/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>>9091388

Thank you again anon. The texts I sent earlier were kinda Dear John ish in that I laid it all out, but then he tried to argue it. I made the mistake of trying to explain in different terms, like if I could just find the right way to phrase it he'd understand. And I was pointing out the logical inconsistencies in his texts and he just kept ignoring or deflecting over and over. I should have stopped after the first text.

It's very kind of you to offer a listening ear and your help like this.
Have a mildly related gif because it's silly and makes me giggle and I'm using tissues at the same rate.

>>8766539

My god, this is magical.

I want to be a kawaii anime girl. They're based on humans, and the attraction to them is an underlying attraction to humans, but I'm an autist and extreme perfectionist. I want to achieve that flawlessness. At the same time, my standards are retardedly high. I've never had sexual attraction to anyone, but I know I have aesthetics that I like, and those aesthetics are unrealistic for me to expect.

I've always been a friendless loser, so I missed out on being an obnoxious, open weaboo. Even before I perused 4chan (which started at a fairly young age, I'm 19 now) I always had this feeling that I needed to hide.

I make noises or laugh maniacally when I find an album I like or fanart that is exactly what I was looking for. I bought one of those Kindle tablets entirely for manga/anime. Half the space is taken up by Touhou wallpapers. I enjoy yaoi and yuri doujinshi in the privacy of my own home, browse exhentai for kicks despite almost never masturbating, ship everything without sharing it with anyone, and secretly wish for a kawaii desu anime life.

I have things I like and dislike, but I'm a shell of a person, with no personality. If I don't act, it's hard to get along with people, even my own family. Everything I do is centered around pulling myself out of reality, so even thinking of a relationship is impossible at this point. I've entered a dangerous plane. I'll be watching cartoons and playing shitty rpgmaker games until I die. I can't mature mentally past this point.