/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.55949295]

A giant fucking hole mysteriously appears in the land of 4chan, and it looks like something came the fuck out of it. First anons start disappearing and then a power pole gets mysteriously knocked down. The jannies send a line crew to fix it and they will disappear. The jannies will send someone out to investigate and they will find the wrecked utility truck and see bloody smears but no body.

Then an anon named Wojak comes because he began picking up strange radioactive signals with seismic activity. While he is at the scene of the utility workers death he notices a strange fat greasy substance that emits low level radiation that has never before been seen. His smart scientist friend Apu created a tracking device that sniffs for this particular radioactive element. Meanwhile the fat begins showing up at areas that have somehow been horribly destroyed, but no one ever notices the fat until after it happened.

They create a big map of the occurrences and it looks like it's heading towards /biz/. Within a few minutes his scientist friend Apu says let's deploy this truck load of sensors that we have, in a line across its path and quickly hook them up to this computer software that will track their signals on our occurrence map.

While all of this is going on the jannies are talking amongst themselves saying it must be a dirty /biz/ trick by a Bobo to destroy 4chan. They say if it reaches the state of /biz/ they will trap it there and ban everyone there.

In the meantime the signals on the fucking map have been going off like crazy. Wojak sees a pattern and goes to head whatever the fuck it is off.

[Anonymous No.55949299]

>>55949295
On his way he gets a call from the janny leader who says if it gets within 10 feet of /biz/ then /biz/ will cease to exist. He tells the janny that /biz/ didn't have anything to do with it. The janny just laughs and says so fucking what /biz/ is shit and should die. Wojak says his scientist friend Apu has developed an EMP weapon that he's confident will make the beast's heart explode and he's going to stop it before it reaches /biz/ and hangs up on the janny.

The janny calls in his secret assassin to head Wojak off and kill him before he can kill the monster. Wojak jumps in a Lamborghini with the EMP weapon and hurries towards /biz/ since there were no apu helicopters available. He finally catches up to the monster and it's 60 feet wide and 120 feet tall. It's a giant hideous drooling Amerimutt. For some reason it knows the Lambo is trying to catch it so it turns and starts throwing burgers at the Lambo. Wojak is dodging and all of a sudden he drives into a ditch and the Lambo gets stuck. Instead of finishing him off the monster turns around and begins loping towards /biz/.

Wojak gets out of the Lambo and starts piling shit under his tires to get the Lambo out of the ditch. In the meantime the residents of /biz/ notice the monster bounding towards them. The /biz/ anons start shooting at it. The bullets only piss it off and now it begins to projectile puke up McDonalds food with deadly accuracy. When the vomit hits people it dissolves their flesh, when it hits cars or buildings it explodes into a fiery ball.

The janny and his assassins show up and start yelling it's a dirty /biz/ trick to destroy 4chan. The anons says we don’t care where it's from but we're not going to let it destroy our home. While all of this is going on Wojak's loyal scientist friend Apu is peering out from behind a wrecked flaming car and sees it all.

[Anonymous No.55949305]

>>55949299
The monster goes on a rampage killing anons. The whole area around it is burning with crushed cars and oozing skeletons when out of the smoke and rubble Wojak comes racing out with 2 flat tires, the top ripped off and all soot blackened. He gets right in front of the monster and the Lambo dies and won’t start.

His EMP weapon that was mounted on the Lambo is facing the wrong way so he scrambles to dismount it. The monster sees him at the same time that the janny sees him.

The janny screams for his assassin to kill Wojak. Just as the assassin aims his weapon the Amerimutt throws some KFC fried chicken at the assassin causing 100 niggers to suddenly materialize in front of him causing him to drop his weapon and run around screaming. While it was distracted with the assassin Wojak got the EMP weapon dismounted. As he lines up his one shot the janny picks up the gun the assassin dropped and aims for Wojak.

Both of their fingers are tightening on the triggers at the same time. The janny mutters die and before he can say anything else or pull the trigger, Apu smashes his head with a cinderblock.

Wojak fires the EMP weapon and the Amerimutt screams and falls dead to the ground inches from Wojak, with a burst heart.

Fade out and fade in to the next scene where they are at the janny's funeral and he is getting a posthumous medal for bravery.

[Anonymous No.55949310]

>>55949305
Apu looks at Wojak and says why don’t we tell the truth? Wojak says what is the truth? as they walk away.

As they go outside to get in the car 4 Bobos stop them and say the Bogs want to see you.

As they walk into the room the Bogs pour them both some milk and say these are interesting times, 4chan needs men like you who can think fast and be effective. We have many enemies. I want you to work for us and I want Apu to head our research lab and help protect us from these enemies. They all shake hands and walk out. When they get to the car Apu looks at Wojak and says what the fuck? I wanted to go fishing. Wojak looks at him and says the Bogs are right 4chan has lots of enemies and some of them are inside of 4chan. We have to protect our frens. And the credits roll.

[Anonymous No.55949521]

God bless you wojak, where would we be with out ya