/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

so...my SO is pulling away from me because he needs to work on himself. I don't know if he'll come back to us in the future. I want him bad. But, I also don't want to suffer needing affection and love while he can't give those things to me.
Top it all off, my cycle's late and I am obsessively checking for it like it's the tracking info for my DD lmao.
If I'm preg....ooooooh boy.
Anyway, I'm at work in lolita today and it feels great. I feel cute, but my eyes feel so tired and sore from the crying I've been doing the past two days.
Whatever happens, I just want to be strong and healthy and surrounded with love. I want to feel like I'm in the right place. I want to get what I give. More than anything in this earthly life, I want a loving & monogamous partner to grow old with.
Little could be worse than obligation playing into our relationship. That's just a hotbed for insecurity and resentment.
Hope I'm not baking anything in there right now...thinking about not telling him for a long while if it turns out I am. I'm old enough and set up enough to deal with the worst case scenario, but I don't want that for myself. I'd have to sell my wardrobe too because there's no sense in harboring thousands of dollars worth of things when I'll need to account for every penny in the single-mom-scenario.
>inb4 abortive options. That's just not something I'd personally be okay with for me. No judgment on anyone else.
Just venting. Would love your kind thoughts, gulls. kind of wavering between lonely hurt and numb resignation. both suck. hard.