/biz/ humour thread!

File: 13 KB, 165x250, jackbogle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

/biz/ humour thread! Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:21:03 2015 No.793155 [Reply] [Original]

Let it be started!

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:22:27 2015 No.793159 File: 367 KB, 1024x576, pepe.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:22:48 2015 No.793161 The bitcoin fag, I know you're there. Come here right now!

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:25:43 2015 No.793164 >>793159 >>793159 Gotta catch'em all!

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:27:41 2015 No.793166 I have this feeling like it's the same newfag that starts these on all of the boards and then posts the results to 9gag or /r/4chan to impress all of his internet buddies.

Anonymous Sun Jun 21 15:30:25 2015 No.793169

>>793166
I can assure you it's not me. It's the second /biz/ humour thread I start ever and I only made it to add dramatism to my comment in another thread.

I'm in another computer, so I don't really have anything to post. Feel free to call me a fag. After all, I'm OP.

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 19:03:55 2015 No.793369 File: 994 KB, 690x920, rich laughing girls.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 19:05:30 2015 No.793372 >>793369 Why would I care what prostitutes think?

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 19:08:44 2015 No.793376 File: 1.08 MB, 730x1165, bitcoin.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793372

>>	Anonymous Sun Jun 21 19:19:21 2015 No.793388 File: 206 KB, 800x1200, 1433616718944.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 00:10:28 2015 No.793709 >>793155 I used to own a lot of Smuckers stock but I had to sell it all because I got in a jam.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 07:59:40 2015 No.793875 >>793369 >>793376 They're not even laughing.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 08:01:24 2015 No.793877 File: 308 KB, 800x1124, Trading-Day-2001-movie-poster-004.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Shit I posted in a previous /biz/ humor thread.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 08:04:59 2015 No.793879 File: 280 KB, 800x1124, Training-Day-2001-movie-poster-Original.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793877 And the template if you guys are willing to do some editing for chuckles' sake.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 09:27:07 2015 No.793904 File: 307 KB, 800x1124, Trading-Day-2001-movie-poster-005.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Another one. Less faithful to the original, but more to the point, imo.

Anonymous Mon Jun 22 09:44:56 2015 No.793916

>>793369
Smart companies don't issue dividends. The funds get reinvested and you get a stock value increase. Capital gain 50% taxable instead of 100%+ taxable dividend (sometimes the gross up makes it more than 100%).
Prime example if bitches not knowing shit

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 09:52:29 2015 No.793923 Accounting jokes: where do homeless accountants live? Tax shelter. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?Net Present Value.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 11:16:05 2015 No.793981 >>793169 fag

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 12:20:09 2015 No.794031 >>793916 Divs r taxed less than capital gains in the us.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 15:48:04 2015 No.794193 >>793981 Much appreciated. >>793916 >>794031 It's similar in other countries. It's simply an ignorant statement. For the accumulation phase: accumulation beats income/distribution.

Anonymous Mon Jun 22 15:53:07 2015 No.794196

>>793916

I wouldn't necessarily say smart. Companies that can invest all of the earnings to grow should not pay out dividends. Companies like Coke can only utilize so much to the point that paying a dividend is better value for shareholders.

Personally, I'd rather have capital gains for obvious tax reasons. It's why I like BRK-B. They took a vote if they should pay out a dividend and they had a resounding no because the taxes on dividends blow.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 16:02:56 2015 No.794205 >>794031 >Divs r taxed less than capital gains in the us. Absolutely, categorically, demonstrably 100% false. >>794196 This anon gets it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 16:12:00 2015 No.794219 >>794205 >Absolutely, categorically, demonstrably 100% false. Qualified dividends, for 1000 Alex.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 16:22:18 2015 No.794225 >>794219 >Qualified dividends are taxed at the capital gains rate. Not less. Try harder, Alex.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 16:47:04 2015 No.794241 >>793369 A company that issues dividends neglects it's long term profitability because the money is moved from R&D and development of the business and handed out to greedy and fickle share holders.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 17:08:52 2015 No.794251 File: 149 KB, 1224x669, chris-chan visits biz.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] only thread i saved

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 17:37:17 2015 No.794274 >>794251 You saved that for a year? Its not even funny.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 22 22:38:28 2015 No.794564 >>794274 i keep things from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back i rarely delete anything

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 23 00:25:29 2015 No.794649 >>793923 Only time I laughed in the thread. Holy shit guys this is pathetic. Smart people are supposed to be funnier than this.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 23 00:26:43 2015 No.794650 >>793916 >Capital gain 50% taxable instead of 100%+ taxable dividend >capital gain 50% taxable Alright now how does that work? Capital gains are taxed at 10%, 15%, or 20% period. Qualified dividends are taxed at the capital gains rate.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 23 11:30:53 2015 No.794947 File: 113 KB, 1404x936, fukbtc.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793161 1FuCKyoUet16sGvR1YfEyXXGfuBAnwGGKo

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 23 11:34:07 2015 No.794951 >>794225 This is not true in the us. It is based in income.

Anonymous Tue Jun 23 12:51:34 2015 No.794995

>>794951
>>Qualified dividends are taxed at the capital gains rate.
>This is not true in the us. It is based in income.
Hey fuckwit, try using Google before you post stupid comments for the whole world to see.

"Qualified dividends, as defined by the United States Internal Revenue Code, are ordinary dividends that meet specific criteria to be taxed at the lower long-term capital gains tax rate rather than at higher tax rate for an individual's ordinary income."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qualified_dividend

>Jesus man, I didn't even have to open wikipedia to find that. Google puts it right in the header of the page when you search "qualified dividends." You are a giant, steaming turd.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 23 13:02:28 2015 No.795001 File: 1.06 MB, 3000x2002, bill_ackman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anonymous Tue Jun 23 15:35:03 2015 No.795138

Okay retards, REGULAR dividends are taxed as regular income. QUALIFIED dividends are taxed at your capital gains rate, which is DEPENDENT on your income tax bracket but MUCH LOWER than your income tax rate.

Now what the fuck was this guy >>793916
talking about when he says
>Capital gain 50% taxable instead of 100%+ taxable dividend (sometimes the gross up makes it more than 100%).

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 24 19:02:46 2015 No.796335 File: 2.38 MB, 362x236, cowboylosing.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793877 >The best index investing crime thriller of the decade. >John C. Bogle you bastard

Anonymous Wed Jun 24 22:37:26 2015 No.796477

>>793916
>the funds get reinvested
This is often not the case. Usually, without a dividend, the cash will just sit on balance and do virtually nothing and share buybacks are not a solution to dispose of the cash because a buyback doesn't necessarily translate to a share price increase (I'm looking at you IBM).

Whether a company should pay a dividend or not is just dependent on the companies own situation. Companies still in a strong growth phase should probably reinvest what they make back into the company whereas older companies who's growth has matured should do dividends and share buybacks.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 00:56:56 2015 No.796549 >>796477 I agree

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 02:13:19 2015 No.796592 File: 257 KB, 516x526, banana0001.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >biz humor thread >almost entirely people arguing about investments

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 03:17:03 2015 No.796618 Never forget https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRFRyimg57A

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 04:58:56 2015 No.796643 >>793923 Well these were fucking terrible (I lol'd).

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 05:54:10 2015 No.796670 File: 75 KB, 400x398, advice1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793155

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 09:32:46 2015 No.796747 File: 155 KB, 851x593, JChillinIntheCross.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>796592 >mfw there's more intelligent discussion in the /biz/ humour thread than in 95% of the others of the board. The board is doomed.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 11:00:50 2015 No.796783 >>795138 Maybe I shouldve said it is Canadian Tax :/

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 12:48:06 2015 No.796839 >>796783 Oh. That makes more sense.

Anonymous Thu Jun 25 12:56:40 2015 No.796844

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 12:59:44 2015 No.796846 If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work?"

Anonymous Thu Jun 25 13:04:47 2015 No.796854

A high-priced lawyer comes home after a long and shitty day, jumps in the shower and the faucet comes off in his hand. Water is spraying everywhere, so he calls a plumber.

Plumber comes over and in literally 10 minutes, he has everything fixed. "That will be $500", says the plumber.

The laywer looks at him and says "My god, I thought I was doing well! As a senior lawyer, I charge $500 per hour and here you make the same in 10 minutes!"

Plumber says "Yep, that's about what I made when I was a lawyer"

*ba-dump-tssss*

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 18:49:34 2015 No.797180 >>796854 It might be the time without sleeping, but can somebody point to the punchline here?

Anonymous Thu Jun 25 18:53:54 2015 No.797185

>>797180
It's a complicated SJW punchline. The plumber saying: "thats what I did as a lawyer" implies that the plumber was once a lawyer but became a plumber because it pays the same without the stress and education.
of course any educated person wouldn't agree with the SJW's "life hack" of taking a shortcut, making as much as a lawyer with a plumber's profession

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 18:57:24 2015 No.797190 >>797185 A punchline about suicide and how unrewarding the lawyer's profession is would have been more suitable and to the point. Thanks for the input, though.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:01:44 2015 No.797195 File: 109 KB, 544x620, bird form.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793875

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:01:47 2015 No.797196 An accountant is rooting through the CEO's desk one night and finds 500,000US in 20s in the CEO's bottom drawer. What should the accountant do? Simple........... Credit sales; debit cash.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:03:51 2015 No.797199 File: 48 KB, 480x700, 1371345676055.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>797196 They would debit cash and credit sales. No accountant would think the other way.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:08:18 2015 No.797205 File: 62 KB, 460x794, verizon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:29:28 2015 No.797220 >>797196 I'm an accountant and I don't get this

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:40:10 2015 No.797232 >>793369 >rich >>795001 It's not fun to laugh at gods.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 19:50:23 2015 No.797247 >>793923 >Net Present Value so retarded, but i kek'd.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 21:15:24 2015 No.797371 >>797220 Neither did I. Not accountant here.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 21:18:16 2015 No.797375 >>797205 prob fake but still lol'd

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 21:21:00 2015 No.797379 File: 100 KB, 500x333, smile curry.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>793161 :) http://np.reddit.com/r/Bitcoin/comments/1r88vl/need_advice_on_inheritance_arbitrage_family_etc/

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 21:24:52 2015 No.797383 File: 82 KB, 740x281, IMG_1367.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 23:27:57 2015 No.797472 File: 94 KB, 720x657, financial-planning.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 25 23:35:19 2015 No.797481 >>797220 He pockets the cash (get it? "Debit card") and gives credit (snitches) to the sales department for "stealing the money"

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 02:15:47 2015 No.797615 >>797180 >>797185 >>797190 All in all I'd have to say it's a poorly written joke. It set itself up for good potential, but having the plumber say he was a lawyer before is just confusing and not funny.

Anonymous Fri Jun 26 07:07:30 2015 No.797705

>>797196
>>797220
>>797481
Actual accountant here, and I've gotta say that you're all retarded.
Since cash and securities are an asset, if you debit them, then you are actually putting MORE MONEY into that account, and by crediting sales, since it's in the owner's equity, you are actually INCREASING SALES.
It would actually make sense if you were crediting cash and debiting purchases.
Also,
This >>797199 guy is right. No self-respecting accountant would ever credit before they debit.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 07:16:29 2015 No.797706 Hey here's a joke A guy went on 4chan for financial advice

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 08:35:30 2015 No.797728 >>797706 kek'd hard.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 09:21:15 2015 No.797763 >>797728 We need a proper sticky though.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 16:43:57 2015 No.798015 >>797379 This isn't funny. It's heart breaking and fuels my misanthropy.

>>	Conservadox Fri Jun 26 17:04:54 2015 No.798027 >>797379 Be that a troll or not, I kek'd

>>	Anonymous Fri Jun 26 20:47:25 2015 No.798190 >>797472 anon i'm smashing one into a wall either way

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/biz/ - Business & Finance