/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>27 years old
>never get qt cosplay gf but not out of me being bad at girls, just all the good girls begin taken and me not being a homewrecker
>always feel lonely at cons when friends do couples cosplays and stuff
>Everyone knows I'm virgin and does the whole "JUST HOOK UP WITH RANDOM CONGIRL, LEMMIE HELP YA BRO!" kind of thing
>I've no interest in hookups, I genuinely just want a lovely relationship with someone but feel my inexperience at my age is so out of whack that it'd be impossible
>Still very close friends with all my crushes because I genuinely love them as people despite stuffing my feelings for them aside, some of them for literally a decade as they just never align up to going out with me even if it's known we have feelings for one another
>Finally get a qt cosplay gf who's 20 and has no relationship experience, so we're both pretty blank slates and have no expectations for one another
>She's a very lovely person, although not exactly my ideal type I'm happy with her
>Suddenly, now that I'm in a relationship, three of my crushes just happen to become single and start going after me hard
>One of them I've been near obsessed with since I was 18 and still think about all the time
>Conflicting hurts
>I'm not a dick, I won't give in, I'll stick by my new gf and play things out with her
>Part of my head still nagging at me with thoughts like "are you fucking serious right now? This is the girl you fucking dropped out of college to help support when she became homeless because of how much you cared for her. You LOVE her you fucking dipshit, don't miss your chance to be with her."

I feel like such a fuckface for those thoughts but I know I can't really control them. Just won't act on them. I won't cheat though, I know I'm not capable of doing that. This rant feels really silly but fuck are things complicated and my mind so fucked. I just need to look forward to planning my first couples cosplay soon.

When I was underage I was at a con playing as Reimu. I got drunk because some Kamina cosplayer I just met at the con offered (I know, at that age I didn't have easy access to liquor so I went a bit overboard). I don't even remember anything, I just woke up in my hotel room with blue body paint smeared in me from him, it was my first time. I never got to get in contact with him again, hr was just gone when I woke up. I even made a post on /clg/ after to try to get in touch with him, not for charges or anything, but at least so I could learn who took my virginity and talk a bit. Fuck I was stupid.