/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.9973689]

>We're looking for a team player

[Anonymous No.9974620]

>>9973689
>We're looking for a copypasta chef

[Anonymous No.9974628]

>>9973689
>an entrepreneurial mindset

[Anonymous No.9974642]

>excellent communication skills

[Anonymous No.9974650]

>company culture

[Anonymous No.9974675]

>We're looking for a self-interested, begrudging rent-payer who feels life coerced him into working
ya found him!

[Anonymous No.9974698]

>motivated

[Anonymous No.9974704]

work/life integration

[Anonymous No.9974710]

>attach a 2 page cover letter with your resume.

[Anonymous No.9974734]

>looking for someone with a passion for x

[Anonymous No.9974736]

>Needed: Penis >=5 inches

[Anonymous No.9975125]

>extroverted
>AI

[Anonymous No.9975155]

>must have minimum 15 years experience in blockchain deployment and development

[Anonymous No.9975197]

>>9975155
>must have minimum 5 years experience in Solidity and EVM (Ethereum Virtual Machine)

[Anonymous No.9975225]

>>9975197
just applied for a job that asked for 5 years experience on a standard thats 2 years old.

[Anonymous No.9975233]

>>9975155
Seriously how the fuck do you even respond to these types of job ads

[Anonymous No.9975962]

>>9975233

Lie.

Tell them what they want to hear.

[Anonymous No.9975979]

>>9975233
literally just lie
im starting a job on monday and i lied and said i left my most recent job like 2 weeks ago but i've been unemployed for 2 years

[Anonymous No.9976043]

This is what happens when retard normies decide who to hire. I can't stand the idea of being at the mercy of some complete fucking brainlet. I just can't do the wagie thing I'm fucked plz help.

[Anonymous No.9976096]

>>9974650
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DONT WANT TO FUCKING GO TO YOUR STUPID COMPANY BARBECUES. Holy fuck, does anyone else here work in a lab? Fucking women.....

[Anonymous No.9976250]

>>9975979
youre lying. Theyll just call the company...

[Anonymous No.9976276]

>>9976250
Not if it went "bankrupt"

[Anonymous No.9976284]

This is why HR should go the fuck away and stay away. Buncha women lawyers with nothing to do. Job apps used to be one page. ONE PAGE. My son applied for a grocery store job and had to fill out 8 fucking pages including references and prior experience.

He's going to be a fucking STOCKBOY not a banker, fuck.

[Anonymous No.9976295]

>>9976276
they can still find out, I work in HR

[Anonymous No.9976302]

>>9976295
kill yourself twice

[Anonymous No.9976319]

i made an ad for a "people person" but that's because it's a sales job / marketing type job where they'll be shilling b2b all day.
most of these meaningless buzz phrases mean we want you to have drinks with us after work and make the office a bearable/fun place to work.

>>9974628
>we want a naive 20 year old to slave away 12+ hours a day with none of the risk/reward that comes with starting a company

[Anonymous No.9976341]

>>9976302
im leaving tho, nothing but women

>mfw when i legit sniff their seats when they leave the room

[Anonymous No.9976345]

>>9976341

[Anonymous No.9976349]

Are you not a team player you worthless faggot?

[Anonymous No.9976354]

>We want a 20 year old boomer who needs a red bull at 7am and a megadose of melatonin at 10pm
right fucking here baby

[Anonymous No.9976367]

>>9976349
i'm a team player, but i also work well alone

[Anonymous No.9976386]

>>9976367

Then tell them that

[Anonymous No.9976414]

>>9973689
>So tell me, who is your favorite leader of all time living or dead?

[Anonymous No.9976432]

>>9976284
Reminds me of an application form i did for bag boy position at grocery store about 15 years ago. It wanted a minimum if three references and specifically stated that these references were to be IN ADDITION TO former employers. Don't know who the fuck they wanted people to list. Ex girlfriends? I just put my landlord and left the other spaces blank. Still got the job.

[Anonymous No.9976453]

>>9976349
teamplayer = social normie who doesn't do any actual work while the autist nerd saves the project

[Anonymous No.9976457]

>>9976414
De Gaulle seems like an inoffensive but unique answer

[Anonymous No.9976492]

>Although your skills and background are impressive, we have chosen to move forward with other candidates that more closely match the requirements and responsibilities for this position.

For a linen attendant position..

come on man I just want a comfy no heat/outside bullshit in 120 degree weather, like in an office or warehouse. Damn.

[Anonymous No.9976516]

>We need someone to bootstrap a team player and reflect our company values by taking ownership and self-starter entrepeneur a innovative solution by being disruptive
shut up. shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP

[Anonymous No.9976568]

>>9976414

[Anonymous No.9976798]

>>9976516
lol

[Anonymous No.9976825]

>we need more vaginas and niggers to look progressive

[Anonymous No.9976827]

Harvard College
Office of Admissions and Financial Aid
Byerly Hall
8 Garden Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
Dear Mr. ****

I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions has admitted you to the Class of 2009 under the Early Action program. Please accept my personal congratulations for your outstanding achievements.

[Anonymous No.9976892]

>>9976825
Need more mulatto women with shoulder length curly hair. The marketing darling of all things politically correct.

[Anonymous No.9976997]

>>9976827
Not getting into the college I wanted still bugs me

[Anonymous No.9977045]

>>9976997
>going to college

Enjoy that lifelong debt bud

[Anonymous No.9977089]

>>9977045
or you could just not be an autist and get scholarships. you can get as low as a 1300 on the SAT and still have colleges throwing money at you. cope harder poorfag

[Anonymous No.9977159]

>>9977089
>implying im poor
>implying im dumb

Cope more bud. Enjoy pissing 4 years away.

[Anonymous No.9977169]

>>9973689

>salary
>competetive

[Anonymous No.9977188]

>>9976295

>HR
>work

choose one

[Anonymous No.9977255]

>>9977159
you're probably both if you think that going to college automatically lands you in debt.
>he doesn't want to spend 4 years surrounded by fresh 18-22 yr old pussy

[Anonymous No.9977264]

>>9976319
>we want you to have drinks with us after work
I get it but no. I don't want to be your friends, I don't want to know you better, you may all be wonderful people but I want to spend time doing other things I don't want to have drinks with you even if you buy the rounds.

[Anonymous No.9977274]

>our client is a market leader in their field and are looking to quickly expand with likeminded individuals who have the drive and energy to push the business to the next level.
minimum wage, call centre.

[Anonymous No.9977373]

>>9977255
I work for a uni partly for this reason. Purge of the old ones every April, delivery of new young batch every September.

[Anonymous No.9977450]

>>9977255
something tells me you want be getting any.

[Anonymous No.9977460]

its funny when youre on the other side of the table, and on an interview panel , interviewing people for a job opening. we ask these stupid cookie cutter, bullshit questions. and the applicant sitting there usually has a perfectly rehearsed, fake as fuck answer. "why yes! i love being a team player, and i also work well alone! I love being under stress! thats when its 'go time' for me! productivity is my number one concern" .
lol. in the end, the most qualified person doesnt even get hired. usually the person who gets the job is the guy or girl who gave the shittiest interview, but they happen to be "a friend of the bosses son" or some shit. they have a hook up. its so stupid.

[Anonymous No.9977578]

>>9977450
i graduated 2 years ago lol. meanwhile you're making 30k a year doing blue collar work. sorry to break it to you but your 500 linkies aren't gonna make you rich

[Anonymous No.9977594]

>entry level position
>minimum 5 years experience with references

[Anonymous No.9977597]

>>9977578
got my CFA, live in liberal hell hole NY but make a ton of money. Also i dont invest in scamcoins. I just come here to laugh at the losers going broke.

[Anonymous No.9977606]

>>9977597
does that stand for certificate of fine arts? please tell me that doesnt stand for certificate of fine arts

[Anonymous No.9977627]

>>9977597
how did you get a CFA without getting a bachelors

[Anonymous No.9977632]

>>9977606
shouldnt be on this board if you dont know what it stands for.

[Anonymous No.9977686]

>>9977045
>mfw about to finish my master's in electronics, not a cent in debt for it
feels good not to live in burgerland

[Anonymous No.9977703]

>>9976043
I was in the same position and started tutoring college kids, I'm making more money than when I wagecucked and work from my home

[Anonymous No.9977709]

>>9977686
yea enjoy ur 60% tax rate and joblessness. FYI, nothing good engineer wise is outside of the USA

[Anonymous No.9977712]

>>9975155
>must have 12 years experience in Android app development
I always laugh when I see these. Android has only been around for so long, are they looking to hire the original developers of Android? Lmao

[Anonymous No.9977755]

>We work hard and play harder

[Anonymous No.9977886]

>>9973689
>Applicant must have a bubbly, outgoing, and energetic personality!

[Anonymous No.9978191]

>>9977886
>As well as a PhD in pure math.

[Anonymous No.9978234]

>>9973689
>I'm too much of a failure to start and run my own company but I will still criticize successful ones
OP is a fag

[Anonymous No.9978392]

>>9977886
>falling for the "Monster" brand marketing machine

[Anonymous No.9978572]

>>9973689
>hit the ground running