I NEED /BIZ/ "200 IQ BRAIN" IDEAS

[Anonymous No.9857715]

So I have 2 weeks to sell 8800 of pic related. My father bought them, and I'm at his place for 2 weeks and I'm trying to get them sold while I'm here. They were purchased for $15 each, there's about 5 different varieities of these lamps but the average price for all 5 is $30 on his Amazon store, but the store is new so there's literally 0 sales on there right now.

Give me ideas /biz/. I want to make my father happy in the next 14 days. What can I do?

[Anonymous No.9857725]

>>9857715
And I'm willing to do face to face shit, but I prefer somehow finding buyers online. I was thinking of emailing spas and hotels in my city, but if I email them they'll just brush it off as spam. How do I come across as non-spammish?

[Anonymous No.9857761]

talk to the top spiritual community guys on youtube, they love crystal healing shit.
get them to advertise it and offer them a small cut of your profits for every purchase made through a reference link you give them

[Anonymous No.9857763]

>>9857715
I will buy 1 for 20 dollars.

That is my final offer.

[Anonymous No.9857769]

>>9857715
>I want to make my father happy in the next 14 days. What can I do?

Add that it increases libido and sex performance by some arbitrary number, sexualize it by carving them into penises people love dicks and would sell like hotcakes.

[Anonymous No.9857770]

>>9857715
wow my bullshit detector just killed itself

[Anonymous No.9857785]

>>9857770
Obviously those reasons are bullshit, but the lamps themselves are really aesthetic and are literally made from salt in the Himalayas in Pakistan. So it's authentic shit. I could probably try to bullshit someone they're handmade and sell each for $300 lol

[Anonymous No.9857789]

grind them down and sell as gourmet exotic salt

[Anonymous No.9857795]

He fucked up by buying something with such low margin. You can go in person to sell them to stores, but the margin is too low to turn a decent profit.

If you want to sell on Amazon, look up Amazon optimization in Google. Set up a light box and get a bunch of really nice photos, then paraphrase the ad copy from the top listings of similar items. Then hit up friends and family to order verified purchases (you’ll pay for the lamps) from Amazon and leave a surge of new 5* reviews so you can get on page 1. If you can’t get to the first page on Amazon, you’re fucked.

In the future tell him to only buy things he can sell for 4-5x the initial price so his profits aren’t eaten by taxes and Amazon fees. Buying straight from China via Alibaba and a 3rd party to make sure your shit arrives properly and through customs is the way to do it.

[Anonymous No.9857805]

>>9857715
I dunno man, A/B test this shit. Do a facebook page which advertises them as some spiritual hippy stuff, and another where you sell them as... and the other - I dunno... some kind of cutting edge Scandi inspired design choice from the future.
Take photos of them accordingly, you know a friend with a snazzy apartment and a Wassily chair - stick a couple in, bump up the saturation. Boom.

Buy Facebook ads for relevant demographics and see how it goes. The hippie stuff may be a saturated market so you should think of another market like >>9857769 this anon is suggest them. Sex them up.

[Anonymous No.9857852]

>>9857795
Any specific tips on Amazon optimization? He already has pretty legit looking photos on there, like professionally done.

And yeah, I'm already asking friends to buy some for the ratings.

[Anonymous No.9857900]

The trouble is that these are a fad item now that everyone is already selling. You’d have an easier time selling fidget spinners. The market is saturated with them and sellers already have their own stacks to unload, so you’d need to unload them straight to the public. Fix up a nice Amazon listing via the stuff described above or set up a booth at hippie festivals/craft fairs and sell them direct to consumers. You won’t sell 8800 in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous No.9857924]

>>9857715
Grug buy rock? Bag free?

[Anonymous No.9857933]

>>9857852

Not really. What I already posted is the gist of it. Look up the Jungle Scout Million Dollar Case Study video on a listing for advice. Amazon’s algorithm really places a big emphasis on momentum from verified purchases, so a bunch of great reviews at once will pump you on there . Also, try Ebay and Craigslist postings, too.

[Anonymous No.9857949]

>>9857785
No you couldn't. I have one at home for the nice dim light it projects (creates a nice atmosphere when fucking my misses). You'll drive customers away by bullshitting them

[Anonymous No.9857959]

>>9857715
>8k units of a knick knack
>$15 each
Holy shit anon you got pageeted

[Anonymous No.9858029]

>>9857715

>neutralise elecromagnetic radiation

Wat

[Anonymous No.9858086]

>>9858029
Nigga it don’t matter normans are stupid

[Anonymous No.9858105]

>>9857959
I didn't buy them, but my father has been trying extremely hard to make money for the last 5 years but he's simply getting scammed by different people and has made no money, but instead lost a shitton.

$80k on a business few years ago, $120k on a store, etc. shit like this. He's old and retired, he thought his savings would be enough but he just doesn't have any self-control and doesn't think critically about these decisions. Feeling sorry for him, so I really want it to succeed this time. He sold his house and invested a portion of that money into this so yeah. I really want to make him succeed this time as I can control this process somewhat.

[Anonymous No.9858132]

>>9858029
if that's the only one you got a ping on, you need to check your bullshit detector for malfunctions

[Anonymous No.9858317]

>>9857715
You should try to sell one at a time instead of one for every surface of your house. It comes off as desperate.

[Anonymous No.9858432]

bump

[Anonymous No.9858449]

>>9857924

[Anonymous No.9858481]

>>9857715
Tell some esoteric hippies that this light will clean her thoughts and make them reach the state of peace easier

[Anonymous No.9858525]

>>9857715
you're stuck with himalayan salt bags lmao

[Anonymous No.9858535]

>>9857761
this sounds like a legit good idea desu

[Anonymous No.9858714]

>>9858525
:(

[Anonymous No.9858988]

>>9858525
kek

Gee OP I wonder why your father keeps losing money

[Anonymous No.9859249]

>>9858988
bump

[Anonymous No.9859352]

Joe Rogan has one of these on the desk in his studio. Should be something you can use?

[Anonymous No.9859377]

>>9857715
take all of them to sedona. those hippies love this shit

[Anonymous No.9859497]

>>9859377
A road trip across American states setting up stalls next to hippie concerts???

[Anonymous No.9859535]

Is it actually made from himalayan salt? You can probably grind them all up and recoup at least 5%.

[Anonymous No.9859595]

>>9859497
you need to chew out your dad and telll im youre not going to support his retarded gambling addiction.
get him in a gambling support group, he is not doing business

[Anonymous No.9859656]

>>9859595
Nope, he's an awesome father. Paid for all kids' college, is in touch with everyone, adopted an orphan.

Not gonna chew him out cuz your no-family value retarded ass says so.

[Anonymous No.9859713]

>>9859656
he'll end up homeless if you don't its called tough love anon.
if you don't got it your daughter will be a whore and your son will be a loser virgin forever

[Anonymous No.9860365]

Final bump

[Anonymous No.9860656]

>>9857770
>>9857949
>>9858029
>>9858086
>>9858132
Oh, look! We have ourselves people who treat science like a religion. The scientific studies, state side (USA), have not "confirmed" the results. Scientific literature does not outright disagree with the assertions made by this seller and European studies show it does in fact operate to affect some of the points this seller lists (not all).

The problem is, people like yourselves think science knows all and if it's not shown by science, it is not valid.This becomes a problem when specific western countries have mammoth industries centered around a product that has been proven harmful or unhelpful by eastern countries, yet the western counterpart resorts to supporting a misleading and/or false conclusion for the sake of protecting business.

Most all biological studies conducted in the United States with a large industry behind a product, make use of misleading studies. THE SCIENTIFIC community is not all in agreement. For this reason, you should be careful what you let affect your body.

In the case of this lamp, some of the stated benefits are probably false, but the rest are very factual, as has been shown.

[Anonymous No.9860710]

>>9857715

How much did your dad pay for those OP, REALLY hope he didn’t buy the fake “real salt lamps” but I’m willing to bet he did. The fake ones actually deteriorate rather quickly over time and create a mess. The Real ones (expensive) are harder to find and actually offer real health and wellness benefits. They are also much bigger because they require more surface area to cleanse the air.

[Anonymous No.9860720]

>>9860710
Lay off the peace pipe anon

[Anonymous No.9860731]

>>9860656
Tl;dr

[Anonymous No.9860785]

>>9857715
What kind of hippie shit is this, post thoose on the local buy and sell groups on Facebook. Install Philips hue in them so they light up with Peoples ambilight and shit.

[Anonymous No.9860919]

>>9860731
Don't worry goldfish. This was personal. A little business I had to take care of. You keep clear of me, you hear?

[Anonymous No.9861017]

>>9860919
What do you get out of being a loser faggot on an anonymous Hungarian basket weaving forum?

[Anonymous No.9861253]

>>9861017
lol

[Anonymous No.9861283]

>>9858105
Jesus that's sad as fuck. After this is done just make up some scam for him and pretend he made it.

[Anonymous No.9861582]

>>9861283
Yeah man I'm doing whatever I can. I don't wanna tell him it's stupid af cuz it'll break his heart, so I just gotta make this shit work

[Anonymous No.9861693]

>>9857715
Honestly selling on Amazon with this shit is probably not a good idea unless market is already established and audience are well informed.

People go on Amazon knowing what they want to buy already. There isn't really much selling on the product afar from convincing people to buy your product over your competitors.

My tip is to create a short but informative video on your product showcasing its benefits.

Take the video and create a Facebook Ad on it. Blast it linking to a URL where they can purchase it. Use funnels to upsell packages and different varities of your lamps.

Next, using the same video and funnel go onto Instagram and find influencers that you can pay to post your video onto their feed. Make sure they add it to your story so they can swipe up and get redirected right into your funnel.

Do same with youtube.

After that its all about optimizing and making use of your facebook pixel and retargeting your audience.

Basically how you make money online 101.

[Anonymous No.9861710]

>>9861582

Would you rather break his heart or financially support him after he spends the rest of his money on these stupid things?
If you were him, wouldn't you want the truth?

[Anonymous No.9861749]

>>9857715
I bought 5 of these at a thrift store (2 large ones 3 small) for 2 dollars each, they even came with the bulb cord thing with a light bulb. People were walking out carrying them and a few had baskets full. I guess a guy donated like 500 because he coudn't sell them and used it as a write off. Good luck selling them bro.

[Anonymous No.9861824]

>>9857785
>pakistan

so some pajeet got your dad to buy 10 tons of salt with light bulbs inside it? that's next level pajeetery

[Anonymous No.9861837]

>>9859656
If this isn't a LARP I'm sure your dad scores very highly on agreeableness. Which would make him an incredibly supportive father and put him above the median as far as effective fathers go.

>>9859713
But this guy is 100% right. Business and family do not mix for exactly this reason as what will or will not determine a business's success is based on a purely sociopathic set of rules. Not to say businesses can't be moral but their survival is based on their ability to perform profitably above all other metrics. Your dad risked would he couldn't afford to lose and now he's fucked. You should be selling these at the lowest possible price your goal is now to break even and save your dad's house and your dad from himself. You will be lucky to buy your dad's house back if he was really stupid enough to sell it for this retarded fucking scheme. These are rock lamps that sell for $15 at Home Depot and Lowe's. I actually like them and would like to turn my ceiling lights into these as I think it's pretty cool but you are not going to make shit from margins for for these lights.Sell to even and buy your dad's house back or watch him wallow in a misery of his own making for his remaining years.
Those emotions that you're currently feeling, that are controlling your actions, those are why businesses fail good luck anon the odds are stacked against you.

[Anonymous No.9862072]

>>9861710
I'm thinking pragmatically, if I'm rude now and he takes offense, I lose my own college's funding.

[Anonymous No.9862110]

>>9861824

Dude you are nuts, I have one of those in my house I got for my gf and I bought it at like target or something for 20USD.

There is no way in hell you are going to make much above that per unit dude. The fad for these was like 3-4 years ago.

[Anonymous No.9862131]

>>9862110
Demand for these goes up x5 every Christmas. Check Google trends.

[Anonymous No.9862310]

>>9857715
jesus christ this is depressing

[Anonymous No.9862334]

>>9862072
First, tell your father he has a goofy idea, and that he shall plan before buy. And not to invest on the next thing without thinking.
Then, help like numerous anon already said :
Lower price (try to aim for $20)
Try other sell vector than amazon (local hippie fest and social network)
Amphize marketing (like amphase a different benefit per color, nice pictures in nice places, etc.)
Good luck.

[Anonymous No.9862345]

>>9857715
I reckon your best bet is to find another sad old chap to pass it all off to. Sort of like a curse or a new STD.

[Anonymous No.9863118]

Market to Mom groups on Fb, tell them it helps with postpartum depression. Market it to vegans as an all natural antioxidant. These groups should be your target audience. I’m surrounded by these types and know multiple people that for a fact have these in their homes. These are the reasons they bought. Also new mothers are a very desperate bunch and will grasp at anything to help them out. Good luck Anon

[Anonymous No.9863545]

My mom bought one of these a couple weeks ago for $5. Good luck dude

[Anonymous No.9864314]

>>9858105
>feeling sorry for him so I decided to enable his problem and take on his responsibilities since I fell for the bull shit romanticized idea of what a “good son” is

Ayyy lmao

[Anonymous No.9864425]

>>9862131
real shit anon. it sucks that your dad has to learn this lesson so late in life, but you'd be doing him good by not supporting this. regardless of how it turns out, he should know that this was a big mistake.

[Anonymous No.9865385]

New Idea OP - sell them to incels as something that sends out Chad Rays or something like that. Find some bullshit research suggests that salt increases testosterone and then extrapolate that. Write up a few testimonials and then spam it on Facebook.

>>9860731
>Science can't know everything, therefore Chink tribal medicine is better and this lamp does shit
He gives no actual reasoning other than
>ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET!

[Anonymous No.9865409]

>>9865385
>You don't have your own desktop barkchip garden
>Not turbo-charging your testes with the smell of birch

[Anonymous No.9865424]

>>9857715
can you get me a deal on two?

[Anonymous No.9865435]

>>9865409
>All the roasties crazy for the Birch Scent Man

[Anonymous No.9865436]

>>9862072
You're going to have to sell these IRL. Get a stall at a farmers marker and work weekends coming up to xmas. With your terrible margins you wont be able to compete online

[Anonymous No.9865453]

>>9865435
Actually going to steal this idea

[Anonymous No.9865458]

>>9857715

My mom legit used to own one of those. I think she bought it just for decor, not because of magical healing bullshit.

[Anonymous No.9865516]

Speaking of Amazon, look at this shit I found in 2 seconds.

Your dad fucked up big time.

[Anonymous No.9865564]

>>9857715
That's an easy one, OP.

Carve them into ZPM's and sell them on Ebay.

[Anonymous No.9865592]

>>9857715
There is literally no way your dad spent $132,000 without doing an amazon search to find he can get them for $5 less ea from the same market he was going to sell.

[Anonymous No.9865631]

>>9857715
>the store is new so there's literally 0 sales on there right now.

Thats what Amazon ads are for. Thought Bezos isn't gonna take more of your shekels?

[Anonymous No.9865717]

>>9865453
Happy to help an enterprising /biz/reali in any small way I can.

>>9865516
damn. Maybe OP can sell them in sets.

>>9865631
>he's right you know.jog