/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>grandmother I'm super close with falls and breaks her hip
>keeps having complications and going back to the hospital
>meanwhile I'm sick and can't visit her because I can't risk spreading the flu to her
>filled with an INTENSE sense of impending doom that causes me to reckless stuff
>every single thing I do feels like a desperate attempt to not feel cornered but NOTHING is helping
>have spent over $1500 on jfash stuff in the past ~2 weeks since she's been in the hospital even though I'm supposed to be saving for a con and trip over seas next year
>flooded with packages but still buying more stuff to satiate my downward spiral into insanity

I wonder if I'm trying to subconsciously bury myself alive in packages.

>>9613078
I can't get my heart broken if I keep my feelings locked inside in unhealthy manner while simultaneously obsessing over the person to create a cocktail of self loathing and depression.

>have a big event coming up where literally the only person in the world who I care about impressing will be
>get brilliant idea for a few coords
>get all the pieces together
>try them out
>fuckyeahtheselookgoodIamthemostkawaiiofthemall.jpg
>few weeks later(today) try them out again
>second guess literally everything
>event is in less than a month
>it's not realistic to plan out entire new coords for this because a lot of theme are themed around a specific theme that I haven't based my wardrobe around
>literally panicking that I'm going to look so dumb
>ED in full swing because of this too
>don't know if my coords are actually shit and it took me this long to realize because I'm retarded or if i'm just pissy and nitpicking everything because I haven't eaten anything but half a quest bar in a week and i'm hangry as fuck

k i l l m e