LIIIIINKIES

[Anonymous No.8958501]

Where's my bedtime story...?

[Anonymous No.8958515]

Once upon a time there was a retard who fell for /biz/ memes. He lost all over 80% of his investment, which was foolishly his entire savings, and necked himself. The end.

[Anonymous No.8958529]

>>8958515
N-now I can't sleep :-(
P-please read me another story, and now no bully.

[Anonymous No.8958551]

>>8958501
It's the year 2020 and Sergey has yet to launch mainnet. Nighty night

[Anonymous No.8958560]

>>8958501
There once was a linkie that was so stinky that everyone died.
The end

[Anonymous No.8958570]

>>8958551
>>8958560
PLEASE NO BULLY I WILL GET NIGHTMARES

[Anonymous No.8958578]

>>8958515
Once upon a time there was a dumb nigger that fell for retarded FUD. When the singularity happened he joined in on the shitposting about nolinkers as if he had bought in too. But he knew otherwise and it ate at him like Sergey ate big macs, until one day he kys'd himself. The end.

[Anonymous No.8958605]

>>8958501
I used to have some of these fuckers when I was a kid. They only ate live crickets I was told. So I paid the fucking cricket masters every week to feed these guys. Then I got sick of paying the cricket tax so I started just buying dead frozen crickets in bulk, much cheaper. I would thaw them out before I fed them (its actually weird but occasionally a thawed cricket will actually survive being frozen for who knows how long and start chirping)

It took a while to train these guys to eat the thawed dead crickets. But eventually they got hungry enough to eat them. It might have fucked them up though because the frogs would start eating rocks and shit and drowning themselves. Except one actually became a cannibal and started eating other frogs. I thought he was a badass so I fed him other frogs for a while until he got loose one day. He only needed to eat a frog like once every week so it wasn't actually that much more expensive than the crickets. After he got a loose my mom found his dried up corpse flattened like a pancake in her shoes a couple weeks later. I used it as a bookmark for a while until it deteriorated too much.

[Anonymous No.8958685]

My uncle works for McDonalds and he says they're partnering with LINK

Its gonna be huge

[Anonymous No.8958734]

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there was a place called January, 2019, where there lived many, many people. The people here love the LINK. They use it everywhere.
But one day, LINK was drying up.
There was no LINK to be bought anywhere. People were panicking. Where could they buy the LINK? Worse yet, refugees were coming into the town. They came by the hundreds, then thousands, then millions.
“Get back! You’re not welcomed here!” Said some of the folks.
“Please sir, we heard that you could teach us how to buy LINK. We come from the far away land of Facebook, and even twitter you see. You have to help us! This man here is over 30. This woman has taken over 500 dicks. LINK is our last hope!”
“Go away! We have no LINK for you!” Said the townspeople. They were part of a race called Anon but they call themselves the LINK marines. They’ve been here since the town was called October 2018 and some have been holding since LINK was $100. They have lived through all the FUD and they were the early adopters. They saw potential. Some of the LINKers even had over 1000 LINK! They had delicious memes too they only shared amongst themselves.
A young LINKlet had but 10 LINK was bullied by all the other boys. They all had 50 or more, some even inherited a few hundred. The LINKlet was determined not to be bullied anymore. He had to buy more LINK!
“Well,” Said one of the more seasoned marines, “they say there’s an old man up in the hills. He comes here once in a while. We call him The Whale. Legend has it, he came from a time where everybody had tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands of LINK. He lived in a time when The Prophet still walked amongst them.”
“Hundreds of thousands? That’s not possible!” Said Linklet.
“That’s what they say. But they’re gone now.”
“What will we do? How can we make it?”
“You will have to ask the Old Whale.” Said the Marine.

[Anonymous No.8958794]

>>8958734
this is wholesome
more please

[Anonymous No.8958837]

>>8958734
>Frens reading frens bedtime stories

We're all going to make it. The ancient one is pleased.

[Anonymous No.8958890]

>>8958501

These LINK memes are honestly getting outta hand.

And this is from someone 100% in LINK

[Anonymous No.8958900]

>>8958734
The young LINKlet was told to journey to the land of /biz/ where they harvested memes and where he had been as a child to buy his first LINK. Little LINKlet was aghast when he returned. The land of /biz/ had been wrecked by the savage refugees. The entire fields burned with a thousand shitty memes. People everywhere were screaming, begging, and LARPing.
LINKlet struggled through the crowds, hearing them hawk in his ears.
“How do I buy LINK?”
“What does LINK do?”
“How much for 1 LINK?”
“I just told my uncle about LINK.”
“I have over 100 LINK. AMA.” Said a man wearing the OP tag.
“I’m a oldfag. I’ve been here since LINK was only $3.”
“Shut up! You’re a LARPER!” Someone shouted at the man. “They’re all gone from this Sergey forsaken place now.”
LINKlet was intrigued. Didn’t they say The Whale was an “oldfag?”
“Wait!” LINKlet cried out. He shoved himself into the throng of people surrounded OP.
“Do you know The Whale?”
“The man with over 30,000 LINK?” Said someone.
“I am The Whale.” Said OP.
LINKlet was excited and began to ask questions. However, some of the more seasoned meme farmers pointed out incongruencies in his responses. LINK was never $10 before February 2018. Sergey did not eat Wendy burgers.
Linklet had met his first LARPer. He would meet many more. For days and days, he sat, dejected, checking and checking if The Whale was there. He would call out a few times, as he was taught, the technique was to shout “Summoning The LINK Whale!” It was to no avail. He would shout and search when /biz/ was crowded, and when /biz/ was empty. He was there day and night. When he pondered about his shitty life, his low paying job, his lack of a gf, his disappointed parents, he vowed harder to find The Whale and learn more about LINK and the AB era.
One day, he was busy scrolling another LINK memes thread, having given up on the meatier, technical threads to look for The Whale, when he saw a certain meme...

[Anonymous No.8958926]

>>8958900
WHATS THE MEME??
I MUST KNOW!

[Anonymous No.8959044]

>>8958900
Don't blue ball me now!!

[Anonymous No.8959051]

Tfw about to start wage cucking for more link and wont hear end of story

[Anonymous No.8959060]

This was a meme he had never seen before. The numbers seemed wrong. This was a familiar meme to everyone by now, especially back in his town where it was hung up for circlejerking by his mates, but the magnitudes were different in this one.
“10000 is only considered a Sergeant Major?” Linklet pondered. Back in his town, there were a few pompous Brigadier Generals with 12,500 LINK. But here it is listed as 125,000 LINK!
“Are you trying to make everyone feel like LINKlets?” LINKlet said cheekily. Maybe the poster was trying to humble everyone.
“This was the original.” Responded the poster.
“Really?” LINKlet quickly grabbed the picture and was about to run off to the great Reverse Image wizard, when he realized it was too similar to the one circulating now to have any chance. But more importantly, here was someone who claimed to have the original! Even if he was a LARPer, Linklet had to try.
“Where did you get this?”
“My meme folder. Kid, the memes now are nothing like they were back in the day. Your memes are shit.”
“Back in the day?” Linklet grew hopeful.
“You missed the moonshot. I come here to laugh at you.”
It’s the Whale! Linklet thought.
“Please. Sir, there are no LINKs anywhere to be bought.”
“Don’t beg.” The man said.
“I’m willing to buy LINK! They are very valuable now!”
“You didn’t believe in LINK when they weren’t.” He said. The LINKlet checked himself. He knew that even if oldfag was the Whale and even if he was willing to sell his LINK, there was no way he can afford it. Maybe there was another way...
“Can you tell me about the before time?”
“Before time? You mean before the singularity?”
“Yes.” LINKlet said sheepishly.
By now, the meme thread had quieted down. The hawkers were now listening to this oldfag.

[Anonymous No.8959064]

>>8958900
MORE PLEASE WHAT MEME

[Anonymous No.8959073]

>>8959051
tfw wage cucking and reading whilst

[Anonymous No.8959082]

>>8959060
someone please screenshot this story for me

[Anonymous No.8959083]

>>8959073
me too m8

We will make it. Link will make it.

[Anonymous No.8959103]

I have frightening nightmares a out mobius. I actually woke up one night shitting in my bed with my girlfriend laying next to me because the möbius nightmare was so vivid

[Anonymous No.8959307]

“Long long ago we called this land 2018 and you little shits weren’t around. But there were just as many stinky LINKY threads, but they were different. They held epic battles of the wits, catastrophic FUDs that decimated prices, and /biz/ was a land flowing with milk and memes. Now, the land produces sour, shriveled up ‘memes’ that are little more than begging and FOMO.”
LINKlet listened.
“I was a noLINKer. I laughed at the stinky LINKies. Back in those days, we called them deluded.”
LINKlet asked, “what changed your mind?”
“Back in those days, prophets walked amongst us. We called them TripFags. And the scribes listened and saved their words in screenshots.”
A few of the listeners booed OP, denouncing tripfags. Others praised them, and wished they were still amongst them.
“It wasn’t any one thing that changed my mind. But /biz/ was a fruitful and beautiful place back then, at least compared to now. Yea, I have accumulated many a LINK now. I will show you... a portion of my wealth.” He left an address for everyone to see. The number was so astounding, many killed themselves immediately. LINKlet was frightened.
“Do not be scared my child, for this happened during the Singularity. Many of the noLinkers were left behind you see.”
“Old man, where are they now? Could I buy LINK from those titans who walked among you?” Said LINKlet

[Anonymous No.8959332]

“Kid, if they have held long enough to see it through the singularity, they are never selling.”
And LINKlet wept.
“Please! Take me to where the LINKers are! I want to see them!”
Oldfag laughed. “They’re gone now. They’re in a place called Lamboland, and you will never see them again.”
“Lamboland? Where’s that?” LINKlet said. Many more poured into the thread, demanding to know more about Lamboland and where the LINKers are hiding.
“TAKE US TO LAMBOLAND YOU SENILE OLD FOOL! TAKE US SO THAT WE CAN GET THEIR LINK!”
“Lamboland was once located on the moon. But each year it will go farther and farther. It is already in another galaxy now. No ship can take you there.”
“Old man! Take me with you! Don’t leave!”
“Tripcode yourself!” Begged many.

[Anonymous No.8959339]

>>8959060

This is the best. Someone please copy and edit these into a nice pdf
Pls.

[Anonymous No.8959343]

“No, I am not worthy of a tripcode. Not compared to the prophets before me.”

“Sergey of Nazarov once roamed this earth. He took us up in his arms, in great waves of Lambos. We ascended with him, holding on with diamond encrusted hands. Assblaster was on his right hand. The old LINKers, the True Marines come to earth once in a while to mess with you mortals. Nothing you can do will hurt them. They are pure. They fear no debt, no homelessness, no loneliness.”

Linklet sat down and tried not to cry. He was only a little boy but he knew better than to kill himself. He hugged his measly stack. He deleted his “meme” folder.

Oldfag looked at LINKlet, who had listened through his tale, and his heart softened.

“Here.”
LINKlet looked up. Was he going to give him a LINK?
“I’m not selling. But you can have one of these instead. I have too many of them.” And Oldfag gave LINKlet a Lamborghini.

It was years later. Although the LINK shortage was never resolved, the prices kept going up. LINKlet knew that only the highest echelon of political leaders, the largest corporations and the most dangerous cartels can get their hands on LINK. When LINKlet sits in his lambo and looks up at the night sky, he can feel like Lamboland exists somewhere, like a Castle in the Sky. The other LINKers no longer laugh at him, for he had been given a lambo personally by a True Marine. LINKlet eventually grew up to have a nice family, who inherited portions of his LINK when he died. The end.

[Anonymous No.8959380]

>>8959343
C
O
M
F
Y

[Anonymous No.8959408]

>>8959343
Wow you are a good writer you fucking bastard.

[Anonymous No.8959440]

Is this still legit? Fuck, mang...

[Anonymous No.8959450]

Goodnight link frens

[Anonymous No.8959451]

>>8959343
>Oldfag laughed. “They’re gone now. They’re in a place called Lamboland, and you will never see them again.”

BASED

[Anonymous No.8959454]

>>8959440

Seems too good to be true. IDK though maybe this is a once in a millennia type thing

[Anonymous No.8959467]

>>8959440
Yep, legit
Link will make me stinky rich. lmao i'm going to change the world. i'm gonna start a self-help program for white males and introduce them to: noporn, meditation, exercise, traditional values, societal problems of emasculation by feminism
t.168k link

[Anonymous No.8959496]

>>8959343
Simply perfect anon, you will definitely see this posted once we make it.

[Anonymous No.8959502]

>>8959450
goodnight artfag

[Anonymous No.8959517]

>>8959450
Cute drawing, thanks fren

[Anonymous No.8959536]

>>8959467

Good shit Anon. That's a great plan. I want to buy a plantation in South Carolina. I hope my 18k is enough

[Anonymous No.8959582]

>>8959536
Duly appreciated!

[Anonymous No.8959652]

>>8959343
Enjoyed this. Thanks anon

[Anonymous No.8959836]

>>8959343
>ending it with a ''and then he died the end''

HE HAD TO HAVE MADE IT TO LAMBO LAND ANON

[Anonymous No.8959981]

Can you guys please refute the shit in this thread?
>>8959559

I'm getting kind of worried.

[Anonymous No.8960000]

>>8959343
Thank you. I enjoyed this

[Anonymous No.8960187]

>>8959343
You know what I just realized? Author is Old Whale! Bless you elder for your wisdom in prophecy.

[Anonymous No.8960238]

>>8959836
Some will never make it Anon. It is sad, but it is true.

If we gave our $1000 links to everyone who asked for them, Lamboland would never exist. We must fight these FUD battles and hold strong to be a beacon of inspiration to future wholesome LINKlets.