/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>never wanted kids, kind of in despair that most men eventually will and 9/10 of my potential relationships are disqualified
>trying to convince myself it might be cute to have some
>read book today, features a woman who has a kid
>filled with utter repulsion at every facet of motherhood
>the kid didn't even do anything bad, he was cute and well behaved, but just things like pregnancy, birth, caring for the kid, giving milk, raising him, absolutely everything seemed like a form of torture
Yeah nah. Everyone says I'll change my mind and suddenly grow maternal instincts... I really , really don't think so. I tried looking at kids IRL and imagining they were mine, and all I feel is repulsion and discomfort at the thought. Gonna go ahead and give a firm NAH to that.
How are my chances of landing a husband? Abysmal, right? I think if I had a kid I needed to love and care for, I'd throw myself off a balcony. Tired of being told I'm insane, broken, or misguided for feeling this way. It's been like this since I could even comprehend the concept of motherhood and I'm in my late 20's now...no change... God damn I just can't force myself to like kids or want any.