/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>be me, graduate from unfulfilling major
>no good jobs in my area
>still living at home with family who emotionally depends on me
>break up with bf
>only close friend gets in a relationship and im basically dead to her
>recently backstabbed by other friend
>been over a year since i graduated and all i have is depression and no job
>tell only friend now in a relationship about bad thoughts, does nothing
>tell sibling about bad thoughts, does nothing
>start losing interest in anime
>start hating jfashion
>start getting annoyed at everyone on fb and insta
>imagine ex laughing at how pathetic i am
>every time i try to improve something bad happens, like getting sick

i just really need someone or something, a reason for improving, a job, a goal, anything. its just really really tough right now and i hate myelf more than i ever have and being alone and not going out is really paying a toll on me, not to mention my toxic family and shitty friends who dont try hanging out with me anymore. whats the point of everything ive done up until now, all the time invested studying and taking advanced courses all my life. all the time invested in friends and being there for them when they needed me. why isnt anyone here when i need them