Tell me about yourself.

[Anonymous No.54843038]

>What is your greatest strength?

>What is your greatest weakness?

>Why should we hire you?

>Why do you want to work here?

>Tell me about a time you showed leadership.

>Tell me about a time you were successful on a team.

>What would your co-workers say about you?

>Why do you want to leave your current role?

>Describe your most challenging project.

>Tell me about something you’ve accomplished that you are proud of.

>Can you explain your employment gap?

>What are your salary expectations?

>What do you like to do outside of work?

>Tell me about a time you had to manage conflicting priorities.

>Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

>Describe your leadership style.

[Anonymous No.54843056]

I will never be a wagie

[Anonymous No.54843063]

>>54843038
>What do you like to do outside of work?
My least favorite out of all of these. Are we just supposed to pretend its not 2023 and everybody's terminally online. Also, I'm here to get paid, I'm not your friend. Its none of your fucking business.

[Anonymous No.54843067]

good morning sirs i live in village near bombay i take shit on street and buy many chainlinks sirs it is next big coins for my village

[Anonymous No.54843086]

>>54843063
Yeah... um... I like browsing the mongolian basketweaving e-bulliten board called 4channel.

[Anonymous No.54843097]

>>54843038
i tell them my greatest weakness is talking to girls, and how i'm a 43 year old virgin
still looking for a job

[Anonymous No.54843102]

>>54843056
Same here. I'm disgusted by how the corporate waging system works, how fake everything is, and I couldn't fit in if I tried to (I did try a couple of times in fact.)
Now I'm trying to make money on my own and hoping one day I'm able to get cashflow past my survival needs and be able to start working towards making it.
Some people here complain about not having enough to make it in their lifetimes, and I'm over here thinking about how I could start working towards making it... sigh

[Anonymous No.54843116]

>>54843063
>>What do you like to do outside of work?
>My least favorite out of all of these. Are we just supposed to pretend its not 2023 and everybody's terminally online. Also, I'm here to get paid, I'm not your friend. Its none of your fucking business.
Helping.
Out.
At.
The.
Synagogue.

Was the correct answer.

[Anonymous No.54843121]

tell those normalniggers you like watching THE OFFICE, and PODCASTS, and NETFLIX, and also enjoy eating PIZZA, and ALCOHOL

[Anonymous No.54843131]

>>54843102
The (sad) matter of fact is that in the business world EQ >>>> IQ. It's all about how well you're liked and how well you get along with the "right people."
I got fast tracked to management and right now my team is filled with people that have literal decades more experience than me, some of them are literal PhDs. And yet, even though they are amazing at their jobs and undoubtedly intelligent they are massive autists in the business sense, constantly getting into pissing arguments with other departments/employees over who is more right etc. A "good manager" doesn't need to be an expert of their craft, 50% of management work is greasing deals with other stakeholders in cross-functional projects and 50% of it is enabling your employees to be able to do their job efficiently by putting them in the right environment to thrive.

TL;DR
EQ>IQ and chads reign supreme in the corporate world just like everywhere else.

[Anonymous No.54843144]

>>54843038
>What is your greatest strength?
Drinking alcohol
>What is your greatest weakness?
Drinking alcohol
>Why should we hire you?
Everyone loves me at happy hour
>Why do you want to work here?
The downtown location is close to lots of bars
>Tell me about a time you showed leadership.
Captain of the bar league softball team
>Tell me about a time you were successful on a team.
8-0 east side bar leave champs in 2015
>What would your co-workers say about you?
Big league boozer
>Why do you want to leave your current role?
I hate faggots
>Describe your most challenging project.
Getting eight kegs of spotted cow to bachelors party in Vegas
>Tell me about something you’ve accomplished that you are proud of.
Getting eight kegs if spotted cow to a bachelors party in vegas
>Can you explain your employment gap?
I hate faggots
>What are your salary expectations?
Anything you give me will allow me to live like a king in Wausau
>What do you like to do outside of work?
Drink
>Tell me about a time you had to manage conflicting priorities.
Bros were hosting a bitchinbachelors party in Chicago but fuck the state of Chicago
>Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
POTUS
>Describe your leadership style.
Boozin and cruzin. Churchill would be jealous

[Anonymous No.54843152]

>>54843063
>Are we just supposed to pretend its not 2023 and everybody's terminally online.
I mean that is true. If you're spending all your free time browsing an Asian cartoon message board, you are the odd one.

If you truly have no outside hobbies, just choose a random mainstream one. Running or cycling are usually safe ones to choose.

[Anonymous No.54843170]

>>54843131
>Fast tracked without the qualifications
Sounds very...... "diversity hire"

[Anonymous No.54843219]

>>54843170
kek, no I'm not a shitskin or a foid. I'm also not retarded, I have few years experience, which in all honesty, is all you need to be in a management position. Managers aren't cranking out line level work like running financial simulations in excel, you're dealing with other stakeholders and managing the socially retarded nerds on your team.

It's the same for getting line level promotions btw. If I have two guys working for me and one is a super genius that submits 99/100 quality work but he's a massive autist constantly fighting with other teams and causing drama and I have a 2nd guy who submits maybe 80/100 quality work but isn't an autist and he gets along with everyone I'm going to write the 2nd guy higher performance reviews and give him better salary bumps every time.

[Anonymous No.54843234]

>>54843038
> My strength
> Silver
> if you don't it will make me cry
> I heard you guys will take ANYONE
> I was attacked by a caravan of vagrants in the mean streets of Barcelona. All that any of me and my party members had in our possession were simple, crudge, m16's. I took the initiative and directed my friends to aim the firearms and shoot the vagrants, the day was won.
> I went 45K/0D/15Assists in counter strike last night
>That they fear me and hope I don't follow them home to kill them.
>I killed someone
>Not killing you
>I get away with it every time
>what employment gap?
>I don't like celery
>I volunteer at soup kitchens
>I wanted to sleep in one day and didn't want to go to work so I slept in and called in sick, I do it all the time, I will use up my sick days in 2 months and keep taking days off. I don't care.
>doing the exact same thing I am now
>I get results, but it will come late and overbudget, everyone who works under me will love me, everyone above me will hate me.

[Anonymous No.54843237]

This is genuinely terrifying as I had been seeing a lot of doom and gloom threads pop up on the job market.

Currently going through this now and fuck is it awful. I am legit depressed over this. What a fucking insult isn't it?

t.got fired due to office politics but the reason given was "performance" even though I was TOP performer in my department.

I fucking hate corpos so fucking much its unreal...

[Anonymous No.54843248]

>>54843237
>I'm a huge weirdo, why won't people keep me around!?!

[Anonymous No.54843272]

>>54843121
I don't drink at all now because I think I was almost an alcoholic. I'm fully functional but also addicted to nicotine. I cut back my caffeine intake to two coffees a day. Also I buy modafinil online illegally. I think COVID-19 was created by the NIH in Wuhan, China that's why it later leaked from there. The deep state would do anything to stop an outsider. Is that so crazy? I know what I know.

[Anonymous No.54843276]

>>54843237
>t.got fired due to office politics

See
>>54843219

I bet you were a massive autist that acted like a huge arrogant asshole and you constantly caused drama which is why you were fired.

Autist joins a team and thinks that KPI performance > everything else and that it writes him a golden ticket to be an annoying piece of shit to work with. Gets surprised when he gets fired/poor performance reviews. Many such cases.

[Anonymous No.54843302]

My greatest weakness is that I work too hard

[Anonymous No.54843307]

>>54843038
>
In my Oppinion my greatest strengh is my self motivation.

>
It is a Challenge for me to leave coworkers in a tough spot or drop tasks without proper handover
that just goes against what i require from my own work quality but is sometimes needed in a busy workplace
>
I think im a great pick for the profile you described and could be a good value add
>
The posted profile enticed me and i think the tasks would play well with my work style
>
In most positions i worked at i have found myself taking over leading and decision maker positions
I think customer service comes first so i find it easy to challenge such situations with a "helping the customer resolve the issue first" mindset
>
That is something that happens almost daily at my current position
we have very good interactions with customers and this motivates me and my team strongly
>
I cant speak for them myself. but i think they trust me and i find myself often consulting them on projects and tasks
>
I feel that i have reached the ceiling in my current employers work environment and im trying to develop myself further professionally
>
I have several projects im very proud of because they created great benefit for my customers and the customers saw that value add to their business and appreciated it alot
>
currently i earn x which includes my overtime salary. since im trying to develop professionally im looking for at least that
>
I often do business related hobbies. besides that i enjoy cooking fine dishes and read alot. perhaps most people would think that is boring but i greatly enjoy my routine.
>
This happens alot and i try to delegate non critical task to people i know well to escalate the completion of projects and tasks
>
Currently im trying to develop myself professionally. i think if i do the next step now i will have to fill out that role first and i would hope to see myself succeed in this new environment to develop from a entry to a expert level.
>
big pp energy

not enough chars here

[Anonymous No.54843330]

I've never been fired or failed a job interview.

>What is your greatest strength?
I don't sit around with my thumb up my ass when I'm having a problem, I figure out the answer because I don't have time to be a retard because I care about making you money so you'll share it with me. I'll also learn job skills on my own time so you won't use as many resources training me to become revenue producing.
>What is your greatest weakness?
I'm not interested in sports. This is a problem because many clients talk about sports and I can't pretend to give a shit.
>Why should we hire you?
We both know the real answer. It's about money. I will try to generate revenue and pay for myself and then some.
>Why do you want to work here?
"I'm not going to use your brand name as a stepping-stone to work somewhere else, this is what I like to do."
>Tell me about a time you showed leadership.
[story that relates to job duties the most]
>Tell me about a time you were successful on a team.
see previous
>What would your co-workers say about you?
[good things. mention all your references]
>Why do you want to leave your current role?
[tell the truth but don't make it all about money]
>Describe your most challenging project.
[make up a few of these before the interview with different levels of funny and serious and pick the best one after reading the room]
>Tell me about something you’ve accomplished that you are proud of.
[tell the honest truth here. It'll make you sound human which you haven't so far]
>Can you explain your employment gap?
Don't have one lmao.
>What are your salary expectations?
Highball it. Say you can bring your W-2 to prove it. (bluff)
>What do you like to do outside of work?
Lie
>Tell me about a time you had to manage conflicting priorities.
Same as project story
>Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
dodge question
>Describe your leadership style.
Everyone does two parts. We select the best ones and trash the rest.

[Anonymous No.54843357]

>>54843276
>>54843248
>"acted like a huge arrogant asshole"
FAIR enough....If I was kinda of a dick at times its because I was right in my calls.
Why would we pay thousands on a feature when a $50 plugin solution already exists and can be done within the hour?
>"No anon, we just have to do it this way...because...OKAY!"
New changes are made faster than development can get to them. We are already ready to launch, everything else is white noise.
>"No anon, we have to add this because we just do... OKAY!"

But overall well liked by the team. Got awards for it and everything.

Here's the quick run down.
>Project is given
>Complete project
>Deadlines are changed ad nauseum
>Manager pisses off 3rd party contractor
>Delays because contractor will no longer make our requests a priority
>CMO overpromises to new CEO/C-Suite
>More deadlines despite already being ready to launch
>Get axed because CMO looks bad in front of CEO

Fired for performance on the 1st month of a new year? Fuck out of here with that bs. I was meeting KPIs every fucking quarter, every deadline, every request but the moment the upper brass makes a mistake they can't bear looking bad in front of the new CEO.

[Anonymous No.54843369]

>>54843144
You start next Monday. Welcome aboard.

[Anonymous No.54843385]

>>54843357
>It's not my fault!

Said by every asshole fired because no one else wanted to be around them.

I can tell by the way you respond and type that you're almost certainly an arrogant asshole in real life. No one's going to want you around no matter how smart and knowledgeable you are.

[Anonymous No.54843394]

>>54843357
I've worked with many tech autists like you.
>Why would we pay thousands on a feature when a $50 plugin solution already exists and can be done within the hour?

More than fair enough, but I bet you made this point like an annoying autist instead of explaining in in detail and suggesting it in a positive constructive fashion

>Manager pisses off 3rd party contractor
This is code for "I/our development team was outsourcing 90% of our work to India and India delayed so when we reported it in our monthly committee the manager was pissed at us and fired me (as he rightfully should have)"

The average IT project team these days can't even fucking code. You're all retarded handlers for your pet pajeets who you outsource 90% of your work to and then you expect the rest of the business to be understanding when it blows up in your face and you miss all of your deadlines.

[Anonymous No.54843410]

>>54843385
I can live with that. The alternative is being an arrogant asshole AND retarded.

[Anonymous No.54843464]

>>54843394
>>54843394
>"I bet you made this point like an annoying autist"
At the time I had pride in what I was doing ya know. That was a mistake I won't make anymore. Lesson learned here.

>Manager pisses off 3rd party contractor
Our manager basically told our 3rd party US team a very corporate "FUCK YOU" because the 3rd party team could not meet last minute changes all because management thought X Y Z was super critical this last second.

I immediately emailed the contractors to apologize but the damage was done. Those changes where not going to get done in time and I was stuck holding the bag.

How is this right? Why should I get the blame for this fuck up when the manager got his panties in a knot because the 3rd party team couldn't do it THIS SECOND.

[Anonymous No.54843806]

>>54843131
Based and extrovertpilled. Someone’s gotta have enough presence to make everything click into place. Introverts have zero sense of social structure needed to make things work

[Anonymous No.54843822]

>>54843038
My greatest weakness is my hatred of Jews.

My greatest strength is my hatred of Jews

[Anonymous No.54843876]

>>54843131
This is true but at the end of the day imagine everybody loses their job, what do you have left? The kind of people who are just a carnigie dale no talent social fag who can only lead people and understand (manipulate) them while the autistic fags remain being true geniuses who probably are speedrunning gods in some nes/snes community

[Anonymous No.54844147]

>>54843038
The wagies are for use, and I want to be the employer.
I want to do a small business just to be my own boss, and then hire several people, having the idea of a soulless boss again just terrifies me, I'm even buying things like NEZUKO to have as much passive income as I can, I don't want to go back to being that kind of person

[Anonymous No.54844641]

>>54843330
>dont have one
Oh, you never went traveling or had 3 months off to pursue an artform? Sorry, we're looking for free spirited, creative individuals.

[Anonymous No.54845139]

>>54843806
>Introverts
>Extroverts
You've been drinking the Carl Jung coolaid, "Temperament" has about as much credibility as astrology. Same as MBTI, literal garbage written by an uneducated roastie and her teenage daughter.

[Anonymous No.54847883]

>>54843038
Lol never making a resume or doing a job interview again.
In fact I’m never working for a paycheck again.

[Anonymous No.54849348]

>>54843038
>What is your greatest strength?
My drive, I am always looking to improve in all areas of my life. I enjoy working towards my goals and challenging myself. I think doing difficult things and getting outside of my comfort zone is the best way to grow in life.

>What is your greatest weakness?
At times I can take things too seriously and forget to chill out and have some fun. I'm very career focused and this can lead to me missing out on having a balanced lifestyle. Exercise is something I enjoy doing to clear my head and give me a chance to unwind. In the past I had poor communication skills and I worked a variety of different jobs throughout college that helped me to work on this weakness and i now see it as a strength

>Why should we hire you?
I am an asset to any organisation, am highly competent, I work hard and I am an excellent communicator.

>Tell me about a time you showed leadership.
Some sport anecdote where I lead by example or other bullshit

>Tell me about a time you were successful on a team.
Team sports anecdote

>What would your co-workers say about you?
Disciplined, focused, helpful

>Describe your most challenging project.
College project

>Can you explain your employment gap?
Travelling to grow as an individual

[Anonymous No.54849382]

>>54843063
they always ask that because women recruiters basically treat their job like going on a date

[Anonymous No.54849400]

I once was on a date where she'd kept asking behavioural questions, couldn't wait to gtfo.

[Anonymous No.54849404]

>>54849348
>Tell me about something you’ve accomplished that you are proud of.

My engineering degree, sports accomplishments, commissioning as an officer

>What are your salary expectations?
20k more than what I expect them to offer

>What do you like to do outside of work?
Boxing, basketball, reading, learning languages, hiking

>Tell me about a time you had to manage conflicting priorities.
Some story about sacrificing my social life for work / education purposes

>Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Some vague answer about leadership and being the strongest, most developed version of myself that I can be, regardless of the specific role that I'm in

>Describe your leadership style.
Leading by example, taking responsibility etc.

There you go, I'm Mr Shekelstein's wet dream. They would be stupid not to hire me. I'll stay here for two years max before going to another company and doubling my salary.

[Anonymous No.54850158]

>>54843144
Potus.
Nuff said.