/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I really, really hate the medication for depression and psychosis. I think I have an eating disorder, which I have been in denial about for a long time since it isn't related to my weight. I'm not sure what it is. It is more about feeling "clean" and I think this is why I have such a problem with medication. When I take it, I physically feel sick, and get extremely anxious, and I feel like I'm being poisoned. I don't know what it is doing inside my body. It doesn't help that no-one seems to know how anti-depressants work. I read obsessively about them, I've tried about ten different types, and as far as I can tell, much of their effect can be attributed to placebo. As for anti-psychotics, fuck. I would rather take the risk of becoming psychotic than take those, since my psychosis was relatively mild and the side effects of those meds are so strong.

Since I won't take these meds, doctors really hate me and refuse to take me seriously, since they think I am doing this to myself or that I want to be this way. So they are very unsympathetic toward me, when all I really want from a medical professional is for them to just be kind to me and tell me things will be OK (since I only ever see them when I am in crisis-mode and desperate). But instead I just get lectures and heavy implications that I am doing this all for attention and that there is nothing wrong with me. It doesn't help that sometimes I think there is actually nothing wrong with me. But years of this shit has left me without any friends (I spent years as a recluse), a family who will barely tolerate me, no education past age 16, never had a job. I'm in my 20s and have no future, my only identity is in being sick. So if there is nothing wrong with me, all I have left is my extremely shitty life which I have crafted myself, and my shitty personality. And no-one else to blame.

>>6883061
>those incredibly teased and ratty wigs

>>6883058
>that one on the left with a huge amount of bloomers and petti showing underneath dress

WHY GOD, WHY?

>tfw no subs