/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I joined a comm this year! ...But I backed out of every meet, because I've heard some really nasty things about the comm on here. I want to make friends in lolita so badly but I'm better off alone if what people here say is true...
I don't know what to do and could really use some advice! Anyone know how to deal with dramatic situations without getting involved?

>>10075264
First off don’t believe in the hype. Anons love to talk about drana and build it up but most of the time it’s nothing. And 90% of drama is personal issues between a few girls. So just don’t start shit yourself.

I love my com they are active and very nice. But I hope some of the not that active members would stop coming. Maybe I can make them leave if I show them how much I hate them and their ugly faces and coords.

>>10075264
You're silly for letting anonymous gossip about people you don't even know yet have an effect on whether you have fun.

>>10075275
>t. a literal child

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
Nah. We had one meet a month last year and lots of little unofficial meets and groups going to international events. I think we have a great activity calendar, we don't need more.
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
None, I'm a (very appreciative) mooch.
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
That was last year but I've stuck with my original comm even though I have to travel a long way. The nearer comm is too quiet and reviving it would take too much effort.
>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
No. Tempted, but in the end I like meeting new people and like seeing a mix of old comm members at the official meets.

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
I am! We almost didn't have a winter ILD meet. It's definitely hard to plan things but dang
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
I am not planning anything so far. Maybe in the second half of the year? It's difficult to get lots of people to go to 'big' meets, much less ones I could plan at my apartment.
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
Afaik, we have one comm for the whole damn state, so no.
Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
Nope!

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
I'm moving to a place with a more active comm so I'm pretty excited but at the same time worried because I've been with my comm for so long that I don't know how well I will adapt to a new group.

>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
before I leave I'll probably try to host a big Valentine's day event

>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
Yes, if anyone else has done this and wants to share their experience I'd appreciate it. I'm honestly really nervous because I dont know how this comm is and I feel like everyone will have their little circle already established and I won't fit in easily. I also know no one in the city so that's a bit of a push for me to go either way I guess

>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
My comm has done a few but its cool since it's just a few members anyway

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
i hope for new members that are nice and for current members to chill tf out.
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
currently planning a late new years meet and a hopefully bigger valentine's meet
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
just moved to this one so not anytime soon
>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
maybe if we get a few more decent girls... if its just me and someone else its not really a meet is it

>>10075275
If they aren't that active then why are you so assblasted? That you have to see an ita for one or two meets a year? Just ignore them holy shit

>>10074924
lmao at the niggita

Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
Possibly.
What events are you planning for your Comm this year? I'm not planning any; the comm isn't too active and neither are our mods. Plus there's a lot of drama desu.
Are you planning to move to another Comm this year? Nope.
Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on? Yes. This is quite common in my comm anyways.

>>10075264
Go to a few meets and see for yourself. If someone tries to drag you into drama you can play dumb, be noncommittal or just straight up tell them you’re not interested in petty drama depending on what you’re most comfortable with. Most likely it’s not nearly as bad as people online made it seem. I used to think my local comm was super dramatic and full of elitist bullies but once I got actively involved it became clear that practically everything was coming from a single unhinged vendetta-chan who got banned for harassing people and then kept up this bizarre grudge against the comm for years afterwards, sockpuppeting entire conversations, stalking profiles and pretending to be certain comm members/mods while posting here. Most comms won’t have it this bad but just keep in mind that it’s very easy for a handful of butthurt people to manufacture online drama and keep it going for a long time. Go out and meet your comm IRL before you write them off completely.

How far are you gulls willing to drive for a meet? I really want to attend the meetups for my state's group but they're all a four-hour drive away...

>>10082424
Longest I’ve ever travelled (excluding international events) was 2.5 hours, and many meets require me to travel for 2 hours. I don’t think I’d do 4 hours unless it’s a very special event and even then I’d probably look for somewhere to stay the night.

>>10082870
I've traveled 5hrs for a meet but that was a megameet and I was also using it as an excuse to see a friend. Typically I won't drive more than 30 mins for meets.

>>10082424
2 hours but I agree with >>10082870
4 hours for something special would be fine. It would have to be really nice though, like an actual afternoon tea (no shitty Lipton and mayo sandwiches high tea) or private movie theater screening

>>10082424
1 hour

>>10074924
>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
my comm is hella active, it'd be cool if we could stop scheduling several meets on the same day, but i know that comes of ill planning and spontaneousness
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
Valentine's day meet, twinning meet, a wine bar meet, probably an ouji meet, Halloween meet (can you tell I'm active? lol )
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
Nah the other comm sucks ass, i love mine
>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
I do private meetups or hangouts with 2-3 friends from time to time. Not having facebook has made it a challenge for me to host things on my own and keep up with what's going on with the comm. But my mods and my friends are great and respect that I'm avoiding that forum but also encourage me to continue hosting.

>>10082424
no more than 1.5 hours unless it's a huge meet or convention

>>10082424
My state's comm is garbage and mostly dead. I'm in New England, though, so it seems like the decently-dressed lolitas congregate in Boston. That's fine, but it's a 2.5 hour drive from here so I'm not generally willing to go down except for big meets.

How do you guys go about joining a comm without a Facebook page? I just moved and the comm here only has a private page, and I'm not interested in making an account. Should I do it anyways?

>>10083704
It's easiest if you have friends in the comm already. You could try and see if the comm has an amino, I know some of them do.

>>10083704
Just make an account. It sucks but it's the only way. I wish my comm would move off Facebook but it'll never happen.

>>10075275
Are you by any chance a high schooler?

We have quite a few socially akward people in the community, that tend to be very present. They often react to everything and their comments are quite irrelevant/stupid. Those people really annoy me and I haven’t even met some of them in real life. So I started to wonder, what would you do if someone you already have a negative bias of shows up at a meeting?
My friends said they would ignore them, but that is quite rude. I want to be a good person and act nice, but with people like that I always fear they would misinterpret/use your kindness. I don’t want them to think that I want to be their friend nor want them to cling to me. I doubt it would be possible to not talk to them at all, as they would most likely uninvitedly joins a conversation. So, how would you react when someone you don’t like tries to engage with you?
Also how do you react when someone interrupts your conversation and starts talking about something random? And what if they don’t listen when you tell them they just interupted someone/keep interrupting people? How can you show someone you don’t want to be their friend/that you don’t want to engage with them, without being an absolute dick?

My friend was nice to one of those girls once and that girl ended up ruining the meeting for my friend. The girl clinged on to her, wouldn’t let her talk to other people, interupted everything my friend tried to say just to whine for 30 minutes about classic ita things. Also when we were having a conversation and someone wanted to start talking, the girl would just interrupt that person as well. She even didn’t listen when people told her she was interrupting, she just continued talking about stuff not even remotely related to the conversation topic. It was so sad, the girl didn’t even notice people literally turned their back to her.

>>10084500
It sounds like you already know how to handle these people but have meet some especially bad ones.
Usually if someone rudely tries to change the topic I acknowledge it slightly annoyed (or ignore it) then turn back to the first person "sorry, what were you saying?"

If they keep doing it I ignore them more and more.

But this person you've described sounds really bad. I would probably walk away and try to avoid them. But it sounds like you've tried that. Sucks anon.


I have a friend who has recently started interrupting people in the friends group to bring up unrelated stuff no one cares about. She didn't act that way before and I'm not really sure what to do about it either.

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
I highly doubt it. I've been the only active admin for the last year and maybe 1 person has made an event since.
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
Maybe a Valentine's tea.
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
Planning to visit more comms and be more active with neighboring states.
>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
I've been doing that for years. Luckily my comm has grown up and stopped whining about 'secret meet ups' and they realize that maybe friends sometimes get dinner together dressed up.

>>10075500
>>10082932
You guys sound like my comm. There is a nearby city with a very quiet group so we have a few (appreciative) mooches from there since it's not too far, and we did have the several meets on the same day issue also--on those days, if you do it right, you can treat it like a frill crawl. I wish we had more of those.

My only two qualms are the leftover drama from some major things that happened a few years ago, but thankfully that's died way down, and the other has to do with a mod that's not very active anymore.

>>10084500
Just ignore them and have private friends only meets? But why are you so sure you don't like them, a lot of people are different online vs IRL

I'm dying to host a meet or two but I am completely out of ideas. I live in a pretty big city but somehow we only have just one, maybe two, tea places we always go to. It's too cold and wet for a picnic or anything outdoors. We have a few museums but they don't have any interesting exhibits that are classical, cute, fashion, or anything relating to the aesthetic inspirations of lolita. Even though it's a big city the style of everything is more modern and industrial and it's super hard to find any nice looking places.

Does anyone have any suggestions for meet ideas or am I doomed to wait months for decent weather?

I'd like to host a high tea meet, but my comm is pretty inactive and a lot of them flake after saying they'd go to a regular meet. I don't want to reserve a venue with my own money only to end up paying for people who didn't even go.

you thought this massive wall of text was going to make people "tldr grow up"?

>>10085190
She gave quite a lot info away, anyone have a clue who this is?

>>10085138
I’m in the same boat. Going to tea all the time is boring as hell after a while. Honestly, Lolita isn’t a costume. You don’t have to do “lolita aesthetic” things just because you wear a fashion. Me personally would like to see bowling meets, indoor golf, shit that’s actually fun and can bond over. Go see a local play and go to dinner after. Heck go to a nice bar and get lit. Those are just things I wish I saw more.

>>10085205
Pretty sure it's chestnutlili

>>10085221
Yeah this would make sense. Gemgem doesn't go for small items but rather big ticket dream dresses. Rainies has lots of small things but I doubt her English is that good

>>10085178
Not every place required a partial payment just for a reservation. I never put my own money on the line besides my own cost of attendance. Here are some things I'd suggest for hosting for a flaky comm:

>Create the meet up over a month in advance, so no excuses about "oh I have to work"

>Keep attendance spots low, 10 or under so that you have a waiting list in case someone flakes (and they will)

>Non refundable tickets. Flakes don't get their money back, but are allowed to sell their spot to someone else. They are responsible for that themselves.

>Make sure to add both tax and tip to the ticket cost. This makes it much less stressful than trying to get cash tips together on the day of the meet.

>If you absolutely can't find a good venue that doesn't require a deposit, calculate how many spots you need in order to even make the reservation and let the group know. Make the event two months in advance and let them know that if enough spots aren't filled by X date then you cannot book and will refund the money you already collected.

>


I hope that helps and that you can host the tea party of your dreams.

>>10085221
Oh shit, yes that fits quite well. In that case lmao @ "low priced items on yahoo".

>>10085190
There's only one problem with all her "reasoning". She's not providing a service that anyone wants or needs. She acts like this is such a legit job and she puts so much into it but really there is no good benefit to anybody but her over the fact that she took a reasonably priced item, tacked on shopping fees, shipping fees and ofc a little extra for herself. It would be completely different if this was 2004 and we couldn't get our hands on anything without a reseller. But this, she can just go fuck herself. She is not only scalping but also just inflating the price of things.

Also no one needs you to hunt down the whole fucking set and overcharge it. We can do that ourselves thank you very much. You're not ClosetChild or Wubderwelt that resells clothes that people sell to you on purpose. We don't need a reseller when we can go shop on YJapan ourselves. If you want to actually be legit just be a fucking shopping service.

>Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
Yes, but I don't think it'll happen. Each year everyone talks about wanting to be more active but nothing changes.
>What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
There's not a whole lot to do where I live besides cafe meets that no one seems to want to come to. We had a zoo meet once and it would be nice to do another.
>Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
There's no other comms that wouldn't require a day trip to get to and back from.
>Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
The comm isn't really big enough to do private meets. There's one perma-ita I don't like that I'd love to not invite but using facebook it doesn't seem that easy to invite everyone minus one person. It also doesn't really seem worth it to stir up drama over it.

>>10082424

About 50 miles. Occasionally I go farther.

I'm visiting Vancouver, BC next weekend and I was wondering is anyone goes to Neverland tea salon?
Do any Vancouver lolitas have better recommendations for where to get tea service?

>>10082424
I regularly do 4+ hours on public transport, but I'm a weirdo who really loves her comm and has a tight friendship group inside it. If your comm is nice and fun, then it may be worth the trip for you too! Not sure I'd travel that long for a comm I didn't already have friends in though. I probably wouldn't outside of an international meet/special event.

Does anyone else have an annoying af dude who hangs around and barely wears the fashion who people tolerate because he’s the “photographer”

I have one and I fucking hate him

I’d like to actually go to some meets this year. My comm has plenty of meets, but working six days a week every week really takes it out of you. That and, since it’s been so long since I’ve gone out in lolita with other lolitas, I’m afraid of looking bad or having a terrible coord, especially because I’m not as good at makeup as I used to be...

>>10089434
ban him, i've had an experience with one and he was a creeper gwc.

>>10089434
if they aren't into the fashion, why the fuck are they attending meets? so retarded, just tell him he can't come, as it's for the people who actually wear the fashion. inb4 he starts wearing shitty ita things because he has a boner for this extreme femininity of lolita lmao

>>10089452
Ntayrt but there was one in my comm for awhile. I only met him a couple times and I didn't understand what he was doing there until I found out through our fb group that a certain group of girls were inviting him to get "professional" photos taken at meets.

>>10089451
I wish. He’s infiltrated to the point where the mods like him and most everyone else does, too. I’ve only talked to three other people who admit they don’t like him. I think it’s possible there are more but I don’t want to expose myself as a dissenter if he’s got an in with the mods, he’s so ingrained into the comm, he’s at almost every single meet and they wouldn’t have pictures without him

>>10089452
He will wear the bare minimum of what he thinks aristo is, so like a shitty vest from AliExpress + normie dress pants or an Aatp coat + normie dress pants and shoes

I don’t think I’ve ever heard him actually talk about the fashion. He’s incredibly loud and obnoxious and I wish he would go away. He’s the main reason why I don’t host meets because I would specifically want to not invite him.

>>10082424
i do two hours but i typically spend the night with my mom or my friends for a day or two if i do that

>>10089434
We have a few, though none of them even bother to buy a nice camera so calling them “the photographer” is a real stretch. They might take coord pics for people on their own phones.
Fortunately they only really show up to large public meetups at conventions, events and sometimes for big picnics. When we’re doing something a little more cozy at a cafe or something we try to have a strict dress code. That doesn’t stop them from putting on a shitty steampunk tophat and claiming to be ~aristo~ but it’s rare.

Honestly I wish our mods would just kick self-professed “admirers” out of the FB group but that’s elitist ;-; and it’s easy for them to claim that they’re totally planning on buying their first coord one day but just haven’t gotten around to it despite having had in some cases multiple years to do it. But they really love the fashion for reals tho!

>>10089907
How do non Lolita even get accepted into the fb page to begin with ??

>>10089948
By saying that they like lolita and might hypothetically want to wear it at some point in the distant future. That’s all that’s really necessary. There are a few people in the group who I suspect don’t even really know what lolita IS, and many more who have been “working on” their first coord for years but somehow can’t manage to complete it. From time to time the mods try to delete inactive members but these people are always some of the first to comment that they definitely totally want to start wearing or “get back into” lolita one day but [insert excuses] and anyway this seems elitist and aren’t lolitas supposed to be lovelies???, and so they get to stay.

Sometimes I toy with the idea of making a ~super secret elitist sub-comm~ with the only requirement of actually wearing the fashion more than once a year, but I’m pretty sure the mods wouldn’t appreciate that because it might make us seem unwelcoming.

>>10084500
Why do you think that not engaging with people you dislike would make you a bad person? There is no ill intent in this.

>>10089948
I got in by saying I had one bodyline dress and wanted to learn more. It was true, and I did end up learning, but I was not a real lolita at the time.

>>10089316
Anyone?

>>10085067
oh yeah, v-day weekend will be frill crawl for us; cafe meet in the day and then burlesque show at night. i'm really looking forward to it.

the good thing for me is that i came into the comm about a year or so after the leftover drama that was there started to die out. we've only had one major drama incident since then and a minor one at a recent meet. but nothing groundbreaking or a huge deal. i like hosting events impartially - i try to talk a bit to everyone but i also have a smaller group to do private hangouts with if i don't feel like dealing with huge meets.

>>10085138
I always recommend bar meets so long as you know your comm members well enough that they won't make complete asses of themselves and drink responsibly.

other ideas: restaurant meets at somewhere unexpected (we have a variety of cultures here so we've gone to german, russian, jp, chinese, viet, mexican, etc. places); arcade meetup (my personal fave), karaoke meet, botanical garden meet, etc.

you can always opt to do a themed meet despite the meeting location being out of place; i personally enjoy the look of people in daily, common areas in the fashion rather than someone 100% perfect in perfect tea shop with perfect food and drink.

something fun that i've thought of doing with my comm is doing a backdrop competition; basically design your own photobackdrop (posterboard + wallpaper + deco = profilt), then people can vote on their faves and you have a ton of different backdrops to choose from for a coord :)

a friend of mine suggested a tie-dye meet and bring cheap white dresses; would be a fun summer activity. though i'm more on the edgy side and want to do a blood spattered look for a cheap guro dress :)

Will be going to Florida in the summer and wanted to know if some locals would recommend some cute places to go? Even if it's just nice cafes or anything kawaii themed.

Are you hoping for your Comm to be more active this year?
My typically active comm seems to be in a dry spell. Not sure what's up but there hasn't been a good meets in a couple months and barely anything coming up. So, yes I hope things turn around.

What events are you planning for your Comm this year?
I'm doing a tea for Valentines Day, a garden meet, and have a couple others in the works because obviously someone has to step up.

Are you planning to move to another Comm this year?
Not really, a regional comm popped up last year that I definitely want to check it out but I'll still have my local comm as my main.

Have you finally decided to just do private meetups from now on?
I have enough close friends in the comm that we do hang out in lolita on our own time, but I'm not sure if I'd consider it a 'private meet.' There's only a couple people in the comm I truly dislike so that's not enough to make me want to abandon ship.

my comm attracts the most disgusting people
so this scrappy fuckin hobo man joins our comm a couple weeks ago, introduces himself by saying he doesn't wear lolita but he likes to look at girls who do, now he's asking us where to take his "friend" to subject normies to their sexual deviance while his friend wears lolita
I'm not gonna post the whole thing, this comment he left pretty much encapsulates his grossness

>>10092753
I was really confused by that post

>>10092758
I'm just really glad he didn't bother to look at when the next meet is desu
Maybe they'll get bored and go be degenerates elsewhere

Shop in wonderland updated their store with some ugly meta dresses. Inb4 every single Lolita in Houston tries them on and the staff starts doing photoshoots in them and they start looking and smelling dingy.

>>10092753
>>10092763
Why wait until they get bored? Are the mods not aware of what these people are doing? In my comm it doesn't matter if the person wears genuine lolita or not, if they openly display sexual deviancy of any kind, they're not allowed in at all.

>>10092776
Just because SiW stocks them doesn't make them ugly. And the Houston lolitas are boycotting it anyway I thought

>>10092797
They’re all ugly tho, unless that’s your taste I guess

>>10092797
Houston lolitas still go to that shop and all their parties and events, they’re not doing shit to stop them

>>10092869
Not all of the Houston lolitas.

>>10092874

Which ones don't? Did they form their own group?

I just recently got active again in my comm after years of being kinda quiet after some big drama happened between two people dividing the group. The said two people are not even active any more but still members and both are common friends of mine. I can’t help but feel some sort of apprehension towards me when I plan meets or even attend them because of being friends with the two past drama mongers. It’s like guilty by association or some shit when I wasn’t even involved with their squabble. I just want to be invited to the smaller meets again without people thinking I’m going to start some shit because of who I have as mutuals on Facebook.

Does any one else have this issue with their comm? The issue of people already casting judgment because of something from the past that has left a scar in the community being put into you because you where around when it happened?

>>10092797
Meta being fugly has nothing to do with who stocks them, anon... I don’t think >>10092776 ever even implied thats why it’s ugly.

>>10093008
I'm near what used to be a very prominent comm on the international scene. They are low-key and chill now, there's a core of people who organise meets for the city and most people drift in and out going to a few meets a year. I've seen a lot of the older lolitas in our own city haven't rejoined the comm even though it has an easy to find name and is focused on having a fun time rather than international recognition. I've only been to comm meets twice but I've found it welcoming and friendly, nothing like the rumours I had heard online. I want to become more active and organise a meet myself later in year. It's sad that a lot of people won't give them a chance

>>10089434
There was one at a newbie meet in my comm, my god was he fat and ugly. Thankfully it seems his gf and him aren’t too active. She dresses like you think she would dating him

>>10093020
Exactly, meta gets uglier every year

>>10092991
Most real Houston lolitas don't shop there. There's a few left that are sadly loyal, but it's now mostly cosplayers and weebs and AM groupies (hence they are carrying more weeb merch now).

>>10093008
If your comm is judging you on something you have no involvement in, then I think your comm might not be one you would want to participate in since they can’t let something from the far past go. Perhaps make some friends with the newer members of you can but your comm sounds kinda like douches.