, did make an effort to greet her and try to engage, but as it was a picnic meet at a park, most people were either done eating and wandering around taking pictures or were playing board games on the grass, so no one really noticed the sullen girl sitting alone with her boyfriend. She left after like half an hour and went online to cry about how we all hate her and no one even talked to her and she was done with this community etc etc, and me and the other girls who DID try to talk to her pointed out that we tried but she seemed like she was in a bad mood and didn't want to be bothered, and then (very gently) told her not to let the door hit her ass on the way out.

Then she left the comm but not before saving a bunch of group shots and writing really bizarre creepy captions for them all in an album on her personal page, but that's another story.

>>10124637
Oh wait I forgot that before this she told us her birthday was coming up and asked the entire comm to plan something for her, and then later on told the whole 300+ person community they were invited to her wedding.

>>10124356
Those are really broad themes, what inclusive theme do you want? Florals are in all styles, and tropical could be sea, mermaid, pirate, tropical colors, throw a sun hat on, spaghetti straps with a sheer blouse, just bring a pink flamingo scepter, "my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple".

You're being entirely too picky. Not like you're ever required to dress themes anyways unless your comm actually made that a requirement.

>>10124646
>Not like you're ever required to dress themes anyways unless your comm actually made that a requirement.
I just want to be on theme... I guess I have to get in on planning winter ILD so I can weasel in a theme I can actually get in on.

>>10124660
But seriously how are those not broad enough for you? What do you consider broader than flowers? And instead of weaseling, why don't you just bring it up to whoever usually organizes ILD that either you'd like to organize, or you like the comm to get input for the theme. You sound like a grouch who's just going to start drama.

>>10124637
>Then she left the comm but not before saving a bunch of group shots and writing really bizarre creepy captions for them all in an album on her personal page, but that's another story.

Tea, please?

>>10124242
>>10124519
I will die if this turns out to be the LA community

>>10124242
Lmao is it claire? She's a cunt in person

>>10124772
Doubt, LA doesn't make an effort to reach out to new people.

>>10124242

Man I just love my comm.

One example: big tea party. My friend pulls me away and whispers to my ear: ”you see that new girl? This is her first meet. Make sure you say hi to her”

>>10124957
Yes, my comm is mostly like this. I can see where OP is coming from though, once on a great while someone will join where saying hello and attempting to make conversation isn't enough for them. Its hard to meet someone halfway whos acting like we are required to be their new best friends and starts losing their shit when we don't automatically cater to them.

>>10124677
What part of "it not in my wardrobe" and "those were just examples because I can't actually mention the theme" did you not understand.

I already stated that I don't even have a solid dress to shoehorn the damn theme. Yes. Those are broad themes. I still never buy dresses with either of those themes.

I want a lolita friend but meets in my current comm are so boring

>>10125099
>Wahh wahh people aren't catering to me specifically'!!!!!!! >:(

>>10125103
Everyone gets catered to but me is what it feels like. Especially if they're gonna keep up the "oh it doesn't matter" mentality and then turn around to congratulate people for being just soooo on theme.

I'm complaining about it in this thread because I have already gotten one remark on this in the past. Either it's ok to be not on theme or we can drop the stupid theme ideas and do sub styles or something because clearly not everyone has freakin sea themed dresses. Again, I used this as an example because I wasn't the only who didn't fit the theme so this isn't just about me either.

>>10125108
You sound like a spoiled brat.
Use your brain and figure out how to stretch the theme if you want to fit it so bad.

>>10125108
Dude get over yourself. They picked a very broad theme so the majority of people could be involved. Cry a river build a bridge and get over it

>>10125102
same lets be friends :b
i don't understand how people who wear such cool clothes can be so completely devoid of personality otherwise

>>10125108
If you need to have a dress with a specifically sea print to be able to convey the theme, you have no creativity.

>>10125108
You sound so self-centered, damn, you need to reflect. When people compliment others on their coord, it has literally nothing to do with you in any way. Insecurity probably made you self-absorbed.

>>10125123
I never mentioned what the theme was for ILD this year... just that it's not in my closet.

>>10125123
Those were just examples.

>>10125129
I only have cat prints. There. I said it. Do pray tell.. how does one convert cats into sea creatures without it being ita as fuck?

>>10125133
Did you glaze over about how I mentioned this isn't just about me.

My comm is so goddamn ugly. Not just kind of newbie or nickpick-able but like full on fucking hideous or blatantly ita. It prevents me from going to more meet-ups because I would rather not go than be seen with them. It really puts me off from the fashion and I have drifted further from lolita because I am such a social person but the embarrassment is too much.

>>10125143
Lolita is not supposed to be a social activity though. If you are a social person, you probably have no trouble meeting people without lolita meets. You can wear lolita on any of your days off when you meet other friends.

>>10125136
If you can't do a theme then you can't do a theme, but themes are fun for those who want a creative direction and if there are decorations, it helps decide them and keep things cohesive. People usually buy or craft new dresses or accessories when they want to follow a theme. If you're wardrobe is literally one theme then what do you expect? They didn't exclude you, you excluded yourself.

>>10125136
The comment I replied to was about you and how you feel.

>>10125136
>I only have cat prints

So you're new and have a limited wardrobe and are upset that your entitlement isn't being catered to? got it

>>10125136
>I only have cat prints.

Ok, so you literally put yourself in a box and you expect every ILD to somehow be cat themed?? This goes beyond something like only having sweet themes. It's kind of your own doing. Even with just cat prints there's a whole variety of themes. There's sweet cats, gothic cats, cats with crosses, creepy cute Halloween cats, princess cats with *gasp* roses, vampire cats. You can't be mad that nearly every single theme isn't cat related if that's what your closet is.


Just make a cat meet already. Not gonna lie, I totally have made themed meets before just for a certain dress I got or because I was particularly into it at the time. Don't expect others to cater to your narrow interest.

Also if Kuma Kumya can be a fucking mermaid, anything is possible.

>>10125154
>>10125156
I can't believe you believe every word she says

>>10125150
>They didn't exclude you, you excluded yourself.
I don't see how? They never told me they what theme they were going to pick. I found out when they made the announcement. I had no way of knowing the theme because I don't plan events. Part of my complaint is that only the mods and event planners get a say in what the theme is. It's not about me being excluded. It's that I have to put together my own meet to be on theme ever because my wardrobe is not like everyone else's. The girls who do the planning have all the say in a comm of like hundreds of people. Since when do guests not get a say? If you're going to invite people, shouldn't you make them feel welcome? Isn't that part of being a good host?

>>10125156
>>10125158
You should have listened to >>10125158 because that wasn't me.

>>10125136
>I only have cat prints
Moonbunny has mercats. Go find them. They're super cute.

>>10125136
>I only have cat prints
I know you probably aren't looking for recommendations at all, but I couldn't see this and not mention JetJ's sirene JSK since it combines my love of cats with my love of marine flora and fauna

>>10125136
How dare you be so mean about my baby Sirene

>>10125166
Speaking as someone who hosts ILD themed events. I put an enormous amount of my free time in to creating the event. What would make me not even bother doing it is if my comm decided on a stupid theme like cats, then expected me to find a venue, and cater everything to be cat themed. That theme is hard, and very limiting. I don't pick a theme because I have the perfect dress for it, I pick it because it seems broad enough and fun.

>>10125149
>Lolita is not supposed to be a social activity though.
nani

>>10125267
Nayrt but lolita is a fashion, it's not inherently a social thing. You don't need to join nor meet up with any community to wear it.

>>10125268
Ah, I misread it like “social interactions while wearing lolita shouldn’t happen”
Should work on my reading comprehension

>>10125264
seconding this.
Lolita comms are not strictly hierarchical organizations with only the mods being allowed to organize stuff, it's just that most often, only very few people actually go through the whole trouble of findig a date that works for many people, writing invitations, picking out a location that works for everyone, making the reservation, planning how to get there, preparing additional stuff (food, games, decoration, photographers,...) and on top of that answering all the stupid questions and dealing with flaky attendants leading up to the event. And if something goes wrong, dealing with the blame. All while being paid nothing.
Everyone is allowed to host their own events, but most people just don't. Treasure your event organizers, and if you want something different - become part of the organizing process or make your own event.

>salty longtime organizer being fed up with entitled attendees

>>10125264
>I don't pick a theme because I have the perfect dress for it, I pick it because it seems broad enough and fun.
Well you sound great but that isn't what happens in my comm and the event planners do not care about broad themes
They either go with what is currently popular or whatever trend they hoped on recently.

I don't know why I have to keep stressing that those events were examples. The actual themes are more specific which is why I'm not mentioning them because I would be outing myself.

>>10125523
>very few people actually go through the whole trouble of findig a date that works for many people, writing invitations, picking out a location that works for everyone, making the reservation, planning how to get there, preparing additional stuff (food, games, decoration, photographers,...) and on top of that answering all the stupid questions and dealing with flaky attendants leading up to the event. And if something goes wrong, dealing with the blame. All while being paid nothing.
My comm just sends fb invites and picks whatever location will allow us in.

>>10125541
They likely do a lot more but you don’t realize it. There is always stuff behind the scenes

>>10118510
One to two hours, sometimes a little more, but I tend to only go for meets that I'll find REALLY fun, or that my good friends are going to be at or host.

>>10122408
Make meets and invite comm members but make the meet page on your personal page. Share it to the comm, if they delete it, send invites to everyone you want there or who you think might go, Fuck your stupid comm admins.

>>10125099
The problem is you have no fucking creativity, anon. How do you think it feels for goths when themes are 99.9% of the time sweet? We make do and come up with some logical leap as to how our outfit matches theme, and have fun coming up with some kitschy way to fit theme. Stop bitching.

I'm drama-hungry so I wanna know how KK's first meet went last weekend. Anyone got the details?

I assume half of these complaints are bs... I am not a mod in my comm and I host meets frequently. Most people are not grateful and complain, so I understand why mods get annoyed. I would say most of my comms meets are hosted by longtime members who are not mods.

It is not strictly a mod responsibility to play host every time, it should be collaborative.

>host a meet and they will come

>>10125523
In some comms, meets are only organised by the mods. In my own comm, anyone is allowed to organise a meet, but nobody will attend unless it was organised by a mod or someone else who is well-known in the comm. Most meets are too far away for me, and I can only attend on saturdays (most are on sunday). As a result almost nobody in the comm knows who I am and they wouldn't attend anything I organise. I know this from experience and have also discussed it with the mods but they don't know what to do about it. I sometimes see a newbie/unknown organise a meet and cancel it because of 0 attendees and feel bad but I can't attend them either because they're too far/on sunday.

>>10125733
Same here. I've been wanting to know how it went and if KK is just as obnoxious in person

>>10125136
Go to a sea meetup in a cat dress and tell everyone you’re a goddamn catfish.

>>10125617
You shoehorn. That's not "creativity"

>>10125550
I've been in the comm for awhile. No one is getting personal invitations. There's like 300+ members. It would be a waste of time to do it any other way than using fb.

>>10125829
What else are we supposed to fucking do if no one makes meets with themes we can participate in!?

>>10125733
I heard that kk is pleasant and really nice. I didn't attend the meet up, but my friend did who's a non comm member. ( she's a friend of the host). I asked her if kk is trans and she said that she didn't know. So I assume if kk is trans that she's had vocal training and or surgery.

>>10125835
I genuinely think KK is just an ugly autistic older woman

>>10125836
Same, Lolita could just be one of those things she's extremely obsessed with, and she may not be able to indentify or understand that she is annoying.

>>10125832
Now you get it.

>>10125740
>host a meet and they will come
More like host a meet and they'll SAY they're going to come, only to cancel the day of. Or just not show up at all or contact you in any way, so you get to sit around for an hour or so just in case anyone actually does show up.
Never again.

>>10125864
This.

>>10125864
plan better meets

>>10125884
>because it's totally my fault that my community is full of flakes and irresponsible people.
yeah no, fuck you.

>>10125899
if those people flake your perfect and fun meet, then ban them from your future meets

>>10125902
nayrt, but smaller or even medium sized comms don’t have this luxury. Although I wish I could bar them.

>>10125740
Okay I have a sneaking suspicion of who you are because myself and one other person in my comm always comment this when members post about being too scared to host lol.

>>10125864
I host often. ALWAYS take payment beforehand. That's the only way to make sure people are serious about coming. If they no call no show, that's on them. No refunds, any other kind of ticket they couldn't get a refund for them not attending, so it shouldn't apply with your events either.

>>10126137
If your on facebook, can't block them so they can't see any meets you post?

>>10126451
>always take payment beforehand
Absolutely. As a comm mod, I try to calculate expenses and set a ticket price for everyone. Usually that factors in space rental and prix fixe.
If they flake, they already paid so no big. And then you enforce that non-ticketed guests are not permitted (preventing unwanted tagalongs and SOs)
If you're doing an event at a museum or something and everyone needs to pay admission, you can also call ahead and pay for the group, so people can pay you in advance. Members should take seriously the effort it takes in organizing a meetup. If they are going to complain about tickets, they don't need to come.

>>10125166
oml get over yourself.
at this rate, don't go. you sound miserable to be around.

>>10125864
We make everyone prepay in advance so we don’t have that issue anymore

>>10126469
>oml get over yourself
>oml
Shut up boring normie.

>>10126451
I highly doubt you know who I am since I would never comment that on Facebook lol

>>10124646
>my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple
New favourite substyle, thanks anon.

>>10124646
>throw a sun hat on, spaghetti straps with a sheer blouse, just bring a pink flamingo scepter, "my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple".
Are you fucking serious? That sounds terrible.

>You're being entirely too picky.
No. I just know not to shoehorn themes. Usually looks ita like you described...

>>10123163
i wear my goth stuff no matter what. even if my comm is like 75% sweet lol, and im more than happy to host goth meets and help the other goths in the comm organize stuff too. we're in the minority so we stick together - to be fair the sweet in our comm don't complain that our meets aren't inclusive enough...rather they don't have anything themed to wear. i just think they're not all that creative, but not my problem lol

>>10123163
There are plenty of Aatp goth dresses with those themes.

>>10126961
How dare you insult my new best friend pineapple chan

>>10126961
It's a list of things you can choose from, not all for one coord. Either way, you sound like no fun on a bun.

There's a weird phenomenon happening in my comm and I don't know if it's common or if there's anything that can be done about it. Basically a girl with a chronic illness joined and started befriending a lot of people. She's really sweet but slowly a lot of people have come out with new "invisible illnesses", have been self diagnosing with EDS and stuff,and giving people advice at meets on how to get disability benefits and how to essentially cheat the system.
I'm not a doctor, so I'm not qualified to say if anyone is faking it, but I'm talking a good fifth of the comm who always showed up and never had problems are now doctor botherers giving each other an echo chamber to validate their perceived illnesses.

What the hell is going on? Has this happened to anyone else?

>>10127521
A lot more people have chronic illnesses than you think, anon. I have fibromyalgia, and I literally only tell the friends who I know have chronic illnesses too, my other friends are completely in the dark about it. It's a mix of shame and just not wanting to bother people.
The ones who are coming out about it and actually seeing doctors might just be people who never felt like they could do anything about their condition and are now encouraged to try, or they're people who are going along with it and will find out that they're not actually sick after all.
In either case, this isn't really something you should "fix", just wait it out and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And it's not on you to correct it if someone actually fakes it, that's their poor life choice, not yours.

>>10127521
>how to get disability benefits and how to essentially cheat the system

disability benefits are shit anyway, i laugh whenever anybody talks about trying to cheat or game the system. like even if you get approved, good luck having a good life on $700/mo

>>10127521
sometimes people don't want to talk about their issues for fear of people like you talking shit. she probably made them feel safe about coming forward. more people are chronically ill or not entirely healthy than you think anon

>>10127521
Hmm it's almost like invisible illness is called that because it's hard to see... Just mind your own business anon

>>10127412
I'd rather not get posted to the ita thread.

>>10127521
You sound bored and annoying

>>10127564
>>10127560
>>10127542
>>10127536
You're probably all right, anons. Thanks, I needed that.
I'm really worried because so many of them are younger members who are just out of their genderspecial phases so I'm really hoping it's not just another attention seeking thing.
Again, it's none of my business so I'll wait it out and hope for the best. Thanks for the input everyone!

>>10127536
>>10127582
There are a few girls in my comm with genuine invisible chronic illnesses that they rarely openly talk about, and when they do it's usually only to other people with invisible chronic illnesses because they're the only ones who know what they're dealing with and are less likely to doubt them or ask dumb questions. Then again I also know a few lolitas who are clearly exaggerating for pity and attention (tagging literally everything they ever post, including photos of their cat, with 20 illness-related hashtags, claiming shit like lactose intolerance as a reason they can't work, etc.) so who the hell knows. I think the latter group is attracted to lolita for the same reason attention whores in general are attracted to lolita, but it doesn't mean others aren't legitimate. The legit ones are probably even more annoyed with the munchies than we are.

>>10127521
hahahahaha i know what comm you're in

>>10123152

FOOD STRATEGIES

>>10127521

I mean there’s not much to do about it other than for individual members to be gently called out by whoever catches them, but for the record EDS is rare, like 1/5000 people rare. Unless you happen to be in a weirdly close knit area or a good portion of your comm are from ethnic groups that don’t marry outside of their own group, it’s pretty unlikely 1/5 of them will have the disease.

But again, there’s not much to do considering the type of people they may be. It may be really bad if you end up accidentally falsely accusing someone of making shit up, and it’s just hurtful to that person. Leave it to the medical professionals to call them out on their bullshit.

Also it’s weird because my friend’s gf has EDS and she also was considering trying for benefits. I ended up telling my friend it absolutely sucks because she cannot get supplemental income and cannot work. I think she genuinely enjoys librarian work, and she’s a trust fund baby anyways so I don’t get why she’s pursuing disability. Hopefully she doesn’t pursue that.

>>10127662
I thought it was underdiagnosed? Hypermobility disorders are relatively common

>>10127652
I'm enjoying the mental image of a lolita leaving a trail of cupcakes and macarons leading from her local anime con to a tea house where her comm is meeting up.

>>10125840
Either way the coord she wore for the meet was absolutely the most ita thing I've ever seen.

>>10127542
This.

Did it for years. It's absolute hell.
If they're living in mommy and daddy's basement wasting it on dresses, it's usually reportable in the US as fraud. So have fun with that.

>>10127891
pics?

>>10127891
Was it one of their handmade goodies?

We had a meet today and a bunch more girls than expected turned out and everyone was well-dressed and everyone mingled and talked, and no drama. It was great. I love my comm.

I finally joined my ‘local’ com, leaving my loneita days behind me.
Can’t wait to go to a meet.
My nearest com is a three hour train ride.

>>10127966
I genuinely hope it's worth it and fun for you!

>>10127665

Not even lactose intolerance has a 20% prevalence in any population. From what it sounds like, anon’s comm seems to to b glomming onto it because someone has it. The whole lying to a professional for disability benefits is more worrying, but it’s hilarious people think disability is like winning the lottery.

>>10123146
You're probably looking at the old page. There's a new private page where they're semi-active.

>>10127665

Perhaps, and the NIH prefaces the stat with “at least,” but it’s certainly not to the point an anime dress group would have literally 1000x the incidence rate of the national average.

I was in Little Tokyo today in normie clothes and saw a bunch of lolitas out and about. I don't know any of them but it warms my heart to see lolitas in public, just existing.

>>10128077
Which Little Tokyo? LA?

>>10128406
Yes!

Do people’s comms ever have “casual” meets where they say you don’t have to wear lolita? (Nothing against low-key casual meets where everyone is still dressed well) My comm has one once a month and I think it’s just weird. If I wanted to hang out with a bunch of people in normie clothes I would hang out with my close non-lolita friends. If I’m going to a meet it’s because I want to be around other lolitas who are actually wearing lolita.
I know no one is forcing me to go, but I still wish these meets weren’t so casual that people don’t even wear the fashion to them. I want to go to more meets, but not like this.

>>10129091
I'm hosting one (encouraging wearing lolita obviously) for myself and my up and coming comm. As a mod I want to meet them one on one without the pressure of looking perfect. I'm in a pretty small college town and our comm doesn't have much organization yet. As a mod I want to give people the opportunity to at least meet experienced lolitas if they are interested. I can understand your personal preference, but it's also nice to just be around people who "get it", even if they're in normie clothes. If that makes sense.

>>10129091
We have casual picnic meets where people bring their boyfriends and random non-lolita friends, and regular newbie meets for people who may not have a full coord yet but want to get to know the comm. The latter were highly requested online but actual newbies rarely show up. I’m not sure why. Swap meets also have no dress code, to make it more accessible for people who are looking for their first pieces and also people who are leaving the fashion and offloading their stuff.

In practice, most newbies do show up in decent full coords. Many of them get into the fashion through friends who can lend them clothes for their first meet, and others simply buy their first coord before attending. The only people really taking advantage of the lack of dress code are boyfriends and non-lolita friends who have no interest in wearing the fashion. These people tend to be kind of annoying t b h (we’ve had people show up in cosplay or furry getups(??)) so I’m not a fan of these kinds of meets at all. If I wanted to hang around with a bunch of Homestucks, furries and awkward guys I’d go to a con.

>>10129112
See in your case that makes a lot of sense

I guess I’m just frustrated because it’s a fairly established comm, and sometimes it’s the only meet in a month.

>>10129158
I definitely don’t mind it at swap meets and things like that.
Random furries and cosplayers sounds even more annoying, though. I’m glad I’ve never experienced that.

>>10129091
Lol I think I know which comm you’re talking about. I went to the last one and it was very chill, but I understand where you’re coming from. Most people seem to dress up anyway but I do feel the purpose is to give new people a space they feel comfortable joining with minimal pressure to look perfect.

>>10129091
My comm would have them sometimes but it was understood that casual non lolita clothes obviously meant other jfashions not normie crap. We didn't have a group for smaller jfash like yumekawaii, larme, Mori, etc but we all liked other jfash so it was really more for that. It would give a chance for newbies that had wore fairy kei or soft sister but not yet lolita to come out. Usually thought it would just be our same core group of lolitas dressed in either lolita, Otome or other jfash having a good time and being more experimental with our fashion choices than trying to put OTT each other and looking perfect. I liked those meets a lot because they gave me those 2000s street fashion feels vs the overly polished lolita tea party meets.

I do think even casual fashion meets need to have a jfashion dress code.

>>10129091
i like the idea of a "casual" jfashion meet, where people dressed in mori or fairy kei and are wellversed in japanese street fashion as a whole are welcome. do many comms do these sorts of things?

>>10129091
My comm is doing this too and I end up not going to those meets because I feel the same way. It's nice to be nice to newbies and what not but I want to hang out with actual lolitas who are into looking their best and taking good photos.

I finally left my local comms. Recently there’s been an influx of shitty people, itas who are also shitty peoole, a creepy dude who doesn’t wear lolita at all but still leaves weird comments on all our photos, and for some godforsaken reason someone let KK into the group. I feel bad because I really like seeing other Lolitas and the aesthetic of meetups, but I actively disliked more people than I liked and it was turning me into a huge bitch because I’m not good at faking nice.
I think being a lonelita will do me good though. I didn’t have any real friends in the comm so nothing was lost.

>>10129882
Same. People in my comm weren’t quite “shitty”, but I couldn’t connect with any of them and too many were trapped in a perma-ita phase with no signs of wanting to improve. At a certain point I just had to ask myself, “What am I even doing here? What am I trying to accomplish?”. No hard feelings. Being a lonelita is the better option when you don’t have anything to look forward to in your comm, but I still get jealous of those lucky people who’ve made lifelong lolita friends and get to make the best out of meetups with them.

>>10129882
What comm? I heard people post this before and now I'm wondering where they actually live or if kk is just joining a bunch of comms randomly

>>10129918
Ohio...

>>10129918
All comms around Ohio/states near Ohio.

>>10129882
What creepy dude? As far as I'm aware, there's no dudes commenting on everything that don't wear the fashion.

>>10129965
AYRT, it's not the Ohio comm. It's another comm. KK just joined every comm even remotely near Ohio.

>>10129985
Ah okay that explains it. I know we have two guys that may come off as creepy at first glance. But they're harmless and well-meaning and actively wear the fashion.

With KK, My hope is that she just quietly fades off into obscurity after the excitement of the fashion peters out or she sees herself out before that happens.

>>10129091
I think they're great for communities that focus a lot on the social side of things. Like how big events have casual dress at the afterparty, going for drinks with comm members can be in casual clothing and still be fun.

>>10125733
Who?

>>10128077
Did you say hi?

>>10130040
Our Kawaii sis/bro who has made some of the most legendary ita homemade creations here lately.

Ok so there's an Easter meet coming up that I originally had no intention to go to, it's pricy cause it's held in a government building and I'm a poorfag, I feel like I can't coord my only real main piece enough, and there's this one girl in my comm I hate a lot who always goes to these meets, because she's an annoying autist who flexes a lot cause her mum owns a successful local tailoring business (although considering how autistic she is, the flexing is probably unintentional.)

So, a very fortunate series of events happened since last week, where I managed to find teaparty shoes that'll fit my size 40 sasquatch ass feet, im now getting more help for my own social retardation and this lovely old lady on the train gave me a blouse. It's vintage and more otome but it still looks very nice!! So because of this string of good fortune I decided I'll go to the meet and spent a chunk of my last pay on the ticket, I'm really happy and the idea of going doesn't fill me with anxiety and dread!!

>>10130269
>government building
>expensive
>independent tailor
>successful
>random old lady on train
>gives shirt

??? What bumfuck post apocalyptic dystopia did this take place in

>>10130279

Seriously. This reads like a bizarre Dickens novel set against the backdrop of the post communist Soviet bloc.

>>10130293
Wait. Is this a lolita version of Gogol’s The Overcoat?

>>10130318
Did you Meitu this classic of Russian literature just for 4chan, anon...

>>10118428

God i hate the concept of local comms. You can ALWAYS tell from the pics who hosted it and put it together. Its usually some try-hard bitch who thinks shes special and wants recognition for no effort

>>10125143
same desu, my "local comm" is barely that, consists of 5 uber weeb itas, 4 of which are obese, and none of them own brand. they also have their fat neckbeard friends tag along to meets for no reason. they also seem underage. id rather die than be seen outside with them.

>tfw when forever a lonelita in my shit tier europoor country ;-;

>>10130269
I would read the fuck out of this novel. Not even joking. Please tell me the shirt is magical but with a horrible downside too

>>10130395
>Its usually some try-hard bitch who thinks shes special and wants recognition for no effort
This doesn't happen in my comm but ok

Anyone in their Comm doing a Rilakkuma and Kaoru binge watch meetup & potluck over Easter Weekend?

Someone in our Comm thought of it and everyone has gone nuts.

>>10130269
Good for you, the situation with the blouse really is quite magical.
Just make sure you leave the meet before midnight

>>10130558
THIS IS GOOD IDEA

>>10130425
You’re in luck, anon. I’m definitely going to write a short story inspired by it for my thesis.

>>10130558
Idgi. Why Easter weekend and what's so special about this show?

>>10130564
Holy shit yes, anon! Are you studying creative writing? I genuinely do want to read it, where will you post it when you're done?

>>10130566
>Why Easter weekend and what's so special about this show?

It's being released on April 19th - Easter weekend.

>>10130572
So... Why would a comm be excited about this

>>10131236
Because weebs I guess.

>>10128056
I don't disagree with you that some of these people are making it up, but I have diagnosed EDS and I've known quite a few lolitas who do also. It's almost like people with chronic illnesses are attracted to the fashion.

>>10131236
Because some comms like things

>>10131236
Because Rilakkuma is a pretty significant cute character that a lot of Lolitas are familiar with/enthusiastic about?
I don't know why it's so confusing, people do plenty of stuff for meets that have no connection to Lolita.

So I'm not sure if this belongs in this thread but since it has to do with my comm I'm just going to vent here:

>Decide to be nice and host small meet in my house
>Some comm members say present, including a girl I don't like due to experiences with her in past meets and her SJW attitude
>Not very comfortable with the idea of her coming to my house but I'm too nice so I'm like "ok sure!"
>Girl later comes and says she's bringing her equally as SJW as her bf without asking me even though the meet is in my fucking house
>Dude has also been very irritating in the past and has personal issues with another lolita in the comm
>HE IS NOT EVEN A LOLITA OR INTERESTED IN THE FASHION
>Oh fuck no
>SHE EVEN ASKED OTHER COMM MEMBERS IF THEY COULD GIVE HIM A RIDE TO THE MEET
>I pulled the "hey this was suppose to be a private just lolitas meet yknow" card

At least she stood down and said that she won't bring him anymore but you could at least ask if I'm fine with bringing extras to a meet in my private home? Especially if they aren't lolitas

>>10131774
Sounds like your own fault for not knowing how to set up a private meet.

>>10131330
I mean I guess, but anon posted it as if it was a novel idea.

>>10131875
How so? It's normal to host a meet for your comm and specifically want actual lolitas to attend

>>10131774
Most of the time I don't mind significant others attending but there seems to be a trend of lolitas thinking the rules don't apply to their significant others in my comm... We've had people bring their SO without paying for them or long the host know so there's not enough food, seats, tickets etc. Why they think that's okay is beyond me, it was seriously so annoying to show up to a meet recently and see some dumpy dude bro taking up the seat I paid for.

>>10132320
I've seen this happen before in my community; a lolita's boyfriend literally eating food and sitting at a teaparty that he never bought a ticket for lol I just don't know why these types of lolitas think bringing their boyfriend is like a sort of status symbol, except most of them are ugly as fuck. If you are going to flaunt it, at least let it not dress up like some m'lady lad.

>>10132342
They think it's a status symbol, but it just screams "I'm insecure as fuck."

You can go without Jason for 2 hours, Susan. And we can certainly go without him forever.

>>10132320
Next time just host a private get together at your place and only invite lolitas you're friends with. Don't make it a comm event.

>>10132342
>>10132347
Yeah, The bitch didn't even have enough self-awareness to realize the reason I had to get my own table (luckily a couple of my wonderful friends left the group and joined me) was HER fault. Next time I see my mod I'm going to let them know, it's inexcusable.

>>10132354
I get what you're saying, I'd never host a comm-wide meet in my home, though my lolita friends are always welcome privately. Still, sucks that OP should have to resort to only hosting private meets in order to expect common courtesy.

I saw my first group of lolitas out in public not too long ago. I used to be really interested in it... after seeing how weird and uncomfortable my local comm looks I am definitely not interested now. lol.

>>10132379
Sounds like your comm is definitely better off without you

>>10132391
Well, they're all fat, ugly and were publicly bickering, so you are most definitely right

>>10132405
I'm sure they are.

>>10132405
In seriousness, is there any chance that there is another community in your area? I'm not sure if it's as common anymore, but many cities, even smaller ones, had two or more communities for a while. One main one for people interested in the fashion, and a secondary one for itas, weebs, and cosplayers, usually set up by someone who thinks the main group is a bunch of elitist meanies.

>>10132379
I mean you can still wear the fashion without joining your comm, you're not obligated to interact with them to wear it.

Ugh I hope my comm could have rule ”Don’t date fellow comm members” because break ups are THE WORST.

and then comm splits and no one is happy.

I give up. I have no friends into jfash. The one I had in college moved out of state. I have plenty of knowledge of lolita and brands since I’ve been lurking ita and CoF threads for years but I’m not a lolita myself, only a nanchatte and general himekaji / otome girl living south of Columbus.
Would the Ohio lolita comm welcome me to meets?
How do I find them online? Is there a page somewhere?
Better yet, is there a general jfash group in Ohio?

>>10132640
I think their Facebook group is 'Ohio EGL' but if you're near the Michigan border, that comm is a lot more active, I'd say. Source: fellow Midwest lolita

>>10132640
I live in Columbus and I’m a comm noob but long time lurker. Ohio EGL seems pretty inactive but I did see a lot of lolitas at ohayocon. I’d like to get more involved but the inactivity is not very motivating

>>10132640
>>10132688
There’s also a Dayton group and maybe a Columbus specific one? It’s not super active in OH EGL but there’s a meet usually every two months. They’re just all very northern based.

>>10132570

deets?

>>10132640
why join a lolita comm if you're not a lolita yourself?

>>10132695
Can you not put two and two together? Friends interested in lolita which is a jfashion is better than no friends interested in jfashion at all
>>10132688
I went to OSU, did you? Maybe I know you. Let’s be friends
>>10132689
I’m nearer Dayton than Columbus! If there is one that would be awesome

>>10132689
>They’re just all very northern based.
Anyone can host meets, anon. Please host some in other areas. Not all of us northerners know good places to host meets.

>>10132701
Nah, didn’t go to OSU. You can add me on discord, boomer virility#5088

>>10132379
I mean if that’s all it takes to put you off of the fashion, based on what others do, good riddance, gtfo.

>>10132701
>Can you not put two and two together? Friends interested in lolita which is a jfashion is better than no friends interested in jfashion at all
No, I get that, but you aren't a lolita and lolita comms are for lolitas. Maybe find a jfashion group instead? You wouldn't go to a lolita meet as a non-lolita so why would you want to join our community??

>>10132743
Because talking about things you mutually know about and like but don’t wear yourself for reasons (not fat) is better than not talking at all? Because it sucks not having any friends who like fashion of any kind or friends who are girls? Idk what you want me to explain

>>10132745

It's not really clear what the lolitas are getting out of this.

>>10132745
I know it sucks not having friend, but you shouldn't try to join a lolita community if you're not a lolita. Find a jfashion group. Or buy some bodyline and get into the fashion, then feel free to join our comm. This is like people bringing non-lolitas to lolita meets. it's cringy.

>>10132763
>>10132755
i don’t understand the gatekeeping. there’s a difference between some fattychan bringing her disgusting bf to a meet and someone who just wants to learn more/engage and then branch into it. There’s a time and a place for everything, so I would understand some meets it wouldn’t fly, but there’s nothing wrong with an interested party joining along once in awhile when it makes sense to. What’s cringey is being so guarded about your fashion and autistic about it, but I guess it’s to be expected

>>10132778
Yeah if this is “to be expected” behavior of people who go to meets then nevermind my inquiry lol

>>10132785
Same, but I did go to a meet and had a good time. People are a lot nicer in person and the ones who aren’t don’t get interacted with much and as can be seen in other threads love to lament about it here later.

>>10132778
You're literally not a lolita and want to join a place for lolitas. It's not gatekeeping. You wouldn't join a golf club if you didn't play golf, or a gaming club if you didn't play video games, why is lolita any different? if you want to join a lolita group, get some lolita and wear it. This is almost like the guy in the other threads who joined a cosplay club and doesn't cosplay and wonders why people are being weird about him.

>>10132778
>someone who just wants to learn more/engage and then branch into it.
This is fine in online communities, but until you're a lolita, please don't go to their meets... it's so cringy. We had a couple girls like this who called themselves "lolita at heart" who we eventually had to ban. They were always interested, but never ever ever even made an effort to wear the fashion. It's so easy nowadays to buy a blouse and dress from bodyline or lace market and make a simple coord. If you care so much about lolita that you want to join a comm, make an effort to wear the clothing.

>>10132778
> but there’s nothing wrong with an interested party joining along once in awhile when it makes sense to

Except they aren’t a lolita going to an event specifically designed for lolitas to wear lolita. I don’t like people bringing their SOs along but that at least makes sense.

If you’re interested, look it up online. But don’t crash events specifically for people wearing lolita.

>>10132804
There’s a big fucking difference between someone in a golf club who doesn’t golf and someone with a wardrobe of axes femme, wonder rocket, etc.and knows what’s good lolita and what isn’t at a lolita meet.

>>10132806
But cgl shits on bodylinelitas and people who wear the same coord every meet.
>>10132807
How does that make more sense than jfash anons? Are the SOs so dependent they have to be attached to their gfs? Cringe

>>10132808
Not really. They’re still just not a lolita at a lolita meet. Take your ~at heart~ bullshit somewhere else

>>10132810
Sorry you’re bitter and single and don’t get it.

>>10132810
You shouldn't take cgl's petpeeves as indicative of all lolitas. But I can promise you that the vast majority of lolitas would rather meets be exclusive to people actually wearing the fashion, without SO cling-ons and "lolita adjacent" jfashion messes.

>>10132812
Wow, sorry you’ve lost your whole identity to someone else

>>10132808
If you don't wear lolita your opinion doesn't matter. You can't always find the perfect pink shoes, or the perfect headdress. Sometimes no matter how hard you try a coord isn't perfect but you do the best you can to make it cute!

Versus you just throwing on an axes femme op and some normie or generic cheap kawaii shit to go with it. Even casual lolita is much harder to style than other fashions, if you don't wear it you will never understand

>>10132815
>basic incel strawman

Maybe if you got a better attitude you could get someone to love you.

>>10132819
Why do you just assume jfashion nonlolitas wear normie or cheap accessories? You do know nonlolita brands make accessories right? Or are you that far up your autistic ass.

>>10132810
I've seen tons of lolita wearing bodyline pieces that this general "/cgl/" supposedly hates but most people don't even mention the bodyline when they're posted in cof or random lolita coord threads. Hell, there is even a bodyline thread here... plenty of lolitas wear bodyline. It's more or less knowing what bodyline pieces are good for the fashion and wearing those. There are quite a few good starter and basic pieces. Plus, a lot of times you can find great 2nd hand deals! Just freaking wear the clothes. If lolita is so important to you that you'd want to join a lolita com, wear it. Otherwise just join a jfashion community. Lolita events are for people who wear lolita and want to get together with other lolitas while wearing the fashion. Not random jfashion tagalongs, no matter how great or ita they are. I'd rather have newbies in full bodyline looking semi ita than s

>>10132825
than someone wearing random jfashion.

>>10132825
I don’t think a jfashion community exists around me. Do they exist anywhere?
>inb4 make your own
You’re going to say this is an excuse but I really don’t even know where to start with that. How to recruit? All I wanted was some female friends who like clothes and cute stuff dammit

>>10132820
I can stay home when my bf goes to his LAN things without dying.

>>10132831
I don’t know why you’re pushing this so hard when I said in my first post I don’t like SOs tagging on. But you sound like a bitter incel who hates couples out of envy

>>10132829
Start by looking on Facebook, since that's where a lot of them migrated to. If you find nothing, then post a feeler in a cgl thread dedicated to your style, or join one in an adjacent city/state and see if there is even enough interest in your specific area for its own group. You may have to just suffer with a commute for meets.

>>10132836
You’re the one who said they don’t like couples but acknowlege them as OK at meets because it “makes sense”, and apparently single people “don’t get it”. Sounds like some cognitive dissonance. “Ew a couple but sigh they have a right to be here because they’re in love...”
>unironically using incel, the nu-virgin anymore
Cringe

>>10132845
>more strawman

Yes, incel for sure

>>10132838
It honestly seems unrealistic with how slow the board is outside of lolita but I’ll try. I will go to the “jfashion photoshoot” at the next anime con and scout there too. I’ve never been to one so I wonder what kind of turnout they are. Thanks anon.

>>10132847
>reddit spacing

>>10132849
Is there a reason you are interested in lolita enough to want to join a comm, but not to wear the fashion? honestly not trying to be rude at all, just really curious. I really get wanting other people to talk about cute clothing with, but I also wear lolita, so finding others to talk to about it isn't really hard for me. I am a lonelita, however. A lot of people dressed in normal fashion come up to me and talk to me about it, and quite a few actually know something about it. And I know plenty of lolitas online who I talk to!

>>10132850
>meme that isn’t even applicable

Kill yourself you worthless bitter incel

>>10132851
I want friends who care about hair and wigs and makeup and shoes and quality clothes, that’s all. I want girls to take pictures with and hang out with at cafes like I used to in school. If they’re lolitas they’re likely to have the same anime-filled youth, encounters with normies, and auction stories that I have that we can bond over. I like the nanchatte discord but there are few and very far between members.
Basically all my irl friends are male and I have a closet of clothes I love but nowhere to wear them to in the middle of nowhere and it’s starting to get at me.

>>10132858
All my friends are males too anon. I jsut wear the fashion and do my thing, and talk to other lolitas online. I still hang out with my friends, being the only lolita in a group of metal head guys, but it's fun, and I love wearing the fashion. Some of them have even learned a lot and are genuinely interested. We go to cafes and cool places even though they aren't lolita. And they even help with pics, too. I don't think you should feel limited or that you can't wear jfashion alone, it's just clothing. Until you find people irl to talk to, there are plenty of lolitas and other jfashion girls online to talk to! I'm a daily lolita and just wear stuff for whatever, be in sending mail, going grocery shopping, studying at the library, etc. If you really love the clothes, you'll find a way, and nothing is better when it comes to finding like minded people, then just wearing the clothes and going out.

totally missed the boat on the conversation about Ohio lol but I've been trying to get a meet together and meet some girls when I go to columbus in May.. I even posted on the FB but that shit seems deader than dead lol

>>10132375
Am I missing something or is there a reason you didn't just say "excuse me, I think that might be my seat since I bought a ticket. Thanks for understanding."

>>10132858
God just join an anime club then or buy some goddamn bodyline. Every time someone offers you a solution like "ok then buy bodyline" you just bitch it up and refuse to listen to reason. If your male friends won't join you out and about while you wear non-lolita jfash then they're shit friends.

>>10132688
>>10132689
>>10132701
The columbus comm actually very active on the ohio comm page. If you haven't looked at events there are several scheduled for the next few months with several still in planning as well. You must not very active on the page yourself to claim that we are inactive.

>>10133425
Not that anon but I can’t imagine that going over well, since the seats themselves probably weren’t reserved. In my comm you pay to get access to the venue and food but everyone’s free to sit wherever. I agree that the guy shouldn’t have been there and definitely shouldn’t have eaten anything without paying but the specific seat he was sitting in probably didn’t belong to anon. I’ve been to multiple meetups where there was no room for me at the table I would’ve liked or someone I didn’t like sat down next to me but there’s not much you can do in that situation without offending people.

Unless this meet did have seating arrangements and nameplates, in which case he definitely should’ve been told to gtfo that seat.

Where are the people hosting the event when shit like this happens. Do they just turn a blind eye to the only one not in lolita

>>10133427
>anime club
>girls who care about this stuff
Pick one

Not like the Ohio comm isn’t tragic enough.

>>10127649
Is it a comm that's near the UK?

>>10133557
At least it's not the Pittsburgh comm

>>10127652
Put an afternoon tea platter under a crate propped up with a stick.

>>10131236
Okay I know this might be a tough concept to grasp, but... the majority of Lolitas enjoy cute shit, and this definitely falls under the category of cute shit.

Plus, for April's changeable weather, a potluck/viewing meet sounds nice.

>>10127521
If this is my comm you're talking about (and it might be), I have some input. Keep in mind that 15% of the world's population is disabled, (https://www.worldbank.org/en/topic/disability)) so having one fifth of the comm suddenly be open about it is not so weird.

I'm one of the 'echo chamber' girls. I was ill before that girl joined, but was less open about it because it's just not really a topic that comes up? I think part of why the echo chamber tends to form is that it's actually really hard to claim benefits or even use the healthcare system in this country, because it's so disorganised. Any advice you can get from others who have managed to navigate it is invaluable. Especially for those of us who don't have familial support for dealing with this sort of thing. Not to mention, the majority of doctors are not that great at diagnosing invisible illnesses, particularly rare ones.

Also, one of those girls who 'self-diagnosed' with EDS just got officially diagnosed the other day. Personally I think that as people are now aware of EDS due to that one girl joining, and the common 'sister' illnesses, they are more likely to ask their doctor about it, and more likely to get diagnosed if they actually do have it.

Still, even with the recent increase of people being more open about their conditions, I'm still kind of shy/insecure about being open about it, especially around certain members. I've only used a walking stick once at a meetup, and am afraid of using it again lest I be judged or people think I just want to fit in with the 'sick clique'. Luckily I rarely need it, but I'm afraid that will change as I get older. It doesn't help that I actually don't know what's causing the pain in my legs, my doctors haven't been able to help me, so I just have to try and deal with it myself. So I have no 'official diagnosis' to bust out if anyone asks (well, I have a number of officially diagnosed conditions, but none that explain the pain in my legs/joints)

1/2

>>10134215
Also, another thing that's been on my mind is that, I honestly think a lot of girls in our comm are on the autism spectrum. I know for a fact I'm not even the only one who's officially diagnosed (there are several with official diagnoses in the comm) despite the difficulty in getting diagnosed as a girl/woman. And obviously lolita fashion attracts autistic people for the positive sensory input aspects, and also it's very easy to have as a special interest (loads of information to absorb, 'projects' to complete, a wardrobe to collect and organise) Hypermobility and EDS are far more common in the autistic population than in the general population, along with stuff like GI disorders, sleep disorders, seizures, mental illness etc. The majority of autistic people have some kind of comorbid chronic pain condition.

Anyway, if I'm honest, I think a lot of people in our comm are genuinely suffering with various things, and I admire them for still managing to live rich lives and succeed in the ways that they have.

2/2, sage for blogpost/infodump

>>10134220
>The majority of autistic people have some kind of comorbid chronic pain condition.
Source? I’m autistic and know a lot of other autistic people but have never heard this before.

>>10134340
I picked that up from this article I was reading a few days ago.

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00656/full

>>10134092
>>10131933

>>10118428
YES

>>10127521
This is weird af. Just think for a moment, can you imagine a group of guys in the same hobby doing this? It always seems to be women with invisible illnesses

>>10127521
That sounds annoying, but at least it's not reeeeeing genderspeshuls who infect everyone with the thirty genders and unique pronouns disease.

>>10131310

I think what sets alarm bells off for me here is that they’re strategizing for benefits, eg trying to figure out the set of symptoms they have to tell their doctor instead of presenting their symptoms like they are.

It’s one thing to be like “oh hey you have x and y? Let your doctor know about it” and completely another to manipulate the system to your (questionable) benefit.

Lolita no doubt attracts a lot of people who feel ostracized, and I respect people with chronic illness, but pretty much everywhere you’ll have people lying too. Again though, I’d leave it up to professionals to call them out on it. At most I would bring up how shitty benefits are.

>>10134828
Genderspecials are ALWAYS disabled somehow. And apparently doing nothing about their diseases by remaining fat and inactive.

>>10134828
>>10134880
Do your genderspecials also come up with weird names that everyone then has to call them by or else? A few of the ones in my comm have changed their name, and one in particular is really odd and hard to pronounce. I think she got it from a YA fantasy book or something. Whenever someone forgets it or mispronounces it she gets upset and needs to be consoled by her equally genderspecial friend, who after the meetup vagueposts to FB about closed-minded cishets who can’t treat poor enbies like humans. Mispronouncing a made up name means you don’t think someone’s human, apparently.

>>10134885
Oh my god, it’s always some weirdass ancestral name or poet that no one would ever name their baby now. Although I’ll say that the ones I know don’t give a shit if I fuck up.

>>10134873
>I think what sets alarm bells off for me here is that they’re strategizing for benefits, eg trying to figure out the set of symptoms they have to tell their doctor instead of presenting their symptoms like they are.
This is common among actually disabled people, especially if you need pain meds. If you don't present your illness in a certain way you might not get the care you need. This doesn't mean your illness is fake. There are many legitimately chronically ill people who get denied pain meds because of the opioid epidemic. Trans people also discuss what to say to doctors to get hormones and surgery. Many doctors will not believe they have gender identity disorder unless they give a typical "I liked girl toys when I was little" story. Sometimes you need to game the system to get it to work.

I just posted a meet up idea and someone asked if we’d be in lolita or regular clothes?? I mean I posted it in the lolita comm fb group I thought that’d be obvious

>>10134215
>>10134873
>>10134940
That's all nice and all but that's not something that should be primarily discussed in a fashion group? If I was in your comm I'd be really fucking annoyed too. I also have some medical problems but I don't try to tell everyone about it, especially in a non related hobby. I'd be just as annoyed if we always talked about things like BC or weed, how to get it, what it helps, etc. It might be helpful to some but it's totally wrong for taking over a comm?

I once got stuck sitting at a tea party next to one of those types of people that had to just talk about her medication and all her problems and made other people talk about that shit too. She was new and somehow thought that's the best thing to talk about. It was the most excruciating and boring two hours. I really don't give a fuck about all your issues and the meds you tried and their side effects. Leave that to your private convos after you actually became friends with these people. I'm not saying we should all sit around praising Mana and only discussing AP and shit but there are some things that you shouldn't really do even if it's not hurting anyone, because it's just tedious.

>>10134975
Who said a single conversation topic was “taking over the comm”, jesus. All they mentioned was one convo which had nothing to do with the autist you sat next to.

>>10134976
Those autists shouldn't be discussing things that make the entire disabled community look bad.
Sorry, we're not all mooches living with our parents getting maximum government bucks, and that's precisely what the girls like that in my comm were.

You don't need $1,000+ a month if you live in your parents basement to splurge on 3-4 dresses a month.

>waiting on an acceptance from my local comm for over a week.

How long does this shit take. Do you really have that many sissies trying to enter.

>>10135006
Can it be that the mods didn't see your message? Apparently sometimes shit like that happens if you're not FB friends with them already.

>>10135016
Might be, but I sent it through a group so I shouldn't need to be.

>>10134987
Stop using autism as an insult fucking hell.

are the ohio mods every gonna tell us who the new mods are or are they just gonna continue spamming info about paridiso?

>>10135037
Ok retard

>>10135037
Stop trying to change chan board culture. Reeeing whenever someone says fag, tard, and autist will not make anyone stop.

>>10134975
It's not like every single person at the table is going to be discussing the same thing? If you don't want to participate in one discussion, stop talking to that person and start talking to someone else. Or just tell the girl you feel uncomfortable talking about her medical condition and move on?

>>10134987
Hm, looks like I was wrong and the post was not about my comm then, as the girls in my comm aren't doing that. And where I live you get less than $1000/month from disability.

>>10135051
No clue. I know they extended applications, due to not enough southern Ohio representation. They spam Paradiso because one mod is some how in cahoots with the home con of Paradiso and does their social media stuff.

>>10135051
How about PM them and ask instead of bitching on cgl?

>>10135037
Calm down you autistic retard

>>10135205
She's posting stuff about Paradiso because she has friends in the KC Area, dumbass.

>>10135229
Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Or are you just bitter and filled with salt? <3

>>10134940

I mean that's nice and all, but I already indicated I'm not going to be raining on your benefits parade at a lolita meet, so you can keep talking how to 'game the system' all you like, and I'll socialize with other people who aren't obsessed with lying to their doctors for incredibly rare diseases that they definitely have. Deal?

>>10132858
Hey nanchatte anon, I'm moving to Fort Wayne fairly soon (hopefully within six months, maybe a year). I know that's probably too far for a daytrip from Dayton area but maybe we can find a way to hang out sometime. I love nanchatte and I'm about to lose anyone to wear it with. </3

My current comm is on the smaller side and we like to host casual meets from time to time where lolita is not mandatory, just jfash. We usually do it for meets where people might damage or not want to bother with lolita (like art jams where we use paint and markers, or swap meets, or thrift store crawls). Maybe there's either a jfash comm in the midwest you can join or a comm that might do similar casual meets.

Either way! I'm in the nanchatte discord too if you wanted to chat sometime, just ask for me there and I'll message you.

I live in an pretty small city and our lolita comm is meeting up again for the first time in years this weekend. I'm so excited! Some of us had moved away and the rest of us have been neck-deep in our degrees, so I'm just really looking forward to seeing my few lolita friends face to face again.

>>10135280
Woah that would be so awesome. I’ll get on discord when I get home in several hours. I’m not sure if I’ll still be Ohio (job hunting and just gonna go where an offer takes me) but if I am I’m totally down to hang. I’ve never had a nanchatte friend or nonlolita jfash at all. I was just the uniform girl on campus.
In the meantime I hope this OHIO jfash comm accepts me. They have 0 new posts and 0 new members in the last 30 days so I’m worried but I have lots of experience with planning stuff so I would love to motivate them to meet. Maybe by the time you get here they will be active lol.

>>10135286
Is it the one owned by R.C.?

If so, I can prod her. She's busy with work and school so not much has really happened with it. I know her and can prod her if you'd like.

>>10135275
That's fine. Just don't whine about it here next time. And maybe do a bit of research before you accuse your comm members of faking their illnesses.

>>10135206
idk anon, someone in the last thread was bitching about how all the mods live up north and then magically 24 hours later they open mod applications
seems like a good tactic to me

>>10135316
Ah, I see I’m in now whether you prodded or not (I was too slow but I wanted to say you shouldn’t prod, I understand the work and school life. I myself should be putting more effort in hunting). The last post by any member was in August, oof. Once I get my backlog cleared out I will see who would be interested in meeting up. I like planning things. I really hope there are other nonlolita jfashion freaks like me in the southern half of Ohio.

>>10135356

>And maybe do a bit of research before you accuse your comm members of faking their illnesses.

Your "research" sounds like it comes from forums and anecdotes, and doesn't match up to current data by a shot to the moon. Maybe you should read up before acting so big and might next time.

>>10135006
If a friend 'invited' you, facebook will skip asking you to fill out a request form, which answering is often required by comms. Maybe that's the reason?

>>10130558
Someone in our comm wants to do this now. She's hosting a lot of meets at her house and it's weird.