/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

Something I read recently just gave me this sudden meta-awareness of myself and how others have been perceiving me, even though it wasn't directed at me at all and towards someone who goes out of her way to be objectively insufferable.
Pic related.

I wonder if that's the reason why I don't have many friends: Girls perceive me as some arrogant bitch that's a threat to their relationships/intelligences, and guys perceive me as some easy bitch to take advantage of because I'm insecure and fawn over them if they show me the slightest of attention.
It's getting to the point where I don't trust anyone, but isolating myself further just perpetuates my image as being a stuck up bitch with an ego.

What makes me feel especially guilty (and why I feel like the 'threat' aspect is justified) is that someone's husband in the convention scene is having sex with me and swore me to secrecy about it. We were close when we were in high school, and had it not been for a falling out with my ex we would've been dating. He contacted me a couple months ago asking to hang out after years of not seeing each other. But we wound up cuddling, watching a movie, smoking, making out, and then fucking. He shows up here a couple times a month now just for that.
His wife knows he comes here, but she doesn't know or is in denial about what we do.

I feel little remorse for their relationship. He's the one breaking his own commitment. What I feel remorseful for is for myself. The fact that I have become his 'other' fuck on the side, occasionally picking up his scraps of attention, while he gets to hold his head high as a 'good' husband. Meanwhile he disguises the truth that he's an insecure shit who takes advantage of emotionally vulnerable women he used to know.

But I can't stop myself from seeing him.
I know full well the futility of this situation.
But all I feel I can do is be silent. Logic says not to see him anymore, but it wouldn't make me happy. I don't know what will.