I'm there with you, anon. The past 2 years have been a seriously brutal, massively destructive catastrophe for me. I distracted myself last year with fitness and hobbies, but you can only run away for so long from the bleakness of knowing you were standing at the door of financial independence, which is all you ever really wanted, and it vanished and it doesn't have to come back and probably won't. So here I am without it.
For the last few months I've gotten blackout drunk almost daily. The fitness I'd built by year end is now fully undone. I stopped therapy because it couldn't do anything more for me. I don't post here much anymore. That has been positive. It has helped my brain produce thoughts that aren't tinged LINK like every thought I've had has been for so many years. After all, it was my One Big Hope. I bought LINK in my mid-20s when I was a young man on an upward trajectory, ahead of my peers, with a good career and a quiet inner confidence in myself, belief that I was going to do it. Now I'm in my 30s, still renting an apartment, with not enough saved, watching on uselessly as my friends marry, buy homes, and start families.