/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>>9795788
>5'3" 96 lbs
>Fluctuate daily between being repulsed by skinniness and being repulsed by being pasty and fat
>Stopped wearing lolita because I feel so disgusting all the time and don't want to draw any attention to myself
Trust me, getting down to a low weight will do nothing for you, I'm just tired and irritable and get winded doing practically nothing. I thought everything would be better under 100, but my weight was never the problem, it was my self esteem.
>Know that they only way to feel better is getting properly fit with muscles
>Trying to get /fit/ but terrified of eating over tdee for muscle growth
>Going to get help but scared because of bad experiences with previous psychiatrists
>Really don't want to get to the point where hair thins because that really isn't kawaii