Jailbro update: Final Edition

[Anonymous No.10892156]

Alright boys, here is my last update for those of you who care. I made it out of jail yesterday evening and am going to describe some of it to you guys. I’ve told you everything up till now. Gonna break it down into some greentexts to keep me from rambling on.
>Arrive at jail at 5pm to serve court appointed sentence of 48 hours minus time already served
>Sit in holding cell, commonly referred to as a tank (the same one I was in during my original thread) awaiting processing
>picrelated.jpg
>Sit in there for seven fucking hours
>sit and talk to a cool older dude with a beard who was serving a long series of weekends for his third DUI
>Also with some kid who stank like shit but was agreeable enough. Ex heroin addict
>Sit in our street clothes on a concrete bench as a host of other scumbags slowly join our band of miscreants
More to come

[Anonymous No.10892172]

Gay jew im first fag check em

[Anonymous No.10892178]

I'll keep lurking

[Anonymous No.10892185]

>>10892156
>some 49 year old car their who won’t stfu about other jails in the area and how suped up his trans am is
>some dude with dirt all over him who slept the entire time like the couch guy from Half Baked.
>Just laying his head on the concrete like a fucking champ
>some local trailer trash kid who turned himself in after he realized he forgot to appear on his court date
>A meth head fresh off the streets who was talking at such of a fucking exhausting rate until he finally just slumped over like a sack of flour and just king of jerked a little bit
>Me, BeardBro and Stanky crack jokes and keep each other company, talking about our jobs and lives
>BeardBro is an electrician who is a pretty cool dude
>”Is this your first time in”
>Yep
>”Learn from this. Don’t ever come back”
>ok wise DUI BeardBro, I won’t

[Anonymous No.10892219]

>>10892156
The only reason I will never commit a crime is because of the fear of having to use a toilet like that in full view of other people.

[Anonymous No.10892233]

>>10892185
the meth head laid there jerking a little bit. Fucking phone auto correct is unreal. Typing more

[Anonymous No.10892243]

>>10892156
i'm a molecular biologist from yurop, give me a job in the us when you get out faggot and I'll make you all the pills you need to get your networth back

[Anonymous No.10892257]

>>10892185
What did you do?

[Anonymous No.10892261]

>>10892156
>Also with some kid who stank like shit but was agreeable enough
What kind of shit? Junkies freak me out desu

[Anonymous No.10892263]

>>10892185
>Get out of tank and get dressed put, putting all my shit in a tote
>Strip down in front of guard and giving an orange getup to wear
>Sit handcuffed on a bench while BeardBro, CouchGuy and Stanky get dressed out
>about to go back to general population, ask if I was getting out after 40 hours like judge said
>no, you are serving the whole 48
>fuck
>weveonlyjustbegun.mp3
>as we walk through the innards of the jail, Couch Guy gets put in one cell block and taken to his cell while we wait, carrying our sleeping mats and boxes full of shampoo toilet paper, shit like that
>we stop at another block and BeardBro goes in, giving me a nod as he passes
>don’t leave me BeardBro

[Anonymous No.10892283]

>>10892261
Like feet and unwashed ass crack.

[Anonymous No.10892296]

>>10892257
this

[Anonymous No.10892317]

>>10892156
>/biz/ - Business & Finance

Downvoted. Bye.

[None !Q5taavazbM No.10892341]

Lurking.

[Anonymous No.10892354]

>>10892263
So when is the part that you lose your Virginity to Jamal?

[Anonymous No.10892412]

I spent a night in jail when I got a DUI last summer. It was really stupid of me but I literally drove with alcohol in my system hundreds of times, so the cost offset was still greatly in my favor vs. calling a taxi/uber every time at least. Learned my lesson and I'll never do it again.

The shared jail room was DISGUSTING. 10x10 feet with ~15 people crammed in there sleeping next to each other. Floors probably hadn't been mopped in months. There were people going through various drug withdrawals, I'm assuming from benzo/heroin use, shaky, couldn't even walk. Huge wakeup call from the occasional partying I do. I get bad anxiety sometimes when I'm hungover, so when the alcohol wore off I had to sit their curled up in a ball for hours which felt like an eternity.

If you plan on doing something illegal (ie drugs) DON'T GET CAUGHT. Be smart. You really don't want to end up in jail.

[Anonymous No.10892419]

>>10892156
Show them how easy it is to mine Nimiq.

[Anonymous No.10892425]

>>10892317
Bye
>>10892263
>finally me and Stanky get taken to cell block N
>He gets out in one cell me in one down the hall
>cell 6, I have three cell mates
>it’s 2am they are asleep a bunch of personal items on the open bunk, so I just put my matte down on the floor and lay there with my eyes open
>41 hours to go
>finally fall asleep and have a dream about meeting my cell mates. A bunch of ragtag young guys, kind of like that book Holes i read in school
>wake up and meet my real cell mates
>it turns out the jail I am in is also a type of sub prison where some guys are serving up to ten years
>one is in for felony theft, one for rape, one for murder
>notlikeholesatall.mp4

About to do a band changeover at work. Will return shortly

[Anonymous No.10892450]

>>10892243
>that sinful booty

[Anonymous No.10892459]

>>10892317
Fuck you newfag I hope you go to prison.

[None !Q5taavazbM No.10892460]

>>10892425

Fun fact. Murderers are the most well-behaved inmates because most murders are crimes of passion. It's thieves and rapists that you need to worry about.

OP, did your experience reflect this criminal justice statistic?

[Anonymous No.10892485]

>>10892425
>Sub prison

And the award for this year's hottest gay porn film goes to...

[Anonymous No.10892512]

>>10892317
Fuck off redditor.

[Anonymous No.10892515]

>>10892317

[Anonymous No.10892527]

>>10892317

[Anonymous No.10892560]

time really is a flat circle

[Anonymous No.10892568]

>>10892243

[Anonymous No.10892578]

what did OP do?

I got arrested in 2016 for possession of marijuana and mdma
did like 30 hours it sucked ass, my cellmates were all methheads one chopped down a telephone pole, another stole air conditioner units to scrap

[Anonymous No.10892581]

>>10892257
answer this dude's question ffs

[Anonymous No.10892587]

>>10892581
weed possession while driving if I remember correctly

[Anonymous No.10892606]

>>10892425
kek
hurry op

[Anonymous No.10892629]

>>10892587
lol never keep it in your car

[Anonymous No.10892691]

>>10892317
fuck off then cunt

[Anonymous No.10892716]

hurry up

[Anonymous No.10892766]

>>10892587
Correct. Trying bros. At work.
>Find out from my cell mates that I am in the supermax portion of the jail that houses the trashiest of the trash
>me and Stanky are the only short timers in the entire block
>the doors pop and people are allowed into the common areas
>see Stank getting pushed out of his cell being yelled at about taking a fucking shower
>his fragrance had been an issue overnight
>he looks disheveled and humiliated
>served the worst food that I have ever had in my entire life at times that seemed to have no rhyme or reason
>the block instantly becomes the most pathetic auction house known to man
>AY YO I GOT BAKED BEANS FOE THREE COOKIES

[Anonymous No.10892843]

hey jailbro, why didn't you join the AB and became a shotcaller?

[Anonymous No.10892873]

>>10892766
>the block instantly becomes the most pathetic auction house known to man
>AY YO I GOT BAKED BEANS FOE THREE COOKIES
hahaha that gives me flashbacks
I joined a NFL pickem pool 1 cookie buy in
cookies and doritos are like bitcoin and ethereum

[Anonymous No.10892923]

>>10892843
whats that scene from

[Anonymous No.10892931]

I remember thinking "I'm going to be a millionaire by the time I get out of this"
and if I would have taken their first deal of 4 months I would have been right, but I took the 2nd deal the charges stuck and I'm doing alright not working not worrying about much
that 2017 rally was great

[Anonymous No.10892939]

>>10892923
Shotcaller.

[Anonymous No.10892965]

>>10892219
Underrated kek

[Anonymous No.10892970]

>>10892923
comfy prison kino >>10892939

[Anonymous No.10892988]

>>10892939
Did he call the shots?

[Anonymous No.10892991]

>>10892156
bump for interest

[Anonymous No.10892992]

ameritrade, fidelty or schwab?

[Anonymous No.10893008]

>>10892766
>my murderer cell mate mentions a couple times that when he gets to the big pen he wants to find a punk and pimp him out
>I recall from watching the history channel that a punk is a weak male that gets buttfucked on a regular basis
>I am by no means weak, but these fucks all know each other
>I don’t want to be these Neanderthal’s practice punk
>the rapist dude has crazy eyes all the time
>even when he is reading, fucker looks like he is trying to set the book on fire with his mind
>find out he is an ex meth head and is only 33
>he looks 55
>note to self: don’t smoke crystallized drugs

[Anonymous No.10893017]

>>10892412
>I literally drove with alcohol in my system hundreds of times, so the cost offset was still greatly in my favor vs. calling a taxi/uber every time at least

god I love /biz/

[Anonymous No.10893089]

>>10893008
I am monitoring this thread, keep going jailbro.

[Anonymous No.10893148]

>>10893017
Sometimes i feel like autism is the only way to go in this shithole of a world

[Anonymous No.10893276]

>>10893008
>have chronic migraines, which was one of my chief concerns going in
>the food they serve is so devoid of nutrition that I realize I am guaranteed to get one
>request Imitrex from the intercom in my cell
>same intercom I have a constant plan to get to in case Murderboy and Crazy Eyes decide to invade my virgin chili hole
>medication doesn’t come for hours and hours
>nurse is patronizing when I complain about the wait
>feel sudden urge to bang that bitch’s head into the cinder block wall behind her
>thisplaceisrubbingoffonme.wav
>usually only take a third of a pill, but gobble the hole thing for sweet medicated release from hell hole

[Anonymous No.10893393]

>>10893276
bump keep going jailbro

[Anonymous No.10893398]

bumpin

[Anonymous No.10893447]

>>10893276
did they rip your butthole open while you were medicated?

[Anonymous No.10893493]

>>10893276
you got this jailbro, watch your cornhole buddy!

[Anonymous No.10893500]

What’s your appearance jailbro? You a weak ass looking type of nigga or u in decent shape/built?

[Anonymous No.10893553]

>>10893276
>yesterday was the worst day
>wake up when the lights come on
>already have a killer headache and they haven’t popped the doors
>I got most of my sleep during the day on day one when all my cell mates went to go play grab ass with their convict buddies in the common areas
>they would lock the cell doors and I chose to stay locked in because I could get some shut eye without fearing for a sneak attack on my rectum
>we stayed locked down all morning
>apparently we are getting hepatitis A vaccines
>been around dirty mother fuckers so I gladly get vaccinated
>Alex Jones would be ashamed but I don’t want to be infected with these guys’ filth
>finally get doors popped
>end up taking a shower because my head hurt too bad
>thankfully just a single shower stall covered by a curtain, so little chance of an American History X re-enactment
>lay down with a searing headache back in my cell, listening to shitty reruns of Big Bang theory blaring from the tv downstairs
>I want to kill myself
>bazinga
>basketball American inmates beating on tables and expressing themselves through the art of “gangster rap”
>homie I just heard you bitch about losing your cookies at the poker table, don’t act hard

[Anonymous No.10893568]

>>10893500
Check’d
I am decently built. Arms look stronger than they are. I was obviously green to the jail scene as I am somewhat tanned and not covered in shitty tats.

[Anonymous No.10893605]

>>10893553
>apparently we are getting hepatitis A vaccines
thats not a vaccine. they injected a tracker so they know your location at all times.

[Anonymous No.10893666]

>>10893568
I fucking hate jail jailbro. I got popped with 2 trafficking charges. Just sitting in the pre general population cage which in my local jail is 30 or so beds in probably a 1500-2000 sq foot area had me ready to go crazy. Took half a day or so for my bond to go through as it was a rediculious amount. I can’t live like that jailbro. Fuckers farting all over, other fuckers getting loud on the phone. I started feeling my bad temper come back that I hasn’t felt in years. I don’t know how people can serve real time.

[Anonymous No.10893673]

>>10893553
kek your awesome dude, keep up the posts

[Anonymous No.10893685]

that's a cute larp but i remember these exact pictures from last year

[Anonymous No.10893712]

>>10893666
>2 trafficking charges
how the fuck are you still free then ?

[Anonymous No.10893714]

>>10893553
>>homie I just heard you bitch about losing your cookies at the poker table, don’t act hard
fucking kek, keep going OP

[Anonymous No.10893715]

>>10892219
That sucks but you get used to it.
Holding and booking is the worst. Once you get to your pod its just you and your celly. My cellie and I tried to schedual so that he got the cell for 30min on his own at 11am and I got it for 30 on my own at 12. That way we could shit with somewhat alone. People could still walk by and look in if they wanted, but I was in a cell full of normal guys who didn't wanna watch another man shit. Most guys try to give their fellow prisoners the respect they would like. But yea, FUCK stainless steel cold public toilets.
I would still say that the bad food is worse than the lack of privacy tho.

[Anonymous No.10893717]

>>10893553
>lay down with a searing headache back in my cell, listening to shitty reruns of Big Bang theory blaring from the tv downstairs
>I want to kill myself
>bazinga
I chuckled a lil bit. Keep going jail bro, I follow every thread of yours

[Anonymous No.10893735]

>>10892243
That would be such a pain in the ass. All the 'cool' precursor chemicals are either closely watched or unavailable. You would be like a baker who had to grow his own wheat and make his own flour before he could even make his own cake.

[Anonymous No.10893770]

>>10893712
I was smart with what I was doing for the most part. The narcs attempted to link a bunch of shit together. One of my trafficking charges was for opiates (they were research chemicals, fucking narcs lied and said they tested positive for opiates). My jew lawyer tore the case up. Ended up with a deal. 9 month probation for possession. I was looking at 6 years min mandatory.

[Anonymous No.10893804]

Goddamn newfags ITT

[Anonymous No.10893808]

>>10893770
lucky fucker
no felony charges i guess ?

[Anonymous No.10893827]

>>10893808
Adjudication withheld so no felony conviction on my record. I wanted to take the case to trial because of all the dirty shit the narcs did. My attorney told me he got me a good deal and don’t be an idiot. Glad it’s over with.

[Anonymous No.10894053]

>>10893553
with two hours left to serve I finally get my Imitrex
>I still hate that nurse so much but I am about to never see her again
>sweet relief, I usually hate taking Imitrex because it makes me feel like a tard, but god damn it saved my ass
>spend the rest of the time reading a shitty novel about a lawyer
>finish it about half hour before I leave
>cell mate acts like I just turned water into wine because I read a shitty 300 page novel in a day
>Felony thief cell mate asks me what I want for my socks before I leave
>what I want for them
>I am literally about to go back outside to my car and drive wherever I want, where I can buy all the chips, milk, cookies, soap and whatever the fuck I desire
>just take’m bro
>I spend the rest of the time trading our my sheet and blanket for shittier ones to take with me when I leave
>have some toilet paper bro
>have some deodorant bro
>iamlikeSanta.gif
>as soon as 5pm rolls around I get on the intercom/rape hotline and tell them to get me the fuck out of there
>20 minutes later the door opens and they call my name
>say peace to the cell mates, non-verbally thanking them for not brutalizing my poop chute while I was inside
>collect my possessions, get back in my street clothes and exit the jail door
>feels good man
>walk to my car
>see the nicest restaurant in town on right
>jerk the wheel in
>order a t-bone medium rare, fries, a Greek salad, a cup of coffee and a Bells 2 Hearted ale, water with lemon
>almost cry out of joy when I am eating, the contrast is so stark from where I was just 35 minutes before
>destroy all food in front of me
>almost puke but keep going
>can feel the nutrients entering my blood stream
>go home and play with my hound and play vidya with the squad
>look at clock
>10pm
>”lights out, scumbags. I hope BeardBro is ok” I think to myself

That’s basically it bros. I am no longer Jailbro. I am ProbationBro.I will let you know when I make it. Until then, good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous No.10894082]

>>10893827
Remember their names anon, one day everything will be alright.

[Anonymous No.10894089]

>>10894053
Don’t fuck around while on probation. Also, some states let you early terminate half way through your term. Go to work, go home, and watch tv play video games or browse while getting drunk. You are set up to fail while on probation. Good luck

[Anonymous No.10894096]

>>10894053
what a story lmao

[Anonymous No.10894126]

>>10894053
Pretty cool story. Good luck from now on ProbationBro.

[Anonymous No.10894127]

>>10894089
Thank you and to everyone else who tuned in to listen. The first thread back in January really helped me through the initial stress and I am glad to give you guys the update. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for everything, bros.

[Anonymous No.10894128]

>>10894053
So, you still all in on FUN?

[None !Q5taavazbM No.10894132]

>>10894096

Now imagine doing 1, 3, or 5 years. What a nightmare right?

Hope you don't fuck up probation, ProbationBro.

[Anonymous No.10894138]

>>10894127
did stanky ass ever take a shower? and did you talk to him again

[Anonymous No.10894149]

>>10894053
good to have you back jailbro, you'll always be jailbro lol.watched all four or five of your threads, good shit

[Anonymous No.10894151]

>>10894127
at least the story had a happy end.

>>10894132
>What a nightmare right?
I'd say its worse m8
must be fucking hell

[Anonymous No.10894168]

freeross.org

[Anonymous No.10894218]

Love the threads Jailbro. Can't read it all now but I'll come back to it. Appreciate you

[Anonymous No.10894243]

How long you on probation for?

[Anonymous No.10894280]

>>10894128
Recently rebought in. 20k funlet. >>10894138
I exchanged a quick what’s up with him, but he was only doing the last day of a series of weekend stints so he left in the evening of day one. And yes, they forced him to shower.
>>10894149
Thanks buddy. Glad you liked them. Take care.
>>10894218
I appreciate it back bro. Thanks buddy.

[Anonymous No.10894289]

>>10894243
11 months 29 days. I go on unsupervised on the 18th of this month when I finish my community service.

[Anonymous No.10894322]

>>10894289
Not bad. Always expect the worse out of your po. They can show up at your house at any time, and call you in to piss at anytime. Most don’t care when your on unsupervised but cover your ass pham.

[Anonymous No.10894330]

Were you scared the market was gonna dump or moon while you were there and couldnt see it?

[Anonymous No.10894355]

>>10894127
>>10894053
Very interesting, and you are funny dude. Best of luck JailBro

[Anonymous No.10894421]

>>10894289
Could you link the archive for the old threads?

[Anonymous No.10894441]

>>10894421
>>/biz/thread/5861686
Here’s the only archive site version of the original. Who knows about the others. The IDs are gone but the images are all there. Try searching under Jailbro for the rest, I don’t know. Post them if you find them.

[Anonymous No.10894461]

>>10894053
>Bells 2 Hearted ale
Nice to see that you even have patrician taste in beer, too. I'd hate to see a man like you reduced to eating prison slop.

[Anonymous No.10894503]

>>10894053
>>cell mate acts like I just turned water into wine because I read a shitty 300 page novel in a day
How do you do it desu? Are you a regular reader?
I've tried before but my body gives up after a few hours.

[Anonymous No.10894539]

>>10894053
thank you that was an excellent, high suspense tale that ended in remarkable success for your butthole

[Anonymous No.10894552]

>>10894503
(bare with me, using very generalized stats here) most novels have around 300 words per page. most adults can easily read 300 words per minute (that's actually very slow, not even speedreading). which means, on average, you can read 1 page per minute. 60 pages per hour.

so assuming jailbro read at a fairly moderate pace, he could have easily finished that book in 5 hours. if he knows how to properly speed-read, it can be done in under 3 hours.

[Anonymous No.10894565]

>>10894503
Time moves slow in jail. I used to be an editor of a student publication so I can read and type quite fast. Smartphones have fried the western attention span though. Including my own. I am not as big of a reader as I used to be.

[Anonymous No.10894603]

someone link the other jail threads please

[Anonymous No.10894730]

>>10894461
You are a scholar and a gentleman. I am about to leave work soon, bros. I am getting off of my phone. Nice talking to you all. Take care and good luck.

[Anonymous No.10894897]

>>10893666
Just saw this. Good luck with your charges my friend. Hope everything worked out friend.

[Anonymous No.10895176]

>>10894053
Absolute legend.

>Basketball Americans

I've heard this before on the Chan but I died when I read it in your story. Godspeed, Jailbro

[Anonymous No.10895258]

>>10893553
>I want to kill myself
>bazinga
Holy shit

[Anonymous No.10895290]

I'm relieved to hear that you're okay, OP.

[Anonymous No.10895303]

>>10894053
>As soon as 5pm rolls around I get on the intercom/rape hotline
Kek

[Anonymous No.10895359]

op's first night in the clank

pic related

[Anonymous No.10895367]

>>10892156
I think you could have a career as a comedian/writer. Audibly kek'd many times throughout.

[Anonymous No.10895514]

Has anyone screengrabbed the rest of this guys story?
I want to know what happened before this section of the story

[Anonymous No.10895544]

>>10895514
search warosu

[Anonymous No.10895785]

>>10895544
>warosu
cheers

[Anonymous No.10895855]

>>10895514
Dude, if someone screenshotted everything that would be awesome.

[Anonymous No.10895919]

>>10893089
Wtf is a timbit

[Anonymous No.10895926]

>>10895855
Just go on warosu, click /biz/ then search jailbro

[Anonymous No.10895932]

>>10895785
Found one! I think this is the second one.
>>/biz/thread/S10606620#p10606752

[Anonymous No.10895995]

>>10895926
Does ne1 know the best way to screenshot on a pc

[Anonymous No.10896110]

Spent 48 hours in jail a few years ago. Not as bad as I thought it would be but I'm not in any hurry to go back. Spent about a day in holding being shuffled around from one cell to another with a big nigger who pulled a gun on someone and was probably going to be locked up for a long time. The worst part was having to get hosed off naked by a cop who was probably bored out of his mind and had already seen at least ten dicks already that day. I had a fever for some reason so I got to spend about an hour so in the little clinic area with the cute nurse who was probably on the verge of suicide for having to deal with a bunch of incarcerated faggots all day. They gave me some ibuprofen and sent me back to my cell. At some point during all this some old man who had his own personal cell full of shit (I assume he had been there for years and was given his own cell in holding from years of good behavior) snuck and took a scan of my mugshot and took it back to his cell. Probably jerked off to it. After a few more hours of that they gathered everyone up and took us to general population. My cell mate was a small black kid who had a bunch of books. He said he'd been there for a year and a half already. We didn't really talk at all but I let him have mesh bag because he still had the one they gave him on his first day and it was in bad shape. Other than when it was time to eat, I spent my time in bed trying to sleep. They don't give you pillows in jail btw. Also there's never any peace. Night and day everyone is yelling at each other. When it was time for me to go home, they took me back to holding and gave me a cell to hang out in by myself for a few hours. While I was in there I had to use a sock to wipe my ass because there was no toilet paper. Hope you all enjoyed my boring story.

[Anonymous No.10896536]

>>10892988
No

[Anonymous No.10896888]

I love that I always seem to catch these jailbro posts. Thanks for the update and I'm glad your ass is intact.

[Anonymous No.10897128]

>>10894053
>gets arrested for dui
>literally buys an alcoholic beverage at an establishment

you're a fucking moron. hope you enjoy going back.

[Anonymous No.10898400]

>>10892156
pic has been posted on /biz/ before

stop larping

[Anonymous No.10899047]

>Basketball Americans

lmao

[Anonymous No.10899058]

>>10892156
Wooo!
Jailbro!

[Anonymous No.10899166]

lmao 10/10 thread glad your asshole is intact opie

[Anonymous No.10899178]

>>10892412
Are you me? Just happened to me last December. Conditions were exactly the same. Just stayed over night, they wouldn't give me a phone call or let me know how long I was staying. Must have been 12 hours from entering until leaving. Had to wagecuck the same day so that was interesting to explain to my manager.

Room was about the same size, although I think we had like twenty or more people. We were like sardines in a can, two concrete benches were full and there was barely enough room to sit on the ground. Lucky guys got a wall to sit against.

They served food and it was this awful cold spaghetti, some peaches, and bits of lettuce. Served us this shitty orange powder drink too. Only ate the peaches and salad, gave the rest to someone else.

Didnt say a word to anyone the entire time, wasnt really hungover as I didnt drink that much. Got pulled over for expired registration rather than any crash or anything. Currently going through a diversion program so I won't be convicted.

The county posts all mugshots and arrests publicly and in order of intake. When I was looking mine up I saw a bunch of the people that were in the room. Most of them were there for parole violations but had history of drug violations too. There was also this old boomer there for sexual offenses.

[Anonymous No.10899414]

>>10892156
shieet Jailbro, glad you made it out ok kek another week and they wouldn't be able to resist the virgin ass