/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I don't feel pretty in lolita any more, I'm aging badly and nothing has brought me lasting joy for several years. I have a few nasty health conditions and I've been depressed for more than half my life. I've separated myself from my lolita community and my friends over the last few months, and I have a notarised will ready with apology letters for all of them and what parts of my closet and valuables go to whom. This quarantine/lockdown has been a great excuse for avoiding people and my work, but it'll be over soon. I'd like to die before it's over.

The only thing holding me back is that my partner, who I've discussed all my plans with very seriously, still says that it'll fuck him up if I die. He's a very good person, and I can't stand the thought of making him sad.

So I'm still here, and probably won't do it. I wish I could shake my attachment to him. Care for his wellbeing and a vague desire to see the end of my favourite manga are the only things keeping me here.

Pic unrelated, I just like that dress.