/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>been a connoisseur of porny fanart on the internet for over a decade
>Realize I have money and can make a couple requests for a favorite, undeserved pairing
>Support an artist with good porn skills on Patreon and get in the monthly requests tier
>Artist posts final result and I'm suddenly too embarrassed and nervous to look

I don't know why I'm reacting this way. Maybe it's because all the previous reward requests for the month have been a mix of softcore and really innocent stuff. Or maybe because this was a request so it feels super personal. For anons who have had porn commissioned is this normal?