/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.54758604]

I know it is a board for discussing finance,

but since finance is the very first element that needs to be settled, and since I am struggling to get through everything else to even reach to the main topic,

Here's the rough scenery what I've gone through below.. and now... as age 26, It seems it's so tight to find any exit for me...

1. 2015.
got conscripted. did suicide attempt to get off the duty.

2. 2016.
labor in construction. age 19. I originally was from alcoholic household, suicidal father, (mother is gone, one elder brother dosen't care) , with the money I earned from construction I finally made to live all alone just by myself.

3. 2016 ~ 2018.
Finest moment in my life. No chicks, no shitshows, just pure balance. I could plan what I wanted, and I could get done what I planned. Learnt programming languages and had finished a few projects, lost some of money in crypto, though Everything was generally okay.

4. 2019.
Feeling confident and comfy enough, I thought I could somehow, revive the concept of abandoned, sick, mentally ill , broken family.

5. I setup some e-commerce websites for them, under their name, under their bank accounts, (my dad and my bro - mom? she left us when i was 3.)
Of course I was the only one who had to do all the shit works just because these guys didn't even know and not even willing to do. Just the type of people preferring to be in vague coziness dumping and abandoning duties.


6. 2020.
my father was at the edge of suicide. as usual. So I took abroad trip with him. for about 1 year. It was towards cheap SEA countries.
seemed good. had some memories.
but obviously since here I've started to lose the momentum to continue my own stuffs at all.


7. 2019 ~ 2021.
Did some shit show with the chicks. I thought it's finally something to do just like any other 20's.
Now I just regret. or at least I would say I've grown from having pussies. eventually landed to one girl, promised to have marriage when things are all done

[Anonymous No.54758625]

8. 2022.
paid a visit to abroad to just hang out and have time for myself alone. for about 6 months.
the money for it? all loaned from the bank as the 'business name' , luckily because of the corona strike, the government and bank were both naive enough to lend me the money that I will burn for this trip.

9.
October 2022.
suicide attempt from my alcoholic father. had to visit the emergency room.

November 2022.
I had food poisoning and went to Emergency.

December 2022.
One day as usual, I menaced that I'd kill myself and burn the house down (It's not even actual house, it is a rented basement) to my father. and he stopped drinking for some times.
then I encouraged him to go to labor field just to gain the confidence he could earn money if he ever decides to, and he actually did.
Things seem to be changing and going into right direction.

January 2023.
There was unknown debt that was made from my grandfather's name, as one of the uncle used it to make a loan about 10 years ago.
Since this will be well descendent to my father and for me too, I had to struggle for a while searching in the web forum how to defend it.
eventually , I did defend the case successfully. just spending my own precious time.

February 2023.
My elder brother who is 6 years older than me , asked help to the police station to find back "lost mother" after being apart for roughly 20 years.
and eventually did contact to her.

THEN, another necessity and shitshow begins once again, that needing me to pretend as if good mother and son relationship. even though the behind scene, me and my entire family was just rather natural to kill themselves altogether. (me , my alcoholic father, game addicted brother)

April. 2023.
Mother being paranoid actually noticing something's not working very well in the family.
tears and grief shit show about how his 'first son' happened to be changed into useless unmannered, 34 years old.

[Anonymous No.54758632]

Just like all usual females would do,
all about reacting "what to do? what I do? OMG this is so much terrible what happened between your father and me and now I see he really ruined the kid and now I'm so sad"

dunno really what to do now. /biz/

day by day I do feel it is slowly getting out of my capacity and I feel that I am already being swept by unstoppable current of the wave.

I don't fucking need entire family.
I don't fucking need my girlfriend.
I don't need anyone.
Everyone only takes away something, and suck away something from me. Fucking everyones.
Since everyone around me is all times demanding from me, and no any further actual helps given to me.

and in outside, I would say, "It's all alright. I am the man and I can deal with it" but I know inside of me is really rotting until its maximum level.

I can not pursue what I want to pursue anymore,

all the methologies and strategies and projects I used to do years ago are now all dead.
sheerly , gone,
and I am in the condition that is pushed to do waging once again,
from not finishing up some events that happen between the people in more wise sight.


Say whatever, that this is a lie , a joke, or story that had been made in online,
I really wish that is the case. But I know it's not the case and This is fucking real.

For how long, I would have to spend time and waste years of my life time.

I wouldn't need my family name, and I wouldn't need my identity to be remembered at all to anyone in this world.
I just want to be isolated and entirely begone from this world. and want to re-construct every single things.

or else,

I know too well,
This scenario will have only one ending waiting for me.
finally killing myself , and nothing else.
This agony and constant realizing that I am from a family that nobody takes any of responsibilities,
then I will have to go get dumped in the middle of the society only to feel self-despise

I know just too well in the end, I will decide to kill myself.

[Anonymous No.54758700]

go talk to a doctor and get some pills to regulate your mood. you sound depressed, which is treatable.

[Anonymous No.54758716]

>>54758700
and this status comes from the outside materials that is out of my control.

It is me who keeps getting put to solve these endless influx of issues which are craps that other families poop out.

[Anonymous No.54759813]

I'm sure some of you had been through this, Right?

Please tell me. Tell me what to do. Anything.

I really need any sentences quite desperately because at certain time alone I realize that I knew all time that It was all spent for nothing and get surrounded by the feeling it's all wrong.

[Anonymous No.54759846]

>>54758716
Status might come from outside. But your feelings come from inside. You can choose your own Outlook.
Get help you weak fuck.

[Anonymous No.54759952]

Is it really YOUR problem? Sounds like you could just let all that go and focus on uplifting yourself from this mes

[Anonymous No.54759953]

Just because they're family, doesn't mean they get a pass for being toxic.

Cut them off, start fresh, focus on building something for you and you only; you've done it before, you can do it again.

[Anonymous No.54759980]

>>54758604

[Anonymous No.54760003]

>>54759953
God milennials and zombies are such disloyal pussies.
Poison your entire family and take what's rightfully yours, OP. You either have family or you don't, there is no "distancing" from family.

[Anonymous No.54760149]

>>54759953
>>54759952
Agreed.
No doubt given the community you've implored there's a lot of us with fucked up home lives. If your family sucked as a kid and suck even more as an adult at least now you can do what you always wanted to as a youth, and leave them to their own devices. Family, friends, acquaintances it doesn't matter. If all they do is drag you down you need to cut them off.
26 isn't too late, hell 50 isn't too late. Kill the drama, kill the bullshit distractions and do your own thing.

[Anonymous No.54760166]

No one cares. I didn't read what you wrote. Just work but btc , simple. All they extra crying is not going to help. It's kinda pathetic honestly.

I almost felt bad for you but then again

[Anonymous No.54760823]

know what's the answer. yet no assurance how to not regret after.