/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>be me
>be in relationship with wonderful guy for 7 years
>start considering making big life changes, mega nervous
>just not happy, can't figure it out
>start catching feels for best friend about a year ago
>mutual, we fall hard for each other
>know I'd be taking a downgrade, but he's just so.damn.good.to.me
>Unsure of who to cut off, how to do it, want a big change, both options for change feel like wrong choices
>both of them want to take relationship to next step
>I just want to run
>having nightmares, mega guilt, too afraid to confide in anyone

I just want it to stop. Having feels is too much to handle.

To keep it CGL, best friend is cosplay buddy and has been for a while. He's looking forward to a future of cosplays together, travelling to cons, something I couldn't get my prior/current to do. My life is stable and feels "safe", but there's just not much enjoyment. He's for sure the less safe bet, but he helps me really express myself creatively and brings so much joy through cosplay and shared interests that I can't figure out what I want out of my future- I just can't even see a future for myself.