/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.82377]

Explain these job gaps on your resume

[Anonymous No.82398]

I freelanced and did odd jobs during those periods

[Anonymous No.82405]

"There are jobs on my resume?"

[Anonymous No.82409]

I was self-employed.

[Anonymous No.82455]

Explain why you can do your job better than I can do your job.

[Anonymous No.82458]

No, you explain why I should work for you and not take my talents South Beach.

[Anonymous No.82481]

>>82377
I was making $300k per year investing in any stocks I wanted.

[Anonymous No.82513]

Well that would be the same explanation for the warts on my cock.

[Anonymous No.82515]

I was having sex with your mother.

[Anonymous No.82585]

>>82481
>can you show us your portfolio?
>since that is the case why are you applying to this mid level career?

[Anonymous No.82590]

>>82377
Did some study on my own, so my competence is up to date. It's true, i promise...

[Anonymous No.82653]

>>82377
Those are the points in between the jobs I held. Y'know, the jobs, the "EXPERIENCE" that you hold in such high regard. The gaps were in between. IE they're none of your fucking business. Fuck.

[Anonymous No.82701]

Caring for my ailing grandfather during his losing battle to stage 9 ovarian cancer.

[Anonymous No.82744]

>>82377
Sat on my ass and collected $1800/month in unemployment for 2 years

[Anonymous No.82887]

I was faking a mental disfunction to watch chinese cartoons and play videogames all day

[Anonymous No.82935]

>>82377
I was taking care of my sick grandmother, now passed

[Anonymous No.82958]

"Back in my younger days I was steeped in my salesmanship ability in clothing retail."

[Anonymous No.82959]

This is where you gotsta flip it on em. Act like having time off for periods is nothing to be ashamed of, because protip: it's not. Don't even try to "defend" yourself.

[Anonymous No.82995]

>>82377
I was afflicted with an acute case of Adult Onset Autism. Collected assburger-bucks until they invented a cure.

[Anonymous No.83090]

>>82958
heh

[Anonymous No.83098]

"h..have you heard of 4chan?"

[Anonymous No.83106]

>>82377
I was fucking a supermodel.

[Anonymous No.83133]

>>82398
>>82409
>>82701
>>82935
would these really work? srs

>>82959
are you sure?

[Anonymous No.83125]

>>82958
wat

[Anonymous No.83139]

>>83125
he's talking about "Gap" as in the clothing store

it's a play on words

[Anonymous No.83140]

I had affluenza

[Anonymous No.83152]

>>82701
>grandfather
>ovarian cancer.

subtle

[Anonymous No.83165]

"i was 2 buzy bangin ur mum to work"

>tfw ur hired for being bold

[Anonymous No.83191]

>>82405
lol

>>82959
Yea, why do the hirers care so much about gaps

[Anonymous No.83214]

>>83165
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew0h3xnwyR4

[Anonymous No.83217]

Let's take it back,

back to the Gap.

Look at my check,

--wasn't worth scratch.

so if i stole wasn't my fault!

Yeah, I stole, never got caught.

[Anonymous No.83219]

>>82887
question. If you get diagnosed for autism just for the bux, are you ever able to get undiagnosed?

[Anonymous No.83240]

>>83214
lol exactly.

also
>those people laughin in the movie theater

[Anonymous No.83246]

>>83219
good question

I bet /r9k/, /a/, /v/, or /jp/ would know this

[movingonup !!tPpkf0wh6sJ No.83267]

I was in school, learning how to make YOUR company money and adding value to your business.

Fucking Schmucks.

[Anonymous No.83272]

I took a year off to travel around the world and visit holocaust museums.

[Anonymous No.83287]

>>83191
>Yea, why do the hirers care so much about gaps

Someone once told me it's because during a job gap, your mind slows down noticeably due to a lack of stimulus. IMO that is an extremely shitty reason, because it assumes that you're just sitting like a lump on a log all day long. If you're taking the time to travel, learn a new skill or language, read Tolkien's entire Legendarium or whatever, then your mind continues to be stimulated and you continue to better yourself.

[Anonymous No.83296]

>>83191
It's the old "WE CAN SEE YOU AT ALL TIMES, EVEN WHEN YOU POOP"-trick so that you will be a paranoid and submissive bitch for them, basically.
If the company wants you to fall for it, and you don't agree with the premise, the job is not for you in the first place as they are looking for someone that has more... sheep-like qualities...

[Anonymous No.83308]

>>82377
I was selling drugs durin' that time bro.

[Anonymous No.83320]

>>82377
I've found that people don't care about gaps, as long as you have a reason for them to be there.

The main thing people are concerned about, is if you were leaving an employer off of your resume, but that will be in the report from Equifax, along with all your other employment records.

If you ever want to be scared at how much data is being collected, send in this form, and see all your HR records from every place you've worked: theworknumber.com/Employees/DataReport/report_request.pdf

[Anonymous No.83336]

>>83219
No. Once you have Autism that's it, you have it.

You could, of course, claim you were faking it but then you could expect the government to sue or jail your sorry ass.

Best bet would be to tell a psychologist/psychiatrist/head doctor a list of conditions that approximates Autism/Aspergers/choose your madness BUT also corresponds closely with some other condition than can be solved. Then when you get off the autism bux just say its the doctor's fault, not yours.

[Anonymous No.83375]

>>83240
yeah

fuck them for laughing

[Anonymous No.83377]

>>82377
Was fucking your mom, sir.

[Anonymous No.83395]

>>83217
They take me to the back and pat me

Asking me to buy to khakis

But let some black people walk in

I bet they show off their token blackie

[Anonymous No.83407]

I actually had someone ask me this question in an interview just a few weeks ago. I told them I took two years off to travel around Europe and "broaden my horizons". It was sort of half-true, but in reality I went to live with my relatives in Portugal for a two years spent most of my days hanging out with my unemployed cousins in the town square, getting drunk, ordering pasteis de nata and then banging horny British teens at night. I also mentioned something about working for a small tech startup 6 days a week for almost a year, in reality I only worked two days a week as a document courier driving around an ancient diesel Mondeo. Had to earn my keep somehow.

They obviously bought it, now I have an offer and have to figure out whether I want it or not.

[Anonymous No.83408]

>>83375
surprised they arent clapping amirite?

[Anonymous No.83434]

>>83191
Because for hirers job gaps might equal periods of drug abuse, illness or other deep lying issues you're trying to hide

[Anonymous No.83460]

Okay how bad is "dropped out of school twice because of mental problem but I got a therapy and everything is fine now"?

[Anonymous No.83502]

>>83460
It's all how you phrase it.

You were unsure what you really wanted to do with your life, and took a break to recenter yourself, and think about your options.

[Anonymous No.83507]

>>83460
Awful.

Just tell them you went soul searching or something. If they think you might relapse then its a bad thing.

[Anonymous No.83510]

>>82377
Prison.

[Anonymous No.83519]

>>83460
How fucking bad do you think it is?

Jesus Christ, no. Never say something like that in an interview you autist. Lie if you have to.

[Anonymous No.83537]

>>83191
I always thought the issue with gaps was that companies want to keep you for life and job gaps mean you actually have interests that are not work related. Saying "I went traveling around the world for a year" means you might quit in 3 years to travel for a year again or to do another hobby.

You have no idea how little personality and soul the average wage slave has. I've only been working for 4 or so years but I already have enough. And it's all because of the people, many of them have nothing to live for so they live for making your life harder as well, brings them some sort of schadenfreude pleasure.

[Anonymous No.83529]

>>83510
I shanked some motherfucker
nigger wanted to sell shit in MY hood

[Anonymous No.83571]

>>83537

tfw I took time off to travel after graduating

man, I hope I haven't screwed myself

[Anonymous No.83574]

>>83537
I allways thought that having a positive personality and getting along with people was a rather important ability

[Anonymous No.83588]

i traveled for a few years

[Anonymous No.83613]

>>83574
Most people are "fake" nice cause they know they have to be. I work in a unionized public corporation though so you can't ever be negative to other people like they can in private firms so I only have this perspective. They younger people usually are nicer though, the worst ones are the people who have been doing the same job for more than a decade and are not looking for promotions, they have nothing to lose anyways.

>>83571
Usually that's pretty bad if you did it right after graduating. I think if you did it as a career break like 3-5 years after graduating it wouldn't be as bad. Good luck though, we're all in this crapshoot together.

[Anonymous No.83627]

>>83613
>They younger people usually are nicer though, the worst ones are the people who have been doing the same job for more than a decade
they ain't people
they're dead


it's one of my biggest fears to end like one of these people

[Anonymous No.83634]

>>83537
>You have no idea how little personality and soul the average wage slave has

Accountant here. I find corporate "wage slaves" are infinitely more vibrant and interesting than the people I have to work with.

[Anonymous No.83638]

>>83336
thanks for the info
>...BUT also corresponds closely with some other condition than can be solved.
Now for the hard part

[Anonymous No.83657]

>>83627
Dude, it's my biggest nightmare. It's why I'm quitting my job this year to travel and do some shit jobs around the world starting with a WHV in Australia. I'm too young to be working in a cubicle.

[Anonymous No.83691]

>>83657
>tfw took 2 years off a highly successful career to travel
>tfw liked it so much I became an overqualified english teacher in Asia
>tfw no regrets...yet

[Anonymous No.83720]

>>83691
Yeah one of my plans is to spend a couple years in Taiwan to learn Mandarin while teaching English.

[Anonymous No.83721]

>>83691
there's a thread on /biz/ basically about teaching in china
>>73201

[Anonymous No.83764]

>>82377
"I was killing people and getting diarrhea eating at Red Lobster."

[Anonymous No.83802]

>>83764

[Anonymous No.83805]

I'm gonna pull a George Costanza in that episode where Costanza does the opposite of everything you usually do...

[Anonymous No.83813]

>>83764
10/10

[Anonymous No.83823]

>>83813
hey look it's /k/

[Anonymous No.83843]

But I don't see any job gaps, I'm sorry I think i've changed my mind about this job, I'd prefer to work in a company with literate HR and management

[Anonymous No.83877]

>>83191
larger employment gaps can be a sign of possible imprisonment, even if their criminal record has been wiped

[Anonymous No.83926]

>not using volunteer experiences as job experience
>not putting the full year instead of the months

I once had a job that lasted 8 days, but that fucker goes down as 2008 on my resume.

[Johnny Cakes !!rEkSWzi2+mz No.83981]

>>83926
does that work? What if they call they company you worked for?

[Anonymous No.83985]

I was working as a missionary in Tahiti. I formed a small cult that was active for 3 years before all of the women were run off a cliff by a herd of buffalo that destroyed our irrigated land. The whole experience gave me a fondness for programming, and here I am.

[Anonymous No.83987]

>>83926
>"so did you work there the whole year?"
>"y-yes"
>"that's good, i'll give the manager a ring later on to see how well you worked there"

[Anonymous No.84001]

>>83987
>Be a friend with the manager
>He says I was a great worker who he relied on constantly and that he was sorry to see me go

[Anonymous No.84047]

>>84001
>random HR rep picks up the phone
>"anon? sorry I don't quite remember who that is, let me check our records"
>"oh here it is, yeah he managed to work well for the full 8 days"

[Anonymous No.84067]

>>84047
That's why you list the managers own line anon. You stupid or something?

[Anonymous No.84076]

>>84047
It's unrelated, but fuck HR. They're seriously the most worthless group of faggots ever.

[Anonymous No.84082]

>>84076
More and more companies are gutting HR and having china do the duties on the cheap. It is more efficient and you have less stupid cunts that don't understand business trying to hold sway over the company.

[Anonymous No.84166]

>>84082
This is very wrong m9. A lot of companies are actually investing into HR to create better work environments. Investing into wellness programs and whatnot. Yes, the HR folks who deal with hiring are shit but the rest actually do a decent job.

[Anonymous No.84183]

>>82585
>"Because I like people, and I need a place where I'll be out of the sun"

[Anonymous No.84198]

>>83219
LolPsychology major here: As the DSM changes, the diagnostic criteria change. With the new DSM-5, there was some controversy about autism, Asperger's, and a few other diagnoses being replaced with the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis, because many people may lose their diagnoses and the services they receive to treat them.

[Anonymous No.84248]

>>84198
can you explain that in more laymen terms

[Anonymous No.84275]

>>84248
The people who are fat and socially inept who blame it on assburgers or autism are upset because their free money might get cut off.

[Anonymous No.84296]

>>84248
>Big fancy book defines what it means to be autistic, assburgers, etc.
>Big fancy book version 5.0 comes out and combines the different rulesets into one.
>Former autists and their parents are pissed because they might not get their autismbux anymore or (mostly) their insurance won't cover treatment.

[Anonymous No.84600]

>sign up for Navy
>recruiter asks
>be honest, tell him I looked for work and it didn't pan out so here I am
>he helps me make up a patriotic motivation backstory for my app
>got accepted finally last week
>I'm gonna make it

Take THAT Human Resources SCUM!

[Anonymous No.84652]

>>84600
military people will always be bro's

[Anonymous No.84722]

I explain it by saying I took extra time to write my thesis, which took extra time because data was scarce, which is mostly true, but I'm also afraid it'll make me look like a lazy fag. How to put it better? And what looks better, graduating in 5.5 years when you should graduate in 5 or graduating in 5 and being a neet for half a year on-paper?

[Anonymous No.85360]

I worked as a Job Hunter for the time being.

[Anonymous No.85410]

"My parents suffered serious injuries and I quit working to take care of them as they slowly died before my eyes over the course of three years."

I have ten 2" binders full of insurance forms, prescriptions, medical bills, and worker's comp papers to prove it. Along with copies of death certificates.

Would recruiters buy this?

[Anonymous No.85442]

>>84722
>thesis
you think anyone gives a fuck about a grad school bitch who cant write a thesis in a timely manner
shit excuse/10

[Anonymous No.85471]

Excuse me sir, but do you by any chance browse 4chan?

[Anonymous No.85485]

>>85471

[Anonymous No.85490]

>>85471
only /mlp/ /soc/ /d/ and /mum/

[Anonymous No.85570]

>>82377
Just write 'self employed xxxx' where xxxx is any job you can do on your own, e.g. 'Self employed lawn mower"

[Anonymous No.86083]

>>83877
and what if that large gap was a time when someone was NEET?

[Anonymous No.86155]

>>84198
How is Psychology? Would you recommend it?

[Anonymous No.86216]

>>82377
my whole resume is a gap

[Anonymous No.86234]

>>83537
>>83296

Yeah, this.

[Anonymous No.86249]

>>86155
Not him, but you are effectively required to get at least a masters in the field if you wan to work a job relevant to the degree.

[Anonymous No.86373]

>>82377
What gaps? I was employed as a janitor by the 4chan corporation.

[Anonymous No.88623]

>>85410
They would probably buy it, the question is whether or not you can overwhelm them with enough pity to get the job. My guess is it could go either way; a recruiter may see something like that as a sign of potential trauma leading to mental problems, and would likely not hire you.

I find it's far easier to play the sympathy game with women. Men just don't give a fuck.

[Anonymous No.89157]

>>86083
>ah, during this period I took work as a freelance _______ online.

[Anonymous No.89532]

>>86373
May try this.

[Anonymous No.89610]

>>89157
>Sounds interesting, could I see some of your work?

[Anonymous No.90593]

>>89610
Mostly maintained websites on ______ dot___

[Anonymous No.90935]

>Being interviewed
>Ever
Unlucky for you I guess.

[Anonymous No.91009]

>>90935
Teach me your ways.

>inb4 unemployment

[Anonymous No.91032]

a sexual harassment lawsuit

[Anonymous No.91083]

>>91032
>Sorry I'm afraid you don't fit our corporate culture

[Anonymous No.91218]

because no gf

[Anonymous No.91249]

>>83537

they don't like people who aren't scared of getting fired

[Anonymous No.91317]

Friendly reminder that job interview threads are not /biz/ related. Please keep all topics on /biz/ directly business and finance related. The only real acceptable permutation of this thread would be a business owner telling a story about a bad interviewee or something.

[Anonymous No.91369]

I have not worked since 2001, I have some bullshit Restart thing next week so I can't look like I'm not trying. So I won't put any dates on my CV and when they ask why I'll say discrimination.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsL2Zp7xOwY

[Anonymous No.91453]

>>82377

[Anonymous No.91482]

>>91369

>2001

What the fuck have you been doing?

[Anonymous No.91517]

>>91482
Well I did 2 years of Sound Engineering and 1 year of TV & Video Production at community college in the middle of that. Mostly F5ing, watching tv and sleeping

[Anonymous No.91639]

>>91317

[Anonymous No.91689]

i was breeding chameleons, growing pot, and attending college while taking care of my sick mother.

[Anonymous No.91698]

>>84076

HR girls are fucked in the head. One of my sister's class-mates from sociology is now doing HR at the bank, they pay for all her travel and and accommodation and she makes ridiculous money. She interviews people twice her age and is expected to know where they belong in the company, she always gets it wrong. On top of that she is a complete entitled cunt.

[Anonymous No.91721]

>>83287
>Someone once told me it's because during a job gap, your mind slows down noticeably due to a lack of stimulus.
It's legit. I've taken two years off and I'm nowhere near as fast as I used to be.

But I have no doubt that I could be useful/recover still. It's still obviously a negative.

[Anonymous No.91728]

I sold hardwood flooring while doing university part time for 6 years.

[Anonymous No.91739]

>>83537
>Such is the life in the Animal Farm
Every day this idea is reinforced.

[Anonymous No.91803]

>>83537
That is such bullshit. No company plans to employ someone for life these days. The issue is with recent gaps because inactive people are lazy. Inactivity MAKES you lazy. A big, organized travel trip does not count as an 'employment gap' for that very reason. Of course, you would need to explain the gap in the resume.

[Anonymous No.92831]

>>82377
I suffered a long time of severe affluenza, but now I'm recovered.

[Anonymous No.93880]

>>91317
Friendly reminder i hope you are trolling. We finally got a board where we can discuss these things, and some corporate culture threads actually have an interesting debate. Do you want to make /biz/ a 99% doge containment board? Sorry but i really do hate you

>>91639
Yep, this.

[Anonymous No.96284]

>>91803
Or just put it on the resume under experiences

SEA - March 2011 - June 2011
* Learned the local Languages and Culture
* Fucked 50 locals
* Fucked 20 Child prostitutes
* Impregnated another 5
** Tested clean for STD December 2011

Russia June 2011 - July 2011
* Mastered C1 level Russian
* Intimate experience with the Russian legal system
* Banned for 10 years

Japan July 2011 - October 2011
* Taught English for High Schoolers
* Took Cultural classes
* Thoroughly studied the female anatomy of pupils
* Made connections with local upstart business such as the Yakuza
* Fathered 2 more children

Canada October 2011 - November 2011
* Study local methods of being turned down
* Shot an educational film involving sex eduction
* Ate 3 times my weight in maple syrup
* Jumped from Niagara falls in a barrel
* Banned for 5 years

[Anonymous No.96376]

>>84722
>5.5 years for a PhD

That shit is normal

[Anonymous No.96997]

I went to school during that time. I used money I made from the job prior, to pay my way through school so I could focus on my studies.

[janitorspls. No.100729]

>100000

[janitorspls. No.100738]

>>100000

[Anonymous No.101232]

>>82585
>since that is the case why are you applying to this mid level career?
Good question. I'm out.