/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

- I currently have 3 dresses that do not fit me; I convinced myself I'd just lose weight. I am trying (not very hard), but still not sure if I ever fit them. I just bought them for the person I would like to be (thin, almost not boobs - not chubby, lazy and busty).

- I love Lolita, but I rarely really wear it. I always feel like an attention whore; after 19 years of being normalfag/invisible, I am just not used to anyone paying attention to me. Sometimes the fear of comments/rude stared and the stress I put on myself because I feel like everyone's judging me (and think I am a crazy attention whore) stops me from wearing Lolita. Again, I feel like bought the clothes for someone I would like to be (brave, give no fucks, always confident about herself - not insecure and constantly worried about nothing).

- Uni is starting next week, and I am so afraid. It will be my second semester, and afterwards I have my first exams. I have not studied the whole semester break, and I hate myself for that, but I just cannot bring myself to do anything. Also, I am not sure if I get into the classes that I want to; I do not have n aprovement for 3 classes, which means I need to talk/beg the prof to let me in.
Also, I have not really made friends; and the 2 people I at least talked to do not share any classes with me (exept one), so I will be alone, and I am afraid. I do not want to spend a semester alone again. I am the only person who has not made friends, unlike all the other people I know. I think I will deny myself to wear Lolita/anything too "weird" to Uni for a while, so that I at least look more approchable.

-On the other hand, I constantly feel tired, and want to be left alone. I cannot bring myself to do anything, be it sudying or cleaning my room; I just lay around feeling sorry for myself, but I cannot get up to DO anything to change my situation. Pic related is how I feel most of the time; which also makes me feel guilty even more, than I get more sad- Endless cycle.