/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>depression hit
>haven't talked to any of my lolita friends (or anybody really) for a few months
>impulsively broke up with bf of 3 years
>depression triggers some ED issues and makes my appetite nonexistent
>cue unhealthy skelly mode
>the clothes that used to make me happy are falling off of me and make me feel out of place
>a wardrobe full of burando that i had pined after so long goes completely unworn
>monotonous pattern of work, school, work, school, work, school
>everything feels pointless
>total loss of interest in all of the things that made me happy, like lolita, knitting, and other cute lifestyle things
>dread every single day
>don't want to fall asleep because i know i have to wake up

i think i'm sabotaging myself on purpose and just cutting all ties because i genuinely want to die (or at least not exist) and i don't want anybody to miss me

if any of my jfash friends recognize me from this post (specifically J), i'm so sorry i haven't talked to you but i'm too ashamed of myself to burden you with my problems because i know you're all bearing your own. i wish i could tell you everything that's going on but i just can't knowing that you're going through things too. so i'm taking the cowardly approach and posting my apology on anon

i'm at the point where i'm making an excel spreadsheet for my family detailing how much my pieces will probably sell for and who i want to send specific dresses to in case i really decide to leave because there's nothing for me here but routine and hurt