/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>legitimate sperglord
>When I was younger it was so bad that I couldn't pick up any social cues unless someone was blunt
>didn't have internet growing up (honestly was a sheltered kid so I wasn't allowed it), somehow joined a lolita community through word of mouth
>since no internet only knowledge of lolita was through manga and conventions
>I looked Ita as hell
>first meetup went horribly, everyone was passive aggressive as fuck, avoided me, made snide remarks and didn't tell me why
>when I finally was allowed internet first thing I did was whine about how the local lolitas were MEAN BULLIES
>internet, everyone is blunt as fuck, I learned what I did wrong really fast, and over some time improved
>get 40+ lolita dresses, become a lifestyler, clean up my act
>attempt to join a different lolita community
>Join a community, attend a meetup
>everyone already formed cliques but then a couple girls approach me
>make some friends, exchange some numbers, happy things are finally going well
>find myself in the secrets the next week
>something across the lines of wishing I got banned from the community since I'm such a cringy autist
>tried contacting my lolita friends a couple days later
>all of them blocked me but one
>contact the one that didn't block me
>she admits to harrassing me on the internet 4-6 years ago when my coords look like shit and said I deserved it, then asked me to buy her dinner
>fuck talking to her again
>go onto facebook
>find myself banned from all local communities
>tried being a lone lolita
>every time I put on a dress I just remembered what happened
>legitimately can't enjoy the fashion anymore, it just makes me sad

I cleaned up, I dressed myself better, I even took classes on how to recognize social cues.. but it seems like I can't escape this reputation that I built for myself. It makes me so sad that I can't find enjoyment in a hobby that used to bring me such joy.