/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

Any other gull ever felt confused about what they wanted to do in lolita?
I'm just at this point where I don't really know what kind of dress I want anymore and I haven't bought anything in months and barely wears it anymore.
I still love the fashion but I'm just having this feeling of "confusion" like I don't know what I like anymore.
Help me

I want to die.
>decides to wear cute casual outfit to go to the city today
>wear a short flowy pink pleated skirt and a little sleeveless lace button up blouse
>feeling kinda cute but also not used to wearing something so short and constantly covers my butt with one hand when walking up stairs
>also why can't stores just do something in between "super short" and "something an elderly woman would wear" i just want to look cute without having to worry about people looking there
>anyway
>it's super super windy
>get in the subway escalator, everything is going ok
>it's extra windy in there but i'm keeping my hands on my butt and one with my bag in front to be sure nothing bad happens
>suddenly hear something falling
>it's my little cat charm
>try to crouch a little and use my hand to catch it
>suddenly
>huge fucking gust of wind
>my skirt is floating, exposing my panties entirely to all of the people standing behind me
>don't even look back and run
>stop somewhere and hide behind my hands for approx 5 minutes thinking about ending my life right now

I hate having a "healthy sized" body by european standards. Healthy is too fat. I wanna be petite.
It striked me how big and disgusting i was when i saw a small lolita from my comm. She's so small,so skinny,so beautiful and I felt like an ugly fat giant.
I hate being average height (5"4) and average weight (116lbs) it's too big. I have small tiddies on top of that, it's like the genetic lottery is mocking me. My only redeeming quality is fitting into azn unique sizing 95% of the time.

I feel like i'm taking too much space, I just wanna disappear sometimes. I fucking hate myself.

>will soon have to search for a job
>mother tells me how important it is for me to be a complete normie/not say anything "out of the norm"/dress "like everyone"/...
>yeah yeah i'll be a good little clone, chill ma
And then she fucking tells me
>don't say anything weird, no japanese expressions
>wat.jpg
>i never even use japanese expressions
>i stopped being a weeb since 5 years
>mfw my mother think i'm still a weeb who's too stupid to hide her powerlevel and weird hobbies
I mean i AM aspie and I can do/say "weird" things but geez, really? I felt lowkey offended.

>>9502443
I was beaten up once. Nothing too bad and I wasn't really injuried but damn, people are such assholes.
Besides that it's only staring, occasional yelling "not halloween durr xD"or poor attempts at witty remarks, (some girl told me "umm you know pants are like 10$ at Primark right?" bitch, my dress has more value than your own life, get out my way)
The worst I got besides the getting beaten up once is people gaping at me/going "wHAT THE FUCK" loudly and people taking pictures without authorization and acting like they have the right to do so and get buttmangled if I (nicely) confront them about it ("you're dressed flashy so that means you want attention!1!! I have the right to invade your privacy!!!)
But I make it sound more horrible than it is, I mostly just get stares and lots of smiles/compliments

I'm a pretty anxious person.
I love lolita, I really do, but sometimes I can even get ridiculously stressed about that in a "Oh god I still need this blouse/more socks/...to make my wardrobe better/coord decently with this piece/...", "Oh god I don't know what to wear at this meeting,I want to take a pic but my wardrobe is still small and I don't want to repeat myself/be boring",... I delete my coord pics/selfies every once in a while. I like them at the beginning but the more i look at it the more i see flaws and things i don't like and eventually i delete it.
How can I escape from this hell?

>>9308599
>That dingy, poor lit room with a bunch of clothes piled to one side
>Cat
>Those drapes he probably has never washed
>Thought he had gynecomastia, but it was actually his gigantic body pressed into a corset
>fat rolls bulging out from the corset ties
>heavy breathing
>the cherry on top: a vertically filmed video

Jesus crust, how did you find this, anon?

>>9213090
Lost it at the two Router Rooter trucks. I'm guessing some idiots shoved shit-filled diapers down the hotel's toilets? Even the BDSM community is more civilized than this.

>>8393700
I-is that a picture of you anon? You're handsome. :3c