i feel like a phony. my jfashion friends know me as a nice person and my social media portrays me as a happy lolita with an okay life
but i'm actually an ana-chan with a benzo dependence and no irl friends. i don't wear lolita much anymore, i spend all of my time at work and school. i don't have the energy to talk to the friends i've made and i get nervous reaching out to them again after it's been a while
it feels like i'm keeping 3/4 of myself from my friends and it's making it hard to talk to anyone. the other 1/4 is just lolita, the other hobbies i have no time for, and trying to be supportive when i have the energy. i can't tell them what's actually going on. i'm not nice, cute, or wholesome at all. i'm a sick, grumpy, overworked imposter.