/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

idk if this counts as a cgl feel, i feel like it should since the main reason im using the pc is for art (artist alley) and gaming/cosplay vid editing/cosplay wip streaming

>have horrible chronic anxiety
>always have intense paranoia over belongings being destroyed/lost due to being abused as a child (parent would routinely destroy things in house in rage, was taught to have to hide my possessions by other parent)
>recently have birthday
>(good) parent, bf, me and friends all come together to get me a good gaming pc as a group birthday present
>absolutely overjoyed
>know its working fine, had people tell me it's working fine, but hearing the fans run and every little different sound they make has made me so paranoid it's broken that i can't use it
>tried doing what i learned in cbt to calm me down but it just wasn't working
>had to give in and buy earplugs today just to be able to use it in peace

i feel pathetic and ashamed. at least i'll be able to use it now but still. it feels ridiculous to have to do this.