/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I have gotten hate before, usually in regards to my weight (I'm a fatty-chan) and I'm not going to lie, it did really get to me for a while. My pictures were taken and posted to tumblrs just to reblog and make fun of, or add joking captions about me eating a lot "haha typical fat weeb"-type insults. I read way too much into it, started convincing myself I was worthless and embarrassing, and I was this disgusting blight on humanity just for existing.

Then one day, for a reason I can't really explain, it just clicked in my head- I'm not ruining these peoples' days. They might see me, think I look gross, having a passing thought that they don't like how I look (and comment on it online or whatever), and then they move on. They aren't obsessed with me or thinking about me after that, so why should I care?

I also realized that just because nobody ever said anything so bluntly before doesn't mean that they didn't think unkind things. It just means they didn't say them out loud. The truth of life is that no matter what, there are going to be people who will not like how I look or feel disgusted by it. Every time I go outside, there might be someone that sees me and things those things, whether or not they say anything about it or post about it online later. And I can't control that, but I can control how I react to it. And if I am having fun, and it makes me happy, then I just do not care.

I'm not sure what exactly changed that made me suddenly switch to realizing this and not caring, but I can genuinely say now that it doesn't bother me. It's more of a passing thought that "ok this person doesn't like how I look, that's fine". And I move on, and don't really think about it again. It is a huge relief. The tumblr posts don't bother me anymore when I see them occasionally surface...some of the comments are even kind of funny.