/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

> Worked a fan expo for years and was decently good at it
> Got a promotion and was excited to improve on the event as a whole as well as my division
> Wasn't as prepared for the promotion as initially thought and found myself in way over my head, even though I was trying as hard as I could to make it work
> Through a series of events mostly out of my control (though some were definitely my fault), fucked up badly and crashed hard in the position despite trying my damnedest to stay afloat
> Had an extremely turbulent time in the role and went from feeling close to colleagues I had known for years to feeling like the black sheep that everyone disliked and cared about the least
> Hardest part was thinking about how I let my team down despite my best efforts
> My sense of self-worth and my emotional state plummeted to the point that people recommended that I sought professional help.
> Lots of other shit happened regarding the position and expo that I won't go into
> Felt hurt, betrayed and burned by the whole experience
> Made the hard choice to quit working that event, or at the very least to take a break.

It really stings, lads. I have a deep love for that expo, but after all of the shit that went down I don't think it's healthy for me to keep going. A lot of my mates still work it, and that seems to be almost all that they talk about -in person and online- so I can't fully escape it, and honestly it's driving me mad.

I still find myself obsessively thinking of ways to improve the event, but after being stepped on, talked over, pushed aside, disregarded, belittled and ignored, I have kept my mouth shut regarding suggestions. What's the point of trying to help if you're just going to get pissed on?

I wish I wasn't so fucked up about this. I want to get back to feeling happy and positive about the expo, and I know that will take time and distance, but it's been so hard, especially because of what a big role it plays in my life. Feels bad, man.