/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>>9685031
Im sure you have some kind of issue that you compensate by insulting other people, maybe they abused you as a kid or you were fat as fuck and now you insult others or both Who knows

Pretty much my only close friend who I can talk about Jfash with is going through a hard time right now so I haven't been able to talk to her a lot recently.

Part of the issue with this is getting to talk about Jfash with someone really helps distract me from my off and on struggles with an ED.

I'm pretty introverted and don't have a ton of stuff I get really gung-ho about so having someone to talk to me about something I really like had helped.

Along with her absence though, I was recently faced with a series of triggers for falling back into my disordered eating.

I developed feelings for someone but I have deep seated feelings of inadequacy and only feel cute when I look sickly thin. It gets to the point that whenever I eat to the point of feeling full I'll sincerely be very irritated for the rest of the day because I correlate that feeling with looking disgusting.

I'm not overweight, at all, if anything I'm on the slim side of average or the higher side of slim. But I've started back at not wanting to exceed 1000cal a day. I know it's not a huge restriction as of now, but there were days last week where I did less than 400.

I feel like if I can't control anything else in my life, I can least control the number on the scale going down.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to fall back into another round of this bullshit. I'll have to get stuff altered to look okay if I lose much more and my closet is rather large so it'll end up being a ton of $.

I know recently there was some huge derail with some shitposter talking about anorexia and I don't want things to derail to that but I really needed to say this somewhere.