/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I've been posting in a few of these threads about my dad having cancer, boyfriend cheating on me, and having no motivation to do anything. Ignored the overwhelming response of "dump him lol" because (didn't include in the original post) I mentioned maybe having us be open if he moved, but we never actually talked about it so he figured I'd be okay with it. Well, I'm not, and after discussing it at therapy today I decided to be honest with him and say "please dont see this girl exclusively, it makes me think she's your gf, etc" and he's ducking out of the conversation because he's stressed about his continuous dumb mistakes and shit. "I'm going through a rough time, my mom's cutting me off if I don't attend classes I just wanna make my video game!" Buddy, I have a dying dad, no idea when my new job starts and can barely afford tuition for community college since I still have to claim under my parents and they count my unemployed dad's 401k as income so I can't get financial aid. Top it all off, my dad is disappointed in me for staying with him. Me too, dad. Me too.

I hardly have any friends, and the only friend I've got hasn't really been talking much with me lately. I really don't want to lose anyone else, and the very thought of it is just killing me right now.

To keep this /cgl/ related, I've been going to cons for almost two years now, and out of all of that time, I've only truly made a few friends. I'm probably just not a good enough friend or person to people, like... I sometimes find myself questioning the value or worth of my... existence, I guess. If it's good enough for me, or for anyone.

I'm feeling pretty terrible about this.

I just want people to like me as much as I like them. I'm kind of convinced, at least right now more than usual, that... I don't know, maybe I'm just not deserving of being liked.