/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

> used to be straight-As dev student + TA + successful freelance dev
> loved the job, loved my coworkers, got along really well with boss, worked a ton of hours, bought lolita with pay
> had to quit to go study abroad
> never got any news from job

fast-forward to now, 15 months later
> get new part-time dev job at another company a few months ago
> like what I work on and the pay
> hate most of my colleagues, the absolutely abysmal level of stress, the company's methods
> talk about it with boss but nothing changes
> start really hating job
> have wild dreams of quitting, going back to freelancing, and working from home wearing oldschool Baby suit sets all the time

but then
> country's government raises self-employed people's taxes again
> oh well
> the Baby-suit-wearing-devlita-thing is obviously not going to happen

This, on top of a few anxiety/self-hating/used to be in really abusive relationships issues from the past 4 years I still haven't fixed. I'm a mess, /cgl/. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent.

>>7914553
>tfw no boyfriend that wants to kiss and cuddle me while we watch animu ; _ ;

>>7848382

>be me, sitting on my bed, browsing the net
>mom comes in
>sits down with a worried face, chats a little with me
>"Anon, why are you always sitting on your bed. You are young, you should go out to explore the world! You have all these nice clothes and you never wear them!"
>I can't tell her I barely have friends and that none of my friends are going out much
>I know she is concerned because I haven't been on a date for over a year and never bring home a men or even talk about one (because there aren't any anyway)
>made exactly one friend at Uni after 2 semesters
>tfw even your own moms thinks you are extremly socially awkward and pathetic and totally wasting your life

I don't know what to do. I have though about going to therapy before, and my mom kinda suggested this too. But I am so afraid because my life isn't that bad, all the problems I have are the ones I fucked up myself, and I should be grateful to have a great family, a few very close friends, a job, a place to live, and my dream major.
But then again, I have been failing at Uni because I couldn't bring myself to do anything despite loving my major, I spend all my money on expensive clothes and I often feel terribly alone because there is no men in my life who cares about me. I never go out and meet people (because I have no idea how to go out and meet new people), just like the pathetic social inept girl my mother thinks I am. And the worst is that I really feel bad because my mother worries so much but even that can bring me to drag my ass off my bed and actually do something. Maybe I am just the unlucky person who just happened to end up with a shitty personality.